Piper
I slid onto the back of Cade’s bike, my body pressed tightly against his—flashbacks from the night before when he’d been on top of me racing through my mind. His weight had felt so good, his muscular arms holding mine down. I’d tried to push the thoughts from my mind, since there was no escaping him at that moment, but I couldn’t help but notice Cade’s taut abs, lean waist, and powerful thighs. The man was a walking, talking dream!
We’d never been very intimate. Our age difference, although small, was enough to get him into all kinds of trouble when we were younger had we taken our relationship very far. Plus, neither of us wanted to anger Will, so we’d kept our distance, only giving in to handholding and hugs. But feeling Cade’s body against me, his strong arms holding me—I shivered.
Cade must have felt it since he glanced behind me. “You okay?” His voice called out over the roar of the bike and the wind.
“Fine.” I was glad he wasn’t able to see how red my cheeks were.
We pulled into the parking lot behind the Shadow Force Gym, and I hurried to get away from Cade. Being that close was not good for my heart. I could feel it pounding away in my chest.
Plus, I felt guilty somehow, like I was cheating on Jake—which was ridiculous, but I couldn’t help how I felt. I knew it didn’t make sense, but that’s where I was.
I shook my head, trying to ward off the confusing feelings rising up inside me. I needed to keep my distance. That was all there was to it. I would never risk my heart again. I’d done that twice—once with Cade and then with Jake. Both situations had ended with my heart shattered into tiny pieces.
Walking faster, I could hear Cade’s footsteps picking up pace behind me.
“Piper! Wait!”
I shook my head, trying to outrun him. I knew I couldn’t. He was much faster than I was. But sometimes you react in preposterous ways when your heart is on the line.
“Piper!”
Sighing, I stopped at the door and turned around.
“What?” I didn’t mean for the word to come out as snappy as it did, so I tried to soften my voice. “What is it, Cade?”
“Why are you running?”
“I’m not.”
“Okay, then why are you walking as if you’re in a speed-walking contest and trying for first prize?” Cade lifted a brow, the start of smile tugging at one corner of his mouth.
“I just need some rest. It’s been a long couple of days, you know? I need to unwind.”
Cade nodded, clearly not buying my BS, but there wasn’t much I could do about that. He opened the door, bringing his body nearer to mine. I inhaled sharply, as his arm brushed against the bare skin of my own.
“You’re sure you're all right?”
“Positive.”
As soon as the door was opened wide enough, I rushed through the gym to the dorms, scanning my palm on the biometric scanner. When the lock clicked open, I was relieved. I needed some time alone.
Cade didn’t try to stop me from going to my room, and when I reached the door, I opened it quickly and pulled it to, sagging against it in relief. I needed a shower, and quick!
I ran the steaming-hot water, stripping off my clothes and then stepping inside. My mind was all over the place. Cade. Jake. Varga.
I needed to get the focus back on him. The only thing that had kept me sane over the last two years was finding and apprehending Julio Varga. But how did I accomplish that? I’d agreed to join this team, and going off on my own was out of the question. I didn’t know Levi very well, but it was clear he was a no-nonsense kind of guy. And I knew Cade well enough that I knew he wouldn’t appreciate a team member going off half-cocked.
So how did I bring Varga to the forefront and still remain loyal to the team?
I finished showering and twisted my long locks into a messy bun on top of my head. I slipped into some yoga pants and a tank top, leaving my bra off, and picked up my phone. There was a missed text from a number I didn’t recognize. I slid my finger across the screen and saw it was from Cade.
This is Cade. Ryder gave me your number. Levi wants to debrief real quick. Can you meet us in the conference room?
Sure. Give me five minutes, and I’ll be over.
Roger.
Guess I’d have to put that bra back on.
On my way out, I stopped by the kitchen and grabbed a granola bar and bottled water. When I arrived at the conference room, Levi, Cade, and Ryder were already sitting there.
“Hey.” The guys all looked up, but Cade’s eyes narrowed in on my choice of attire. I felt my cheeks heating. “I, um, was getting ready to call it a night. Sorry for the casual attire.”
