Considering how late the plane touched down, the parking lot of the airport looked surprisingly full from her window seat on the plane. Quin pressed her forehead against the glass and fought the urge to analyze what she would be walking into.
Ryla had grown more distant, which was hard because, as sisters, they’d been close since Ryla was born. Who else could share the most intimate details of her life? Like the fact that Ben had been her undesignated boyfriend for years, took care of all the management of her artwork, and practically worshiped the ground she walked on…but she didn’t love him. She wasn’t so sure he loved her either. He was often fake. Even his most recent call smacked more of childish admiration than affection.
Quin grabbed her rolling bag off the conveyor belt and headed for the exit, hoping Paxton would know what she looked like. If he’d been digging through Ryla’s phone, he might know more about her than he should. She reached the entrance where people waited spread out for passengers to arrive.
One guy caught her eye who looked similar to the picture Paxton had sent. He was a few years older than her, but not many. His brown hair had a nice wave and subtle stubble made his angular jaw stand out. He leaned against the wall with an inconspicuous sleepy ease to him that made her wonder why he was there.
He pushed away from the wall and headed for her. That ease he’d projected against the wall was evident in the way he moved too, confident, all the way to her. She stood holding her breath and waiting for him to say something.
“You Quin Morris?”
She couldn’t speak for a moment. This was Paxton? The guy who’d been texting her? The polo picture hadn’t done him justice. Why couldn’t Ben look like him?
She nodded slightly and licked her lips, unable to find her voice. He grasped the handle of her rolling bag and brushed her hand away as he headed for the door. “Sorry, no curbside pickup or limo for you.”
Ouch. She flinched. Did he really think she was that much of a diva, just because she’d wanted her sister to pick her up from the airport? Especially when Ryla had been the one to beg her to come? “I didn’t expect a limo. I’m here to see my sister.”
He pushed through the exit and held the door for her. “If we hurry, you just might get to.”
Her heart pulsed as her jaw dropped. “What do you mean by that? You sound like some kind of serial killer.”
“I’m her neighbor, but more than that…I’m her head hospice nurse.”
Her knees buckled and she hit the pavement before Paxton even realized there was an issue. “What did you just say?” Hospice meant she was reaching the end of life. Comfort care. Every cold phrase she’d ever heard blasted through her head, blocking out his response. It wasn’t necessary anyway. She’d heard him. Belief and hearing were two separate things. People parted to walk around her and turned to stare. For once, she didn’t care.
“How? She didn’t tell me she was sick.” Was it cancer? Wouldn’t Ryla tell her if she’d had chemo? Was that why she didn’t have a car?
“She’s not really sick as much as her heart is failing. She’s had heart trouble since her teens.”
Quin’s recall of history was murky when it came to Ryla’s various medical conditions. She remembered there being some doctor visits when she’d left for college, but no one ever told her the outcome. She’d assumed nothing was wrong. “Her heart is failing? Like, not just bothering her, it’s failing? Why wouldn’t she tell me?”
“The same reason she’s not telling your parents. She doesn’t want to worry you. About three months ago, we almost lost her to a cardiac event. I convinced her then to at least reach out to you. Surprisingly, she fought me. I made her choose you or her parents. She chose you.”
Mom and Dad didn’t know. Ryla had chosen her, but why? The idea should be comforting, but it only caused more questions to spring up. Her knees had no ability to hold her up and Paxton had to help her up off the ground. Though his arm was strong and reassuring, it wasn’t enough.
“We’ll talk more in the car. There’s so much I know she’ll never actually tell you. She promised me, but she won’t.”
“So you really are just there to help her. I thought…” She’d hoped someone finally came along to care for Ryla, since she was all alone in that big house on the shore.
“I know, but no. Ryla and I have never been romantic. She doesn’t feel comfortable with anyone, though perhaps me more than anyone else. Only because I’ve seen her at her worst and still come back every day to check on her.”
Hospice had to be hard, especially caring for someone who had been a friend beforehand. “Thank you for that. I don’t know why she didn’t think she could reach out to anyone. I would’ve come.” Even as she said it, her mind and heart convicted her of the lie. The date to visit had been moved back many times.
Paxton gave her the side-eye but said nothing in response. He opened the trunk to a red sedan and she headed for the passenger side as he closed it. She couldn’t leave now. No question, The Cincinnati Museum of Art would do just fine without her. Ryla needed her.
“How much time?” She swallowed hard. How could this be? Her sister was younger than her by three years. Ryla wasn’t even thirty yet.
“Not long. Her doctor gave her a month after the last event. She’s living on borrowed time at this point. I was hoping you wouldn’t push your visit back anymore, but that can’t be helped now. You can’t go back in time. I should’ve gone against her wishes and contacted you anyway, but that would’ve meant digging through her phone to contact you like I did tonight. That was a safety concern, so I justified it.”
She’d pushed the date back because of other commitments, and right now she couldn’t remember a single one. Had they really only been a week ago? Had she really put her dying sister off for engagements that meant that little? Did it matter that she hadn’t known her sister way dying then? It shouldn’t have.
“If she’d gotten sick, would you have gone into her phone then? Would you have called me or our parents?” The idea that she might have lost Ryla without ever even knowing something was really wrong was a blow. Ryla used to tell her everything.
“If that had happened, yes. I don’t always get a sign when someone is going to go, but once you’ve done this for a while, you often can see a change right before.”
