“Dill, have you ever wanted something you know is really bad for you?”

He laughs, his whole body shaking, and lifts his pint. “Every day, darlin’!”

I smile, taking the five-dollar bill from his outstretched hand. “Not like that. I mean, something that could really change your life. Tip-it-upside-down kinda change.”

“Getting philosophical?” Donny slides onto the stool next to him. “Be a doll and get me a beer, Liv.”

I shoot him an annoyed look. “Aren’t you supposed to be working, boss?”

“I’m taking a break.” He smiles at me charmingly. “And my beer?”

Chewing the inside of my lip, I grab a bottle of Bud from the fridge, uncap it, and put it in front of him. “Two ninety please.”

“Are you joking?”

“No. You just put the prices up, and it’ll be my ass you chew out later when the stock and books don’t add up.”

Donny smirks and digs out a ten-dollar bill. He throws it on the bar with, “There. Put me another one in and keep the change.”

I flip him the bird. Boss or not, be an asshole, I’ll treat you like one.

Old Dill shakes his head. “What do you mean, wanted something you know is bad for you? We’re not talking beer so I’m not following.”

I sigh and lean my hip against the bar. “Okay. So, there’s this guy—”

“The one who was in here the other week?” Donny asks.

I nod. “He’s the best man at my best friend’s wedding this summer. Anyway, we’ve been spending time together. Kind of forced, kind of not. But I know he’s not good for me.”

“So dump him.” Dill shrugs.

“Really? That’s your solve-all answer? ‘Dump him’?”

“Carry on.”

“I like him. Like, I think I really like him. He’s just not good for me…emotionally.” I nibble the skin on the side of my thumb. “What do you do when you want someone and they want you but you know they’re the absolute worst thing for you?”

Both men stare at me like I’ve grown two heads. Their gazes soon turn contemplative. How do I know? They’re both gazing into their beers like that’s exactly where they’ll find their answer.

When they don’t respond after a moment, I serve someone else at the end of the bar.

“I guess the only thing you can do is to walk away. If they’re really that bad for you, you have no reason to stay,” Donny finally says.

“And if walking away would hurt as much as staying?”

Dill sips his pint. “Then you’re fucked either way, darlin’. You gotta pick the one with the happiest ending.”

“But I don’t know which one that is.”

“Then you have to guess and hope you get it right.”

Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.

I walk out of my agent’s office with a spring in my step. Kind of. I even give Clara a smile. So it’s little bitchy, but it was nicer than the I-wish-you-were-six-feet-under glare she gave me.

Whatever.

But there’s a spring in my step and the sun is shining. It’s, like, thirty degrees, but the sun is still there.

When Sheila called me in right away, telling me that there was big news, I nearly crapped my pants.

What? Victoria Secret? Did they want me? Oh my god. Was this it?

Of course, I totally forgot about the Balfour shoot—and my bra, but that’s another story. They’ve selected five models to go to California tomorrow to test shoot actually on the beach. They’re being kind of picky, but I get it. It’s their first big headline campaign.

And it could be me.

But I’m not thinking of that because, as of right now, I still have to work when I’m supposed to be shooting. Nothing a quick trip in to Donny can’t fix.

I head in the direction of the bar, my happiness and excited mixing with nerves when I think he’ll say that he can’t give me the time off. Because that’s a total possibility. He could say no, despite his promise to be flexible.

This is short notice though. Really, really fucking short notice.

He’s behind the bar when I walk in and give him a sheepish smile.

“What have you done?”

“I’m coming to beg.” I bite the inside of my lip. “I’ve been called for a shoot and need some time off.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow.” I wince as I say the words.

He stops stocking the mini bottles of cranberry juice and slowly turns to me. “Tomorrow?”

“It’s a third test shoot—the final one. I found out literally five minutes ago.”

He looks at me with his light-blue eyes. “Where is it?”

“California.”

“How long?”

“Three days.”

“Go on. I can cover you.”

“Really?” I squeal the word. “You will?”

“I promised you I’d be flexible. But hey, you tell these guys, big-shot company or no, if they want to hire you, I need at least seven days’ notice so I don’t have to bust my ass while one of my pretty barmaids runs out on me.”