“No worries. We don’t expect you to be dressed up for late-night meetings.” Levi’s smile was warm and friendly just as I saw Cade wince. Levi must have kicked him under the table. It was confirmed when Cade leaned over, rubbing his shin. I couldn’t help but feel a little delight that a tank top and yoga pants could leave a man like Cade speechless.
“Let’s get down to business so we can all get a little sleep tonight. How did it go with Alvaro and Domingo?”
Cade shrugged one shoulder, sitting back in his chair. “Okay, I guess, in some ways. They seemed to buy Piper’s cover, at least for now. Not so great in terms of meeting Chavez. That’s a no-go. The buy is set up for Wednesday night, midnight.”
“Did they give a reason for not meeting Chavez now?”
“No; just that it wasn’t time. I don’t know if it has something to do with Piper’s appearance—they claimed it was due to her FBI affiliations—or if there was never really a plan in place for me to meet with him. My gut says it’s the latter.”
I felt terrible that my arrival, and the little stunt I’d pulled the other night in breaking my cover, had put a kink in their mission. I lowered my head, not wanting to see the anger in their eyes.
“I agree with you. I don’t think they were going to let you meet him. Not now anyway.”
That lifted my spirits a little, and I lifted my gaze to meet Cade’s eyes. I smiled slightly, but he looked away.
“Ryder, anything we should know about?” Levi turned his attention to Ryder, who had his trusty laptop in front of him.
“Yeah. I ran Varga’s name through our system, just to see what popped up. And, well, quite a lot actually. Chavez has a bounty out on him—wants him brought in alive.”
“That’s not good for Varga.”
Levi cringed, but his words confused me.
“Wouldn’t it be good that they want Varga alive?”
“No, it’s not. It means torture and prolonged death, if the rumors about Chavez are correct.” Ryder glanced down at his laptop then back up to the team. “Anyway, I followed the messages, and looks like Varga is south of the border. Mexico or Belize. My guess is Mexico. Much easier to bribe and pay people off there.”
An idea popped into my head. “Wait—what if we were to use Varga as bait to get to Chavez?”
Levi leaned forward, and Cade’s mouth twitched as if he was going to smile.
“That’s not a terrible idea. Tell me more.” Levi interlocked his fingers and rested his chin on his hands, elbows on the table.
“Well, if Chavez wants him that badly, we can use him to catch Chavez. Once we get him, we can arrange a meet and hand him over. The stipulation being we hand him to Chavez alone—not to one of his men. Only, we wouldn’t hand him over, we’d have a team there waiting to take Chavez in. If we find Varga, we might also be able to gain information about the mole.”
“I like it.” Levi’s face spread into a smile—and, good Lord, the man was handsome. No doubt that smile had women falling at his feet.
“Ryder, see if we can pinpoint Varga’s location. We’ll set the meet up once we have him, and only give him to Chavez.”
“What happens if he won’t meet?”
“We turn him over anyway. Can’t afford to lose our cover.”
“But he’ll torture and kill him.” I didn’t like the sound of turning a man over to be tortured in horrible ways. I may not like Varga, and, sure, I wanted him dead. But I preferred that he stand trial for the things he’d done.
“So? The man is responsible for killing six agents—six of my friends. And your fiancé. Who cares if Chavez gives him what he deserves?”
“That’s just not the way things are done. There are protocols to follow. Laws that need to be obeyed.”
Cade’s face radiated anger. “Those protocols and laws aren’t our first priority, Piper. Our first priority is to accomplish our mission and keep the United States safe. Our second priority is the safety of our team and protecting our cover. If we can do that within the laws, so be it. If not—” Cade shrugged. “It’s just how it is.”
“I know, but—”
“You agreed to this!” Cade cut me off, his voice rising in anger. “You agreed to our terms. If you can’t follow them, then you’d best let us know now.”
“Cade, take a walk,” Levi interjected.
“But—”
“I said take a walk.”
Cade stood and made his way out of the conference room, slamming the door in the process. The loud bang made me cringe, and I fought back my own anger that rose in response to Cade’s. He’d just spoken to me like I was a wayward child. I wouldn’t put up with that. I was either a member of this team and an equal, or I wasn’t willing to be a part of it.
“I’m sorry about that.” Levi leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “I know you weren’t suggesting you couldn’t handle our terms.”
