Beckham
Sometimes, you had to break down and ask for the wisdom of those who knew more than you did. In my case, it was the knowledge of a nineteen-year-old.
“Dillon. I need your help.”
The kid looked up, a sly smile on his face as a lock of hair flopped down over his eyes.
Sometimes, he reminded me of Shawn Mendes with the way his hair curled a little bit if he let it grow, and how he always had a smile for others. I knew that Dillon hadn’t had the easiest life growing up, even though Cameron had tried to make it easier for him. But the Connolly brothers—at least those who were genetically related—hadn’t had the best birth mother.
Their foster mom had been fucking fantastic. I’d only met her a few times before she passed away, but I liked Rose. However, she wasn’t here to help me. And I knew from past experience that if she were here, I would likely be asking her for advice. However, I’d have to take what I could get. And Dillon, the sage and wise one when it came to romance, was the person I needed.
“Let me see, does it have anything to do with Meadow?” he asked, and I narrowed my eyes. “How did you know that?”
“Because everybody asks me about women these days. I don’t get asked much about anything else. Although I don’t really know when I became the love guru.”
“You’re anything but that, kid.”
“You say that, and yet, here you are. Asking me about Meadow. So what can I do for you?”
“You sound a bit cocky. Maybe I shouldn’t ask for your help.”
Dillon shrugged, though there was sincerity in his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t so cocky.
“I read romance, and therefore, I happen to understand a little more about women than my brothers. Or at least more than they thought I knew. Not that I know a lot. But I can help you talk it out. What do you need?”
“You’re saying that you read romance books, and that’s how you could figure out how to help each of your brothers with the issues they had with their women?”
I’d never read a romance novel. Not that I hated them or anything, but I didn’t really have time to read. In my old life, nobody read. If you did, you got your ass kicked. And now, I was a little too busy, and it just wasn’t my hobby. Maybe I needed to make it one. If I did, a romance book would be the first thing I picked up.
“It’s not a be-all, end-all, but they’re written by women for women, at least according to their taglines or whatever. So, yeah, I learned a few things. Plus, now that I have a sister-in-law and a bunch of future sisters-in-law, I tend to figure things out by watching. Maybe.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Maybe?”
“I don’t know. You guys keep coming to me. I didn’t actually seek this position out. Like, what if when I actually find someone I really like, I suck at this, and no one’s there to help me?”
I looked at him then, shaking my head. “You have your entire family. And you have me. I might not be blood, but when and if you actually need to talk to me about women or whatever you’re having an issue with, I’ll be here for you. Okay? You won’t be alone.”
“Thanks. Although, if you’re coming to me for help, maybe I don’t want to go to you for help.” He smiled as he said it, and I wanted to punch the kid—good-naturedly, of course.
“You’re an asshole. But I kind of like you. However, I really do need your help. For real. And yes, it’s about Meadow.”
“Okay. Ask away.”
“I have no idea where to take her on our date.”
I didn’t mention that this would be my first date. The first of my life. And not only with Meadow. Sure, I had taken women out before, but it was different back then. You didn’t really date women. They sort of…fell into your life. Jesus Christ, I hated my old ways. I was such an asshole. I didn’t remember the women I’d been with, and I sure as hell did not remember their names.
That was something I’d changed after I left. I knew every woman I’d been with since—not that there had been many. I didn’t want to treat women like that. I wasn’t a horrible person. Everything had been consensual. And I made sure they got off like I did. But I never respected them the way I should have. I saw that now. Once I was out of that life, I vowed to change. And now, I was going to make sure that Meadow knew I was all about her. Only I didn’t know how to go about doing that.
“You have no idea where you want to take Meadow, then?”
“No clue.”
“Well, that’s not too uncommon. Dates are expensive these days. And you don’t know if you want to spend time talking, so you want to go to a place that’s not too loud and where you can actually hear each other. Or if you want to spend some quiet time alone, a movie will do that. Though if you do dinner and a movie, that adds up timewise, and I don’t know if you actually have that much time for a date. So, what do you want out of this date?”
