We were spending the day in Bimini; it was our first stop and also my birthday. The small island of Bimini, as I discovered, was filled with shops, bars, clubs, and vacation hotspots. There were signs everywhere boasting of great snorkeling and scuba diving, something I desperately wanted to take them up on. This would be my first ocean dive. It wouldn’t be nearly as deep as the dive I was going on tomorrow, but the nerves were already dancing with anticipation in my stomach.

The white sandy beaches and crystal blue water was perfect for the aquatic lover in me. I decided that I’d go snorkeling this morning and dive in the afternoon. We wouldn’t be shoving off until tomorrow morning, so I had all day to explore.

I walked along the beach with my snorkel and fins, contemplating where I was in my life. My birthday was always difficult for me. All it brought was another year of pent up frustrations, anger, and heart wrenching loneliness. My parents had passed away a week before I turned eighteen, and before that, they spent most of their time arguing with each other. It was a battle to get custody of Katie, and figure out the insurance settlement after they died, and I’d been trying to keep my remaining family together ever since. This trip was the first thing I’d done for myself since our parents died.

I’d always found the water to be very soothing, and the ocean was no different. I sat on the beach, my feet barely making contact with the waves sweeping the shoreline. As each wave washed up on the shore it released some of my tension; sweeping away my impotent, frustrated anger and the bitterness I was still clinging to from all the loss in my life. The waves washed it all to the depths below. It was past time that I let everything go and lived for myself.

My mind wandered back to Keith without my permission. Images of the night before floated through my head, but I shoved them away. Running into Keith here had really thrown a wrench in my plans. This was supposed to be all about me, what I wanted, rediscovering who I was outside of work and family obligations. I’d always used them as distractions and excuses to not do things, but I couldn’t do that anymore. I was determined to figure out what I wanted in life.

I wasn’t even sure I wanted a relationship or if it was the constant societal demands that elicited these feelings. I liked my quiet apartment and wasn’t sure I wanted to share it with another human. If I was being honest with myself, I still dreamt of finding my soul mate; that childhood fantasy of the perfect person made specifically for me. Most days I felt the chance of finding that one special person in the world were slim to none. As far as I was concerned, you’d have to be pretty lucky to find someone you could actually stand talking to every day for the rest of your life. If you did happen to find that one person, what were the odds that they’d even be available?

During my contemplation I realized that I had picked up a circular stone that was slightly larger than my thumbnail. I looked down to see what I had found and gasped. It was a flat, perfect circle with writing on one side and a carving of a wolf howling next to a crescent moon on the other. The eyes of the wolf were two tiny emeralds and the moon held what looked like diamonds at each tip. The side with writing was very peculiar. It simply said, amada. It wasn’t a word I’d ever heard of, but was beautiful to read. Surrounding the stone was a thin strip of silver with a loop at the top for a chain. I knew in my heart that someone carved this for a person they loved very much. Apart from the value, the attention to detail was astounding, especially for being on something so small.

I thought about taking it to the police department but couldn’t bring myself to part with something so beautiful. It felt wrong somehow, as if I was denying a gift from the sea. For some reason I felt as if I was meant to find it, that it was fate.

“Thank you, I love it,” I whispered to the ocean.

I took my pants off, and put the opal in the small pocket of them before setting them on the beach. The pants and my sandals would mark my place so I wouldn’t get lost while snorkeling. I walked out to the crystal blue water up to my waist and put on my fins. Clearing out the snorkel, I put it on, and swam around for a while. I saw sea turtles swim by, interrupting the schools of fish. Below, I could see the sea floor littered with seashells, sand dollars, and starfish. I deliberately didn’t go out too far or swim in the kelp or the reefs as I was just trying to get used to being in the ocean for the first time. I was attempting to ignore the fact that I was swimming where sharks lived.

I have a deathly fear of sharks. I forced myself to relax and enjoy the scenery that I was sure to miss if I let my paranoia get the best of me. It was beautiful, filled with fish that were unafraid of a lone swimmer in their midst. I could feel my back warming and knew that the suntan lotion was wearing off, so I decided it was time to go to lunch. I found my pants easily enough, swam to them, and left the comfort of the water. It had been one of the most peaceful swims I’d ever had, once I relaxed.

My phone rang just as I returned to the docks to meet Keith.

“Happy Birthday, Auntie Tash! Mommy told me I could call you today but to leave you alone for your trip. Are you having fun? Do you miss me? What’d you get me?” Ash’s excited chatter brought me out of the melancholy mood I’d been in all day from reflecting on my past choices.

