“She sounds adorable, Gia.”
Gia couldn’t help but smile down at the pictures she was showing Sandra. “She really is. Don’t get me wrong, because she can be a little monkey. She’s absorbing schoolwork like a sponge, and I’m running out of the stuff that’s appropriate for her age. Which means the research I already did for her education needs to be done again, and quickly before she starts to get bored—”
“Better to have an inquisitive child than a boring one more interested in video games and the like,” Sandra butted in.
She wrinkled her nose. “A mixture of the two would be nice. At least the video game would give me a break.”
Sandra chuckled. “You mark my words, you’ll regret saying that someday.”
“I’m sure I will, but at the moment, I can say it with ease.” She looked at the video on her laptop, and warmth filled her at the sight of her mother. Neither of them wanted to risk a visit, though they’d have killed to be able to hug and hold hands and chat over a cup of coffee.
This was the next best thing, and the guys’ video calls had given her the idea. She could see her mother, show her things, talk to her about her life, and have all that done in return. Gia could learn who her mother was again, come to know the woman as well as the maternal figure, and all without causing Sandra any danger.
It was the latter that filled her with relief. Sandra’s safety was of the utmost importance to her. It was why she’d only dared start to communicate with her now. Truth be told, these past few months had been tough. Tougher than she’d like to admit and probably never would admit to the guys.
The weight of their world had been on her shoulders, and she’d had to keep it together for the family in more ways than the usual bustling around, being mom of the year.
Luke had been a pain in the ass. She felt guilty saying that, and though she understood and empathized, he’d been hard work. Gia had been snapped at, growled at, been on the receiving end of glares and glowers, harsh shouts, and demands. He’d been in the downstairs bedroom, underneath them, and every time he’d cried out in the middle of his sleep, she’d awoken. Mourning for him, grieving with him as he endured the horrors over and over again. As if it wasn’t bad enough that he’d had to experience war itself, he’d had to see it in his dreams.
It was no wonder he’d isolated himself from them all, but it hurt her more than Josh, even Lexi. She was used to her papas being busy and away, used to them behaving a certain way, and while yes, she’d noticed a change in Luke, she was only five. With a five-year-old’s perception. If her mommy told her everything was okay, then she tended to believe it. For Gia, she’d felt the distance between her and her lover, and it made her ache.
In the end, Josh hadn’t been much easier to handle. If he’d been at home, he’d been in the office, focused on Luke’s case. It wasn’t that she didn’t commend him for what he’d done. It was that she’d never felt so alone in an overfull house.
Trying to keep things normal for Lexi, to make pretty when everything was ten shades of ugly, it had been hard work. Talking to Sandra, chatting about everyday stuff, catching up… It was a step away from the pressure of maintaining that facade. She was the little girl again, the one looking up to her mom. It came as a relief not to be the role model. Not to have to be the glue.
And boy, that admission made her feel guilty as hell.
“What’s wrong?”
Sandra’s voice broke into her gloomy and shameful thoughts. “Nothing,” she tried to pass off, a brave smile bolstering her words.
“You never could lie worth a damn, mia piccola.” She quirked a brow. “Tell me, what’s wrong?”
“Don’t you have to go out?”
A huff was blown Gia’s way. “No, I don’t. I wouldn’t have called you if I did. Harold’s at the florist’s, and Jason is in a botany class. The house is mine for the next couple of hours.”
“Have you told them about me?” Harold was Sandra’s husband, and Jason, her stepson. He was at a state college, while Harold owned a flower shop where the married couple worked together. Sandra had always had a head for business; she’d managed a restaurant throughout all Gia’s childhood until they’d been shoved into the care of the state while Giuseppe Lusardi awaited trial with Sandra as an important witness testifying against him.
“I know what you’re doing, changing the subject, but no, I haven’t told them.”
“Did they know you had a daughter?”
Sandra sucked in a breath. “They do, but they think we’re estranged.”
“Well, we were, I guess.”
“I suppose so, but it wasn’t over a falling out.”
Gia bit her lip. “It kind of was.”
“You were too young to have to think about hiding out for the rest of your life, Gia. I understand why you did what you did.”
“That choice has haunted me.”
“It’s only natural it did. We were always close, sugar.”
“If I hadn’t have made the decision to go off on my own, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”
“Which, from my point of view, is a very bizarre place to be.”
She couldn’t help but grin at that. For all her ways, Sandra was still as traditional as ever. She was only coming to terms with the fact her daughter lived in a fully functioning ménage relationship because distance and time had separated them for so long, she was willing to put up with Gia’s unorthodox lifestyle choices.
At eighteen, had Gia decided to stay with her mom, not to be shepherded off into the new name and identity the Witness Protection Program had offered her, she would most definitely be married with God only knew how many kids. The husband would be Italian, and they’d live an Italianate lifestyle.
