Beckham
I looked over at Meadow dancing in the corner of the bar with the girls and couldn’t hold back my smile. She seemed so damn happy.
And the hell of it was, I was happy, too.
That’s why I hadn’t told her that I knew about her past.
Why I didn’t tell her anything about mine.
I was the worst kind of coward.
But I didn’t know how to reveal those things without ruining what we had. Even if I knew that what we had couldn’t be fully realized until I did.
Jesus, I was a horrible person.
“Why the long face?” Dillon asked as he sidled up to me behind the bar. He started helping me clean the dirty glasses, and I shrugged.
“No reason.”
“Yeah. Not buying that. If you want to talk, just let me know.”
“You’re a good kid.”
Dillon glanced over at me, his hands covered in suds. “Thanks. But I’m not really a kid anymore.”
“Well, since we’re your elders, you’re always going to be a kid to us.”
“That’s what Cameron says. Maybe when I’m actually allowed to drink behind the bar, I won’t be a kid anymore.”
“Well, first, you don’t drink behind the bar.”
“You know what I mean. Actually be legal to drink rather than just standing here, helping you clean glasses.”
“Hate to break it to you, kid,” I said with a wink, “but your family and I are probably always going to call you that. Even when we’re all in our fifties.”
“So that means you’re going to be here until then?” Dillon asked, his voice suddenly serious.
I looked at him, trying to figure out what I should say. I didn’t have an answer. Did I want to be? Yeah, maybe. And that was the first time I’d really let myself think that. I hadn’t allowed myself to think anything like that before. I wanted to stay. I liked what I had here. I enjoyed this feeling. I loved being happy. But everything could change in an instant. It had already changed more than once in my life. And I knew I couldn’t let myself get too settled. Forget where I came from. But I didn’t say any of that. Instead, I shrugged and looked over at Dillon.
“That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?”
“Maybe.” Dillon smiled as he said it, and I had a feeling he was trying to lighten the mood since things felt kind of heavy right then.
He was a good kid, a good man. And I had a feeling as he grew up, he would grow into an even better one.
I liked him. Cared about all the Connolly brothers. And even though I worked for them, they made me feel like I was a part of their family.
Not a bad deal.
“Okay, you’re off, right?” Ben asked as he came up and nodded at one of the customers before pulling a draft. “Go hang out with your girl. They’re all dancing in the corner, and I think the Connollys over there want you to play pool.”
“They just want me to kick their asses,” I said, winking.
“Don’t let Brendon hear you say that. He and Harmony still hold the record. I mean, it was only one tourney, but it’s still the record.”
“For now.”
“Yes, for now,” Aiden said as he came out with two plates of food in his hands. He set them down on the bar, nodded at Big Ben, and gestured for us to follow him.
“You know the only reason that Brendon and Harmony won that pool tournament is because Sienna and I weren’t there,” Aiden said, shaking his head.
I gave Dillon a look. He smirked, and then we both just shook our heads, holding back laughter. Oh, we knew why the two of them hadn’t been at that final pool tournament round. Aiden and Sienna had been doing something of their own. Not that we’d mention that. Especially when everybody could hear us, and Sienna could probably kick my ass.
Okay, there was no probably about it. She would kick my ass. And Meadow wouldn’t like that.
Meadow.
I looked over at her, and she smiled, the warmth in her eyes pulling me in.
Damn. I was falling for her. I knew I shouldn’t. It wasn’t safe. But I was pretty sure I had already fallen. I’d probably started at the wedding. Maybe even before that.
I shouldn’t have danced with her. Shouldn’t have done so much.
“Okay, come on over,” Cameron said from the corner. “Pool table’s ours for the next hour. Let’s play.” He twirled his finger in the air, and Violet rolled her eyes before going and kissing her man on the mouth.
He grinned down at her and gripped her ass, and I shielded Dillon’s eyes, even as the kid laughed.
“Hey. There are sweet, innocent eyes over here. Don’t scar him.”
“Innocent?” Dillon asked, and I glared down at him.
“Excuse me, my baby brother is a perfect, lily-white virgin,” Brendon shouted, and the tips of Dillon’s ears turned red.
Either the kid was embarrassed about his brothers yelling, or Dillon actually was a virgin. Considering that I had seen him with more than one girl over the time I’d known him, I had a feeling Dillon was no virgin. However, having your brothers discuss your sex life—or lack thereof—really loudly in the bar that you visited almost daily probably wasn’t the best thing in the world.
“Please, stop,” Dillon grumbled.
“Oh, be nice,” Harmony said, wrapping her arms around Dillon. “It’s kind of nice that he stays sweet and innocent. I mean, it’s tough to find that these days. Just know that you’re special to us. We love you.” She kissed him on the brow, and I saw the laughter in her eyes even as everyone else actually broke out in fits of giggles and cheers.
Dillon narrowed his eyes at her, but he didn’t say anything. Nobody could ever be mean to Harmony.
She was sneaky like that. I liked it.
Meadow slid to my side, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “They sure do love teasing him,” Meadow said, and I shrugged, even as I pulled her closer.
“Yeah, but he gives as much as he gets. It’s kind of nice having a family that makes fun of each other and yet will always be there for one another.”
