In This Chapter
Pathway to knowledge
Pathway to social opportunity
Pathway to strong families
Pathway to health and safety
Pathway from school to home: decompression
Simple starting points
Resources
In This Chapter
Pathway to knowledge
Pathway to social opportunity
Pathway to strong families
Pathway to health and safety
Pathway from school to home: decompression
Simple starting points
Resources
ALL HOME EDUCATORS sooner or later journey to The Land of the Awestruck. You make a new acquaintance, and, after some casual chitchat, she learns that you educate your children at home. Then comes the response: “You must be a saint,” or “You must be really smart and super-human.” Truth be told, homeschooling is challenging. Nevertheless, ordinary people travel this road and meet the challenges every day. Along the way, they experience joy and inspiration.
Our surveys contained wonderful accounts of experiences families could have had only because they were homeschooling. So many parents comment on observing “Aha” moments—times when they see their teenagers’ faces light up as they learn something new. Trina, homeschooling since 1990, says, “I delight when my son, on many occasions, after spending hours on his chemistry or algebra, pounds down the stairway yelling, ‘Mom, this is so great. Do you know what I just learned?’ ”
Serendipity multiplies “Aha” moments in a way that schools cannot duplicate. With the world for a classroom, it is easy—and educational—to let one thing lead to another. Denise describes how her teenagers studied science: “The first year we homeschooled, the children built a fort in the woods. It turned into an animal blind so they could observe the forest creatures, then into a photography blind so they could try to catch the animals on film. This led to building our own dark room, investigations into lenses, tree and plant identification, star gazing, and a debate about binoculars versus telescopes.”
Homeschooling allows teens time to experience things that school attendance precludes. And our young adults—in contrast to early- and middle-years children—now have the skills to take advantage of opportunities. Jill, a relaxed eclectic homeschooler, relates, “When my daughter was fourteen, she was asked to ‘sign’ at the media opening of the Light Magic parade at Disneyland. Because she had taken sign language for several years, including two semesters of American Sign Language (ASL) at a community college (which she would not have done if she was in regular school), she went behind the scenes at the Magic Kingdom, meeting the president of Disneyland in his office above Main Street!”
Some parents experience the greatest joys when their teen’s expertise surpasses that of most people in the community. Penny writes, “Mark’s first word was ‘puter,’ and homeschooling has allowed him to pursue his love of computers. He has taught himself five languages and HTML coding. When the county library expanded their Internet access for patrons, they asked him—at age fourteen—to give a series of programs for teens because he knew more than any of the librarians did. They left all of the content up to him. He operates his own Web-design business and has constructed several Internet relay chat networks. He is also skilled at explaining computers to beginners.”
Focusing on homeschooling joys illuminates the journey as well as specific pathways to knowledge, social opportunity, strong families, health and safety, and from school to home.
WE ALL ACQUIRE knowledge in different ways. Some learn best from reading and other visual input. Others remember what they hear rather than what they read and see. Still others retain knowledge principally with hands-on projects and physical exercises—playing, dissecting, experimenting, and building.
Numerous teachers, writers, and researchers have studied and defined hundreds of learning styles. One of the best known, Dr. Thomas Armstrong, cuts through the academic verbosity that too often characterizes these efforts in his book Seven Kinds of Smart. He talks about the following “intelligences,” or ways in which people acquire knowledge:
Linguistic (word smart)
Logical-mathematical (good with numbers and reasoning)
Spatial (thinks visually, in three dimensions)
Body-kinesthetic (prefers physical and hands-on)
Musical (learns best with music)
Interpersonal (people smart)
Intrapersonal (learns through personal reflection)
Dr. Armstrong’s books offer concrete instructional strategies for each of his intelligences or learning styles. He suggests alternatives when you “hit the wall” and lack expertise to teach a given subject, or for when you seek creative approaches to subjects like biology or history.
Many home educators further simplify the learning styles vocabulary, using the following three categories:
Visual Learners remember best what they read and see. They prefer books, videos, and observation over direct participation.
Auditory Learners retain most of what they hear. Audiotapes, reading aloud, and discussion work well for this group.
