Chapter 12

When I open my eyes again, I’m in my room. Again. I’m getting real tired of being here. Rick is hovering over me with his stethoscope on my chest. When I smile up at him, he doesn’t smile back.

The silence is getting to me. “Maybe you should move into the guest room. You’ve been here enough.”

“Jaime, this isn’t a joke. You’ve lost a lot of blood over the past few days. Your body may be able to heal rapidly, but it obviously can’t replace your volume as fast. You need to take care of yourself.” He says it like a scolding father or a concerned friend. “What happened?”

I shake my head, unable to talk about it. He wouldn’t understand anyway.

“He called me on your cell to come check on you and then left. Can’t say I’m disappointed. Expected as much from him. Assume you two got into one.”

“Misunderstanding, that’s all.”

“Can’t he wait until you’re better to pick a fight?”

I shake my head. “He thinks I’m trying to kill him.”

Rick is visibly stunned. “What? Why would he think something as ludicrous as that?”

“It’s a long story. Can’t really blame him. Thought he was trying to kill me, too.”

“Well, there you go. A match made in heaven.” He shoves his stethoscope in his bag and I roll my eyes at him.

“Don’t get attached to me, Rick. As you can see, I’m not your typical girl next door. And I’m not the angel I was. Suppose I never will be again.”

“Too late.”

His comment is concerning. How do I show him I’m not worth the effort? “Rick, what do you think life would be like being married to someone like me? You think it’s all rosy? What would happen on our wedding night when you wake to me being slashed by a psychotic killer in my dream, in our bed? Can you handle stepping out of the way while I battle to the death, watching my blood stain our sheets, coat the walls? Can you stand by and watch when I finally meet the one who takes my life?”

He closes his eyes, his body shaking all over. “I can try to do something. I could try to protect you. At least I’d be here for you instead of leaving when you need me most.”

“This isn’t the life of a mortal. I chose to be a dark angel, you chose to be a human. If I allow myself to get too close to you, one day the demons I hunt could find you too. Could I live with myself knowing you died because of me? Because you fell in love with me? I can’t permit myself to fall in love with you for that purpose alone.”

“Yet, you let yourself love that immortal who doesn’t deserve you?”

I catch my breath at his frankness. My voice is barely a whisper, barely audible, as I avoid the true meaning of his comment. “He’s not really immortal. We both can die. You should know that by now.”

He’s silent. Unable to look me in the eyes. Several minutes go by without a word. A thought pulls at my subconscious and I decide to break the silence.

“Rick?”

“Yes, Jaime?”

“If someone had done something that hurt you, something devastating, could you forget? Do people, you know, mortals, do they forgive easily? Or do they hold their pain inside, letting it destroy them for the rest of their lives?”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at, Jaime. I guess some forgive and some hold onto their anger forever. Why?”

“Something happened once, a long time ago.” I can’t say that this ‘something’ happened to me. I guess if I don’t say it out loud, then I can pretend for a minute it wasn’t me. “A tragedy that tore a girl apart made her two incomplete people, one who wants to save the world, but can’t and another who wants revenge, but may never realize her wish. Is there something wrong with wanting two contradictory things? How can one person be so strong and weak at the same time?”

Concern shows in his eyes. “Jaime, what happened to you?”

My eyes close as I shake my head, hoping to hold back the tears. I feel his hand brush my cheek to dry a drop that escapes.

“I don’t know how to answer you, Jaime. All I can think to say is that love sometimes heals. Sometimes it’s enough to get rid of hatred and bring a torn girl back together again. First, however, she has to learn to love herself. I sense she hasn’t allowed herself an opportunity to do that yet.”

The inside of my cheek is raw from biting it to keep from crying. I can’t let go of my emotions. They’re the only part of my life I can control.

“I’m sorry, Jaime. I wish I could help you, but I don’t know what happened to cause this split. Maybe if you change your mind, decide to share, it’ll help… Promise I’ll listen and not say a word. I promise.”

I nod in reply, knowing I’m not ready to share with anyone, yet.