“I know. Sometimes, I’m a little jealous. They’re just so good for each other. You know?” I nodded but didn’t look down at her. I knew her old man. And that guy would never be there for her. For anyone. He only cared about his club and himself. And not in that order.
I knew he didn’t give a damn about his little girl. Hadn’t before, and sure as hell didn’t now. At least for more than what she could do for him.
And, honestly, I wasn’t even sure he cared about his old lady.
But that had to stay in the past. We needed to think about the present. And maybe the future.
As Meadow went quiet and introspective beside me, I knew she was thinking about her family as well.
We really weren’t very good at this. I needed to tell her. It wasn’t fair of me to keep these secrets.
I might lose her in the end by opening up, but lying to her wasn’t the answer.
I would tell her tomorrow. Telling her tonight while we were with friends would ruin the evening. Maybe that was the coward’s way out, but I figured that telling her tomorrow would work. It had to. I only hoped I didn’t ruin everything by doing it. I hoped I didn’t lose it all when I opened up. But this wasn’t about me. I needed to remember that. I had made my choices, my own decisions.
And I wasn’t going to turn away from that. Not now. Not when I was starting to feel what I did for her. It wasn’t fair. Not to either of us. But mostly, not to her.
“Okay, now that we have completely embarrassed the kid—good job, family—it’s time to get going,” Aiden said as he looked over at his woman. “Watch while Sienna and I kick all of your asses.”
“That’s my man,” she said before taking a sip of her beer.
“The competition gets a little weird with all of you guys together,” I said.
“That is true.” Violet looked over at Dillon.
“I thought you were bringing one of your roommates to play.”
Dillon shook his head. “No, and I can’t stay either. Homework.”
“Well, I’m glad you were here for a bit. And I’m happy you’re putting your studies first.” She leaned down and kissed the top of Dillon’s head since he had taken one of the seats near the pool table.
She had started becoming almost motherly to him lately, and I had a feeling Dillon liked it, even if there wasn’t a huge age gap between any of them.
“Okay, then, I guess it’s just four teams. Two pool tables, four teams, let’s see who wins.”
Sienna clapped her hands, and our mini pool tournament started.
An hour later, my gut hurt from laughing, my pride stung from the fact that we were in fourth place, and all I could do was look at Meadow, who grinned.
“I’m not always bad at pool,” Meadow said. “Actually, I’m usually pretty good.”
“It probably doesn’t help that you guys are pinching each other’s asses while you’re playing,” Aiden said dryly.
“It’s true,” Sienna said. “We try not to distract each other with sex when we’re playing.”
“Really?” I said, deadpan. “Aren’t you the two that practically humped back there in the storage room?”
Sienna blushed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Beckham. I am utterly sweet and innocent.”
Everyone laughed so hard, I was pretty sure that Sienna was going to hit us all with her pool cue. But she didn’t.
Meadow had just set up her shot when a voice from behind us made me freeze. My balls shrank, my back turned to stone, and I swallowed hard. I hoped to hell it wasn’t who I thought it was. But I knew it was. I knew exactly who the fuck it was.
“Hey, what do we have here?”
No one else seemed to notice the tension in the air. They didn’t know who was now in their midst. And why should they? They didn’t know who I was at my core, and they sure as hell didn’t know where Meadow had come from. They did not know these people. I’d hoped to hell they never would. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case.
I turned. There was no use hiding. There was no way I could run. They’d find me. They always did.
Cliff’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second, and that’s when I knew they weren’t here for me. No, they had simply come in, and they’d found me.
“Just a friendly pool game. We’re almost done if you want the tables,” I said, my voice casual. The Connollys must have figured out that there was something wrong because they all stood a little straighter and angled their bodies so they stood in front of their women. I knew that they didn’t know exactly what was going on. Then again, I didn’t really know.
“Beckham,” Cliff growled out. “I knew you were around here. At least, somewhere in the city. Had to be. You wouldn’t go too far since you’re a lazy fuck. Always were. It’s my luck that I was the one to find you.”
“We don’t want any trouble here. We’re just playing pool. I’m only the bartender.”
Meadow stiffened beside me. I hated this. Fuck. I couldn’t take her to the side and explain things to her now, tell her why I had kept my past a secret. It was over. She would likely hate me forever. I had to get these guys out of here before they recognized who was standing beside me. If I weren’t careful, they would figure it out. And I didn’t know what would happen if they did. It wasn’t safe for Meadow. I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did. I shouldn’t have even become her friend. But I had. And now, she wasn’t safe.
“Sure,” Cliff said, “but maybe we should go out back and talk. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you, Beck. I see you’re just as ugly as ever with that fucking beard of yours. Couldn’t even grow it. Had to be a patchy-assed-face like usual.”
“Hey, this is our bar. If you’re going to start something, you should leave. We don’t take kindly to violence here,” Cameron said, his voice low but still a growl.
Cliff looked over at him and snorted. “Okay, pretty boy. Whatever you say. We don’t want no trouble either. Just surprised to see Beck is all. And acting all casual, like he isn’t the scum of the earth. A fucking traitor.”
