CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION: An edge like a chainsaw
1 BULL
What a hide
The split dog
Drop bears
Hoop snakes
Giant mozzies
Crooked Mick and the Speewah
Dinkum!
The exploding dunny
The well-dressed ’roo
Loaded animals
The blackout babies
The most beautiful lies
The Pommies and the Yanks
Aussie efficiency
2 CHARACTERS
The Drongo
Cousin Jacks
Tom Doyle
The Widow Reilly’s pig
The Convict’s Tour to Hell
Make it hours instead of days
Who was Billy Barlow?
Jacky Bindi-i
Jimmy Ah Foo
Snuffler Oldfield
Corny Kenna
The Hodja
Dad makes a blue
Dad, Dave and Mabel
Anzac characters
How he worked his nut
Tom ’n’ Oplas
Three blokes at a pub
3 HARD CASES
The cocky
‘Hungry’ Tyson
Ninety the Glutton
Galloping Jones
Christy Palmerston
Moondyne Joe
The Eulo Queen
Wheelbarrow Jack
Long Jack
Diabolical Dick
Puppy pie and dog’s dinner
The World’s Greatest Whinger
The Captain of the Push
The Souvenir King
Mrs Delaney
Dopes
Taken for a ride
Bea Miles
Doing business with Reg
An unwelcome miracle
4 DIGGEROSITIES
A million cat-calls
Religion
Monocles
Food and drink
Army biscuits
Babbling Brooks
The casual digger
Officers
Birdie
The piece of paper
Parables of Anzac
Baldy becomes mobile
The Roo de Kanga
Blighty
Very irritated
Thinking ahead
Finding the ‘Awstralians’
Please let us take Tobruk!
Count your children
Parable of the kit inspection
The air force wife
5 WORKING FOR A LAUGH
The garbos’ Christmas
A Christmas message
Rechtub Klat
The wharfie’s reply
The union dog
Working on the railway
High-octane travel
Railway birds
Total eclipse of communication
The laws of working life
Somebody else’s job
The basic work survival guide
Twelve things you’ll never hear an employee tell the boss
Excessive absence
The end of a perfect day
Total Quality Management (TQM)
Policy development
The boat race
Prospective Employee Assessment
Specialised High-Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.)
Early retirement
Differences between you and your boss
What do they really mean?
The little red hen
The airline steward’s revenge
The boss
After work …
Meetings
Prayer for the stressed
The job application
The boss’s reply
Ode to public servants
Jargoning
The Jargon Generator
Governmentium
The surprise party
The sex life of an electron
Death of employees
Workplace agreements
Population of Australia
6 A SWAG OF LAUGHS
The Great Australian Yarn
The Bagman’s Gazette
A stump speech
The phantom bullocky
A fine team of bullocks
Language!
Droving in a bar
Slow trains
Service!
Meekatharra ice blocks
The redback spider
The Great Australian Adjective
Lore of the track
Sniffling Jimmy
The poetic swaggie
Where the angel tarboys fly
Bowyang Bill and the cocky farmer
A good feed
The Swagman’s Union
A glorious spree
The Dimboola cat farm
A farmer’s lament
What’s on, Cookie?
The maiden cook
The farmer’s will
7 THE LAWS OF LIFE
Rules for being human
Application for Australian Citizenship
Children’s proverbs
To the citizens of the USA
Signs of your times
Facebook for the chronologically challenged
Making a difference
Go Aussie, go!
25 lessons in life
Why cucumbers are better than men
Why beer is better than women
Personal growth and development courses
Lifetime horoscope
A rotten day
What they wanted
The impossible examination
Do not break the chain
An invitation
The army recruit’s letter
Application for an Australian passport
Take a running jump at yourself!
8 MOMENTS LIKE THESE …
Up, up and away!
All’s well that ends well
The Oozlum bird
The black stump
Yearning for yowies
My boyfriend gave me an apple
A seasonal guide to wives
Henry spruiks Heenzo
Spifler- —— -cate Him!
Tough times
Australian tourism
The naked caravanner
Roaming gnomes
Her Majesty responds
Tigga’s travels
Running naked with the bulls
You need Minties
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
NOTES
PHOTO CREDITS