Jolie
Wednesday
Birds were chirping. The smell of bacon wafted in the air. And I was warm and toasty. I smiled and sighed, content with the world. I didn’t want to open my eyes and lose this feeling. Something hovered just out of my reach in my mind. Something I didn’t want to think about.
I pushed it aside and snuggled closer to the warmth. Smooth skin slid under my fingers as I tucked myself closer.
Smooth skin? My eyes popped open.
I didn’t recognize the room. The walls were a stylish gray; the painting hanging next to the window boasted cheerful flowers in all shades of yellow and pink. A dresser sat across the room holding a large water pitcher with a bouquet of silk flowers.
Then I took in the arms that were wrapped around me connected to a solid, male body. Abs rippled and flexed as I looked my fill, following them up to a stubbled jaw and finally meeting piercing blue eyes. Ryder.
I was loath to move from my position. He was so cozy, and I knew things must be pretty bad if he was letting me snuggle with him this way.
“Good morning.” He smiled slightly, his voice all gravelly from sleep.
“Morning.” I removed my arms, reluctantly, and scooted over to my side of the bed. I missed his warmth immediately, but I figured I’d pressed the limit enough for one morning.
“Where are we?” I was hesitant to ask, but I needed answers.
“You don’t remember?”
I shook my head.
Ryder sighed and leaned up on his elbow, facing me. “We’re at Dr. Dickson’s house. Eleanor has breakfast ready for us. Think you can eat?”
I felt like he was leaving out quite a bit of information, but I decided food was more important. I could get answers to my questions later on. I pushed up to go to the bathroom, when pain sliced through my arm.
I yelped and dropped back against the pillow.
Oh, yeah, that’s right. I’d been shot.
“Take it easy there, Rambo. Gunshot wounds are no joke.”
“Tell me about it.” I took in deep breaths, trying to settle the spinning in my head.
“Want more pain meds?”
I shook my head then regretted the action immediately. That wasn’t helping. “No. I think I need to eat something first.”
I heard the rustle of covers and then felt gentle hands behind my back lifting me to a sitting position. I opened my eyes to find Ryder so close, his breath fanned across my cheeks, his touch tender as if he didn’t want to hurt me.
“Better?”
I nodded, too stunned by his gorgeous eyes and his chiseled jaw to say anything.
“Want to freshen up a bit? There’s a bathroom right there.” He pointed to the door located next to the dresser.
“Yeah. Thanks.” I stood on wobbly legs but was thankfully able to navigate the brief walk to the bathroom without Ryder’s assistance. There were just some things a girl needed privacy for.
After washing my face and brushing my teeth with the brand-new toothbrush sitting on the counter still in its packaging, I felt a bit more human.
Ryder was waiting for me and opened the door as we walked to the kitchen. It was then that I realized he was still bare from the waist up. Apparently, the woman standing in the kitchen, Eleanor I guessed, also took notice.
“Oh, my, Ryder. I’m so sorry. I should have asked Jim for a T-shirt. Give me one minute.”
Ryder started to say something, but she was off before he could get the words out. We sat down at the small kitchen table that had already been set with utensils and plates. Ryder poured me a glass of juice and put it in front of me.
“Drink. You need the sugar.”
I didn’t complain. I was terribly thirsty and had it emptied by the time Eleanor returned with a T-shirt.
“Thanks.” Ryder looked at it dubiously, then pulled it over his head. It was so tight, one swift move would have him busting out of it like The Incredible Hulk. I couldn’t help the snicker that escaped, and Ryder shot me a withering glare. That only served to make me giggle harder.
Eleanor joined in. “Well, I didn’t promise that it would fit. But I have to say that’s a lot less distracting.” She waved her hands in front of her very flushed face.
I’d been shot just a few hours before, and yet, at that moment, I could hardly contain my laughter. Funny how life was sometimes. Maybe I was just more grateful that morning—grateful that I was alive.
“Sorry Jim isn’t here to join you. He had to be at the office early this morning. He left a list of instructions for you, Jolie, as well as his cell-phone number in case you need him.”
“Thank you so much. I can’t express my gratitude deeply enough.”