I laugh and lean over the bar to kiss his cheek. “You’re a star, Donny. Thank you so much!”

I run out of the bar as quickly as I entered and head back toward my apartment to change. I don’t think my best friend will be impressed if I turn up to meet her for lunch in sweatpants.

No, scratch that. I know she won’t be impressed.

My phone rings just as I get into my apartment. “Hello?”

“Hey, look, I can’t make lunch. I’m so sorry.” Day’s voice travels down the phone. “My dress designer wants to video chat.”

“Oh. Okay. No worries.” Damn. I tell her about being called back for the shoot. She squeals. I squeal. We both laugh.

“What are you going to do now?”

“Keep my sweatpants on.” I snort. “You’re lucky you caught me just before I pulled out a pair of jeans.”

“Lazy bitch. Why don’t you go and make things up with Tyler?”

“Because I have nothing to make up. I’m not the one who got all stick-up-my-ass. I might have pushed it a little, but he was a real fucking prick to me.”

“Sounds about right.” She sighs. “Liv, I don’t even know why he left teaching, okay? Aaron won’t tell me. Says it’s not his business to tell.”

“I don’t care, okay? It just pisses me off that he calls me out on crap he does himself.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not gonna get past that unless you talk.”

“Talking would imply that we’re having a relationship.” I dump my keys on the table.

“You’re still there, huh?”

“We haven’t told each other how we feel…if he even feels anything. And we certainly haven’t put it out there whether or not we want a relationship. Which I don’t. He is not a good person for me.”

“You should have worried about that before you let him fuck you a second time.”

“I should have worried about that when I decided to fuck him without knowing his name,” I snap. “It’s my fault and I get it. I just don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do about it. I want him but I don’t, and I hate him but I don’t.”

She’s silent. I run my fingers through my hair while I wait for her response.

“You’re addicted to him, aren’t you?” Her voice is small and not like it was earlier.

“Yes. And he knows. He just doesn’t know how badly I am.” I screw my eyes shut. I won’t cry. I won’t.

I will.

“Then you have to stand up right now and make a choice. You put an end to it now and move on, or you take a risk and see it through. You can’t keep lingering in that bullshit ‘are we, aren’t we?’ limbo you have been in. Both of you deserve more than that.”

“I know.” I sniff and swipe under my eyes. “It’s been, like, twenty-four hours since I walked out and…I miss him.”

“Ever thought that what you’re feeling isn’t addiction?”

“What are you saying?”

“Have you considered that you might be falling for him?”

I shake my head, although it’s only to myself. “No. I know the difference. I know my addiction. I’m very much in lust with Tyler, but I’m not in love with him. I don’t know him to love him.”

“Sometimes you don’t need to know someone to love them. There’s nothing about love that makes sense.”

“Love and addiction aren’t one and the same, Day. I crave him, but not in the way you crave Aaron. “

She sighs heavily. “Okay, well, whatever you feel, you have to deal with it. Talk to him, one way or the other. I have to go.”

“Okay. I hope your chat goes well.”

“Thanks. Oh, and Liv? Put on a bra if you go out.”

My lips twitch and I hang up.

Talk to Tyler. I don’t want to talk to Tyler. But then, I don’t want to not talk to him. So I’m in a complete clusterfuck, really.

Do I want a relationship with him? Not right now, but I could in the future… That’s not fair to him—to lead him on with a maybe. So he hasn’t admitted himself that he wants anything more than we have despite endless hints, but I can’t guarantee I’ll want more.

What if I change my mind soon though? Like, next-week soon. Then, I could regret not holding on to it.

“What am I supposed to do?” I stare at Angus. He lifts his head and slowly opens his eyes. He doesn’t seem bothered by my predicament at all.

Fine. I’ll remember that next time he’s begging for a fourth meal. Grumpy little shit.

I walk into my room and change—making sure to put on a bra—and stare at my front door. I could walk through it. I could stand here. I could…

I could shut the fuck up about thinking and actually do something.

I take a deep breath, and instead of thinking, I start doing.

Of course he’s not here. I mean, why would he be? It’s completely irrational to imagine for just one second that he might be at his apartment at noon on a Tuesday.

