| |
I
know, I know. It has been a while since I last wrote. But that might not be my fault. Actually, we have not talked since that night. It is not that she has not been coming to class. It is just that I had fallen sick. I did not really want to make a big deal out of it, so I did not tell Mother and Father.
But they ended up seeing me curled up on the couch with a fever due to a spontaneous visit. So, I may just be a bit spoiled. My mother immediately began freaking out and saying stuff like, "Why did you not tell me earlier?" "Did you see a doctor?" and "Whatever happened to you?"
She ended up taking me back to their house till I got better. I did get better, but it could not come quicker. I wonder how the class is going and how she is doing. Tomorrow, I am going back. Will she still remember me? Maybe, maybe not. We did only have one conversation. I really need to stop overthinking.
##
"It might seem too forward, but I noticed you did not come these past few days." Again, she was the one to approach me. She noticed I was absent. I really needed to calm my heartbeat. "Yeah, I was just under the weather. I am assuming I have fallen behind by quite a bit. Can you help me with that?" I do not know where the courage came to ask her that.
However, it would make sense to ask her. She is the only person I know in class. She beamed at me and said she would be happy to. I am actually smiling while writing this. Can you imagine? Like, grinning ear to ear. I am going crazy, no? Like, she noticed I was gone. She actually noticed. And now, she will also help me with my work. Suddenly, I was excited about the class again. Can you imagine? Me. My mood has become considerably better on a daily basis too.
##
Our studying sessions were quite productive. Turns out, she has a knack for teaching. She did not make me feel dumb about things I did not know. Such an endearing quality. Almost all our conversations went in the same direction, except one. "This is delicious! How did you make this?" she asked me as she ate the chicken and rice that were sitting in my fridge.
I scratched the back of my neck in embarrassment and said, "Uhh, my mother dropped it off the last time she was here. I do not really know how to cook." “She must be an excellent cook." Suddenly, I wanted to learn how to cook. "So, your mother, she lives nearby?" "No. They do live in the city, but their house is on the other end.
I moved here because of commute problems, and so I could be closer to the campus." She did not say anything to that as we ate in silence. Needless to say, we have become friends. Do you think I should ask her out? Or is it too early? I think it might be too early. But then, there is no point in beating around the bush. What if I drive her away? Worse, what if she never talks to me again?
##
I did it. Stupid me. Very stupid me. I asked her out. She was stunned when I did and did not say anything for a long time. I was hyperventilating the entire time; she just sat there and said nothing. I thought it was over. "Can I think it over?" That was all she said before leaving.
God, I really think I messed up badly. The reason I am writing right now is that I desperately need to do something, or else my mind starts spiraling. I tried to work or study, but that only made it worse because studying made me think about her, and then when I tried to work, it made me think about something she said quite frequently, and then I could not stop thinking about how I might never see her again.
Writing is not necessarily a distraction either, considering I am writing about her, but still, it calms me. The worst part is that I do not know how much time she needs to think. If I knew, I would have a date to anticipate or something. Now all I can think about it is that at any moment, she can break my heart, and my emotions will be toppled. God, why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn't I just let it be?
If there was ever going to be something, she could have asked first. But no, I just had to go ahead and ruin things for myself. I do not know if I will sleep tonight. I talked to Mother about it. Do you know what she did? She laughed. I mean, who laughs at that? "You people and your young worries. It will be fine. Trust me." That's all she said. Guess what we were doing. I asked her to teach me how to cook her chicken and rice, the one Hannah loved. Will I ever get to cook it for her?
##
She called. “Meet me in the cafe tomorrow. We should talk.” Her tone was emotionless. I have no idea what she is thinking. Is she purposefully choosing a public location so she would not have to deal with me making a scene? It was possible. I am so nervous my hand keeps shaking. I cannot write anymore.
––––––––