“It’s our pleasure, dear. What time are you two off today? Jim said you’d be leaving to head south?”
“Yes, ma’am. I have another fight on Thursday night.”
Eleanor looked as concerned as I felt. She snuck a glance at Ryder’s eye which was now purple around the small bandage that covered the cut.
“Are you sure you’re up for that? And Jolie. She’s been shot! Why don’t y’all stay another night and rest a bit.”
“Thank you, ma’am. But we have to be on our way. Plus, I’d hate to bring any trouble to your doorstep.”
Eleanor placed a large platter of food before us—bacon, eggs, link sausage, and homemade biscuits with apple butter. I wasn’t bashful when it came to food, so I dug in with gusto, piling my plate high.
Ryder lifted a brow when he took in the mountain of food, but I just shrugged and shoveled the food in. I worked out like a man. Why shouldn’t I eat like one?
We were quiet for long minutes as we ate. I was so hungry. It was as if I hadn’t had food since—oh, right. Since yesterday at lunch. That’s when I’d had food last. No wonder I was starving.
When we were done, I stood to go shower and change but stopped before I got to the bedroom.
“Um, Ryder. Our clothes?”
He shook his head. “Are gone.”
“So, I don’t really think I can run around town looking like something out of a horror flick.”
“We’ll stop and get you something on the way to Savannah.” Then he glanced down at the very tight T-shirt. “And me too.” He gave me a devastating grin, and I couldn’t help but respond with giggling.
“I have some clothes you can wear. You’ll need to roll the pants up, but they should fit pretty close in the waist. And Ryder—” She eyed the shirt he was painted into. “I’ll see if James has anything… bigger.”
I started to protest, but she was up the stairs before I could get the words out. The woman was quick. She had to be in her mid-fifties but seemed fit as a fiddle, with brown hair that reached just past her shoulders, and big brown eyes with the tiniest of laugh lines around the edges. She could certainly pass for a woman much younger.
“I’m just gonna—” I hitched a thumb over my shoulder.
“I’ll put your clothes in the room so you’ll have them when you get out.”
“Thanks.”
I showered quickly, careful not to get my bandage wet. When I stepped into the bedroom, a pair of light-blue jeans was lying on the bed along with a white V-neck T-shirt. I pulled the jeans on, thankful they fitted except being a bit too long. Fortunately, Eleanor had good taste in clothes, and the slim leg was easy to roll up and still look stylish. The shirt was a bit large in the bust area, but otherwise, I was at least presentable and no longer looked like Stephen King’s Carrie on prom night.
All of my toiletries and makeup were at the other hotel, so there wasn’t much left for me to do. I made up the bed and left the room, grabbing the prescription bottle, bandages, and ointments the good doctor had left for me.
Ryder was just coming down the steps when I reached the foyer. I burst into laughter.
“Just stop.” His voice came out like a growl.
“I take it we’ll be stopping sooner rather than later for clothes?”
“Guaranteed.”
Whereas Eleanor Dickson was quite the fashionista, Jim was not. Ryder wore a very snug button-down, multicolored-bird shirt and his own jeans, since there was no way the little man’s pants would fit on even one of Ryder’s legs. The shirt’s buttons pulled around the chest area, threatening to pop open at any second.
Eleanor came to stand beside me as we watched Ryder descend. She sighed, patting me lightly on the shoulder. “You are a lucky woman.”
Her voice was soft, and Ryder had already gone back into the bedroom to retrieve his boots.
“Oh, we’re not—” I motioned between me and Ryder. “I mean, he’s not. It’s not like that.”
“It certainly is like that. He may not realize it yet, but that boy’s a goner.”
I wanted to believe her words, but even though I knew Ryder felt something for me, even if it was attraction mixed with a touch of protectiveness, he wasn’t interested in anything permanent.
“It’s a nice thought, but he’s made it perfectly clear that we have a professional relationship, and that’s it.”
“Give him time. He’ll come around. That man didn’t leave your side for one second. He may not understand his feelings, but eventually, he’ll have to acknowledge them.”
She hugged me gently, careful with my arm, and then walked over to Ryder who’d just come out of the bedroom. Eleanor reached up to give him a big hug, then patted him lightly on the cheek.
