Chapter Twenty

Sara

Sara finished pinning up her hair and reached to pull down a section close to her face, and then she stopped. What was the point? She wasn’t rebelling anymore. She was surrendering. The good news was, Ferrin believed her shift in personality. And funny enough, no one else noticed. No one except, of course, Ian.

Ferrin had caught Ian watching her and commented on it. Since she didn’t want Ferrin to see Ian as a threat, she’d claimed it annoyed her, too. Ferrin probably relished delivering that message.

It wasn’t a big deal because Ian would know it wasn’t true. If he didn’t, maybe it was for the best. She checked the time. Ferrin would be knocking on her door in an hour for a Valentine’s dinner date with Byron and Lavinnea and the rest of her dorm.

Rather than going into Dragon’s Bluff like the other Clans, the Blues had Valentine’s dinner catered in one of the ballrooms on campus. They’d eat off china and drink out of crystal glasses, because that is what Blues did. What she wouldn’t give to be celebrating Valentine’s Day with Ian at Fonzoli’s. He’d order a meatball sandwich with extra cheese and she’d order pepperoni pizza and they would talk, laugh, and have fun together, because she had fun with Ian no matter what they did. The checkers game they’d played came to mind. The way he held her like she was the most precious thing in the world. Her heart ached and her eyes grew hot. She missed him so much. Tomorrow she could meet him at the library and they could at least talk. She could explain about Ferrin and then…what? Would seeing him make things worse? Was it cruel to give him hope that they might sneak off together? Her eyes grew hot and, damn it, she didn’t have time for weakness. Ferrin would be here soon and she needed to be the fierce power-hungry female he thought she was. Playing that part would keep her safe. No one would take her side if Ferrin turned her in to the Directorate…not even her father…or mother. Apparently, her safety didn’t outweigh upholding a Directorate-sanctioned contract. The closeness she’d felt with her mother had disappeared after that conversation.

She walked over to her dresser where she’d started keeping a supply of caramel corn for emergency situations…like her daily life. She ate a few handfuls and the sweet and salty goodness helped turn her mood around. No matter what life threw at her, there was caramel corn. That was her new…slightly crazy motto.

She checked the clock on her dresser. Thirty minutes until Ferrin knocked on her door and she needed to look perfect. She checked the reflection in the full length mirror and frowned. The low-cut red dress was beautiful, but it was a little too soft and feminine. She wanted a dress that said: threaten me and I’ll kick your ass.

A quick check through her wardrobe produced a strapless maroon gown. She tried it on and studied her reflection. It clung to her curves but didn’t expose any cleavage, plus it better showcased the necklace Ferrin had given her. While it didn’t project fierceness, it wasn’t frilly. It would do.

When the knock sounded she forced a smile and went to open the door. Lavinnea stood there with a conspiratorial smile on her face. “Come with me.”

“What’s going on? Where’s Ferrin?”

“It’s a surprise. Byron called and asked if we’d meet them in front of the dorm.”

“Okay.”

Lavinnea laughed. “I realize you like to know what’s going on all the time, but go with this. Please. Between the two of them I’m sure they’ve come up with something spectacular.”

“I’m sure they have.” She followed Lavinnea down the stairs to the front door where a small crowd gathered. Half the reason Ferrin did anything was to show off, so he probably loved this response.

Sara exited the building and for a moment she was stunned into silence. Her next response was, “That’s amazing.”

“Thank you.” Ferrin came walking around the side of the horse-drawn carriage covered with climbing red roses. No, wait. “Is the carriage made of roses?” She reached out to touch a bright red flower. It was real.

“I hired an Orange to grow the roses around a carriage frame.”

“It’s like something out of a fairy tale.”

Ferrin beamed at her praise.

Lavinnea smiled. “It’s beautiful.”

Byron joined them. “I’m glad you like it. Ferrin designed the carriage, I supplied the horses.”

“They are lovely.” Lavinnea went to touch one of the chestnut horses with red ribbons threaded through their manes.

The driver hopped down. “If you’re ready, Mr. Westgate?”

“I believe we are.”

The driver opened the carriage door and Sara climbed in. She was relieved to see cushions on the seats, because sitting on roses could have been uncomfortable. Ferrin followed after her. They shared one side of the carriage while Lavinnea and Byron sat on the opposite side.

The carriage bounced as the driver climbed back up to his seat. She heard a whistle and then the horses started to move. The walls of the carriage were adorned with smaller roses. There was only one problem. There were no windows. Rather than point that out, she’d focus on the positive.

She made a show of touching the white rosebuds lining the walls. “This is spectacular.”

“It’s amazing what Orange Dragons can do with enough time and money.”

“Seeing this,” Sara said, “makes me believe you’ll be able to have that arbor-a-reum you wanted.”

“I’m pleased you remember that conversation. There were times when I wasn’t sure you were listening.”