Church on Sundays, all the festivals and such, as though they were still in the homeland. A homeland that hadn’t even been Sandra’s. The last antecedent of theirs who had actually touched Roman soil was Sandra’s great-grandmother!
“Bizarre, yes, I’ll agree it might seem that way, but I’m happy.”
Sandra grimaced. “Well, that makes me happy too, I suppose.”
“You’d like them.”
“Your men?” She rubbed her cheek with fingers that were tipped with neatly French-manicured nails. Sandra still took care of herself. Her bob was the same chestnut as ever. Her face was lined, sure, but her eyes were bright, her lips painted in a natural gloss, and she was trim. “I doubt I would, honey. They’re the ones who corrupted you.”
“They’re not aliens, Mama. They’re good people who love each other and who love me and our daughter.” Gia held up a hand to stall her mother’s next words. “I understand. I don’t expect you to approve or to condone my choices, but I have no regrets about being with Luke and Josh.
“When I left, college didn’t work out for me. No matter what I did, I couldn’t keep my head above water. I was drowning in debt. If I could have had the scholarship I was offered under my birth name, it would have helped like crazy. Instead, I had to do it on my own.” She shook her head at the memories. “It was bad, Mom. Really bad. I-I went to the guys because they were looking for a surrogate. They liked me, and I liked how much they were willing to pay me.”
“You’d have given up your baby?”
The shock and, Gia heard, disgust, in her mother’s voice would have made her wince once. But the decisions Sandra had made had directly affected her daughter’s life. Her poor choice of men had seen Gia abused by one such boyfriend, and that particular lover couldn’t have been a regular Joe. Oh, no, he’d had to be the next in line to one of Chicago’s biggest mob families.
Sandra couldn’t just run away with Gia, get away from the Lusardis and all they represented. No, her rage at Giuseppe’s treatment of her daughter had seen her go to the police with vengeance in mind, to hand them so much information—details she’d picked up thanks to running a restaurant the family used to launder money—the cops had thought they were dying and going to heaven.
Sandra’s testimony hadn’t simply sent Giuseppe down. Around fifteen people were rotting in jail thanks to her and the testimonies she’d provided in court cases that had spanned a handful of years. She’d made a lot of enemies, and she’d made them for her daughter as well.
“Don’t think you can judge me, Sandra. At that point, I was so desperate I couldn’t even think about the baby. I just thought about the money. The amount they were going to pay was enough to cover my tuition fees for the year, my living expenses for the next two, and help me pay some of the debts I’d incurred.
“I was so relieved to have met them, so relieved when they agreed to go through with it. They were saving me, and they didn’t know it.”
“No woman gives up their child unless they’re desperate. They’d have known that. Don’t make them out to be saints.”
“I never said they were. They’re anything but. However, they’re not bad people, and you can’t twist this around. I wouldn’t have been in that position if you’d…” She pulled in a breath, restrained her anger, and stopped herself from snapping out words that later on she’d wish unsaid.
“Go on, say it.” Sandra’s voice was cold. “Say it. I know you want to.”
“We both know what I was going to say, so they’re words better left unspoken. Like I said, don’t judge me, Mama. They’re good people. And they saved your daughter from the streets.” A sniff was the only answer she got, and that pissed Gia off some more. Tired of defending two men who she loved with all her heart, and who loved her, she murmured, “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“No, Gia, don’t go. I’m sorry. It’s just a lot for me to take in.”
“I know it is, but I have to go anyway. I’m not feeling too well.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
Nothing she could tell her mother about. It wasn’t that she felt unwell, per se. It was that she was tired. More than that, exhausted. With Lexi, from the first day she’d learned she was carrying to a week or so before she’d gone into labor when sleep had come in short bouts broken by horrendous backaches, she’d napped every single afternoon. It was the only way she’d gotten through it. The extra sleep had stopped her from being a nightmare to live with.
“I’m okay, but I’m feeling a little under the weather. I’ll take some Tylenol or something. It might clear up this headache I have.”
Sandra gnawed at her lip, catching and marring the smooth sheen of gloss, and Gia knew she hadn’t believed a word her daughter had said. “Okay, well, try to catch some sleep. It will make you feel better. I’ll call you tomorrow, all right, sweetheart?”
Gia nodded. “I will. You know me. My schedule is free at the moment.”
“I hope you have some good news for me when we talk tomorrow.”
Gia had explained about the appeal process with Luke, but she’d left out the charges he’d been suspended over. It was hard enough trying to get her mother on their side without adding fat to the fire. “I hope so too, although it’s early days. Take care, Mama. Have a nice evening.”