“I’m giving you an IV. Help replace your fluids so your body can start making more red blood cells. I’m staying with you until it’s done, can’t leave you alone. I’ll give you a slight sedative so you can relax, make you feel better.”

“A sedative?” I ask, wondering if he’s forgotten everything I’ve told him.

“Don’t worry,” he answers, placing his hand lightly on my shoulder. “It should relax you, not put you to sleep.”

Before he turns away, I reach for his hand. He stares me in the eyes and I see kindness toward me. If I were a normal mortal, I would probably allow myself to fall in love with him.

“I care about you more than you think. Not just because you take care of me.”

“I understand why you can’t love me more. You don’t have to pretend.”

“I don’t pretend about something like that. But I can’t be the reason you die. I couldn’t live with that.”

“Sometimes it’s worth taking the chance if you truly love someone. Someday I’d like to heal more than your body.” He ties the tourniquet around my arm and searches for a vein.

“It’s never worth risking another person’s life for selfish reasons.”

He cleans a patch of skin with an alcohol swab and sticks the needle into my vein. “Sometimes I’m selfish.”

My mind wanders, recalling the feel of Collin’s kiss and how it made my heart race. “Yeah. We’re all selfish sometimes.”

As soon as he shoots the sedative into the line, my cells begin to wake. My whole body is flooded in warmth and I feel so light.

“This is great, Doc. If I’m not careful, I might like this too much.” My speech is slurred, but I have no control and I don’t care. I’ve become so relaxed I can’t lift my hand from the bed although I keep trying. “Rick? Are you sure this is the right amount? Because…I’m so…sleepy.”

“It’s okay, Jaime. Relax,” I hear him whisper in the distance and I feel his lips press against my cheek, my mouth, his hand sliding over my shoulder. I can’t move a muscle and my mind drifts off into a dark shadow of nothingness.

***

A heavy pressure on my body causes my mind to stir. Before my eyes can open I note the smell of white board markers, industrial laundered sheets, rubbing alcohol and blood. I’m no longer in my home.

My eyes open to see a small room with plain walls. A heart monitor and IV pump rest to the right of me as I lay in a bed with metal railings on both sides. I’m in a hospital. My room is private and empty. Rick betrayed me. He sedated me and brought me here.

Furious, I turn to reach for the railing, but my arms won’t move. Searching my body, I discover that I’m restrained, both my arms and my legs. That bastard! I’ll never forgive him.

Yanking on my wrists, I notice my arms feel weaker than usual. I can’t break the ties holding me down. What did he put in my IV? Focusing my energy, I pull again and feel progress as the fabric begins to rip. The restraints slowly tear from the bed. First one arm is free, then the other. I reach down to my legs and pull on them until, one at a time, they finally break free.

In the midst of trying to liberate myself, I hadn’t noticed the aid enter my room. Realizing what I’m doing, he tries to pull me back on the bed, but I easily shove him off me. Reaching for the needle in my arm, I pull it and toss the tubing to the floor. Then, the hospital worker decides to rush me again. Big mistake. I’ve had it with this guy.

With my fist doubled, I knock him to the wall near the front of the bed so I have a clear pathway to the hall. As soon as my feet hit the floor, however, my legs give way beneath me like they’re made of rubber. My sense of balance is impaired and the room seems to be spinning. What’s happening to me?

The guy on the floor is stirring again and I have no choice but to continue on. Waiting for him to recover would be my mistake.

Finally reaching the doorway, I have to stop and steady myself. My vision is cloudy, making it difficult to focus. Holding onto the frame and peering out through the door, I shudder at what I find. The nurse’s station and the surrounding area are completely empty of souls. I should be grateful there’s no one to get in my way, but something about this situation seems wrong. What kind of hospital leaves the patients of an entire ward attended by one person?

My feet are cold on the sterile floor as I step into the hallway, fighting to see everything surrounding me. My reflection shines and distorts in the waxed black and white tiles as I stagger down the corridor. Each room I pass is dark. Every bed is bare. Where did everyone go? My body shivers as I move from door to door, holding tightly to the wall, peering into empty rooms. How could it be I was their sole patient? What’s going on here?