I wanted for Meadow to be happy. And for me not to make a mistake. But I didn’t say that aloud. That probably wouldn’t help the situation. I already knew I would most likely make some mistakes while doing this.
“I want to give her a good time. Something that will make her feel like she’s the center of my universe. At least for the evening.”
Dillon grinned, his smile so wide, I knew that if any woman could see him, they would probably swoon. The kid was good-looking, and one day when he finally figured out what he wanted—and not only in life, but also with sharing his life—the women were going to come in droves. And some were probably bound for heartache. Like with any good Connolly brother.
“I think anything you do with her will make her feel like that. I see the way you look at her.”
I winced. “Yeah, I don’t know if that’s the best thing for you to be seeing, kid.”
“You don’t look at her like you’re some deranged psycho or anything.”
“Well, that’s good,” I said with a laugh.
“Yes. So, what does she really know about you? What do you think she’ll like that you do?”
“She sees me at the bar. Knows that I’m friends with her friends. That’s about it.”
“Okay. So maybe don’t take her to a bar. She already knows that about you. Show her something different.”
“Like what? I’m pretty much only the bar these days.”
Not that I minded that. It was better than my life only being about my bike. Or the friends I had. The ones that hadn’t been true friends at all.
“Seriously, I have no idea, kid. I figured going out to dinner would be fine. She can order whatever she wants and have a glass of wine, and then I’ll take her home.” I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Dear God. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“That’s not that bad. I mean, it’s just a normal date, right?”
I didn’t know what a normal date was. But, again, I didn’t tell the kid that. No one needed to know that I hadn’t actually been on a real date before. What I’d done before was certainly not dating. Meadow was unique. Special. And that scared me.
“I don’t know,” I ground out.
“Okay, dinner, wine, and talking is the perfect date. You can make it casual or fancy or whatever you want. It’s Meadow. She’s sweet, and she smiles, even though she doesn’t talk a lot. But she’s always there for those who need her, no matter what they need. I mean, she helped Violet through her migraines, still does whenever Cameron can’t be there. She likes helping others. And I know she likes music,” Dillon added. My eyes widened.
“You’re right. She always dances in her seat when no one’s looking whenever there’s a good song on. When we had that live band in, she hummed along.”
“See? You do know her.”
I frowned, thumbing my fingers along the aged wood of the table. There were still people in the bar, some eating their lunches and talking. There weren’t too many drinkers yet, and that was good, considering it was still a little early, and I wasn’t working behind the bar. I didn’t have a shift at all today, but I had come in to chat with Dillon. He was on the schedule as a bar-back, so I knew I could catch him.
The fact that his brothers might be around any minute to harass me was something I might have to deal with. But I would.
“There’s something I can do. Something she might like. Or it could be a completely stupid idea.”
The plan started to form in my mind, and I really hoped she liked it. And I really, really hoped I wouldn’t make a fool of myself. However, I was quite good at that, so…who knew? Maybe it helped.
“Are you going to tell me what it is?” Dillon asked, and I shook my head.
“No, but you helped. I will think on it a bit more. And, hopefully, she’ll like it.”
“Well, now that the suspense is eating at me, I hope you do it so you can tell me about it after.”
I looked at him and grinned. “If she likes it, I promise I’ll tell you.”
“And if she doesn’t like it, we’re going to forget it ever happened?” Dillon asked, grinning.
“Yeah, that sounds about right. Thanks for this, kid.”
“No problem. Just remember your promise. When I fuck up with a girl and have no idea what I’m doing, be there. Okay?”
I narrowed my eyes at him and gave him a tight nod. “If I’m around, I promise I’ll be there.”
Dillon opened his mouth, presumably to ask what that meant, but I quickly shook my head and got up, waving goodbye. I hadn’t meant to say that first part, but it was the truth. I didn’t know how long I’d be around. I’d been here for a while. And I was afraid that if I stayed any longer, things might end up bad for Meadow.
So, of course, I was doing the stupidest thing ever. I was taking her out.