“I will, love. You do too.” Sandra blew her a kiss, and as was their way, Gia caught it and pressed her fist to her heart. Sandra cut off, leaving Gia staring at the control panel of her video-call program.
Weariness had overcome her, almost as though the lie had triggered it. She was exhausted, even though she’d been doing nothing over the last couple of days. Used to a busier life, her sudden change of pace certainly came as a culture shock.
She’d set up her laptop on the small, rickety table that filled one corner of the room. The main wall held the bed and some old-fashioned cane bedside tables, as well as two questionable lamps. A moss-green chintz sofa sat underneath the window, which let in a dull light, be it the brightest part of the day or the darkest, and a TV sat opposite the bed with a print of Van Gogh’s Starry Night above it.
Gia had set up the desk as her workstation for the interim, and while she’d thought to further explore the city, the desire to get up and get showered was beyond her at the moment. This morning, she’d awoken, shrugged into a bathrobe, then slouched to the laptop, where she’d been working for the past two hours until her mom had called and broken up her writing day.
Lafayette held no interest. She’d tried and failed to look around, only going to the kids’ museum so as not to break her word to Lexi, but after that, she’d been holed up here. The one advantage to it was her productivity levels had shot through the roof. And after the past two months of stagnation, of hitting not a single one of her targets, it came as a relief to have one part of her life under control.
She backed up her manuscript, switched off her laptop, and then walked the few steps to the bed. It took a handful of moments to snuggle beneath the covers and less time to fall asleep. The sound of the bubbling ringtone of a video call awoke her. She was sleep warm and a little flustered, but she grabbed her cell and connected the call.
Squinting at the screen, she murmured, “Hey, sweetheart,” at the sight of her little girl’s face. Considering Lexi was alone, that meant she’d managed to pocket one of her daddies’ cells, somehow work out the passcode, and connect to her.
Problem was, Gia was far too tired to chide her. She’d already warned Luke about changing his PIN, and Josh should know better, considering she was certain he worked in intelligence.
If a five-year-old could crack their codes, well, hell, it didn’t say much, did it?
“Hey, Mommy. Are you in bed?”
She rolled onto her side and set the cell phone a few inches away, resting it against a pillow so she could go hands-free. “I am. I was sleepy.”
“But it’s daytime.”
“I know. Remember when you were really little and you used to sleep in the afternoon?”
Lexi pulled a face, then pursed her lips as she tried to think back to the eons past that was last year. “I guess.”
“You used to have a sleep every day until you had to go to school. You loved naptime. Well, so does mommy. Only, don’t tell your daddies.”
Lexi scowled, apparently not liking the idea. “Why not?”
Gia huffed. “How about we do a deal, sugar? I promise not to tell them you sneaked one of their phones and managed to get through their password again if you won’t tell them I was sleeping.” Gia never napped. Luke might put two and two together and come up with four, and the last thing she wanted him to worry about was whether she was pregnant or not. Now was not the time for this particular news item to crop up.
Lexi’s cheek pinkened with guilt. “Okay. Deal.”
“Good. Now, what’s up, love? You doing okay?”
“I miss you, Mommy. When are you coming home?”
It made her heart swell to hear that. She wasn’t one of those mothers who liked time apart from their children. Not that there was anything wrong with it, but having lived a handful of years without her own mother, she wanted to spend as much time as she could with her little girl. “I miss you too, baby. I’ll be home soon.”
“Are you being pampered? I’ll feel better if you are.” She took special care over the word “pampered.” It was a recent addition to her lexicon.
Gia eyed the dirtbag suite at the local motel and, with a wide smile, lied through her teeth. “Oh yep, that’s why I’m napping. I’m so relaxed. I just had a massage.”
“What’s a massage?”
“It’s when someone rubs your back. You know when you get allergies and you get those headaches?”
“And you rub my forehead?”
“Yep. Well, that’s a massage. Only it’s a little different for adults. People do it for fun, not only for allergies.”
“That’s silly,” Lexi remarked, wrinkling her nose.
“Well, it might be silly, but it sure felt good.” She squinted at the screen, rolling down the calendar to see the date. The second day of the appeal, and also, a Wednesday, the day they usually devoted to geography. “Has Nanna Lou been teaching you about the different climates in America?” That was two years ahead of schedule, but Lexi had already absorbed the first-grade stuff like a sponge slurped up whipped cream.
“Uh-huh.” She moved closer to the camera, so close Gia could see the pores in her skin and the crinkles in her lips as she whispered, “She’s not as good as you, Mommy.”
Gia grinned. “That’s why you’re missing me, huh?”
“Well,” Lexi considered, “I guess, but I miss you tucking me into bed at night and reading me a story and kissing me on the forehead before I go to sleep. Papa does it, but he doesn’t smell like you do.”
“How do I smell?”
Lexi shrugged. “I don’t know. Good. Like my mommy.”