Kinesthetic Learners understand best with hands-on projects and physical activities. Nature walks, experiments, travel, and building projects work best.
Many homeschoolers recognize yet another category, a category that overshadows all the others:
School-Phobic Learners. These children say, “If it looks like school, I can’t do it.” Avoid textbooks for this group. Try alternatives like computer games, videos, and discussion.
Do you need to understand everything about learning styles to homeschool successfully? Certainly not. Several of our survey respondents pointed out that their teenagers discover their preferred learning styles simply by experimenting with different resources. Nevertheless, learning styles experts may help you understand why a particular curriculum or approach does not work for your teenager. At the same time, these experts can suggest alternatives.
LEARNING STYLE POINTERS
Research on learning styles constantly evolves and findings change.
Your preferred learning style may not match that of your teenager.
Most individuals exhibit mixed learning styles.
One learning style may work best for math, another for English and history.
Preferred learning styles may change over time.
More than 90 percent of our survey respondents said that they make accommodations for their teenagers’ learning styles. According to Kate in Downey, California, “When we pursue a subject, we look around for the most interesting and effective way of learning it. This sometimes means changing textbooks or approaches. The most common clue that you need to seek an alternative method is the comment, ‘This is boring.’ ”
We can individualize not only what subjects are studied, but also how subjects are approached.
Many parents, especially parents of teenage boys, provide alternatives to textbooks and worksheets. Belinda in Ohio lists several approaches: “Our son, age thirteen, is an auditory learner. Our accommodations include reading to him and doing spelling aloud. He remembers everything he hears, so he finds review and discussion much more effective than drills and worksheets.” Some parents also report that written exams can be counterproductive. “We don’t have tests as often as we used to because he seems to understand the material better if he is not pressured into remembering trivial details,” reports Beth, who has homeschooled her fifteen-year-old son since 1995.
Claudia in New Zealand relies on her teenagers’ choices. “In general, we encourage learning wherever and however they want—lying on the floor, listening to music in the background, using audiotapes and videos, and writing with the computer.” Carolyn has one hands-on learner and one visual learner. She writes, “We limit fill-in-the-blank curriculum for the hands-on learner and give the visual learner lots of good reading material.”
In discussing learning styles, all home educators find themselves in a position that most professional teachers envy. We can individualize not only what the subjects are studied, but also how subjects are approached. We find hands-on projects for kinesthetic learners and avoid textbooks with school-phobic learners. This flexibility allows home educators to build on strengths and shore up weaknesses.
When asked how they support their teenagers’ strengths, our survey respondents most frequently mention two words—praise and encouragement. Parents listen, discuss, point out options, and suggest progressive challenges. In addition, our experts (our parents-in-the-trenches) seek ways to support their children’s interests. “I am always looking for books, field trips, museum exhibits, movies, videos, and adult advisers to supplement their strengths,” says Denise.
Creating unit studies from a student strength area—academic or nonacademic—can supplement regular curriculum. Tess encourages her son to branch out from his martial arts training. “At first, Ted’s greatest success was in kung fu [a martial art]. To expand on this interest we read books by Lawrence Yep about Chinese folk tales and the Chinese laborers who built the transcontinental railroad. Then we read about China. We read aloud Iron and Silk by Mark Salsman. We later watched the movie version.”
Several of our respondents describe another intriguing way to build on strengths—finding an opportunity for their teenager to teach a sibling, friend, or even adult.
Several of our respondents describe another intriguing way to build on strengths—finding an opportunity for their teenager to teach a sibling, friend, or even adult. “We encourage our son to teach other family members, even parents, how he does what,” writes Dinah in Oregon. Leanne echoes this sentiment, saying, “We encourage our teenagers to help others learn what they [our teens] already know.”
All homeschooling parents notice “holes” in their children’s education. Some worry about subject-specific deficits, like world history or math or writing or foreign language. Others see problems with more general skills. They comment on a lack of creativity or critical thinking ability.
Our survey respondents suggest many techniques to shore up weaknesses. The most frequently cited include:
Taking advantage of interests and using them to work on weaknesses.