And the creepiness was back.

“A conversation about a forest in a house is hard to forget.” She laughed like it was a joke.

“Shouldn’t we be at the ballroom by now?” Lavinnea asked.

“We’re not joining the others,” Byron said.

“We’re not?” Lavinnea looked around the carriage. “Is that why there are no windows? You didn’t want to ruin the surprise?”

“Exactly,” Ferrin said.

That may have been his plan, but this carriage ride was starting to feel claustrophobic. The air was heavy with the scent of roses and they were wrapped in a cage of spiked vines. To keep her mind off the enclosure, Sara said, “Give me a clue.”

“What?” Ferrin didn’t seem to understand her request.

“We’re going somewhere different. I want a clue to see if I can guess.”

“No clues,” he said like she was crazy. “That would spoil the surprise.”

“Will there be food?” Lavinnea asked.

“Yes.” Byron answered.

“I bet,” Lavinnea said, “it’s a picnic.”

Ferrin glared at her. “Stop guessing. Wait and see.”

“I forgot,” Lavinnea said. “You like to be in control. Don’t worry, I won’t guess again.”

Sara smiled at her comment. Ferrin didn’t find it funny. She wanted to say, “No pouting,” but that might start a fight. Instead she said, “How long did it take to grow all of these roses?”

“A few days,” Ferrin said. “It took them a while to get the vines right. The first time they completed it, they forgot to leave an opening for the door.”

Sara smiled. “Oh, no.”

The carriage rolled to a stop, and the carriage shifted as the driver stepped down and opened the door. “Here we are.”

There was a gazebo covered in fairy lights. Gold-edged china and crystal flutes sparkled on the table set for four.

“This rivals what my mother does for the Christmas Ball,” Sara said, partly because it was true and partly because Ferrin was so much more pleasant when he was praised.

“Thank you.”

“So it’s not a picnic,” Lavinnea said. “It’s a proper dinner.”

“It is.”

Once they were seated at the table, a waiter appeared and offered them steak or roasted chicken. Ferrin never did anything halfway. After they’d chosen their entree, he raised his glass in a toast. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

They clinked their water glasses together and then started on their food. The atmosphere was pleasant with a slight overtone of anxiety. Lavinnea was a master of conversation. She easily steered them to safe topics. Funny, but Sara never realized what a skilled manipulator her friend was.

After dinner, the waiter brought out individual chocolate cakes with strawberries and whipped cream.

Ferrin scowled at the dessert. “It’s supposed to be ice cream, not whipped cream.”

“I apologize,” the waiter said. “There must have been an error when we wrote the order down. Would you like me to call for some ice cream?”

Before Ferrin could answer, Lavinnea said, “This is even better than ice cream. No need to cause a fuss.”

“Did you create this menu?” Ferrin asked.

Lavinnea paused and fixed him with a behave-yourself look. “No, but socially speaking there’s no reason to spoil dessert because you didn’t get exactly what you wanted.”

Ferrin’s nostrils flared.

Sara touched his arm. “Remember when we talked about people trying to help us?”

“It’s my dinner and my dessert,” Ferrin stated like a petulant child.

“You’ve thrown a lovely Valentine’s Day party. Why not let it end on a positive note,” Lavinnea suggested.

Ferrin looked at Byron. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“No. Sometimes the best thing to do is not say anything at all. It gives you time to sit back and assess the situation without a knee-jerk reaction.” Byron cut into his cake. “At least that’s what my father taught me.” He took a bite of cake and then said, “This is delicious. You should try it.”

Sara waited. Was Ferrin capable of taking advice or learning from others?

Lavinnea took a bite of her dessert and smiled. “It’s good.” She tilted her head at Sara. “Aren’t you going to try yours?”

Ferrin turned to her, waiting to see what she’d do. She did not want him to think they were ganging up on him, so she set her fork down and said, “I was going to follow Ferrin’s lead.”

He picked up his fork and cut into the cake. After staring at it for an awkward amount of time, he took a bite and said, “You should try it, Sara. I think you’d like it.”

She picked up her fork, briefly fantasized about stabbing him in the face with it, then used it to take a bite of her cake instead. “It’s good.”

Byron and Lavinnea kept a stream of small talk going during dessert, making sure to include Sara and Ferrin. By the time they were finished, Ferrin’s mood seemed to be somewhat restored. Hopefully, they were done and would be leaving soon.

“This was lovely,” Sara said.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Ferrin said. “We should head back.”

Byron looked like he was about to say something and then decided not to. Whatever. She wanted this date to be over.

The carriage ride seemed bumpier on the way back. Byron and Lavinnea chatted, and Sara traced the vines on the wall with her fingertip, trying to figure out how they were all twisted together.

“What are you doing?” Ferrin asked.

“This is fascinating. I was trying to trace where one ends and one begins.”