“No, I wasn’t. It’s just going to take some time to get used to it. But I will. I understand that protecting the team is most important.”
“Piper, if we can ensure Varga’s safety so he can stand trial, we absolutely will. Giving him up to Chavez is a last resort. You have my word.”
“I trust you.” I stood, weariness covering me like a weighted blanket. “Is there anything else?”
Levi shook his head and stood. “No. We’ll meet again tomorrow once Ryder has more information. Good night.”
“Good night.”
I made it out of the conference room and to my room before the tears started. They weren’t sorrowful tears or even embarrassed tears. Unfortunately, when I was angry, it came out of my eyes. And, boy, was I angry!
How dare Cade speak to me like that? I wanted to ram my knee into his balls and take him down a notch or two. The desire to take my aggressions out on a bag was overwhelming, but I couldn’t risk running into Cade again. So, I settled into bed, pulling my yoga pants off and sliding under the covers. I took my e-reader from the nightstand and opened it to the romance novel I was reading. Just because I was never going to find love, didn’t mean I didn’t like reading about other people finding it.
My eyes had started to droop, and I had read the same page multiple times when I heard a knock at my door. Glancing at the time on my tablet, midnight thirty, I opened the door a crack, finding Cade on the other side.
“Hey, I came to apologize.”
“Apology accepted. Good night.” I tried to shut the door, but Cade stuck his hand out, stopping me. I was tired and irritable and in no mood to deal with him.
“Can I come in?”
“No.”
Cade met my gaze with a challenging stare. Resigned, I sighed and opened the door. When Cade’s eyes went wide, I realized I was standing there in my tank top and panties. Not exactly appropriate attire to greet your co-worker, but it was after midnight.
Quickly, I bent over to pick up my yoga pants and thought I heard a moan from Cade.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
I slipped my legs into the pants and pulled them up, finding Cade with his back turned. I smiled to myself. Apparently he was just as aware of me as I was of him. Only that wasn’t good news at all. If I was going to keep my distance and keep things strictly professional between us, I didn’t want him to be attracted to me or vice versa.
“You can turn around now.”
Cade turned, his eyes still filled with desire. I dropped my gaze to his chest. “What can I do for you?”
Cade shook his head slightly, as if clearing his thoughts, and sat in the chair perched in the corner of the room. I sank down onto the edge of the bed, pulling my legs under me.
“I really am sorry, Piper. I should never have spoken to you that way. It’s no excuse, but I was on edge from this evening, and, truthfully, anytime I think about that snake Varga out scot-free while six of my men lie in the ground, I just lose it.”
I knew what he meant. I’d held Jake in my arms as he’d taken his last breaths. The look in his eyes as he’d passed from this life into the next was one I would never forget. Pure adoration and love for me. My eyes watered, and I blinked rapidly. I still couldn’t think about that moment without crying.
“I understand.”
“I know you do. Which is why I’m so terribly sorry. Please forgive me.”
“Forgiven. It’s fine, Cade. I get it.”
“The mole—he was someone in our office. He was someone I worked with every day. Probably even had drinks with at some point. There are only three people it could have been, but we can’t seem to narrow it down any farther than that. My hunch says Varga knows who it is, or at least is the key to finding out.”
“I want him just as bad as you do. I just go about it a bit differently. It’s going to take some time for me to adjust. Rules and procedures have been drilled into my head for ten years. You don’t undo that overnight.”
Cade stood, taking my hands and pulling me up from the bed. He wrapped his strong arms around me and just held me. There was no pressure to take it any further. I had the strong sense that the hug was for connection—that Cade needed it as badly as I did. I allowed myself a moment to get lost in the feeling of his arms around me. Just one moment.
Then I pulled away, taking a step back and plastering on a soft smile to lessen the blow. Cade seemed resigned and just dipped his head in my direction. He stepped to the door and pulled it open, pausing before closing it after him.
“I’m not going anywhere, Piper. In time, you’ll realize that.”
With those ominous words, he shut the door, leaving me standing there with my mouth open.
***
Of course I didn’t sleep at all that night after what Cade had said as he’d left my room. He was under some delusion apparently that there might be a future for us. I needed to make sure he understood that wasn’t a possibility.