Doing a task differently—seeing a Shakespeare play rather than reading it, for example.
Sitting beside teenagers as they work on difficult subjects—just keeping them company while they tackle difficult math, for example.
Encouraging a positive attitude.
Teaching at an appropriate level.
Working at a slower pace.
Some parents creatively shore up multiple weaknesses with a single stroke. Tess describes an interesting activity. “We really enjoy grabbing a National Geographic Magazine and reading an article aloud. In doing so, we cover history, geography, sociology, science, map reading, oral reading, and listening skills. An article is not too overwhelming, whereas a textbook can be intimidating. Pretty soon, the big holes are little holes that we can deal with.”
Families report differing results with repetition and other typical school approaches to addressing weaknesses. Carrie in Florida writes, “Some of the traditional teaching techniques I have tried have failed miserably. Instead, it seems my daughter improves skills when they become important to something that she wants to do. For example, spelling has always been drudgery. However, when she began using chat rooms on the Internet, she was too impatient to look up words or wait for me to spell for her. Very quickly, she became a proficient speller!”
In contrast, Amy, who is the mother of three teenagers in Portland, Maine, explains how she uses two very traditional teaching strategies: repetition and persistence. “We plug away at anything that is weak, little by little. My motto is that anyone can do anything for fifteen minutes per day and make great improvements over time. You might call it the tortoise approach.”
Some teenagers, like their early- and middle-years counterparts, simply need adult involvement and redirection to work on difficult subjects. Cheryl, who lives in rural Missouri, where she homeschools two teenagers, writes: “We remediate in a fun way, defined by both our teenage children with the words, ‘Parent Participation.’ We might put things to song or in rhyme, or try to explain something differently. If we feel the curriculum is not doing the job, we pitch it and find something that works better. In some cases we might join a co-op or hire a tutor, but not very often.”
SOME PEOPLE EXPRESS worries about the socialization of homeschooled teens. They ask: What about the prom, football games, and graduation? Like many homeschoolers, our son and daughter had the opportunity to participate in all these activities. Friends invited them to high school basketball games, homecoming dances, and proms. Our statewide homeschool support group offered a graduation ceremony. That is my quick answer to the “S-word” question.
The more complete answer is that our children, like most homeschoolers and indeed like most adults, have full social lives without relying on school-sponsored events and activities. Our survey respondents list hundreds of social outlets for their teens, including the following:
Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts
County library teen advisory board
Children’s ballet theater
Electric car team
Church youth group
Homeschooling support group field trips
Sea Cadets
Homeschool yearbook
Community orchestra
High school gymnastics team
Habitat for Humanity
Sierra Club
Awanas (Christian youth group)
Movies with friends
Volunteering at hospitals and museums
Chess club
Community running club
Salvation Army basketball league
Neighbors
Socialization is not absent in homeschooling; it is simply different. Instead of marching band, cheerleading, football team, and school government, teenage homeschoolers’ social lives include volunteer and paid work, teen group events and activities, co-op classes, adult community activities, family events, and just hanging out with friends.
In addition, homeschooled teenagers have access to more activities than most conventionally schooled students, activities that often lead to diverse social contacts. As homeschoolers, teenagers are not restricted to friends within a one- to two-year age range, most of whom live in the same zip code. My son and daughter had friends of all ages from all over the community. The phone rang constantly, and our biggest problem with socialization was keeping a lid on it.
Jane in Tennessee recounts typical results of home- and community-based socialization: “At a recent gathering our fourteen-year-old son talked to a group of adult relatives and their friends so easily that they commented on it later. They thought he was remarkable for being so at ease with adults. My brother, who kept telling my son he could watch TV if he was bored, finally understood that he wasn’t bored. He enjoyed the conversation.”
Instead of marching band, cheerleading, football team, and school government, teenage homeschoolers’ social lives include volunteer and paid work, teen group events and activities, co-op classes, adult community activities, family events, and just hanging out with friends.
