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LIZZY SNUGGLED AGAINST Mr. Darcy, certain she should not be indulging in such liberties but finding it impossible to care. Her head was throbbing, and her thoughts were slightly fuzzy, but she still possessed her full faculties, having recovered from the shock of the accident.
Before Darcy had found her, she had stopped walking upon realizing she was wandering aimlessly. She had been frozen in indecision, not certain whether to try to find her way back to the accident, or if she should try to find her way home or to Netherfield.
It was appalling how much the landscape had changed just from the snowfall. She had spent all her life at Longbourn, and she had made the trek to Netherfield countless times, both on foot and in carriage since Jane married Charles and they bought it, but nothing looked familiar under the snowfall. Visibility was obscured by the snow as well, combined with the blowing wind, and it was difficult to know where she was.
Hearing Darcy say her name had been like a choir of angels in her ears, and it had further clarified her thoughts, helping her come back to herself and realize the folly of her actions. When she had awakened in the snow, she had stumbled in confusion, but now her thoughts were far clearer.
She could certainly foresee the catastrophe ahead of them. If they could not find Netherfield, they would likely perish in the snowstorm. She wanted to ask Mr. Darcy what he was doing out alone on horseback, but she suspected he had also been invited as a dinner guest at Netherfield.
She had not known of his expected presence when she had agreed, but it was an added pleasure. If she did not miss her mark, her dear sister Jane was attempting to play matchmaker by inviting them both to dine for the evening.
She grimaced in distress. Dear Jane was probably working herself into a frenzy at the moment, since none of them had expected this blizzard. It was perhaps not yet blizzard-like conditions, but it would certainly be within a few hours. If they did not find shelter before then, all would be lost.
“I believe we are almost back to the road,” said Darcy. He must be shouting that for her to hear him.
As much she hated to, she nodded, uncertain she could project her voice enough over the wind for him to hear but wanting him to be aware she had comprehended his words.
She was relaxed against him, not bothering to grip any part of the horse with Darcy’s arms wrapped so securely around her. Her eyes were starting to close, and she was blinking to open them when there was a cracking sound.
Darcy swore and tugged hard on Goliath’s reins, barely clearing them from the area before a large branch fell to the ground. That must have been enough to frighten Goliath, because he whinnied and reared back suddenly.
Lizzy had the disorienting sensation of flying through the air again, though she did not remember her ejection from the carriage. She landed hard a moment later, but Darcy landed harder. His arms were around her, and he shielded her face and head with his chest as they hit the snowy ground.
She was briefly disoriented again, and a wave of nausea swept over her. Feeling the least ladylike she had ever felt, she rolled away from him long enough to vomit.
Darcy knelt behind her, offering her somewhat of a break from the wind, and he held her escaping locks, so she did not vomit in them. Her elegant twist fashioned by the maid was long gone, but it was a minor thing to worry about at the moment.
When her stomach felt stronger, she lifted her head. Darcy must have taken that as confirmation that she was well enough to stand, because he helped her to her feet. His arms came around her again, drawing her close to him.
His hands felt icy even through his gloves, and she experienced a flash of guilt at having his coat. She should offer to return it to him, but she was certain it would be a futile gesture. He was far too much a gentleman to accept the coat while she was freezing too. She worried for him.
She worried for herself as well as she lifted her head to look around, seeing no sign of his horse. “Has your horse bolted, Mr. Darcy?”
His expression was grim. “I fear he has, Miss Elizabeth. Goliath was skittish already, and the cracking branch and near-miss likely frightened him enough to run.”
“I hope he shall make it to Netherfield.” She closed her eyes for a minute. “I do hope our plow horses make it home too. I do not recall seeing them at the scene. Were they there?” She couldn’t bring herself to ask if they were alive.
“I did not see them. The axle broke, and the harness was destroyed in the process. Likely, they will know the way home by instinct.”
She looked down, gasping as she realized she had not asked about Gus. “Oh, the driver. What of him?” She could infer he was either seriously injured or already dead, because he was not in sight, and she couldn’t imagine Mr. Darcy would have left him behind if he were capable of traveling.
There was sadness in his eyes, and he shook his head. “I am afraid he did not make it, Miss Elizabeth.”
She buried her face against his chest, ignoring all the rules forbidding such contact between acquaintances of their level. She had not known Gus well, but she still pitied the young man, cut down in his prime. Surely, he must have a family on Longbourn land, and they would be distraught at his loss.
