He takes a sip of stewed coffee and watches out of the third floor window, a hand in his trouser pocket jangling his keys. He can see Manon slam her car door and then stop, holding her face to the bright sun, basking in it with her eyes closed. As if she is sodding holy.
No more crying in the car park; no more laying her forehead on the steering wheel; no more snatching the lattes from his hand or wiping away smears of mascara. These days, it is Davy who grows impatient with the traffic, as if congestion were further evidence of all that’s wrong in the world. His planet’s out of alignment. A girl has been missing for more than a month; another is dead. They haven’t done their job, thinks Davy, and everything is at odds.
Manon has become … breezy. Light. Polite to colleagues, interested in their adorable childrearing anecdotes when she used to make silent vomiting motions behind their backs.
‘Aw, what did the twins do on the weekend, Nigel? Run you ragged, did they?’
It annoys Davy beyond measure, the bounce in her step.
They’ve been watching Tony Wright this past week but he hasn’t put a foot wrong. The PM on Taylor Dent has come in but tells them nothing: Whether death occurred before or after the body was immersed into water is impossible to say. Injuries consistent with river damage. Toxicology inconclusive.
The background checks on Garfield, as well as some uncomfortable questioning of the professor about his Facebook usage, were insufficient grounds for his arrest. No, it was all going nowhere. Garfield had shifted uneasily in interview but not, Davy thought, out of shame, his expression saying: I am a man. I accept my peccadilloes; why can’t you?
The press have started to itch their beards in longer think pieces, analysing the parameters of the investigation. The police have looked too closely at her immediate circle, is the latest offering from The Mirror. Officers have not given sufficient thought to the possibility of a stranger, driving out of the night. A random attack.
How people love to criticise, Davy thinks, shaking his head. It’s never a stranger. Well, almost never.
And all the while, Manon is harping on about which new restaurants to try. ‘I’m ardent,’ she told him yesterday, sitting in the car with brown paper bags on their laps from the fast-food place.
They were on a surveillance job – drugs and prostitution. His lap was warm, his mouth filled with a synthetic coating of trans fats and salt. He murmured, hiding his irritation with a full mouth.
‘If there’s two people, I’m always the one who’s more keen.’
He nodded, biting further into his cheeseburger.
‘Except when I’m not,’ she said. ‘Mostly, I don’t like people. And then I’m not ardent at all.’
‘Riveting,’ muttered Davy, staring ahead.
‘What I mean is, it takes me ages to find someone I think is really great and then, well, sometimes I knock them over with enthusiasm.’
‘Like a St Bernard.’
‘Bit like that, yes.’
‘Shall we have another cheeseburger?’
She’d nodded, chewing. ‘Only 99p.’
‘I don’t think the price is the issue, is it?’ said Davy.
‘Get them in.’
He ought to be happy for her but he isn’t, and Davy is getting used to his meaner thoughts being in the ascendance. He wonders if he should apply for a transfer – move far away and start over, away from the feelings which are making the minutes and the seconds lugubrious, but he has this new connection with Stanton, like the fragile push of a shoot from a seed, and he can’t pretend he hasn’t harboured hopes for what it might do for his career.
Time itself has become heavy, the consistency of treacle, and yet he is sure time, for Manon, has sped up in the past fortnight. She talks about Nana as if it’s her dog. ‘Nana’s moulting,’ she says tolerantly, picking the hairs off her skirt. He pictures that stoic dog, ears like furry sails flapping at the sides of her head, and the image passes smoothly on to Chloe and those plates of straightened hair.
He misses her. He misses her, he misses her, he misses her. Some nights he cries so much his pillow’s too damp to lie on. Seven miserable lonely days of missing someone he never should have been with in the first place, yet wanting her back even so. He wonders if he could overlook her lack of human sympathy and generalised air of bitterness, just so he could have the feeling of being together again. Perhaps he misses the chap he was before Helena Reed died, cheerfully intending to marry Chloe, his very own poisoned chalice. Simultaneously, like some sick, celestial seesaw, Manon’s personal happiness has supplanted his own, and every day he is faced with a vision of love’s smug young dream, written all over her just-had-a-shag face.
