19
When I get to school, everyone is talking about the protests and the attacks on people’s houses. “Hate crimes,” someone calls them, and the words send a chill through my body.
Krysta puts her arm around me. “Are you okay?”
I nod even though I’m not sure if I am.
“I can’t believe this would happen in Westbrook,” Eileen says.
“Whoever did it didn’t really mean it, right?” Yuli asks.
I shake my head. “It wasn’t just us,” I say. “Mama called the people she works with, and some of them had rotten fruit thrown at their doors or egg on their windows.”
“But why? I mean, you’re not that foreign,” Eileen says.
“If we were, would the attacks be okay?” I ask.
She rolls her eyes. “Of course not. It just doesn’t make sense. I mean, I’ve heard my parents complaining about outsiders bringing our country down, but they obviously didn’t mean you!”
The other kids in my class hang back, as if they’re not sure how to act around me. I can’t help wondering if one of them could have put that horrible sign in front of our house.
Miss Patel must feel bad because she lets me feed Mister Whiskers his snack, even though it’s not anywhere close to my birthday. As he watches me with his big, round eyes, I can’t help thinking he looks as panicked and scared as I feel.
“Listen up!” Krysta says at recess. “We have two weeks until the assembly, and I think we need to make our dance more impressive.”
“More impressive?” I echo.
“It’s the Amber Centennial. We need to really wow everyone,” Krysta says. “Here’s what I’m thinking.” She starts demonstrating a few moves that are far more complicated than the ones we were doing before.
“Are you sure we can learn it in time?” Yuli asks softly. If she’s worried, then I should be terrified.
“We’ll be fine,” Krysta says. She sounds so certain that I allow myself to think it will be all right.
But when we start practicing, my confidence fades. As we run the new routine, I stumble for the first time in days. Yuli helps me to my feet, and I hurry to get back in line.
Then it happens again. And again. By the end of recess, I’m out of breath and my legs are tired and shaky.
Eileen is frowning at me. I know she thinks I’m going to ruin everything.
“You’ll do better tomorrow,” Yuli tells me. “It’s been a weird day.”
It has been a weird day, but it’s more than that. The Amber must be wearing off. I’ve had it in my system for such a short period of time that the half rations are affecting me faster than everyone else.
I need to drop out of the dance and tell Krysta to find another girl to take my place. It’s the only way to avoid embarrassing myself in front of the entire school. But when I start to tell her, the words won’t come out of my mouth. I’ve spent years dreaming of being part of the group—really part of it. Now that I finally am, I can’t give it up.