I really hoped she liked what I had planned.
“A piano bar?” Meadow asked from my side, and I slid my hand around hers, giving it a squeeze. Her eyes widened slightly, her mouth parting with a sharp intake of breath at my touch. I slid my thumb over her knuckles, her soft skin so tempting beneath mine.
I had gone to her house to pick her up like I’d promised, though I hadn’t gone inside. I noticed the double deadbolts and the fact that she seemed to be using them even during the day. I was happy about that. Considering what I knew of her past, it was a damn good idea.
Not that I wanted to think about that or how she could be in danger.
She was safe. She had to be. If she weren’t, something would have likely happened well before now.
But the fact that she was taking care of herself? Yeah, that was a damn good thing.
When she opened the door, though, I’d lost all thought, and had to take a minute to actually remember to breathe.
She looked so damn sexy.
My gaze moved over her now, and I couldn’t help but grin.
She wore tight, black leather leggings, and I only knew that they were leggings because Violet had a similar pair and had been talking about them at the bar with the girls.
I swore, sometimes, they forgot that I was one of the guys and didn’t need to hear about all of that. But I didn’t mind. That just meant I knew that Meadow was wearing a pair now, and I could appreciate them. She had on a top that went to her neck, so she wasn’t showing cleavage, but her shirt sort of piled on itself with fabric and looked like she had roses and flowers all over her chest.
She had on a linen jacket or some other type of fabric that I couldn’t name, and she looked sexy as hell in black and wine-red.
Even with the leather, she still dressed conservatively, and I liked it.
A far cry from the girl she’d once been. But I’d liked her then, too.
“A piano bar,” I said, bringing my thoughts back to the present, rather than the past.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting this on a date.”
I cringed. “Too much? We can go out to eat. Dillon didn’t sound too excited when I mentioned only dinner, so I changed my mind.”
A smile broke out on her face, and the light in her eyes danced a little.
“You asked Dillon for help?” she prodded, and I sighed.
“Yeah. Apparently, that kid knows how to help others when it comes to dating. He helped his brothers, and I was desperate.”
“Desperate?”
I had no idea what to think about that word. She hadn’t put any emotion into it, and I was worried.
“I, uh…” I trailed off then slid my hand through my hair and squeezed her hand with my other one. “Okay. I’m really not good at this. I wanted to make sure this was fun for you and not stupid and boring, so I asked Dillon because, sometimes, he knows what he’s doing. Or all the time. I’m not really sure how. The kid has magic or something.”
“Yeah, he does. I’m glad you asked him. It’s kind of nice. And the idea of a piano bar is great. I love music.”
“I know.”
She looked at me then and kept smiling, but there was something different in her eyes now. Something I couldn’t quite read.
“I don’t know how to play the piano,” she said softly.
“Oh. Well, you don’t need to know how to play to come here. I have a reservation for seven, though. We should get in.”
“That sounds great. This is nice, Beckham. Thanks for inviting me.”
“You’re welcome.” I let out a sigh and shook my head. Maybe I wasn’t completely terrible at this. I let go of her hand and brushed my thumb across her cheek. I watched her eyes darken, and I prayed I was doing the right thing.
“I hope you have fun tonight.”
“I have a feeling I will.”
“Good.”
“It’s lovely in here,” Meadow said, looking around the place as we sat in the corner near the dais. The bar had dark lighting, with a gorgeous piano in the corner where Sam, the resident player, sang and did his thing.
“I come here every so often. I like the people.”
“And it’s a little bit different than the bar you work at.”
“Yeah, that, too. I love the Connolly Brewery. I love what it is and what they stand for and the people. It’s a great place. But, sometimes, it’s fun to do something a little different.”
She looked at me then as if searching for something on my face. I hoped she found it. Though I had no idea what it could be. “I like that, too.”
“Hey, Beck, you going to play for us tonight?” Sam asked into the microphone, and everyone looked over. I could feel the tips of my ears turn red, and Meadow looked at me, her eyes wide.