I close my eyes and lean my forehead against his door with a sigh. So much for my moment of bravado coming over here. That’ll never happen again.

My phone buzzes in my jeans pocket. I grab it out and put it to my ear without looking. “Hello?”

“Liv? Where are you?”

I stand up straight at Tyler’s voice. “Um…I’m at your apartment. Well, outside it, actually. Waiting. Wait. That sounds creepy.”

“No creepier than me standing outside your apartment, banging your door down to talk to you. Your downstairs neighbor? The old lady? She’s evil.”

Mrs. Rowen. Yup. She’s no joy. “You’re at my apartment? Why are you at my apartment?”

“Why are you at mine?”

“I enjoy the view from the window next to the elevator?”

He laughs quietly. “Okay, Ms. Stubborn, Flighty Bitch. Stay there. I’m coming home.”

He hangs up. I stare at my phone, blinking hard.

Is he at my apartment to talk to me while I’m at his to talk to him?

Why do I get the sudden feeling that Dayton doesn’t really have an appointment with her dress designer?

I think we’ve been set up. And I think she knew exactly how it would go.

 

Sneaky little fucker.

 

I press send. She instantly sends back a winking face. Just a fucking winking face.

I’m trying to work this out in my head. Why would she send us both to the other’s apartment? Unless she thought I wouldn’t go anywhere because, okay, I am kind of stubborn. That would make sense. And I kinda screwed that plan up by doing the opposite of what she thought.

Whoopsie. I think?

The elevator doors open and Tyler steps out. Actually, runs out would be a more accurate description. He runs from the elevator, pushes my back into his door, and presses his lips against mine. His hands come up to frame my face and sink back into my hair, tilting my face up to his.

I fist his shirt, completely taken off guard by him. Well, that, I didn’t expect.

“You realize we were set up,” is the first thing I say when he releases me.

Way to go, Liv. Not, “Hi. Wow.” Or, “I’m sorry I was a pushy bitch.” Or, “I’m glad to see you.”

“We were?” He raises his eyebrows and reaches around me to open his front door.

I nod and follow him in, explaining. He cuts me off three quarters of the way through with another kiss and drags me toward the sofa.

“Sit,” he orders, tugging me down with him.

Since I don’t have a choice, I cross my legs beneath me in the middle of the sofa, facing him. Tyler settles his own on either side of me and wraps them around my waist, holding me still. I open my mouth, but he presses two fingers to my lips.

“No. Let me talk.”

I nod, and he drops his fingers.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you the way I did. I should have just told you I didn’t want to talk about it and that was it, but I just got really, really pissed off.”

“No kidding,” I mutter.

“Shh,” he scolds, flicking my bottom lip with his thumb. “It frustrates me because I wish you’d recognize what we could have… What we already do have. I wish you’d stop fighting me at every turn. I want more with you, Liv. I want more than just sex, okay? I want you, and I want you and me together.”

I push my hair from my face and look down. “I know. And I know we kind of have more than sex anyway, but I don’t want to accept it yet. And that isn’t fair to you, Ty. You shouldn’t be forced to be in a relationship I refuse to think of as a relationship.”

“Are you breaking up with me but not really breaking up with me?”

“It’s not fair to you,” I whisper. “I can’t expect you to go along with what I want or think of us the way I do when I can’t think of us the way you want. When I can’t accept us the way you want.”

“Wow. This is awkward.”

“I’m sorry.” My chest constricts. “I should probably go.”

“Oh, wow. Now it’s awkward.” He laughs. He reaches out and wraps his arms around me, tugging me into him. “I didn’t mean awkward that way. I meant this is awkward because I have no intention of letting you go.”

I breathe him in. He smells like English tea and sweat—not the hottest combination, but it’s something real and natural. And Tyler.

“But I can’t stay,” I mumble into his chest, resisting the urge to hold him.

“No, you can. Don’t you get it, Liv? I understand everything, okay? I don’t know what’s happened in your past, but I know it’s obviously something really important. Something that has a huge impact on the way you are right now. On why you fight something that’s come together so naturally.”

“I don’t understand.”