“Lizzy?”
She stiffened at the nickname for a moment, but then she slowly lifted her head. “Yes, Mr. Darcy?”
“We are going to have to find shelter as quickly as possible. Without Goliath, we are further slowed. I must insist that you stay right beside me. You might find it improper, but I find it necessary to hold your hand as we walk. It would not do for either of us to get separated in the snowfall, especially as it thickens by the second.”
She nodded and then winced again. How she wished she would forget such a common response that had been ingrained in her, at least until her head healed. “I am prepared to submit to what you require me to do, Mr. Darcy. I am out of my element.”
His lips twitched just briefly. “As am I, Lizzy.” He seemed inclined to continue using her nickname, though he had not been given leave to do so, and it implied a level of intimacy that did not exist between them.
She clung to his hand as he started walking, and it wasn’t long before his arm came around her waist, keeping her anchored against him. Partially, that was necessity, since she had a difficult time lifting her feet high enough to walk through the deepening snow, and partially, she suspected it was for comfort for both of them. She certainly found it comforting to have his arm around her, and the solid warmth of his body against her, though she couldn’t help noticing he was less warm with each passing moment.
She could not be certain if they had gone for a few moments or hours as they trudged along. Gradually, she realized they had not yet found the road. Without finding that, it would make the task of getting to Netherfield even harder, and her chest squeezed with anxiety. “We shall die out here, Mr. Darcy.” She couldn’t help the hint of panic in her tone.
He stopped walking and turned to face her, his hands on her shoulders. “Do not even think that way, Lizzy. You must keep going. We will find shelter and safety.”
Dread was bubbling in her, and she could not stem the tide. “I do not wish to die here. Nor do I wish for you to die for me, which you will surely do because you stopped to rescue me. Oh, Mr. Darcy, why did you not do the sensible thing and continue on to Netherfield?” She was grasping his lapels and pleating them in her frantic hands. “I cannot bear for you to die.”
He shook her gently, which caused an intense pain in her head. She winced and moaned, and his hands immediately gentled.
“You must not lose hope. We have to keep going.”
She opened her mouth, unable to quell the urge to sob. She could not focus on anything besides her fear, so she was unaware of the words streaming from her mouth between each sob. “Oh, I...”
With a sudden motion, Darcy’s head descended, and his lips sealed her own. They cut off the torrent of nonsensical syllables that had flowed out of her mouth, and her lips immediately softened and formed to his.
She had never been kissed before, and she’d never expected it to be like this. It was sweet and warm, like a soothing brandy, but stoked a burning fire in her belly that spread outward. She clung to him as she relaxed into his arms, and Darcy’s tongue tentatively slipped into her mouth.
She gasped at the intrusion, never having imagined such a thing but quickly convinced of the soundness of the idea by the way it made her feel. She was dizzy again, but this was a different kind of dizziness. It came from pure happiness and giddiness.
At last, she was kissing Mr. Darcy. She had expected that to never occur, since he had made no effort to contact her after his last visit to Longbourn, when she had been in London. Aunt Gardiner had unexpectedly fallen ill and required assistance with her children, so Lizzy had been dispatched, with Jane expecting a renewal of Mr. Bingley’s attentions.
When she did not hear from him, she assumed he was not interested in her. At that point, she had gravely accepted that he must have banished his proclaimed love for her, which had made her assume it could not have been more than a pale, watered-down version of love if it was so easily extinguished.
Now, hope burst anew, and she clung to him as his arms pulled her tighter against him, while his mouth ravaged hers, and the passionate onslaught temporarily blotted the cold around them, dulling her mind to the dangers they faced.
When he broke the kiss, she panted for air. She stared up at him in wonder, but also confusion. His expression revealed nothing. His tone was almost impersonal when he said, “We must continue searching for Netherfield.”
She took his hand when he offered it, feeling bereft at the loss of his arms around her, and she wanted to ask about the kiss, but she did not have the courage. Had it been a spontaneous act of passion, one that indicated perhaps he still had feelings for her? Yet, it seemed like it might’ve been a coldly calculating move to distract her from her panic. In that case, it was simply the most expeditious way to refocus her attention, and it didn’t mean anything in the scheme of things.
That thought saddened her greatly as she continued trudging through the snow along with Mr. Darcy.