“Oh.” For a second, Gia was speechless. It always came as a shock when Lexi said things like that. It was a reminder of how young she was, even if her brain was light years ahead. “Well, I’ll be home soon. And your daddies love being with you and tucking you in, so it’s good they get the chance to do it, don’t you think?”
She didn’t sound convinced. “I guess. They’re away from home an awful lot. Daddy more than usual.”
Lexi was used to Josh being at work, so what that comment meant, she wasn’t sure. Last night, she’d wanted to speak to them alone, to ask how the appeal had gone, but they’d made sure to keep Lexi with them at all times. That they needed a buffer didn’t bode well for how things had gone down on that first day of the appeal process.
At least, she thought it might mean all was not well with the case.
Sighing at the thought, she whispered, “They’re home now though, aren’t they? Otherwise, how did you get their phone?”
Lexi nodded. “They came back a little while ago. They were angry.”
“They were shouting?”
“Uh-huh. I don’t like it when they shout.”
“I know you don’t, but it doesn’t happen often, does it?”
“Nope. I’m glad.”
“Me too. But all’s well, sweetheart. Sometimes adults raise their voice. It’s what we do.”
“Why?”
“Why not?” she replied. “When kids are at the park, they holler at each other, don’t they?”
“I guess, but I don’t like the park.” She crinkled her nose again.
“I thought you liked playing on the swings.”
“I do, but I…”
“But what?”
She fidgeted a second, then looked away from the camera and stared down at her hands. “I saw a boy with dirty pants sit on the swing seat, and then I thought about how many other boys and girls sit on the seat with dirty clothes on. I don’t want my pants to get dirty.”
Holy shit. Josh and his germophobe ways had a lot to answer for. Lexi had to be the only five-year-old in the country who’d bathe in hand sanitizer if she had the choice. “I thought you liked the dirt now. You’ve been gardening with Nanna Lou, haven’t you?” she asked cautiously. Trying to right this particular wrong was slow going and an epic process requiring a lot of patience.
“Yep. I like that, but I wear the right things now. I don’t have any clothes for the park.”
She didn’t have any clothes for gardening either. Trying not to roll her eyes and wondering exactly how Lexi itemized her wardrobe when she probably didn’t know what the word itemize even meant, Gia, ever practical, said, “We can buy you some clothes for the park.”
“But then they’d be new. I don’t want to waste my new, clean clothes at the park.”
“Then you can wear something old, and the new things can replace the old stuff. How about that?”
Lexi pondered that, then shot her a wide grin. Gia’s heart clutched at the sight of an empty space where a tooth had been but days ago. “That sounds good, Mommy.”
“I’m glad. When did you lose that tooth, sugar?”
She blinked, then fingered the gap. “The other day. Only the tooth fairy didn’t come, so I figured…”
Gia grimaced. She wanted to be mad at the guys for forgetting to put a goddamn dollar underneath Lexi’s pillow, but hell, they had a ton on their plates. Who was she to bitch? “I’m sure there’s a mistake. Even the tooth fairy has to have a break. I’ll tell you what. I’ll write her a letter. See if I can’t sort something out. Only, you know how slow the mail is, Lexi. It might take a while.”
“I can wait,” came the confident answer. “Nanna Lou says I’m really patient.”
She’d know. If anyone had patience, it was the woman who had to live with Luke’s father. Gia kept that to herself, though and, lips twitching at the smugness in her daughter’s voice, decided to give praise where praise was due. “I know you are. It’s a virtue.”
“What’s a virtue?”
Before Gia could damn herself for using a word Lexi didn’t know, the sound of heavy footfall came from the other room, and then the bitten off, “Where the hel-heck is my phone?”
Recognizing Josh’s mutter and the corrected curse, and knowing exactly what was about to happen, Gia whispered, “Bye, sweetheart.”
“Bye, Mommy,” came the quick retort, and the call was immediately disconnected.
Despite herself, Gia had to chuckle. God, she was going to be a handful. The older she got, the harder they’d have to work to corral her in. And crazy though it might be, Gia looked forward to it.
Placing a hand on her belly, she wondered what this child heralded. Another genius with an old head on their shoulders? Or a sports star? A green-fingered nature lover? Or a child who loved the written word?
A mixture of all its parents or none at all.
That was the beauty of these first months of pregnancy. The questions, the wonder. The potential.
Gia rolled onto her back and smiled at the ceiling. She spread her fingers out, encompassing her belly as much as she was able, and wondered what Luke’s child would look like.
It had to be Luke’s. She and Josh had made certain of it, and with dreams of a blond-haired, blue-eyed child, one without the swarthiness Lexi had inherited from both of her parents but with the fairness of a Puritan, she slept again, tumbling into a different world with ease.