He rests two fingers beneath my chin and tilts my head back. His eyes meet mine. His eyes, dark and honest and captivating. “What I’m saying is that I know you’re not fighting me because you want to. You’re doing it because you have to. I also know that, one day, you’ll stop fighting because you’ll see how absolutely futile it is. And when that day comes, I’m gonna be right here waiting for you to see sense.”

“I still don’t understand.” Frustrated tears burn my eyes. Why won’t he let me go? It would be easier if he would. I never came here to stay. I never came to take this anywhere other than the end, but he’s making it impossible.

He’s making me need to stay.

“I’ve never met anyone else so perfect for me—inside and outside of the bedroom—and I’m not letting you go. I’m gonna take you any way I can get you, baby girl. Any way at all. Even if that means it’s on your terms.”

“You’re crazy,” I whisper, a tear falling down my cheek. “You don’t get what my addiction is, do you? You don’t get how I could destroy you, me, and everyone around us. I could hurt us all without batting an eyelid because that’s what my addiction is. It’s just too tempting to fight.”

“You’re the biggest temptation I’ve ever been faced with. I’m not going to let you hurt us. Do you see that?”

“No, because you don’t know.”

“So tell me.”

I shake my head and drop it to his chest. I finally give in to the restlessness of my arms and wrap them around his waist. I draw in a deep, shuddery breath against him. “I can’t. I’m just…not ready. I’m not ready for a lot of things. I don’t think I’m ready for us.”

“I wasn’t ready for you when you walked into that fucking shoot, but here we are. Truth is, I’m not just a sex addict anymore. I like to think of myself as a sex-with-Liv addict these days.”

A laugh leaves me. “I’m not surprised. We do it enough.”

He smiles against my neck. “Come on. You trust me. I trust you. If we’re fuck buddies with a little undefined extra for now, then that’s what we are.”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“No, you do. Until tomorrow when my plan B is to barge into your bedroom and make you come so hard you forget why you should say no.”

I sit up straight and look him dead on. “Do I get to choose plan B?”

“If you really want to.” He smirks.

“In that case… Oh, crap. No. I’m not here tomorrow.”

Tyler runs his thumbs under my eyes. “You’re not? Where are you?”

“California. For the Balfour shoot. Again.”

A slow, easy grin spreads across his face. His dimple appears and his eyes light up. It’s the most spellbinding smile I’ve ever seen on him. “You got called back? That’s amazing!”

“Yeah, I only—”

He pulls me against him gently. His lips brush across mine in a succession of soft kisses. I run my hand up his chest and sink my fingers into his hair at the same time that he cups my ass and lifts me onto my knees. He lies back on the sofa, taking me with him, and wraps his arms around my body while keeping the same easy rhythm of our mouths.

Nothing is rushed about these simple, easy kisses. It’s the purest connection we’ve ever had, and I’m thrilled and I’m scared at the same time. As he holds me tighter, I realize that I’m more thrilled than I am scared.

“Mmm,” I hum when he kisses the corner of my mouth.

“When do you go?”

“Hm? Go where?”

Tyler laughs, bringing me out of my slightly dizzy haze. “To California.”

“Oh. I fly at, like, ten tomorrow morning.”

He runs his hands down my back to my butt and taps it lightly. “Come on. I’ll help you pack.”

“You’re not going to drag me into your room and strip me naked?”

“Liv, if I wanted to strip you naked, I wouldn’t have to do it in my bedroom.” He sits us up with a grin. “And as much as I’d love to, you need to pack.”

“I’ll be fine. It won’t take long for a few days.”

He clasps my hands with his and pulls me off the sofa, leading me to the door. “I’m going to make sure you have everything you need. I know you’ll forget something important.”

I step into the elevator after him. “No, I won’t. I need makeup, clothes, a phone charger, shoes, a hairbrush, and a toothbrush.”

He smirks, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind me. His hands trail lazily across my stomach, and he presses a firm kiss to my skin where my neck meets my shoulder.

“And your vibrator.”

My skin hums after his words. “Why do I need my vibrator?”

“So you can use it and think of me.”

“And if I get searched at security?”

“Then we’re all gonna have a bloody good giggle at your expense. It’s going in the suitcase, and you’re going to use it, and you’re going to think of me.” He nips my neck. “Got it?”

“Got it.”