Ivy
I was ambitious—too ambitious. After about five minutes in the ring with Jolie, she pulled the plug. I’d been unable to block two of her blows, and the second one knocked me on my ass.
“Oscar was right. You need rest.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Look, I get it. You’re a strong, confident, determined woman. Hello!” Jolie waved at me, and I almost laughed at her comical expression. “I’m the same way. But this isn’t smart. The only way you’re going to get better and stronger is to pace yourself.”
I sighed, knowing she was right but loath to admit it. I hated feeling weak, and as I sat there splayed out on the mat, I knew that the blood loss had made me weak. Damn vampires.
“Fine.”
Jolie grinned and sat down next to me.
“Okay, sparring is out of the question, so that leaves the second best bonding activity.”
“The second best?” I lifted my eyebrows.
“Well, everyone knows that kicking ass is number one. But number two is pedicures.”
I cracked up laughing. “Those two things are complete opposites.”
Jolie shrugged and hopped to her feet, lending me a hand so I could pick myself up from the mat. “Maybe. Let’s get showers and see if Cami, Piper, and Lydia want to go with us. Lydia’s father made her take a break today from caring for Lola. She hasn’t left her side since she arrived except to sleep in her office for a few hours.”
I was surprised by that, and it warmed my heart to know that Lola was being cared for so thoroughly. These women connected with the Shadow Force team were the absolute best of the best, and I was anxious to get to know them better.
I hadn’t had many friends in our inner circle since Zachary died, and even fewer after my mom passed away. It was a struggle for me to let people in—but maybe it was time I started taking chances on people.
It was only forty-five minutes before we all slid into Piper’s car and headed to a nail salon in a little safer part of town. The salons nearest us were a tad sketchy, and I didn’t think Cami or I could afford nail fungus on top of everything else we’d endured.
Piper pulled into the parking lot, and the lady at the counter took us all back to the luxurious massage chairs. Cami was quiet, but I hoped that being with other women, women who were tough and had been through hell themselves, would help her.
“So Cami, how are you feeling today?” Lydia asked as we all settled in to be pampered.
“Okay.” Cami didn’t elaborate, which wasn’t like her at all, and I opened my mouth to interject when Lydia piped up before I could.
“I was kidnapped and tortured by a drug lord. Cruz and I both were there, and we’ve had a long road to recovery. If you need to talk to someone, we’re here.”
Cami’s eyes filled with tears, and she nodded.
“I just keep thinking about what would have happened if Oscar and the team hadn’t found us. Ivy would have died, and I would have too.”
“Yes, but we can’t live in the ‘what ifs.’ We have to live in the present. In reality. What if a car had crashed into us on the way here? What if this chair suddenly catches on fire?” Lydia smiled. “Life is full of ‘what ifs,’ but living comes in the what is.”
I clung to Lydia’s words inside, knowing she wasn’t just talking to Cami. Perhaps she was talking to all of us who had endured so much. I’d only barely scratched the surface of these ladies’ stories, but Jolie had filled me in just a little.
“A terrible man shot and killed my fiancé. I was captured by another madman and almost died. Cade showed up and fought for me, rescued me. It could have ended badly, but instead, I was reunited with my first love. Now, we’re expecting this tiny little miracle. Things have a way of working out, but there are people here who are willing to help you journey through the emotions you’re going to feel as you go forward.” Piper reached over and squeezed Cami’s hand, and once again I was so grateful Oscar had found me. He was responsible for bringing these amazing, strong women into not only my life but Cami’s as well.
“Thanks.” Cami smiled as she said it, so I hoped the words were burrowing deep into her soul.
“Okay, enough serious talk. I want to know when Ivy is going to get it on with her estranged husband.”
“Ugh, gross. Let’s not talk about my sister’s sex life please.” Cami covered her ears with her hands and sang la-la-la-la. I nudged her with my elbow, laughing, but I could feel my face growing hot.
“What? They’re married. Seems like they need some reuniting. When they’re in the same room together, it’s like hot tension just rolls off them.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Oh, but it’s really not.” Jolie laughed, but she didn’t know about Zachary.
“It is. You have no idea what we went through all those years ago. I don’t know if I can let him in again.”
“What do you have to lose?”
“Oh, I don’t know—my heart, my soul, my sanity? It nearly killed me walking away from him once before. What if something happens to him? Or what if he decides to be ‘honorable’ again, and I lose him?”
“Did you not just hear Lydia’s speech about ‘what ifs’? You can’t live life that way. It’s too short. No one knows what the future holds, and relationships are never easy. But love, true love, it’s always worth it. Even if you only have it for a brief time.”
I thought about her words for a moment, thinking back to my time with Oscar before he went into the army. If I knew how it would end back then, would I change it?
I wouldn’t. Even knowing that our relationship would end in shambles, I would have still savored every single moment I had with him.
“Look, Ivy, you’re good for each other. And you’re together now. Don’t complicate it.”