“Hey, booger, what makes you think I got you something?” I smiled into the phone. “Of course I miss you.”

“I’m your favorite niece, so you have to get me something,” she replied.

“You’re my only niece,” I clarified as I always did. “You’ll just have to wait and see. How are you? Are you and your mom doing anything fun while I’m gone? Have you been behaving?”

“’Course I have. We’re going to have cake today for your birthday. Mom let me pick it out and everything. When are you going to have your cake? Mom said we could eat ours at any time today so we can have cake together, even though you’re far away. We went to the movies today and saw Janice Kansas in Paris. It was so good. Mommy let me wear my wig. Tomorrow we’re going to the zoo to pet the bunnies, and Mommy even said we might be able to ride one of the little ponies.” She said all of this in one breath, as excited as only an eight year old can be.

“You’re too much. It sounds like you’re having lots of fun. Eat your cake after dinner, and give your mom a hug for me. I have to get going, but thank you for the call. I’ll see you soon, ok? I love you.” I had to get off the phone, talking to her reminded me of how much I missed them both and I could feel a knot forming in the back of my throat as I tried to keep the tears at bay.

“Love you too, bye!” she replied, almost as one word, excited to do whatever was calling her attention.

“Bye,” I said into the phone, even though she’d gone. I had tears in my eyes and a smile on my face as I shut it, glad that I’d thought to bring it with me. I thought again about how unexpectedly wonderful my life turned out with those two. They both would’ve loved this trip, but Katie refused to come. She’d said I needed some time away from being a second mom to Ash and that I deserved to spoil myself for once, instead of them.

“Hey, love, how was your walk? Are you ready for lunch and some shopping?” Keith walked up to me as I approached the pier and gave me a hug, leaving his arm curled around my waist. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I was just talking to my niece, Ashlyn. I really miss them. She’d have loved this trip.” I smiled sadly up at him.

Keith wrapped me in his arms and just held me for a moment. We stood there in silence for a while and just enjoyed the comfort of each other. He brought his hands up my arms, sending shivers across my body and pulled me close so I was looking into his deep blue eyes. It was hard to remember that he’d hurt me, or that a little over eight years had transpired since he left.

“You okay, babe? We’ll be back home in a week and you’ll be able to show her all your pictures. I can’t wait to meet her. She sounds like a great kid. It was nice she called. Why don’t we go get her something special? You haven’t gotten her a trinket from Bimini yet, have you?” It didn’t even seem strange that he’d inserted himself right back into my life. That’s how it always was with us. We clicked and without a thought, we naturally gravitated toward being together.

“No, and I wanted to get a chain to put this on.” I pulled the stone out of my pocket. “I found it on the beach. Have you ever seen writing like this? I think it’s beautiful.”

I showed him the opal and as soon as I dropped it in his hand I regretted it. I wanted to snatch it away from him so he wouldn’t contaminate it. It was the weirdest feeling of possession, and it took everything I had to simply let him look at it. I watched him inspect it for what felt like the longest minute of my life. My relief at having it back was frightening in its severity.

“Nope, I’ve never seen anything like this before, but it definitely took skill. I think it’s a genuine opal, but I’ve never seen one so large or carved so intricately before. The stone is too soft for etching; whoever made this is extremely talented. It’s beautiful and probably worth a fortune. You said you found it on the beach?” he asked, absentmindedly.

I opened my mouth to answer, but wasn’t given the chance. As we were walking along the sidewalk, I felt someone yank on my arm and pull me to a stop. I looked down to find an old woman tugging at my elbow, pulling me toward an alleyway I hadn’t noticed as I was walking along the city streets with Keith. She held onto me and stared at me with unseeing eyes. Her cataracts reflected like cat’s eyes in the sunlight. She was a full head shorter than I—all wrinkles and bones. My heart pounded in my chest as her long bony fingers dug into my arm hard enough that I knew they’d leave bruises.

“Beware! A choice you make, twin hearts will break; betrayal so deep you cannot weep; a loss re-woken, heart eternally broken. Beware the curse! Choose with your heart. What pain! Beware the curse!”

She screeched, repeating herself and sounding like a loon, but her unseeing eyes bore into mine with a desperation I could feel to my soul. Keith pried her off me, but I barely noticed him. He could’ve been a gnat for all the attention she paid him. Once Keith had worked her hands off me, she retreated to the alcove she had come from, still muttering for me to be wary. She continued to stare at me as Keith walked me out of the alleyway.