The hallway is eerily quiet except for footsteps behind me. Someone is following. I don’t want to take a chance it’s the man I’d knocked out, the one trying to hold me to the bed. If I run, he won’t be able to keep up with me. My legs are still unsure, but I have no choice except force them to move, hoping I don’t fall to the floor. I need to find someone with commonsense who realizes they can’t hold me here against my will.

Racing down the corridor, I hope to lose them. If they’re successful in pinning me to the bed, I won’t be able to defend myself when I sleep. They don’t realize that in their attempt to heal me they’ll help a demon kill me instead. There’s no way to tell them this without sounding insane. I can’t believe Rick would do this, knowing what he knows about me. Asshole.

Standing at an intersection of hallways, I see three corridors headed in different directions. I feel like a drunk in an unfamiliar city. I’ve never been here before so I have no idea how to get out. A rustling sound in the shadows catches my attention. I’m too confused to make a sound choice, but I have to. Desperate to leave, I hastily decide on the corridor to my left.

When I reach another intersecting hallway I head left again, hoping to shake the one on my tail. These corridors are more like a maze than a hospital. How can anyone find their way in this building? Finally, I reach a set of large double doors. I’m hoping they lead to the hospital lobby and a way out of here. When I rush through, however, I realize I’m in the cafeteria, the one room that seems to have life. Unfortunately, the soft whisper of footsteps still follows.

Slipping into the shadows, I search for another exit. The walls are plain, no artwork or patterns, just old, textured white paint. The carpeted floor is teal with burgundy specks. A serving area on one side of the room is empty of food. Wrong time of day to be here if you’re hungry, I guess. No trays, cups, plates or flatware. There’s nothing that makes me assume this is a cafeteria other than the tables and chairs and a small sign indicating it is so.

An illuminated green sign on the other side of the room suddenly attracts my attention. Finally, a way out. Between me and that exit, however, are two people having a tense discussion, fairly close to my destination. Although they aren’t animated in their gestures, their posture says they’re much less than friends. Fortunately, neither has seen me so I slip along the shadows, clinging to the wall while keeping my focus on them and the open door on the other side.

When I’m close enough, I can see that one of them has dark hair, much like Collin’s. His posture is similar, also. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans, what he wore when he left my house. His body language seems protective while preparing for an advance. I know that stance. He’s so deeply focused on the other person that he doesn’t hear me. He didn’t even notice when I burst into the room. Their conversation doesn’t appear to be going well, either.

The other man has lighter hair, slightly longer than the first. He’s wearing a brown, leather jacket and a pair of Levi’s, but I’m more curious about the man with dark hair.

I continue to circle the room until I can see his eyes. They’re deep green, nearly glowing in the hospital light. Collin. What is he doing here? Was he working with Richard Stanton to get me committed? Is it possible that’s what the two are in disagreement over? How could he do something so foolish and irresponsible? If he’s truly a dark angel he’d know as well as me the danger in having me admitted to a hospital. Even a demon would be able to realize this. Shows how much he really cares. Makes me wonder even more who he really is. Jerk.

As much as Collin tries to look casual, the gleam in his eye tells me different. He seems ready for something. I’d say he was preparing to attack. But that would be ridiculous in a public place, in the middle of the afternoon. Maybe he always looks angry unless he’s trying to seduce someone. Or maybe something else is going on.

Suddenly, I realize I’ve made a huge error. There are no windows, no handles on the doors, the lack of dinnerware, cutlery, even a counter to purchase the non-existent food. The rooms are dark, much unlike a typical patient room. And there’s no staff, no doctors or nurses. Only the one who tried to pin me to the bed, Collin and this guy. Rick didn’t send me to any hospital.

I’m dreaming. I’m here to take out a demon. But which one do I kill?

