So, the more time I spend focusing on being happy, another truth is emerging. Who we spend our time with makes a big difference. I was raised to be pretty inclusive and even to joke around to help make other people happy. But here’s what I’ve realized. People who aren’t happy typically don’t change just because someone tries to help. We are all in charge of our own happiness. And people who we can’t laugh with or be happy with drag us down. Remember the Happy Thoughts reflection? Well, it’s simple. When we’re with other people, we talk, right? Conversation is the verbalization of our thoughts. If we’re not with happy people, chances are happy thoughts are not coming out of their mouths. Instead, it might be a continued rant of negativity about their life, judgments about other people, or simply an unintentional reaction to our own happiness. We can’t express happy thoughts to people who are unwilling to engage in the exchange. So we find ourselves talking about other things—not the Happiness Corner.
We all have bad days and need to talk about them. I’m not suggesting the people around us have to be happy all the time, but why not surround ourselves with people who have made a commitment to try and be happy? Sometimes it’s important to take inventory and ask: does this person make me laugh? Do I feel happy around them? Oh, and here’s the kicker. Can I be happy around them and know they will support me? It’s sad how sometimes people can’t support our happiness because it magnifies a big hole in their own lives.
I’ve believed for a long time that happy people have found the secret to life, so when I first started my active quest for happiness, I decided I needed to learn more. I observed. I wrote about characters seeking happiness. I even studied the various guides out there on happiness. When it all comes down to it, it’s about practice. And as I step further down the path of living my dreams, I want more people in my life who will support my happiness. Not tell me all the reasons why what I’m doing is a risk or crazy or . . . Insert your own experience here. We’ve all known naysayers. I’m simply choosing not to spend time with them anymore. Happy people hang around with other happy people.
I want Happy People. People who want to pop a bottle of champagne for fun on a Tuesday to celebrate life. People who’ll laugh with me until my belly hurts. People who will help me laugh when I’ve had a tough day. My sister and I did this for each other today. We ended up recounting our favorite Mel Brooks movie scenes and laughing at the silliness. We all have something that works for us in our most challenging moments.
So take a look at your circle and don’t be afraid to ask yourself: who’s happy and who’s a downer? When we let go of someone who’s toxic for us, we’re only opening up room in our lives for more happy people to come in.