“You play?” she asked, grinning. “Really?”
“A little.”
“What do you say? Ask your girl there. I’m sure she’d love you to play.”
“Beck! Beck!” The others weren’t screaming it, just a few regulars saying my name as others started to look over and smile.
Damnit. I hadn’t expected this.
“Maybe another time,” I grumbled, trying to sound nice.
This was a damn classy place, after all, and I was on a date. Maybe I had made the wrong move bringing Meadow here.
“You should play.”
“Not tonight.” I looked over at her, trying to show her what I was thinking. Not that I knew what that was exactly.
“I’d like to see you play sometime.”
“Maybe our next date.”
She raised a brow. “So we’re going on another date?” she asked.
I let my cocky side out because it was easier to be that guy than the one who had no idea what he was doing. I grinned and leaned back in the booth as I reached forward a bit to brush my fingertips along hers. She didn’t pull her hand away. I counted that as progress.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s already in the cards.”
“Like I said, I have no idea how you can get through life with that ego of yours.”
If she only knew.
“I do okay.”
“I’m sure.”
The waitress came, and we ordered our drinks, me a water with a whiskey neat. She got the same.
“You like whiskey?” I asked, and she smiled.
“Sometimes. I like to try everything. At least, when I was younger. I had to try everything. Almost all at once. Now, I like to do a little at a time.”
That was the first time she’d ever mentioned her life before now, before meeting me. And I wanted to count that as progress, too. Only I didn’t know if she would ever open up fully.
If she did, I would have to come clean as well. And I worried she wouldn’t forgive me.
“How did you start working for the Connollys?” she asked later as we were both sipping our whiskeys and waiting for our meals.
“I showed up one day. Saw a Help Wanted sign in the window and got the job.”
“That’s it?”
I shrugged, playing with the condensation on my glass. “Yeah. Just like that. I needed a job. They needed a bartender. And I’m the best.”
“Ego.”
I tilted my head, smirking at her a bit. “You like it.”
She paused and smiled. “Maybe.”
There. That was the spark. She didn’t always hide, there was a lick of fire within her that called to me. One that showed the girl she had been. I knew neither of us was the person we had been before. And that was fine. We didn’t need to be. But that fire, that spark, that told me she was better than she was before. That she was okay.
And that’s all I needed to know. All I wanted.
“How did you start out in your job?”
“My job’s boring.”
“Not really.”
She raised a brow. “Sure. Whatever you say.”
“Okay, so I would suck at it, but you do it. And you look like you have fun doing it. Why call it boring?”
“Most people think it is. I know it’s not that boring. Or at least it’s not to me. I got started in it because it was my favorite subject in school. Science. All of the sciences. And when I was in community college and working full-time, one of my professors needed help with something, so I got another job helping him. It didn’t pay much, but it was fun to learn all the ins and outs of writing a textbook. One thing led to another, and suddenly, it was a career. It’s not huge, and I’m not a multimillionaire or anything, but I do okay.”
“Yeah, you do.”
She smiled then, and it reached her eyes. I felt like I was on top of the world. Like I had finally done something right.
We ate our dinners—steak and baked potatoes and crisp green beans for me, chicken in her case. It was nice to simply be and enjoy the music and the ambiance. It wasn’t something I did often.
This place was far removed from my life before. There were no screaming people in the corner, no drugs, no one practically having sex on the bar. There were no dangerous moves or the idea that you could die if you took the wrong step. Not that we were always that dramatic, but sometimes, it felt like that.
There was no stepping on one another to make sure you were the best.
This was a place to…be.
And I liked who I was with.
When I took Meadow home, and we talked about nothing except for our friends and our jobs, I figured this was possibly the best first date I’d ever been on. The only real first date.
“This was nice,” she said, grinning. “Really nice.”
“You sound surprised,” I said, grinning a bit as we stood on her porch.
“Maybe. I didn’t know what this would be.”
“And what is this?” I asked, the words out of my mouth before I’d even fully thought them.
“I don’t know exactly.”