While most communities provide more social outlets than you and your teens can ever explore, some homeschooling families find they need to improvise. “I wish I could provide more time with their peers. We live in a rural area, so it’s hard for the kids to make friends,” confesses Trudy in Colorado. Telling us how she copes, she writes: “Basically, I do a lot of driving. I hooked up with some Denver area homeschoolers online. We have always done volunteer work, and now my sons are also involved in a volunteer group just for homeschooled teens. Denver is an hour away, though. In addition, our children use the Internet to keep in touch and play interactive games with friends in several states.”
Almost all our survey respondents report that home education has strengthened their immediate and extended family ties. Emma notes a pronounced difference: “Most of our friends who do not homeschool their teenagers are amazed at the closeness of our teens and younger children.”
Sarah shares the visible benefits in her family. “At age fifteen, my son is still very affectionate with both me and his father, even in public, in front of other teenage boys!”
Homeschooling families spend far more time together than families whose teenagers attend school. Molly, who has worn the home educator hat since 1990, explains the benefits: “We are all close. Had [our son] been in school, we would not have had the time to maintain that closeness. The sheer logistics—gone eight plus hours each day, the stress, the homework, the extracurricular activities—work against closeness.”
Most of our survey respondents report better relationships with extended family—especially with teenagers who previously attended school. One mother writes, “Before we homeschooled, my son and his grandfather clashed so much that I had to limit their contact. What a change we have seen. In the last two years, my son’s grandparents have been inviting my teenagers to visit for several days. They all have declared the visits unqualified successes which they cannot wait to repeat.”
Three of our respondent families also report that their socially mature teenagers do not always fit in with other high-schoolers. Their young adults have finished with childish things and are ready for adult ways of interacting. Donna in St. Catherines, Ontario, Canada, describes her sixteen-year-old son’s situation: “Finding other homeschooled teenagers has been difficult to impossible. Our son still sees many of his schooled friends, though. While he would like to hang around other teens more often, he finds most of them well below his level. Define that any way you please—education level, intelligence level, ambition level, ethics level, and so on.”
TEENS TALK
Adults compliment me all the time. They tell me that I am able to carry on a conversation without rolling my eyes, or using slang, or one-word answers. One adult told me I am the first teen she has ever been able to have a conversation with. She said that she did not even like talking to her own nieces and nephews, who are public schooled. She is now my beading mentor and good friend.
—KATIE, AGE FIFTEEN, NORTH BEND, WASHINGTON
HOW WE DID IT
In spite of many social activities, I felt that our daughter didn’t have enough interaction with other girls her age. To remedy this, I started a mother-daughter book club. This has greatly increased her circle of friends.
—JANICE IN COEUR D’ALENE, IDAHO
Homeschooled teenagers—unconstrained by a school calendar and able to travel independently—can pick up and go. Like my two teenagers, many visit relatives in other states for days or weeks at a time. As Shari Henry points out in Homeschooling: The Middle Years, these visits provide unique opportunities to share family traditions and heritage. Encouraging grandparents to share family stories builds relationships and deepens roots. You will enjoy the family traditions your teens recount after these visits.
Unfortunately, homeschooling does not improve all family relationships. Three of the homeschooling parents who answered our survey describe strained relationships with aunts, uncles, and grandparents who did not agree with the decision to homeschool. Donna in Canada says that her son’s paternal relatives are all anti-homeschool. She explains: “They continually pressure [my son] about going back to school. They don’t approve of his chosen career and do not acknowledge his achievements.”
Some people, including some relatives, find doing anything outside the mainstream threatening. Home educators in this situation say that time is the best medicine. Once relatives see the results of homeschooling, many “come around.” A few families report success winning over doubting relatives with a steady stream of information about home education. Most statewide and national support groups provide helpful question-and-answer brochures for this purpose.
DO-IT-YOURSELF GROUP ACTIVITIES FOR TEENAGE HOMESCHOOLERS
While many home educators have access to many activities in their communities such as 4-H and church youth groups and sports, some find the pickings rather slim. To create your own group activities with other teenagers, consider these ideas.
Game Days. Get everyone together to play Monopoly or Scattergories or Trivial Pursuit (indoors) or volleyball or flag football (outdoors).
Book Discussion Group. Ask libraries or bookstores for meeting space and schedule a monthly or bimonthly title for discussion.
