THROUGH TIME AND SPACE WITH FERDINAND FEGHOOT (71), by Grendel Briarton

In was Ferdinand Feghoot who, in Homeric times, first raised the Oracle of Delphi to full prominence. Its Pythoness and its Holy Ones had been scurvily treated and worse paid by the Greek rulers who were beginning to seek advice there. The sensitive Pythoness was above such mundane matters as money, and the Holy Ones were the world’s worst administrators. They agreed to put their financial affairs and public relations into Feghoot’s competent hands, and he speedily organized them into the PHOU, the Pan-Helenic Oracular Union.

Their next customers, an assortment of Tyrants, Kings, Autarchs, and Obligarchs from some twenty Greek cities, were presented a very stiff schedule of rates which, tremendously angered, they refused absolutely to pay. For weeks, they camped at the Oracle, bitterly denouncing Feghootes the Barbarian.

Finally Feghoot gave them an ultimatum. “If you refuse to pay up,” he said, “we’ll leave Greece bag and baggage and go over to Asia Minor. Then who’ll answer your questions?”

“NEVER!” roared a Spartan, shaking his spear. “It would be revolution! It would be rebellion against all the gods!”

“Nonsense!” replied Ferdinand Feghoot. “It’ll just be a sybil rites movement.”