She went up on her tiptoes and kissed me square on the mouth.
My eyes widened, and I reached around, holding her close as I kissed her back.
She tasted of whiskey and our dinner. And Meadow. I wanted to kiss her harder, to push her against the door and have my way with her until we both came, but I knew that wasn’t the right move. It would be a horrible idea.
“Jesus,” I drawled, pulling myself back before I pushed her against the door and slid my hand down her pants like I wanted to. I was better than this. I had to be. She deserved more than a quick fuck against a door. She deserved everything. She had, even before, and she sure as hell did now.
“Thank you for dinner,” she whispered, licking her wet lips.
“Yeah. We need to do that again.”
“The kiss?” she asked, her eyes dancing.
“Dinner, the kiss…everything.”
“As long as you promise to play for me.”
“Maybe. But you’re going to have to kiss me again first.”
And then I slammed my mouth down on hers, not able to hold back.
She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I growled as I kissed her, our tongues sliding against one another.
“We need to stop,” I rasped.
She pulled back, looking into my eyes, and I saw that spark again, the flame that reminded me of who she had been, mixed with the girl I knew now.
“What if we don’t?” she whispered, and I froze.
“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice barely coming out through my clenched teeth. This couldn’t be happening. This had to be some fantasy I’d thought up. Maybe a dream. It couldn’t be real.
But I held her in my arms, and I knew it was real. So damn real.
“Yeah. But no promises. Okay? Just make me feel.”
“That I can do.” And then my mouth was on hers again, and her hands were on my back.
I pulled away long enough for her to get her keys out of her purse, and then we were inside, the door closed behind us. I watched as she flipped each lock, making sure we were safe inside. I didn’t resent her for that time. I hated that she felt she had to be that careful, but I was glad for it all the same.
“You have to be sure,” I said again, asking her to reassure us both. “Because as much as you say I have that big ego, I’m not going to take advantage of you.”
She looked at me then, and slid her pin out of her hair, the strands falling in luscious waves down her back and chest.
“Yes…” A pause. “Yes.” This time firmer.
“I don’t know if I can be gentle,” I whispered, running my hands down her face. “And I think you need gentle, baby girl.”
“No. I don’t think I need it to be too gentle. For now, let’s just be you and me. No past. No future. Only us. It’s what I need. Okay?”
I studied her face and nodded before kissing her again.
She was so soft beneath me, a moan sliding through her lips as I kissed her harder.
I pulled away, only long enough for her to lead me to the bedroom. I looked around her house, noticing small details as we passed, like the fact that she didn’t have any photos on the walls of people, only some of landscapes, places she might’ve been or perhaps some that didn’t mean anything at all.
But then my mouth was on hers again as we entered her bedroom, and I noticed the big bed behind her.
I couldn’t wait to see her splayed out, to join her.
There were no words then, none were needed.
I lowered my head, slowly running my lips along her jaw before easing her coat off her body. It slid to the floor, and then I latched my mouth onto her neck, softly biting down as she groaned, turning her head slightly so I had better access.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I growled out.
“I need to come,” she whispered.
I grinned. And then I was kissing her harder, stripping her out of her clothes as quickly as I could. I was so rock-hard beneath my jeans that I was afraid I might blow right then. There was no need to be gentle. I didn’t think either of us needed that right then.
What I needed was for this to be her and me, only us, but not too much so. I had to be able to walk away. Being able to run to keep her safe was important. And I couldn’t do that if I was too invested.
I pushed those thoughts out of my head and lived in the moment.
I eased her onto the bed and my mouth on hers, slowly working her bra off as I did. Her tits were big enough to fill my hands, her rose-colored nipples tight and puckered into hard little buds. I sucked one into my mouth, and she moaned.
“Beckham,” she groaned out.
“That’s it, let me taste you.”
I kissed up and down her body, helping her out of her pants. She wiggled beneath me.
And when I worked my way down her front, I grinned at her black, lace thong and had to hold back a groan of my own. She was so fucking beautiful. All curves and softness. She had a few tattoos, a handful of scars, and I knew where those had come from, but I wasn’t going to say anything.