I knew Jolie was right, but knowing it with my head and accepting it in my heart were two different things.
“Cade and I were foster siblings. My foster father intervened and told Cade that I didn’t want him anymore. He thought he was helping, but really, I closed myself off for years until I met Jake. And then, when he died and Cade walked back into my life, it was hard to let him in. But I’m so glad I did. I’ve never been so happy,” Piper added.
“Cruz and I had also been high school sweethearts. I thought he was dead. When I figured out who he was while imprisoned in that psychopath’s home, I didn’t know if I could risk losing him again. Just like Piper, I’ve never been so happy.” Lydia took my hand in hers.
“Well, I don’t have a sob story like theirs.” Jolie beamed, her eyes bright with humor.
“Hey!” Both the girls protested at the same time.
“But I had to fight for Ryder. He didn’t think he deserved to be with anyone. And I had to do battle with him, had to prove that what we had was worth fighting for. In the end, it was worth it. I can’t imagine my life without him.”
“Won’t it just hurt more if we get close and something happens? How will I recover from that?” I didn’t know if I could stand it if I lost Oscar again.
“First of all, you don’t know that something will happen to separate you. And secondly, we will be there with you every step of the way. You’re not alone anymore, Ivy. You neither, Cami. We’re family now. So, do me a favor and put that boy out of his misery!”
I giggled at Jolie’s choice of words. “Boy” was not a term I ever thought of when describing Oscar—well, except when he smiled so big his eyes lit up. But he was one hundred percent man everywhere else.
Maybe these women were right. Maybe it was time to put my doubts to bed and make a place for myself in Oscar’s.
It wasn’t just about the physical intimacy. It was about giving myself completely to my husband. About making a promise to love him not only with my heart, but my body and my soul. It was about being one.
“You’re blushing,” Jolie teased.
I patted my face with my hands and waved them in front. “Just thinking about all the things I plan to do to my husband when I get back to the gym.”
“Gross! Come on, Ivy! Sister over here.”
We all laughed at Cami’s antics, and my heart warmed at the new friends, the new family we’d acquired. We weren’t alone anymore. We had people in our corner, people who would fight for us, risk their lives for us.
Cami and I had found a home.
And it was time that I made it clear to Oscar that my home was with him. Wherever that might be.
***
The girls and I ate dinner, and by the time we got back, all was quiet in the dorms. Piper and Cade went to their home, as well as Jolie and Ryder. Cruz and Lydia stayed there since they had a long drive back to their cabin by the lake, and Lydia needed to return to the clinic early the next morning.
Levi was working late in the office, according to Jolie, taking Ryder’s place since he’d been at it nonstop since Cami was taken. He’d earned a much-needed reprieve and a good time, according to Jolie.
“I plan to rock his world tonight,” she’d told us. Cami had protested that we were all sharing too much information, while I’d felt the initial flutterings of nerves about my own plans for the evening.
Cami and I went to our room and put on a movie. I hadn’t seen Oscar when we’d come in, and I wondered if he was working late with Levi. Cami chose a romantic comedy we’d seen a hundred times, and I snuggled under the covers with her. She was out after the first hour, so I turned the TV down low, and snuck off to the bathroom.
I hadn’t thought to get any lingerie when Oscar and I had gone shopping. It had seemed a little presumptuous with him there with me, as if I was sending him a nonverbal message that I wanted him back in my bed. Of course, that had been the case then and was still the case, but I’d yet to really admit that to myself—until I was sitting in that pedicure chair talking with the girls about the frailty of life.
I did have a silk robe, black, that hugged my curves and barely covered my rear. I slipped my clothes off, underwear hitting the floor, and observed myself in the mirror.
I was skinny. Too skinny for my taste. My hipbones jutted out, my ribs highlighted with deep shadows, and my collarbone protruded unnaturally. My waist was too small and my legs stick-thin, but fortunately my breasts were still round and full. Oscar had been a breast man at one point. I just hoped that was still the same.
Plus, with the lights off, maybe he wouldn’t notice my new starving-model look.
I pulled my hair down from a messy bun and tousled it, letting it hang over both shoulders. I’d already taken my makeup off, and it seemed silly to put some on now, so I pinched my cheeks a little to give them some color and decided it was as good as it was going to get.
With my robe tied tightly around my waist, I sneaked out of my room, glancing nervously at Cami, only to find her still asleep. The hallway was dark and quiet, and I was grateful most of the couples had opted to go home for the evening. I turned the knob to Oscar’s room and was relieved to find it unlocked.
Had he left it open for me? Was he hoping I’d come to see him? So far, I’d spent every night with him, curled against his side, so maybe he’d just known I’d need him.
The door creaked open and light spilled into the darkness. Oscar was lying against the headboard, one knee cocked up, dressed only in lounge pants with no shirt. The TV across the room was turned to a sports channel, MMA fighters duking it out in a cage. He looked up when the door opened, and his eyes widened slightly at my attire.