Gourmet Club. Pick a theme (budget, finger food, Chinese, vegetarian), make recipe assignments, and have lunch monthly at different members’ homes.
Newsletter. Whether you opt for a hard copy, e-mail, or Web-page newsletter, you probably have several budding authors, artists, and computer whizzes who can put together an entertaining publication.
Investment Club. Use fake money, divide up into teams, take weekly buy and sell orders, subtract reasonable commission, and leave the company research up to them!
Hiking, Bowling, Skating. These are all popular with teens. Set a date and go!
Most of the parents answering our survey note a direct correlation between improved health and home education. Ron, homeschooling since 1991, reports: “We are not exposed to so many bugs, so the girls pick up fewer colds. They get the sleep appropriate to their ages, unlike my friends’ children who constantly burn the candle at both ends and are often ill as a result.”
Nutrition and exercise are the foundation of good health. Certainly all homeschooling families can provide healthier snacks and meals than most schools. Referring to her son, Kay in California notes, “Matt gets more exercise because he is not sitting behind a desk five hours a day.”
Our survey respondents also report that teenagers with chronic conditions like asthma, diabetes, and depression achieve better health outside of school. Several parents say that they had considerably reduced the need for asthma medication and many families discontinued Ritalin, used primarily for attention deficit disorder.
Molly cites yet another health benefit of homeschooling when she says, “I see so many girls this age obsessed with their weight, and we have been able to deal with it before it became a problem.” In a similar manner, many survey respondents report that reduced opportunity to use drugs and engage in risky sexual behavior positively impacts their teenagers’ health.
While no place, including our homes, boasts complete physical safety, home educators certainly reduce their chances of falling victim to school violence.
We often think of health and safety together, and the relative safety of home education is obvious to anyone who follows the news. Unlike thirty years ago, most high school parking lots now have a reserved spot for one or more police cars. In addition, many schools now operate with metal detectors and allow only see-through backpacks to catch students toting knives and guns. While no place, including our homes, boasts complete physical safety, home educators certainly reduce their chances of falling victim to school violence.
MORE AND MORE parents begin home education during their children’s adolescence, after years of formal schooling. The first months, indeed the first year or two at home, most families with teens experience a period of adjustment called decompression, when they refocus their lives from enforced institutional imperatives to family and individual concerns.
During decompression both teenagers and their parents detoxify from the deleterious effects of institutional learning. To understand decompression, think about the opposite—the compression (or stress) created by full-time school attendance. Unfortunately, school too often imparts negative behaviors and expectations. Students are conditioned to:
Do only what they are told,
Work within a schedule of bells,
Ignore interests and talents,
Attend to meaningless subjects,
Earn passing grades with no effort, and
Work for grades rather than excellence.
When previously schooled children begin homeschooling, everything changes, and the entire family decompresses. Overnight your teenagers’ lives transform from competitive, coercive, and peer-group-oriented to collaborative, self-directed, and family-oriented. Suddenly, there is time for privacy and time to be alone.
What can you expect during those first weeks and months? Our survey respondents report they observed all of the following during decompression:
Physical relaxation
Changes in sleeping habits
More affectionate behavior
Improved health
Dropping long-standing interests and activities
Increased time alone
What is the principal complaint of decompressing parents? Many relate that their teenagers exhibit little or no interest in carefully selected curriculum and academic materials. Emma in Atlanta, Georgia, says it most succinctly: “I spent hours choosing his curriculum at the statewide homeschooling conference, and now he just won’t do anything.” Parents need to remember that decompression—like adjustments to all major life changes—takes time.
How much time? Anywhere from six months to two years or more. One rule of thumb says that children need a month of decompression time—time with minimal academic expectations—for every year they attended school.
It is difficult to relax about this. Some parents, concerned by “all they are accomplishing at the school down the street,” panic and assign enough academic work to discourage a Ph.D. candidate. No need. Studies have shown that all of typical grade K to 8 academic content can be mastered in eighteen to twenty-four months, as can all subjects taught in grades 9 to 12. Every year American School, an Illinois independent-study high school, has several students that complete four years of high school academics in less than eighteen months.