I marched myself to the gym the next afternoon, ready to put Cade in his place. When I arrived at the cage, he and another guy, whose name I recalled was Oscar, were sparring. Ryder had told me that they all had a fighting schedule as well as a work one. Sometimes they overlapped, but the guys didn’t have a lot of free time to kill.
I sat down in the bleachers, watching the match. Cade’s attention was completely on Oscar as he bobbed and swayed, testing a punch here or there. It was clear to see that Cade was perfectly comfortable in his skin. Fighting was second nature to him as he anticipated his opponent’s next move before he ever made it. And he was quick. Oscar struck out with his fist, breaking his balance. Cade dodged the blow then swept his leg out, taking Oscar down to the mat. He climbed on top, and stopped the blow right over Oscar’s face.
“Ah, man, you do that every freaking time!” Oscar hit the mat with his fist.
“And you make that same mistake every time. What else am I supposed to do? Balance is everything, man.”
Cade stood, giving Oscar a hand up. Oscar popped up with a bounce in his step and clapped Cade on the shoulders. Their voices lowered as they made their way out of the cage and over to Levi who waited nearby.
Cade sauntered over to Levi, wiping the sweat from his chest with a white towel he’d retrieved from a pile near the opening of the cage. When he saw me, I got to my feet, hoping he’d get the hint that I needed to talk to him. He inclined his head towards me before stopping to speak with Levi. They spoke in low tones for a moment before Levi turned to leave.
“Hey, Piper.” Levi lifted his hand in greeting.
I shoved my hands in the back pockets of my jeans and smiled. “Hi, Levi.”
Cade clapped him on the shoulder before coming to stop in front of me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Why was it so awkward between us?
“You need to talk to me?” He seemed unsure of himself, and I wasn’t used to seeing him that way. I nodded, unable to say the words. I knew what I was about to do was going to be hard, but the health of my heart was at stake.
“Care if I grab a quick shower first? Then we can talk.”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Give me ten minutes.”
Cade turned to the locker rooms as I sat and watched Ryder and Cruz deck it out in the cage. They were both good, just not as good as Cade.
Ten minutes later, Cade was by my side, smelling like cedar and musk with something slightly citrus. His tight black T-shirt was molded to his chest and arms, and his jeans hung low on his hips. He was, in a word, mouthwatering.
“Do you want to talk here or back in the dorms?”
“The dorms are fine.”
We walked silently through the gym, and I stood back as Cade scanned us in. When we reached the living room, I took the oversized chair as Cade took the couch.
“What’s up?”
“I think we need to talk about us.”
“What about us?”
“This—” I motioned between us. “It can’t happen.”
His gaze narrowed as he sat forward, propping his elbows on his knees.
“What do you mean?”
“We can’t happen. Cade, I lost my fiancé—”
“I’m a patient man.”
“Maybe so, but I swore to myself when Jake died that I’d never go through that kind of loss again. His death—it wrecked me. I can’t risk it.”
“You’re scared.”
My anger rushed to the surface. That I could do. I knew anger, and in that moment, I welcomed it. Fueled it.
“I’m not scared! I’m trying to tell you that I’m never going to date you or be with you. We work together. That’s it. There’s nothing left between us.”
Before I knew what he was doing, Cade jumped up from the couch and stalked towards me, pulling me up from the chair.
“You’re scared.”
“I’m not. I just don’t want this.” I whirled away from him, rushing to my door. I had to get away. There were too many emotions swirling around in my head, and I didn’t know what to do with them or how to process them. Not in his presence. I needed space.
My hand reached the doorknob just as Cade grabbed my shoulders, spinning me around to face him. I pushed against his chest, but he caged me in between his arms, pressing his body against mine.
His head bent low, his mouth so close to mine I could smell his minty breath. When he spoke, his lips feathered over mine with the barest of touches.
“You’re not going to push me away, Piper. Not this time.”
Then he was gone, striding off to his door and slamming it for effect. I stood there, my chest rising and falling, tears pricking my eyelids, and my heart racing in my rib cage.
I’d wanted him to close the distance and press his lips against mine. So, help me, I wanted it so badly.
Staying away wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.