I didn’t even realize I was shaking until Keith wrapped his arms around me. He was whispering some nonsense to me, trying to sooth my frazzled nerves. I’d never been the type of person to get spooked easily, but she’d seemed too earnest in her pleas and warnings. I didn’t think I’d ever forget how her sightless eyes bored directly into my soul.

Keith held me close, sheltering me in the warmth of his body as we went to find something for Ashlyn. I found a small turtle made of pooka shells that I knew she’d adore. I also found a beautiful sterling silver chain for my amulet, and when I put it on, it fell neatly between my breasts. I thought about getting something for Katie, but couldn’t find anything that I thought she’d enjoy. Keith and I went to a small café for lunch, but I found my encounter with the old woman had stifled my appetite.

After lunch, Keith and I walked around the island for a short while, stopping in the various shops scattered about. We wandered out of the touristy areas, preferring to take our own tour down rarely travelled paths to look at all the wildlife milling about. They were everywhere, even in the places tourists frequented. Almost all the creatures were very interested in the humans walking about. They’d go up to them and sniff for food. It was incredible, yet somehow sad at the same time.

Keith decided to join me in an offshore, shallow dive that one of the shops was offering. We saw a few fish, some sea turtles, as well as dirt, water, and bits of coral in the distance. I was more bummed than I let on, as it was about the same environment as back home in Lake Tahoe, minus the turtles and distant coral. I really hoped that the scenery at the dive tomorrow would be better than today’s, but it was a nice, peaceful afternoon that almost succeeded in washing away the incident with the old woman.

We arrived back at the ship just in time for dinner. We were still eating at separate tables, but made plans to go swimming afterwards. Dinner was fantastic, with the same company as I’d had the first night. I told the guys what happened with the old woman and they thought that it was awesome.

“Girl, you met a loon!” Maurice’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. Apparently, he’d never been accosted.

“Damn, I can’t believe we missed out on that.” Stuart’s sarcastic tone was meant to be teasing and lighthearted, I was still disturbed and shaken by the whole thing.

“Was she in rags?” Maurice was now leaning over his plate, dessert all but forgotten.

“Sort of, she was hunched over with wrinkly skin hanging on her bones. It was all more creepy than awesome. Her eyes were the worst. They were a very bright reflective blue. You could tell she was blind, but it was as if she could see into my soul,” I explained, trying to get them to understand my apprehension and the fear I felt simply looking at her.

“Honey, her eyes were bright because of the peyote. Everyone here smokes that shit. She wasn’t lookin’ into your soul; she was trying to get money for her next fix. You must have looked like an easy mark.” Stuart looked at me with sympathy, and I thought a bit of jealousy, but I’m sure I must have mistaken that.

“Well, Keith rescued me from her, but it was just so weird.”

“Oh, I just love intrigue and excitement.” Maurice was so elated that I was having a hard time being creeped out by the whole thing. In fact, I was starting to feel a bit silly for overreacting like I did. I could feel a slight blush warming my cheeks.

“Have you two decided if you’re going diving with me tomorrow?” We were supposed to be at sea on the main ship tomorrow, but I, along with a small group of certified divers, were going to take another ship and dive at the half-way point to Bermuda.

“Shit, girl, after all the fun we missed with you today, of course we’re going with you tomorrow. I just hope they have the space. I’m stoked! You’re so not allowed to leave our sight again. I’m not missing out on any more fun.” Maurice pouted and looked at Stuart for confirmation that they would be going. When Stuart nodded slightly, Maurice lit up with joy. He was too much fun to watch, it seemed as though every thought that went through his head could be read from his face.

“I’ve never done ocean diving before,” I confessed. “All my diving has been in the lake back home.”

“A virgin! You mean we get to be there when you break your ocean cherry? No diving compares to the open ocean.” Maurice’s face cracked into a grin.

“I’m kind of nervous about the sharks. I hope they leave us alone. I really want to explore the wreckages. I have an underwater camera just for this. Do you think we’ll be okay?” I was wringing my hands in my napkin and noticed that Victoria, the blonde from yesterday was listening in on our conversation with interest.

Maurice and Stuart looked at each other with the shared intimacy of a life together. I felt a pang of jealousy as they burst out laughing.