He has raked a small but pleasing harvest of earwax under a nail and he rolls it now, between thumb and forefinger, turning from the window. He looks up to see Manon come in through the double doors. She smiles at him across the room and mimes lifting a cup to her lips, mouthing, ‘Coffee?’ at him.
‘Can I have your attention, please?’ says Stanton, with his ever-present files under his arm. He smiles at Davy as Davy comes near.
‘Everything all right?’ he says warmly, to which Davy says, ‘Yes, boss.’
‘Right, just a quick word, everyone. DI Harriet Harper is taking a leave of absence due to personal circumstances. Any issues arising come to me or DS Manon …’ He scans the room then finds her. ‘Ah, there you are, Bradshaw.’
Elsie must have died, thinks Davy. Poor Harriet. She’ll be heartbroken.
‘You two can take it from here, can’t you?’ Stanton says to Davy and Manon, with a hand on Davy’s shoulder.
It had begun at Helena Reed’s funeral on Friday. Davy stood beneath a black umbrella as the rain streamed in a wall around his personal octagon, all the mourners spattered in silver droplets, the puddles splashing at their patent pumps and polished brogues.
Manon made some excuse as to why she couldn’t attend. There was a smattering of students and members of the faculty; Dr Young, looking ashen (Davy recognised him from his police interview). Will Carter attended in an impeccable suit, which flashed through the open flaps of his black raincoat. Davy had come to admire Will Carter. He carried himself with utmost decorum; didn’t over-emote at the front of the church but sat with elegant sympathy, paying his respects. He looked even more handsome in mourning clothes, especially the waistcoat element, which Davy never would have thought of himself. And his socks – even his socks, visible when he crossed his legs – were a perfect shade of blue, matching his shirt and tie.
Ian and Miriam Hind attended, which surprised Davy because press innuendo surrounding Helena was still swirling, as if her suicide were part confession.
Edith Hind lover found dead.
Why did Edith’s girl end it all?
Lady Hind wore a wide-brimmed hat, which forced her neighbours to duck and swerve while she remained serene. Her neckline sparkled with a collar of black stones. The Hinds cried more than was fitting for a friend of their daughter’s, and Davy could see they were in some way enacting a dress rehearsal for their own worst fears. Besides, there was no way of stopping your mind from wandering at a funeral, travelling into all sorts of dark imaginings about your nearest and dearest and how they might die and how you might feel. They were riveting like that.
Helena’s own parents were not present, her father having suffered a stroke during the press furore over his daughter’s sexuality; her mother was described by the priest as ‘incapacitated’. ‘Our thoughts are with them,’ he said, ‘and it falls to us to mourn on their behalf a beloved daughter, friend, and student.’
As the congregation filed out, Davy remained seated in his pew, looking forwards at the large photograph of Helena on an easel next to her coffin. He was staring at his guilt and at his failure to prevent something so wantonly destructive. And as he stared, he felt a body heave down next to him. Stanton’s breathing was strained, as if the fat was squeezing the very breath out of him like a fist. They sat together, staring at Helena’s image – her expression smiling and innocent of what lay ahead – and there was intimacy in that pew. The constable and the chief superintendent. Then, Stanton said, ‘Pint?’ and Davy accepted the invitation, in part because, without Chloe, he had nowhere to be on a Friday night. He thought it would be one long arse ache, that pint with the boss, but as they sat at the small round table, he found he was too tired for toadying, so he looked Stanton in the eye and told him how rotten he felt about Helena Reed, and how responsible. Stanton licked the foam off his upper lip and said, ‘If you can keep those feelings, Davy lad, – and let me tell you, every minute in the police will chip away at them – but if you can hold onto those human feelings, you might just make a good copper.’