I shut the door quickly behind me and stood nervously, waiting for him to speak. But he didn’t say a word; he just kept staring, his eyes roving over the naked expanse of my legs, falling on my breasts and lingering there before meeting my gaze once again.
“Ivy? What is it?”
Suddenly, I didn’t want him to speak. I was terrified he’d turn me away, tell me we had to wait, or, worse yet, that he’d decided he didn’t want a life with me after all. I couldn’t bear that kind of rejection, not when I was laying myself bare for him. Quite literally.
I untied the robe and let it fall open, the silky smooth fabric falling down my arms to the floor. Oscar’s throat bobbed as he swallowed, taking in my body, bared to him for the first time in more than eleven years.
“Ivy.” This time there was no question in his voice, only longing, desire, urgency.
I moved toward the bed, standing just inches from him. He slid to the edge, his hands encircling my waist. They moved up my rib cage to my breasts and back down to my hips. Oscar pulled me closer, pressing his lips just above my belly button. I gasped at the sensation of his mouth on me, the hot warmth sending shivers all over my body.
I took advantage of our close proximity and lowered myself onto his lap, my knees perched on each side of him. Oscar’s lips trailed over my throat, across my collarbone, to the tops of my breasts. I trembled with need—the need to feel him everywhere, to touch him everywhere.
“Oscar, please.” I wasn’t above begging. My words had the opposite effect though, and he stopped kissing me, peering into my eyes with doubt and questions.
“We shouldn’t. You’re worn out, and I don’t want to do this if you’re not ready.”
“I’m ready. And I’m fine. Please, Oscar. Don’t make me beg.”
He growled under his breath, his lips crushing down on mine. Flipping me over, he covered my body with his own, his mouth never leaving mine. His hands were everywhere, touching, caressing, feeling. I arched into him, letting him know exactly what I wanted.
Oscar pulled back, a smile tipping up one side of his mouth. “Impatient, are we?”
“Yes. It’s been a helluva long time for me. I haven’t been with anyone, not since you.”
His eyes closed as he took in that news and kissed me hard and fierce, tasting of relief and regret and so much more. He traced my lips with his tongue, and I opened for him, the flavors of mint and man melding together, driving me crazy.
His talented mouth found a sensitive spot just under my ear, sending goosebumps scattering across my skin. I kissed his neck, inhaling the scent of his body, the muskiness that was so familiar. It was too much. Too much sensation. Too much time that had passed between us. I was tired of being patient, tired of denying myself what I really wanted. Oscar. My husband. My one true love.
“Oscar, please.”
He lifted his head, pulling back slightly, his brow furrowing.
“What’s wrong?” I stroked his cheeks, the question burning in my heart. I was afraid I didn’t want to know the answer.
He shook his head, his hands stroking my hair back away from my face as he watched me intently.
“It’s only been you. From the first day I met you, Ivy, there has been no one else. Even while we were apart, I stayed faithful to you.”
Relief poured into my soul at his words. I had wondered. The years apart had been difficult, the temptation strong to just find someone to spend the time with. I’d considered divorce, thinking maybe if I ended things, it would be easier—that maybe we could both find someone else to love. But I could never bring myself to do it. No one compared to Oscar. So, I waited. I hoped. I longed for him to find me again.
And he had.
“Make love to me, Oscar. We can work out our future tomorrow, but for tonight, just love me.”
“Are you sure? We can wait. We have all the time in the world.”
I shook my head. “But that’s just the thing. We don’t know that we have time. And I don’t want to wait. You’re my husband, and I love you. I want to be with you.”
Oscar searched my expression for something, I wasn’t sure what, but he must have seen what he wanted because he took my mouth in a kiss to rival all kisses. I was blind with passion and need, completely unhinged. My skin felt too tight and like it was on fire all at the same time.
His hands were everywhere, touching, exploring, remembering. And then the words that I’d longed to hear were whispered in my ear just as our bodies joined together in a dance as old as time. “I love you, Ivy Bell Cortada. I never stopped loving you.”
And then he showed me just how much. Over and over, until the early hours of the morning when we lay spent in each other’s arms, wasted from giving ourselves to each other until there was nothing left to give.
Oscar pulled me close against him, spooning me as his hands traced lazy circles over my abdomen. The temptation was great to talk about our problems, the things that still remained unresolved between us, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I wanted to savor each second. Our problems would still be there when we woke.
“Did you mean it?” Oscar’s voice broke the silence, his hand still drawing circles on my skin.
“That I love you?”
“Well, that. But that you wanted to be with me?”
I turned over in his arms, facing him, and placed a tender kiss to his lips. “Yes. I meant it.”
He smiled, pulling me closer and tucking my face under his chin. “Good.”
And in the still hours of the early morning, I found peace for the first time since Zachary’s death, in the arms of my husband.