“Girl, you’ve been watching too much television. This will definitely be an eye opener for you. Sharks are more afraid of you than you are of them. We’ll be in a large group in an area that has been used many times before; you’ll be just fine. Also, you’ll be attached to your buddy. There is nothing to worry about.” Maurice was still chuckling to himself as they got up and left the table. I ducked to hide the blush that was creeping up my neck.

Victoria continued to stare, until she finally stood up, her expression a mixture of disgust and irritation.

“You are really strange,” she said to me with a slight accent I couldn’t quite place. “There are worse things to fear than sharks.”

I was flabbergasted. It was the first I’d really heard her speak, and she didn’t stay long enough to elaborate on her comment. I brushed her off as I got up and went to my room to change, contemplating the dive tomorrow. I prayed that the sharks would stay away. I put on my bathing suit and went to the pool to watch the sunset.

I was still sitting by the pool when Keith found me an hour later.

“I know it isn’t a carved opal, but Happy Birthday, Tash.” He handed me a small wrapped box. My heart fell into my stomach and I hoped that it wasn’t what it looked like.

“Um, Keith, this is…well…” I was so not smooth. He laughed. It was that deep belly laugh that I secretly treasured because he never opened himself up that much to anyone.

“You should see your face. It isn’t that. Just open it.” Inside was a very dainty bracelet with a crescent moon and star. It was sterling silver with a diamond in the center of the star.

“You remembered,” I said with soft surprise. All my life I’d loved the moon. I could sit under the healing lunar light for a lifetime and never tire of it.

“Even if I didn’t, all I had to do was watch you at night. You’re always so peaceful watching the moon. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful as you in moonlight.” My heart did a nasty little flip and I knew I was headed into dangerous territory.

“I have always loved the water and the moon; they have such a harmonious and symbiotic relationship. It makes me feel as if all is right in the world. This is great, thank you, Keith.”

“I love you, Natasha. I think I’ve always loved you. Seeing you again, being with you—it reminds me of what I lost. What we lost. I’m such an ass, and while I don’t expect you to just forgive everything I did to you, I just wanted you to know. I love you. I screwed up before, big time, but I promise to never hurt you like that again.” I placed my finger on his lips, leaned forward, and kissed him softly. I felt hopeful for the first time in years. I wanted to fade away into the warmth of this feeling, but there was still something bothering me.

“Keith?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“A long time ago we talked about romantic things, and I never got around to asking you if you believed in soul mates.” I asked it quietly, adjusting myself to snuggle against him and watch as the stars started peeking out of the darkening sky.

“I don’t think that was a question, but, no, I don’t. I think that two people can become compatible with each other for a time, but no, I don’t think that my soul was split in half and the other half is lost out there without me. I mean, think about it; with the billions of people on the planet, how are you supposed to find the one that carries the other half of your soul? And on the off chance that you did find that person, who’s to say you’re even attracted to them, or that they’re even available? No, I think that two people, who find themselves attracted to each other, grow and develop a lasting relationship based on mutual respect, understanding, and sex. Yes, I think sex is a very big part of a relationship. If you can’t be intimate with the person you love and show them in the most basic of ways that you love them, what’s the point? Did I answer your question?”

“Yes.”

With us being in port, we had the deck to ourselves. We could hear the waves crashing against the ship, and the far-off sounds of thumping music from the clubs that scattered the piers. It was a little piece of heaven. The silence dragged on, his whispered voice seemed loud when he next spoke.

“Well, are you going to tell me, or do I have to pry it out of you?” His heartbeat sped ever so slightly under my ear.

“I do believe in soul mates. It’s one of the few things I still believe in from my childhood. I think that it’s our job to find the other half of our soul and connect for a complete life, however long it lasts. Do you think that even if you don’t believe in the idea of a soul mate, it can be true anyway?”

“Do you mean could we be soul mates? It’s possible. I was rather lost without you, and am happier now than I’ve been in years.”

He held me close in his arms, and I knew at that moment that whatever feelings I thought were returning for him were only from my traitorous hormones. He might be a wonderful man, quite possibly the man that I should settle down with, but he was not my soul mate. If I were to find love and risk my heart again, I’d not risk it for anything less than everything. I wanted more than what my parents had. I wanted a shot at what everyone should have, my soul’s other half to share my life with. I fell asleep in Keith’s arms watching the stars, thinking about life. He woke me with his light snores a few hours later.

“Keith, wake up. We have to go to bed. We’re diving tomorrow and I don’t want to miss that.” Hand in hand we walked to my room and slept.