“Eros, you're a slut.”
I raise a brow at my mother across the small table. After I left the lake house and my most recent fuck buddy, I was summoned. Knowing there was no getting out of it - I have been ignoring calls from Olympus for the past week - I fixed my clothes and turned my car around and made my way to a rundown diner that smells like it hasn't been cleaned since 1972.
“Your point?”
“You aren't supposed to have sex with the marks!”
I slump a little in my chair and take a swallow of lukewarm coffee and glance at our surroundings. There are only three other patrons in the small diner my mother insisted I meet her in. A red, scratched counter takes up half the space on the right and mismatched chairs surround the dozen or so small tables scattered about the room. The smells of grease and unidentifiable foods fill the small area. I sniff the sleeve of my leather jacket.
“I'll never get the stench out of this thing.”
Aphrodite's hand slaps down in front of me, her perfectly manicured nails hitting the table with a force that goes beyond mortal. I look down and back up at her.
“You're not supposed to use your powers away from home,” I whisper. “You know this.”
She leans back in her chair after looking around to make sure no one is paying attention. There’s a crack in the Formica of the old table that wasn't there seconds ago. It looks like a lightning bolt aimed at a certain part of my anatomy.
“I am Aphrodite,” she comes back through gritted teeth, “I can do whatever I want to do. Now stop trying to change the subject.”
“Fine. I'm a slut. I've been one since I reached puberty.” She goes to speak, but I hold a hand up. “The apple didn't fall far, did it?” I look at what she's wearing and snort out loud. “The top you're wearing is so tight and your boobs are so close to coming out, you call me a slut? That's a 'come see what I've got hiding between my thighs' outfit if I ever saw one. A short leather skirt, Mother? Mile-high boots? Fishnets? The guy at the end of the counter is probably wondering how much you charge.”
You know the old saying about how if looks could kill? Yeah, dear old Mom is aiming one in my direction at this very moment. The only difference between the saying and Aphrodite is that hers could actually do just that if she was so inclined. It's a good thing I'm her son or I might have just gone up in a puff of fairy dust.
Aphrodite leans back in her chair, her eyes never leaving mine. She motions toward her clothes.
“This is the way women dress on Earth, Eros. I did my research. I'm trying to fit in.”
I bark out a laugh.
“No. This is the way women dress on Earth who are looking to make a few bucks before going to meet their pimps. How long has it been since you've ventured this far away from home? A century? Two?”
“Shut up. You're trying to distract me, but all you're doing is pissing me off. I wouldn't have had to come down to this,” she waves her hand around the diner, “place had you shown up in Olympus when you were ordered to.”
I take a deep breath.
“I didn't come when I was ordered to because I was doing what you've forced me to do since I was a kid.” My voice turns sarcastic. “Go to Earth and make love connections happen. Shoot your arrow of lurve into the couples so they can get together and live happily-ever-after. Blah, blah, blah. What's the point? Love is bullshit and you know it.”
“Bite your tongue!” she snarls as she looks around the small diner. Thankfully all we're getting are a few strange looks. “Love is what makes the world go round.”
“Says the woman who has been married over four dozen times in this century alone.”
“So I fall in love easily. What of it?”
“It's lust, not love. You fall into bed easily. Why are you really here? We know I'm a slut, so what exactly made you venture here to this godforsaken place in the middle of the bumfuck boonies? I could have met you somewhere where I won't have to burn my clothes when I walk out.”
“You have to stop having sex with your marks,” she growls. “You're supposed to be bringing them together, not shagging them before they make it to the altar.”
“They still make it, don't they? Is it my fault these guys want a bit of cock action before they commit themselves to,” I shudder, “a woman?”
“You're abusing your powers, Eros, and I won't stand for it. You can have sex with others. Just stay away from your damn assignments.”
“I'm not using my powers to get these guys into bed. I haven't done that since I was eighteen and didn't know what I was doing. And with those, you can't blame me for that. I wasn't exactly trained in my duties before I was ripped away from my home and forced to come here.”
“Trained? What the hell did you need training for? You get the assignments, you bring the two people together, the arrow hits them and you're done.”
“The arrow is malfunctioning. Those guys, and even some of the women, wanted me. If the arrow was working correctly, they'd only want each other.”
“The arrow has not malfunctioned in the centuries you've had it and it wouldn't start now. You're doing something wrong.”
“The bow and arrow only make an appearance when the two marks are in range and then only they can see it. The last four couples have seen it when others haven't.” I don't dare mention the man from before. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that. “They still wanted me to have sex with them. So tell me, how am I doing something wrong?”
“You're playing a game. You are purposely screwing with the destinies of these people in order to get them in bed.”
I shrug my shoulders.
“You can't blame me for them wanting me.”
“I can blame you for following through.” She holds up a finger. “The first couple, Janet and Will. You had him bending over for you less than five minutes after he met Janet in the library of the university, for goodness sake.”
“You make it sound like I fucked the guy in the American History section. It happened in the bathroom. He's bi, by the way.”
“The second couple,” she holds up another finger, “Paul and Cassandra. All you had to do was bump Cassandra so she'd spill her drink on Paul and then you were to leave the bar.”
“I didn't ask the guy to drop to his knees and take my cock down his throat before that, did I?”
“The third couple,” she continues with a third finger joining the other two, “Jonathan and Michael. Two men. I thought this one would be easy for you. But no, you had to follow them back to the car after the concert-”
“To make sure they got there safely,” I interrupt. “They were both a little tipsy. What kind of god would I be if I let them drive to a motel? They wanted a third, I provided a service, then I made sure they poured themselves into a cab.”
“You fucked them in the parking lot of the coliseum!”
I raise an eyebrow.
“Your point? They're living happily together now, aren't they? In an open relationship, I might add. They're planning a wedding. I did what I was supposed to do. All three of those couples are together and seem to be happy.”