“You two stay in touch, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Ryder smiled affectionately at the older woman. It was hard to believe we’d just met them the night before.
“You ready?” Ryder directed his question to me, and I nodded. Eleanor looped her arm with mine as we walked to the car.
“I want an invite to the wedding.” My mouth dropped open, and I sputtered. Eleanor just dropped her head back and laughed. “Promise me.”
What could I say to that? “Okay?”
She giggled harder, squeezing me once more. “Take care of yourself. And take care of him. I think he needs it.”
No truer statement had ever been uttered.
***
Ryder and I had stopped on our way down to Savannah to get some clothes both for Sasha and his fiancée, as well as for Ryder and Jolie. Ryder had changed out of his humorous borrowed shirt before we’d even left the parking lot.
On our drive down to Savannah, we filled Levi in on what had happened the night before. He was in contact with the Charleston Police Department about the murder of Derrick Joiner. When we’d disconnected the call with Levi, I’d taken a moment to watch Ryder. His eyes looked tired, and I realized he’d lost a friend last night. In all the commotion, I hadn’t processed the dead body, the explosion, or the flying bullets. I had been so grateful to be alive that morning, nothing else had really registered.
“I’m sorry.” I laid my hand on his resting on the seat between us. His gaze jerked to mine momentarily before returning back to the road.
“What on earth for?”
“For your loss. Derrick was your friend. I’m sorry he was killed, and I’m sorry you had to see him like that.”
He shook his head. “It was my fault. I dragged him into this mess.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Derrick was a detective, undercover working a very dangerous case. We can’t be positive it was about what we asked him to look into.”
“It was. He mentioned that he’d found something. That somehow, he’d get the information to me. Not to mention that they waited for us to arrive. They knew he’d call us. And they were waiting there. Waiting to kill us.”
Once again, gratitude for just being alive washed over me. What was it Ryder had said last night as we’d run away? That if the bullet had strayed just a few inches to the right, I’d be dead. A chill swept over me. Still, Ryder wasn’t to blame.
“Even so, Derrick knew the risks. It’s not your fault. The only person to blame here is the one who killed him.”
“And I won’t stop until that person pays with their life.”
I understood his need for revenge. Had it been my friend I’d seen like that, I’d want them to pay as well. There was no judgment.
The pain had become unbearable, so I took a pain pill and promptly fell asleep. When I awoke, we were stopped at a hotel. Not quite the Ritz, but definitely a step up from that first place we’d stayed. I stretched and got out of the car as Ryder unloaded our bags of clothes and toiletries. We’d bought a couple of duffel bags, too, but we’d yet to transfer everything to them.
I dropped like a rock when we entered our room, and slept most of the day away. Ryder was quiet. Too quiet. And I knew he was berating himself for Derrick’s death and my injury. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Finally, after dinner, I’d had enough.
“Okay, cut it out.”
Ryder lifted one brow, his body tensing the only sign he knew what I meant.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do. You’re moping. Grief, I understand. But that’s not what this is.”
“Of course it is. He was one of my oldest friends. I think I have a right to act any way I want to.”
I cringed inwardly at that. Okay, well, he was right about that. But I had a feeling this wasn’t grief he was expressing. It was guilt.
“No, you don’t.” His eyebrows pulled together in an incredulous look. “That’s not what I meant. What I mean is, sure, you have every right to grieve, any way you feel like it. But you’re not grieving.”
“Well, thank you, Jolie, for telling me how I feel. I appreciate that.”
I shook off his sarcasm and kept digging my hole. Nothing to lose now.
“You’re feeling guilty.”
“You’re damn right.”
“About Derrick’s death and my injury.”
“And?”
“And you shouldn’t feel guilty.”
“Oh, great. Thanks so much. I feel so much better already.”
I rolled my eyes and took his hand in mine. He pulled it away, but I snatched it back. I almost saw a touch of a smile on his lips, but he replaced it quickly with his requisite scowl.
“You think you can control everyone else. But Derrick chose the job he had. He knew the risks, and he took them anyway.” Ryder started to stand up, but I yanked on his arm, pulling him back. He sighed heavily and sat back in his chair, removing his hand from my touch as he did so.