In addition to allowing time and space, several parents report that decompressing teenagers respond well to clearly stated expectations. Kristin in Texas, who began homeschooling in 1995, describes her family’s decompression: “First we had to become more consistent with our discipline. I did not let them get around doing what they were required to do, which at first was hard. On the plus side, they had more free time and seemed less stressed.”
Joan in Oklahoma tells us about her son, who had requested homeschooling: “At first, the biggest change was Zach’s desire to learn. In school, he would not do any assignments or try in any way. I told him if he wanted to homeschool, he would have to exert as much effort as I did. Within the first month, I could see improvement in his communication skills, both verbal and especially written. We also saw an attitude improvement. By attitude, I mean what he thought of himself, how he approached problems, his response to guidance, and his interaction with others, especially younger siblings.”
Parents need to remember that decompression—like adjustments to all major life changes—takes time.
Individualizing learning, taking advantage of opportunities for positive socialization, building close families, providing a healthy, safe environment—these are the advantages you will realize when you homeschool your teens.
Read at least one book on learning style. Start with one by Thomas Armstrong and one by Cynthia Tobias (see Resources section to follow) to find out how learning style information can positively impact your homeschooling.
List your teenager’s strengths. Then list ways to build on those strengths.
Ask about socialization opportunities. Get ideas from others within and outside your local homeschooling support group. Make a list of the current activities of local teenage homeschoolers. Get contact information (names, phone numbers) of those that sound interesting.
Plan get-togethers for your extended family. Encourage your teenagers to learn more about grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. Interviewing grandparents and writing their biographies is a great place to begin.
Give your teenager time to decompress. If you are taking a teenager out of school, give him or her time and space to decompress. Make the transition into academics slowly, perhaps one subject per month.
Educate homeschooling doubters. If you have doubting relatives, give them some question-and-answer homeschooling literature from a national or statewide support group.
Armstrong, Thomas. Seven Kinds of Smart: Identifying and Developing Your Multiple Intelligences. Plume, 1999. Also Awakening Your Child’s Natural Genius. J. P. Tarcher, 1991 and In Their Own Way: Discovering and Encouraging Your Child’s Personal Learning Style. J. P. Tarcher, 1988.
Tobias, Cynthia. The Way They Learn: How to Discover and Teach to Your Child’s Strengths. Focus on the Family, 1996. Also Bringing Out the Best in Your Child: 80 Ways to Focus on Every Kid’s Strengths. Servant Publications, 1997 and I Like Your Style: Strategies to Bring Out the Best in Each Child. Focus on the Family, 1996.
Cardwell, Tammy Marshall. Front Porch History. Greenleaf Press, 1999.
Crichton, Jennifer. Family Reunion: Everything You Need to Know to Plan Unforgettable Get-Togethers. Workman, 1998.
Croom, Emily Anne. Unpuzzling Your Past: A Basic Guide to Genealogy. Betterway Books, 1989.
Spence, Linda. Legacy: A Step-by-Step Guide to Writing Personal History. Ohio University Press, 1997.
Brody, Jane. The New York Times Book of Health. Times Books, 1998.
Harris-Johnson, Deborah. The Pre-Teen and Teenagers Guide to Personal Growth, Health, Safety, Sex, and Survival: Living and Learning in the 21st Century. Amber Books, 1999.
Partow, Cameron and Donna. Families That Play Together Stay Together. Bethany House, 1996.
Strength and Shape: A Teenage Workout Video. Earth Smart, Inc., P.O. Box 115, Lincroft, NJ 07738, 800-EXERCI4.
Whitney, Bruce. Homeschool Family Fitness: A Practical Curriculum Guide. Homeschool Family Fitness Institute, 159 Oakwood Drive, Brighton, MN 55112, e-mail whitn003@maroon.tc.umn.edu
Llewellyn, Grace. The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education. Lowry House, 1998.
Cuthbert, Cathy, Editor. When Your Grandchildren Homeschool: A Guide for Interested Relatives. California Homeschool Network, 1999, 800-327-5339.