Aphrodite leans back and crosses her legs, pushing her leather skirt above the lace of her fishnet stockings. I grin when I see a man almost drop his coffee mug a few feet away.
“Now we get to the fourth and final couple, Clara and Joseph. Do I need to recount what happened with them, Eros?”
I lean back in my chair and smile, my cock filling as I remember what happened not even twenty-four hours before.
“Ah, yes,” I answer as I adjust my erection through my leather pants, “Joseph and Clara. That's a memory I'll carry with me for awhile.”
She slaps the table in front of me again, making all activity around us stop. A man sitting a few feet away, who looks to be in his mid-forties, jumps up and places his hand on my mother's shoulder.
“Is this punk giving you a hard time, pretty lady?” the stranger drawls with a thick southern accent.
I almost laugh out loud when his hand moves back and forth across her bare skin. Who wears a skimpy halter top in the middle of winter?
“Leave,” Aphrodite answers in a deadly voice, without looking up.
“Are you sure, sweetheart? Is he trying to talk you down on price? Come out back to my pick-up and you and me can work something out. You don't need this loser.”
His hand moves toward her cleavage and she grabs it and turns to scowl at him.
“This loser, as you rudely put it, is my son. Either get your hand off me right now or I'll break it.”
The guy jerks his hand away and looks back and forth between my mother and me. No way in hell would he be buying that we're mother and son. Aphrodite is tall at around 5'11”, with long blonde hair falling down her back in waves. She doesn't look a day over thirty, if that. I've looked twenty-five since I actually turned it centuries ago.
“You mean your brother. Oh! You're role playing. I get it. Heck, darlin', I'll be your daddy or your son as long as I can get you naked.”
He digs in his pocket before slapping a twenty in her hand.
“That'll do it, huh? For a quickie?”
I snicker and wait for the fireworks to start. I don't have to wait long.
Aphrodite stands up to her full height in six-inch heels and shoves the man, making him fall on his ass on the floor. She places her spiked heel on his crotch. His eyes go wide and he doesn't so much as breathe. One press of that heel and his family jewels are no more.
“Twenty dollars?” she screams. “Twenty? You think that's enough for me, you slimy little human? What I've got is worth more than your sorry ass could make in a five-thousand lifetimes. Leave.”
She removes her foot and he scrambles backwards to the door. She sits back down without seeing him trip twice as he stumbles out into the darkness. The other patrons are laughing openly, but her eyes are focused only on me.
“Not Joseph and Clara,” she continues as if the other stuff never happened. “Joseph first and then Clara's father. What were you thinking, Eros? Both of them at the wedding? Have you no shame?”
I look down sheepishly.
“You make it sound like it happened during the ceremony.”
“At the venue.”
“Hey,” I say forcefully, looking back up. “I didn't know they were in that room getting ready. I was looking for the john.”
“You fucked the groom fifteen minutes before he was to say his vows.”
“Ah, yeah.” I adjust my erection again.
“Then you took the father-in-law.”
“Well, I was already naked and you know I recover quickly-”
“Eros!”
A little embarrassed, I pull out of my fantasy.
“Like I said, I didn't know they were in that room, and let me tell you something... they were giving each other 'I wanna get naked with you' vibes when I walked through the door. All I did was move them along.”
“Do you know what kind of damage control I had to do? You owe your brother big time.”
“What do you mean?”
“Anteros saved your ass is what I mean. When I got word that you were about to prevent the wedding from happening, I sent him to the venue and he distracted Clara and Joseph's mother for a few minutes.”
I bark out a laugh.
“He got busy while I was getting busy? That's what you're saying?”
I laugh so hard I have to hold my stomach.
“The god,” I gasp out in between chuckles, “of requited love and the avenger of unrequited was fucking around with the bride and mother of the groom at the same time I was doing the groom and the bride's dad. That's priceless.”
“You think this is funny? Your job, your only job, is to bring these people together. Had Anteros not been available to fix your screw up, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation here. You'd be going before the Elders.”
My laughter stops.
“You'd have allowed that? All these years with never so much of a blip and my own mother would have me go before them to defend myself?”
“You screwed up, Eros, and it was intentional. For centuries you've done your duty and you've done it well. Sure, you've made a few mistakes here and there, but that was to be expected. Now you are going out of your way to flip off the gods. You've become too cynical and too jaded. I think it's time for you to step aside and pass the baton, um, arrow, to someone else - someone who believes in love.”
My stomach sinks. She wants me to give up all I've ever known? Stop being who I am? Who I was created to be?
“I see now that I've gotten your attention. Maybe if you found love yourself then you'd not be so eager to screw up everyone else's chances of having it.”
“Please. Love is a tale in itself. Do you know how many couples split up every day? Tens of thousands. They think they're in love, and what happens a little while down the road? They get bored with the one they're with and they move on to others, sometimes behind their back. I see it every day. No thanks on love. I'll stick with sex without emotion, thank you very much.”
Aphrodite stands up and straightens her tight skirt, the look on her face sad.
“If that's the way you feel, I'll advise the Elders to begin looking for your replacement.”
I toss a ten on the table and catch up with her right outside the door of the diner.
“Mother, you can't be serious. This is the only life I've ever known. What will I do if not this?”
“I don't know, Eros,” she answers, sadly. “I'll give you one more chance. That's it. Got it?”
I nod, eager to do whatever it takes to keep my position.
“What do I have to do?”
“Go back to your place and check your email. Instructions will be there. Oh, and Eros?”
“Yeah?”
“Fuck this one up and you're out. It may only be for a short hiatus or it may turn out to be permanent. You've been doing this for years without a break. Maybe you need one.”
Aphrodite is gone in a puff of smoke before I'm able to respond.