“And you think you can control what I do. But, again, I chose this job. And I love it. I knew the risks when I signed on. And because of you, nothing happened to me.”
“Because of me, you almost died! I should have left you back at the hotel. Better yet, I shouldn’t have allowed you to come at all.”
I really tried to keep my temper, but he was pushing all my buttons.
“Allowed me? Since when do you think you have any say in what I do?”
“Since you were supposed to be my backup—and instead I had to carry you out of that hellhole.”
“Low blow, Ryder. It could have just as easily been you, and you know it. Admit it. You’re scared. You’re scared because you feel something for me, and you don’t want me to get hurt.”
“Of course I don’t want you to be hurt, Jolie!” He stood up, his voice raised like I’d never heard him before. “Do you think I want you to end up like her?”
Her? Who was he talking about? I shook my head, trying to figure out what he was saying, but he kept talking.
“Do you think I want to get a phone call from you during your last moments on this earth? All for the sake of a job?” He paced back and forth, his hands shoved into his hair as his demons tormented him from the inside.
“Do you think I want to find you dead? Your throat slit from one end to the other?”
“That’s not going to happen to me. What happened to Derrick—”
“It’s not about what happened to Derrick! It’s about what happened to Nina. And I won’t let the same thing happen to you.” As if lit on fire from the inside, Ryder dropped his hands from his hair and stalked over to me, lifting me from the chair.
At first his touch was rough, too frantic to have any tenderness to it, although he was careful not to touch my injured arm. Then his hands moved to my face.
“I couldn’t live with myself if something like that happened to you.”
Then his lips were on mine. Moving, crushing, bruising. Demanding.
Each kiss with Ryder had been different—the first were seductive, the second possessive, and this one—this one had an edge of desperation to it, as if I was his lifeline, the only tether holding him together. We kissed for several minutes, before Ryder pulled away.
When we’d caught our breath, I lifted my hand to his cheek.
“Who is Nina?”
His eyes filled with a grief so deep, I knew it was the reason Ryder kept himself apart, not just from me, but from the entire team.
“She was my partner.”
“What happened to her?”
I didn’t really want to know. Not really. Whatever had happened to Nina hadn’t been good.
“Nina was the niece of Nikolai Dmitriev. She was working for the CIA as an informant. We had an assignment to copy the database that had the list of all the underground Mafia connections here in the States. But somehow Nikolai found out and sent his nephew to kill her.”
“His nephew? You mean…?”
“Yeah, her half-brother. Slit her throat. She knew he was coming for her. She’d called to warn me. When I arrived at her house, her body was still warm. I ran. There was nothing else I could do, and Ivan was on my tail. I killed him before escaping to the embassy.”
Geez, no wonder Ryder didn’t want me tagging along. I wondered—
“Were you? I mean, did you love her?”
Ryder shook his head. “I did love her, but not like that. She was like a sister to me. We pretended, of course. Played our role perfectly. It was easy to be with her, because we genuinely cared about each other. But I didn’t love her the way—”
He trailed off. The way a man was supposed to love a woman. And that brought us back to us. Was that how he saw me? As a sister? Or did he feel more?
“Jolie, look. I know what you’re thinking.”
I’m sure he had no clue.
“I know you think that may happen to you. But I swear, I will not let you die like that.”
I shook my head, trying to figure out what he was talking about. “No, Ryder. You have no idea what I’m thinking. I’m not worried that I’ll die like that. I know you will protect me, to your own detriment even. I was just thinking—” That I love you and I want to make your life better. Whole. “That once again you’ve put the blame on yourself instead of where it belongs. You avenged her death. But now, we have a job to do. One that you’ve prepared me to do. And we’re going to finish this.”
Ryder hung his head. In defeat? Resignation? It was hard to tell.
“And, Ryder?” He glanced up. “When all of this is over, we’re going to talk about what’s going on between us.”
With those parting words, I closed myself in the bathroom to escape the tension in the room and also just to give him a few moments to himself. When I opened the door, the hotel lights were off, and Ryder was in bed, his back to me.
Avoid it all you want right now, Ryder.
I was more determined than ever to make him mine.