My first impulse is to protect Collin. I can’t explain why I want to place myself between him and the one he’s facing down, even if he’s the defective soul. How can I fight another angel, even kill them, to protect a monster I don’t trust? Will I damn my soul to darkness if I save the wrong person?

From my vantage point I can see the whole room; round tables, sensible chairs, Collin, the other man. The smell of pine and wintergreen causes me to turn my eyes to the shadows. There seems to be another person standing off to the side, unseen like me. No, wait. There are two. And they’re interested in Collin’s conversation, as well. Are they with him or just watching? Could they be the demons he accused me of sending after him? My heart begins to pound and I wait to see what happens next.

The unidentified man has his hands in his coat pocket. He begins to circle Collin while the ones in the shadows start to circle as well. What are they doing? As the man in the leather coat pulls out his hand, the blade in his fist reflects the fluorescent lighting. My heart starts pulsing quickly.

Collin waits for the light-haired man to attack, unaware of the presence behind him. The air is heavy, as if the tension has created an invisible fog weighing down my body. Or maybe it’s the drug Rick shot into my line. I’ve never been affected in my dreams by alcohol or anything, so why is Rick’s sedative interfering with me now?

Slipping quietly around the room until I’m near enough to hear them, I carefully watch them both, trying to decide which one I should save. They’re too focused on each other to notice the ones lurking in the shadow. They don’t seem to notice me, either. I hope to discover who the demon is before the battle begins. Collin is cool, waiting for his opponent to lurch forward. When he finally does, the ones in the shadows also move.

“Collin!” I shout and dart forward. My voice echoes through the cafeteria and all eyes turn on me. Crap! What did I do?

“Shit!” He’s as surprised as I am.

“Collin! Behind you!”

As he turns to the shadows, the other man lunges with his knife, grazing his right side. Collin turns back with a right fist to the other man’s jaw. The sight of Collin’s blood seeping through his shirt propels me forward, and I run as hard as I possibly can. I have to reach him before the killers in the shadows strike.

A long piece of cloth dangles from the hand of one of the shadow killers. Before I can make it to the center of the battle, he slips the fabric around Collin’s throat, pulling him backward. My chest burns with strained breaths, my heart beats loudly in my ear. As hard as I run, I feel as if the room has become the length of a football field and I’m nowhere near to the goal. The harder I run, it seems, the further they are from me.

Collin is thrown off balance by the noose around his neck and falls backward. His foe prepares to strike again while Collin struggles on the floor, gasping for air. My sole chance of saving him is to reach them before Collin’s opponent slashes again.

The man in the leather jacket brings his arm back. The blade slices the air, on an arc toward Collin’s throat. My heart skips several beats as I leap forward, my body seeming to hang in the heavy air. In the seconds before reaching them, my eyes remain focused on the position of the two men and the distance between their bodies. As my hand catches the knife, it barely nicks the thin flesh of Collin’s neck before the blade is knocked backward. When I slip between them, I twist the knife from the killer’s grasp. Sliding across the floor, I roll to my side and prepare for the next attack. I close my eyes and shake the fog from my brain. I need my full faculties to have a solid footing in this dream, as I do in all of my others.

Collin recovers and kicks the other guy in the teeth, sending him flying, while I’ve turned the blade around in my hands, heading back to the one with the necktie. They’ve messed with my life long enough.

My jaw is set as I run toward the shadows with the blade in hand, startling the ones who are hidden there with my attack. As I slash the air, the attackers back away and vanish into the night. Before they’ve completely disappeared, however, I feel metal connect with flesh. I’ve hit one of them.

When I turn to Collin, he’s standing over the body of the man with light hair. I pray he isn’t another angel sent to kill Collin and finish the job I couldn’t. As his foe takes his last breath, I hold mine, afraid I may have sealed my fate. I’ll never be able to go home again.

When Collin turns to me, his head cocks to the side. An inquisitive look crosses his face and his eyes grow wide. As I turn the direction he’s gaping, I hear him shout my name. By the time I smell the pine and wintergreen, it’s too late. A sudden sharp pain takes my breath away and everything goes black.