He raised his eyebrows like he questioned her sincerity. “And you’re trying to avoid the awkward silence?”

“Exactly. My mother would tell me to start a conversation, but I’m not that adept yet.”

He smiled. “I guess both of our social skills could use some work.”

“Which is why I hang around Lavinnea,” Sara said. “She’s a master.”

Lavinnea laughed. “Thank you. I’ve been honing my skills for years.”

“It shows.” Sara pointed at Byron. “Were you this quiet before you two were contracted to marry?”

“I take after my father. Lavinnea reminds me of my mother,” Byron said.

“Funny how we mimic our parents’ characteristics whether we mean to or not,” Sara said.

By the time they made it back to the Blue dorm, most of the tension was gone. Ferrin walked Sara to her room, and she knew she should ask him to come in but she had hoped to avoid it. While she unlocked her door, Ferrin waited expectantly. As she pushed the door open, she said, “I assume you’re coming in for a bit.”

“If that’s okay.” He paused in the doorway.

“Of course.” She stepped back and let him enter. They walked over to the couch and she sat, to wait and see what would happen next. He sat next to her, so close their knees almost touched. She pretended not to notice.

“I appreciate the loyalty you showed by asking my opinion on the cake. I realize now it wasn’t worth being upset about, but sometimes Lavinnea jumps in and takes the lead when she shouldn’t.”

“One of the reasons I enjoy her company is she gives me a break from carrying the conversation. And she has an answer to almost every social situation. I may not always agree with her, but I know her heart is in the right place.”

Ferrin leaned back against the seat. “I wanted everything to be perfect.”

“You’re a perfectionist. Still, the carriage, the gazebo, and the dinner were a wonderful surprise.”

“There was supposed to be dancing,” Ferrin admitted. “There was a string quartet waiting to set up.”

“And?” She wasn’t going to say the wrong thing and have him come unglued again.

“When I put the evening together it seemed like a good idea. The longer I sat there the more ridiculous it seemed. The quartet needed to set up in the gazebo and there wouldn’t have been much room to dance. I made a split-second decision to cancel it.”

“Which is why Byron gave you that odd look.”

“Yes. Do you think I made the right decision?”

Was this a test? “Sometimes you have to go with your instincts. Dancing might have been fun or it could have been a disaster. Since I wasn’t aware, it didn’t make a difference to my enjoyment of the evening.”

Her phone rang. “Excuse me.”

She stood and went to answer the phone. “Is he still there?” Lavinnea asked.

“Yes.”

“Did he tell you we were supposed to dance?”

“Yes.”

“Are you upset?”

“Not really.”

“I am. Call me after he leaves.”

“Okay.” She hung up the phone. “You have two guesses on who that was and what the call was about.”

He ran his hand back through his hair. “I need only one. Lavinnea is upset about the quartet.”

“Yes.”

“I’m not sure I care. I don’t think we’ll celebrate Valentine’s Day with them next year.”

And the pouting had begun. “Sometimes simple is the best. It’s easier to plan a date for two than it is for four.”

“I’m grateful to Lavinnea for her help in getting us back together, but she’s a lot to take on a daily basis.”

It took Olympic levels of self-restraint not to laugh. Sara shook her head. “Lavinnea and Byron are both good friends and allies to have, but we don’t have to spend all our time with them. We can branch out and socialize with other couples.”

“You’re right.”

“And, since I found this couple, it’s your job to find the next one.” She’d stayed standing by the phone, hoping he planned to leave.

“Fine. Please. Come sit with me. I have something for you.” He pulled a red velvet jewelry box from his jacket pocket.

She came and sat next to him on the couch, taking the gift he held out to her. “Tell me there are no Ws in this box.”

He smirked at her. “No more Ws.”

She popped the lid and the bracelet inside matched the necklace he’d given her—round bezel-set diamonds of random sizes were connected together with platinum links. “You designed it, didn’t you? It’s beautiful.”

She removed it from the box and Ferrin said, “Allow me.”

He wrapped it around her wrist and fastened it in place. And he kept his hand on her arm and she felt him leaning in and the moment she’d been dreading was finally here. She glanced up and the emotion she saw in his eyes right before he pressed his lips against hers was pride. No love. No affection. Just pride.

She closed her eyes, hoped for the best, and willed herself to feel something, but there was nothing. No warmth. No connection. No attraction. When Ferrin pulled away from her she opened her eyes and saw insecurity and a question. So she smiled and ducked her head. Hopefully, he’d read that as her being shy.

“Was that…okay?” he asked, not sounding so sure of himself.

“Yes,” she said. “Just unexpected.” And she knew what she needed to do, so she smiled and said, “Happy Valentine’s.” And then she leaned in a tiny bit. He took care of the rest, pressing his mouth against hers. After a moment, he pulled away. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Sara. I should go.”