There didn’t need to be words.
When I kissed her over her panties, she arched beneath me, her hands sliding through my hair.
I was glad that my beard had grown back because it was getting long enough that it was turning soft. I slowly rubbed my cheeks along the insides of her thighs, and she pressed her legs together around my shoulders, arching under me.
“Beckham.”
I grinned and slowly slid her panties out of the way, looking at her wet folds before latching on to her clit. I sucked, licked, then used a finger to tease her entrance.
She moaned, writhing under me, but I kept sucking, kept licking. And when she tightened around my finger, her body arching, I kept going, easing her through her orgasm until she was right on the edge again.
She tugged at my hair as I pulled away, and I grinned.
“I need to be inside you,” I growled out.
“Beckham.”
Apparently, that was all she could say, and I was totally fine with that.
“You’re so beautiful when you come.”
“Nice words. But I don’t see you doing anything else.”
“Feisty. I like it.”
“I’d like it if you weren’t dressed while I’m lying here naked beneath you.”
She reached for the buckle of my belt, but I pushed her hand away. “You touch me, I’m going to blow right now. And I have a reputation to uphold.”
She raised a brow and then cupped her breasts. “Really?”
That was the Meadow I liked. One that could be herself. Fuck. She was so fucking sexy. “Okay, no. But play with me anyway.”
I pulled my shirt off over my head and then undid my belt, moving back so I could strip out of the rest of my clothes.
I pulled a condom from my pants’ pocket, knowing I had put it there just in case, though hoping she didn’t think that I assumed we would be doing this tonight.
Better safe than sorry, though. Right?
She didn’t say anything, her eyes dark as she watched me slowly roll the condom over my length.
I cupped my balls, squeezing the base of my dick as I looked at her, and I knew if I weren’t careful, I wasn’t going to make it inside her.
And I really wanted to be inside her.
She licked her lips, and I crawled over her, slowly positioning myself at her entrance.
“You ready?”
“Always.”
And then I slammed into her. One thrust, and I was balls-deep.
She screamed my name, and I captured her shout with my mouth.
Her legs locked around my waist, and even as she adjusted to my girth, I slowly pumped in and out of her, increasing my speed as I did.
Her fingernails raked down my back as I slammed into her, one thrust, then another.
I wanted to fuck her hard into the mattress, wanted to show her exactly who I once was, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
And because of that thought, I twisted around, moving to my back with her on top as I slid my hands over her hips.
“Ride me.”
She raked her fingers through her hair before putting both hands on her breasts, pinching her nipples.
“If you say so.” And then she rocked her hips, rolling as she rode my cock.
“Fuck,” I growled, gripping her hips tightly so she could sit still for a minute.
“Too good?” she asked, licking her lips.
“Fuck yeah.” And then I fucked her. Rising up and down so quickly, the sounds I made echoed in my ears. It made things that much hotter.
She lowered over me, kissing me as I tugged on her hair and fucked her hard.
I slid one hand between us, flicking my thumb over her clit, and she came. When she clamped around me, I pumped once, twice, and then I came with her, whispering her name into her mouth as I kissed her.
I couldn’t hold back, didn’t want to.
So we kept moving, even as both of us came down from our orgasms.
I wanted more but knew I couldn’t take it. Was positive I couldn’t give it.
And as she looked at me, I saw the girl she’d been before, and I knew I felt like the guy I’d once been as well.
But then I saw the scars, the ones on her body I could see, and the ones I couldn’t. And I thought about the ones she couldn’t see on me.
And not only the visible ones that reminded me of who we were. The ones inside, as well.
Though this had been the best night of my life, I knew it couldn’t last.
Because she was a princess. And I was the bastard who’d worked with her ex-boyfriend.
I was the asshole who hadn’t known all the horrors of what had happened with her until it was too late.
I was that bastard. And she would always be the princess.
And when she found out who I was? Who I had been back then?
There’d be nothing left.
Just like I deserved.