“Who’s with her?” She’d taken away the one nurse her sister felt comfortable with so she would have a ride. Quin wanted to just melt into the seat. What if that change happened while she’d selfishly asked Paxton to drive her?
“Her other nurse. We take her care in shifts. No one can be with her twenty-four hours a day.”
Nurses. Twenty-four-hour care. How had Ryla hidden this from everyone? “What happens when…?” She couldn’t even say it. What if that wasn’t the eventual outcome and she ended up looking crass for even thinking such a thing? What would those last hours even look like? Was she a monster for even worrying about it? So many questions and only a stranger to answer them.
“We’ll be there for her when the time comes for her end of life care,” he stated as matter-of-factly as if he were talking about a math equation.
“End of life care…” She swallowed. “I didn’t come home for this.”
“You absolutely did,” he replied quickly, gripping the wheel until she could see the strain in his knuckles, even in the dark car. “You didn’t know it, but that’s exactly why you’re here.”
“I want to go back. I want to be given a choice. I can’t do this.” The words came rapid-fire without a pause. She needed a minute to herself but that wouldn’t come with Paxton in the car hurtling her toward home. A place she absolutely did not want to visit now.
“Funny. That’s exactly what your sister said you’d say.”
She held her breath as she watched the headlights of other cars pass them in the oncoming lane. Tears burned her eyes and blurred the oncoming lights, turning them to white blotches. They were all people who probably weren’t headed home to see their terminally ill sister for the very last time. “How could she know?”
“She’s remarkably perceptive, and she talks about you a lot.”
That explained why Paxton didn’t like her. Ryla would’ve told him Quin was selfish and unyielding. But she wasn’t, she was just a sister. “What else did she say about me?”
He laughed for a moment before he settled back into his relaxed command of the situation. “Can’t tell you. Patient confidentiality.”
She didn’t believe that for a moment. He didn’t want to tell her which meant Ryla had been just as foul as a sister was supposed to be when they weren’t talking to each other. “I’ll let her get away with talking about me behind my back for now.” Then it occurred to her that her sister might never speak about her again. “I just don’t understand.”
“It’s really okay to break down here in the car. You’re safe here. No one can see you and I certainly won’t say a word. I would ask that you try not to in front of Ryla. Her heart is under a lot of strain and the stress of seeing you crying could be hazardous.”
Never had she ever carried tissues in her purse, but she still dug through the depths of the thing to see if she had any. To think, she’d complained about her flight being delayed. “I feel like such a jerk for asking Ryla to come pick me up. I had no idea.”
He remained silent for a moment before he spoke. “How could you? She was keeping it from you. When she said she was going to rest and then try to go get you, that’s when I had to step in as her nurse. Technically, I’m not supposed to tell her she can’t do things. But we’re friends first. I’ve known her since Duggy got loose last summer and ended up hiding from a stray cat on my back porch.”
Finally, something they could talk about that wouldn’t make her cry. Duggy was a lop-eared, bunny menace who didn’t like anyone but Ryla. “How in the world did Duggy escape? He’s always in that cage.”
“She lets him roam free all the time when no one else is around. He’s a good little guy. I just don’t want him on my back step. I can give pretty good first aid to people of any size or age…but a rabbit?” He chuckled again.
The sound resonated in the car. So masculine. Ben never sounded particularly manly. He often sounded just like any of her other random acquaintances. The difference was stark, and she hated that she couldn’t stop herself from comparing the two men.
“Will you be there when I go in, or will I see her with the other nurse there?” She didn’t want to face Ryla and a stranger with all the questions she had. Not that Paxton was much more than a stranger. But after an hour's drive, he’d be a lot closer to a friend.
“I’ll go in with you, but I can’t stay long. Jane is on tonight and I’ll need sleep so I can be there for the morning shift. I’m usually there from the time Ryla wakes up until supper. Sometimes later, but that’s off the clock. She’s lonely.” He didn’t look at her, but he didn’t have to. Who else would he blame for her loneliness except family? They should be there for her and they’d obviously missed the mark completely.
“In our defense, if we’d known we could’ve been coming all this time.”
“I won’t say it’s indefensible because I have my own family issues. What I will say is that it shouldn’t take the approach of death for you to figure out someone is valuable. They were valuable the whole time.”
Work, Ben, art, life… All of them had taken precedence over Ryla. Quin dabbed at her nose with her sleeve. “I’ve always loved her. I’m just lousy at showing it.” She’d been a planner girl. Put something on the planner and do it. Too bad she’d been horrible at putting her sister in the planner.
“We all fail at something or another. I didn’t tell you about her to make you beat yourself up. You’ll do that enough yourself over the next few weeks if you’re human and I suspect you are.”
“I’m going to need to call Mom and Dad, aren’t I? I can’t do this alone.”
He sighed deeply and he gripped the wheel again, so tightly his fingers looked thin. “I’m afraid Ryla has asked that no one call her parents until she’s gone. It’s part of her directive. Her mother told her when she first started showing signs of heart trouble that she would do everything in her power to keep her alive. That’s not what Ryla wants. She’s tired. You can do it if you want to go against her wishes. I can’t stop you, but I won’t do it.”
Too tired to live? There had been mornings when getting up had been difficult after staying up almost all night to work on her painting. But never had Quin felt so weary she didn’t want to go on. “I can’t believe that.”
“Believe it. She’s so tired, she’s ready to go home.”