She accompanied him to the door, where he kissed her one last time. And then he left. She shut and locked the door and then slid down to the carpet and sat on the floor. What in the hell am I supposed to do now?

If she’d never kissed Ian, she wouldn’t know the difference. And maybe over time she’d feel something for Ferrin. And maybe, like her mom kept saying, he’d mature and become kinder. And maybe he was trying but didn’t know how to behave because he was basing his behavior on his father.

The phone rang, startling her. She pushed to her feet, took a deep breath, and prepared to pretend everything was fabulous.

“You were supposed to call me,” Lavinnea said.

“He just left.”

“Sara, why would he make us leave before the quartet played?”

Her eyes burned and her throat felt thick, she opened her mouth to try to respond, and she burst into tears.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“I’m coming over.”

By the time Lavinnea arrived, Sara had splashed her face with water and had her tears somewhat under control.

Lavinnea sat on the couch while Sara paced back and forth.

“Talk to me,” Lavinnea said.

“You can’t repeat any of this, not even to Byron.”

Lavinnea nodded. “You have my word.”

“I shouldn’t have to cater to him like he’s five. The argument about the dessert was stupid.”

“It was.”

“And I knew if I didn’t defer to him he’d be impossible. I shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells to try to prevent temper tantrums.”

“No. You shouldn’t. Tonight I saw a side of Ferrin I hadn’t seen before. He’s controlling and immature. I don’t know how you put up with him.”

Sara stopped walking and glared at Lavinnea. “I was so happy when we were fighting because I didn’t have to deal with him after breakfast.”

“And then I stepped in and messed that up for you.” Lavinnea sighed. “I’m sorry. I thought I was helping. Plus I couldn’t sit there and let him threaten to have you committed.”

“I told my mother about his behavior and she said I needed to placate him. She wasn’t concerned for my safety. She wasn’t outraged. She just didn’t want me to tarnish the family name.”

“The one positive I can see from this evening is Ferrin wants to impress you. He wants your approval. You can use that to keep him in line.”

She needed to make Lavinnea understand. “When Byron looks at you, how do you think he feels?”

Lavinnea smiled. “I know he respects me, and there have been signs of affection.”

“Ferrin looks at me the same way he looks at a diamond bracelet. There’s no affection. It’s more pride of ownership.”

“He doesn’t own you.”

“He kissed me tonight, for the first time, and the only thing I felt was fear of messing up and making him mad.”

“Do you think he would ever harm you?” Lavinnea asked.

“If he did, it would be the last thing he ever tried. I may have to put up with his moods, but if he ever threatens to commit me again or tries to physically harm me, I will shift and rip out his throat…with my teeth.”

Lavinnea pressed her lips together and then said, “That’s a side of you I hope to never see. I no longer fear for your physical safety. What did he say about the quartet?”

“He claims he canceled the quartet because he wasn’t sure if we’d all fit in the gazebo. I think he was upset because you tried to correct his behavior about dessert.”

Anger flared in Lavinnea’s eyes. “The quartet had their own portable stage, so there was no concern about enough room. He lied to you, and he must have canceled the quartet to punish Byron and me.”

“So it would seem.” Sara leaned back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe my parents sentenced me to a life with a lying, immature, arrogant ass. I’m not sure I can do it.”

“What choice do you have?”

Should she trust Lavinnea? She wasn’t sure. “Sometimes I dream about running away. Ferrin’s family would be outraged and they’d cancel the marriage contract. I could come back once he’s contracted to someone else.”

“That may be an appealing fantasy.” Lavinnea said. “But you can’t run away.”

“What other choice do I have?”

“Figure out Ferrin’s strengths and weaknesses and use them against him.”

“That’s what I’ve been doing. It’s exhausting. And there’s something else. When he kissed me—”

“It wasn’t what you hoped for?” Lavinnea guessed.

“It was cold,” Sara said. “I thought I’d feel warmth or affection.”

Lavinnea blushed. “Byron kissed me for the first time a few weeks ago. At first it was awkward but now it’s not. So things could improve with Ferrin.”

Sara laughed, because that’s all she could do. There was no way to tell Lavinnea that she knew what a kiss should feel like. “Ferrin would be furious if he knew we were talking about this.”

“He needs to grow up. I’m sure he wants to shun Byron and me after tonight. Too bad. I can’t let you run away, but I can stick by your side to help you steer him in the right direction. And no matter how rude he is, I won’t abandon you.”

“Thank you.”

“That is what best friends are for.”

After Lavinnea left, Sara ate therapeutic caramel corn, which made her think of Ian. She spun a fantasy date in her head. They’d go to Fonzoli’s and eat pepperoni pizza and walk around window-shopping and holding hands. And why the hell can’t I have that life? At this point she hated Ferrin, the Directorate, and her parents.