I stiffened then and slowly angled my body a little bit more so they couldn’t see Meadow. Thankfully, none of the guys in front of me looked toward her. And even better, the woman beside them wasn’t looking.
I knew her. Trace. Coby’s sister, his damn twin.
And, if I remembered right, she was Cliff’s old lady. But that had been a while ago, and even though you didn’t poach women—one of the primary rules of being a brother—things happened.
But hell, things were getting a little too intense. I needed to get them out of here and away from Meadow.
“I don’t want any trouble. I’m out. You know that.”
The Connollys all looked at each other, and I could see them out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored them. They weren’t the dangerous ones. No, the guys in front of me were.
The ones who ran drugs and did shit that I wasn’t proud of.
They weren’t like some who dealt in guns and other things. But they were the worst of the bunch.
And I’d brought them right to my friends’ door. Sure, they might not have known that I was here when they walked in, but now they were trying to start something because I was.
I needed to make it stop.
“Come on, guys, you don’t need to do this.”
“Yeah, maybe we do,” Cliff growled. I noticed that the others didn’t say anything, but they didn’t need to. With Coby in jail, Cliff was number one outside of the main circle.
Coby had been the leader of his generation. And I’d followed him. Of course, then I’d become VP over him, and everything changed. Things had gotten worse. Coby found a woman, even though I hadn’t known who she was at the time.
Coby always wanted more power. Because I didn’t like the man I’d become, I left.
It hadn’t been easy. And I bled for it in the end, burned for it.
I’d left, and Coby took my place. And Coby had gone to jail because of his own stupidity.
I hadn’t paid for my crimes. And I knew Cliff, Coby’s BFF, blamed me for that.
“Hey, I have the cops on the line, and I can get them here at any minute. So why don’t you guys get out?”
I held back a curse as Sienna spoke, and I had a feeling the rest of the Connollys did, too.
“You really going to let your bitch talk for you?” Cliff asked, and I moved forward, putting my hands on his colors. The leather felt soft and supple under my palms, but I twisted it until it cracked.
“Just go. You don’t have any business here. This isn’t your place. This isn’t some TV show where you can fuck up a bar because you feel like it. Just go before you end up in jail again like your little buddy. You hear me? You’re not wanted here.”
Cliff’s eyes narrowed, but when one of the other guys elbowed him in the side, I pulled away. Cliff growled at me.
“Come on. You’re on probation, man.”
“Come on, Cliff. I’m tired of this already. Let’s just go home,” Trace whined, leaning into her man.
I ignored the other guy, my eyes on Cliff.
“This isn’t over, Beck.”
“It was over a long time ago, and we both know it. Go back to the life you chose. I’m making mine here.”
“For now, asshole.”
“No. Forever. Just go.”
The guys grumbled, and I had a feeling it had nothing to do with my words. No, it was because of the men at my back and the fact that the rest of the bar had gone silent, even though some of our regulars, big men in their own rights, had also stood up, ready to do what they could to help.
Only five minutes in, and the guys had made this place a biker bar. One where there’d be a fight and blood and broken glass.
And it would all be my fucking fault.
The members of my old club turned on their heel and left, but not before knocking down a couple of chairs and cursing up a storm as they did.
Glass shattered on the floor as they knocked into one of the tables, but no one moved to pick it up. At least not right away.
The others started talking, asking me questions, wanting to know what was happening, but I couldn’t listen. I didn’t have eyes for them. No, I could only look at the woman at my side, who hadn’t said a word. The one who didn’t want to draw attention to herself. And I knew why.
I looked over at Meadow, my jaw tight as I tried to open my mouth to say something. But there were no words.
She simply looked at me, her eyes wide as she blinked. “You knew them. You’re part of them.” Her voice was so hollow, like the one I’d heard when I first met her. Not the Meadow she was now.
“Yeah. No use in lying. I was.” I paused. I knew I shouldn’t say the rest, but realized I probably needed to. “It was before you were part if it with Coby, though.”
Her face blanched, and she took a staggering step back. “You knew. You knew?”
The others looked at us, confusion clear on their faces, but I had to ignore them.
“Yeah. I did.”
I was prepared for the slap, ready for the shove, the punch, something.
But I didn’t expect what actually happened.
She looked at me, took another step back, and then turned on her heel, grabbed her bag, and walked out.
I looked over at Cameron and gestured towards her. “Can you follow her? Make sure that the others don’t find her. She wouldn’t welcome my help.”
“Yeah, we got it,” Cameron said, his voice low. “But then you’re going to explain exactly what the fuck just happened.”
“Promise. Just make sure she’s safe.”
“I’ll go, too,” Aiden said, following Cameron.
And then the two were off to make sure Meadow got home okay in case the guys were out there waiting.
I wanted to be there. I wanted to fix this. But I didn’t think I could.
I looked at Brendon and the girls, and I swallowed hard. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.
Instead, I picked up the chair and went to get a broom to sweep up the glass.
I figured if it was my last day at the Connolly Brewery, I might as well clean up some of the mess I’d indirectly made.
But I also knew that, no matter what, some messes couldn’t be cleaned up. Some stains would forever haunt the place.
Just as they hung over me.