“I know this seems insane,” Stephen says. And I swallow hard—insane? That’s one word to describe it. “But it’s the only way Collette can cope. It keeps her out of the hospital.” His eyes squint painfully. “Patty’s death nearly destroyed her and she was lost for a long time. It was awful, the trips in and out of the psych ward. Years where we didn’t know if she would ever get any better.” He flashes me a look. “I know what you must be thinking. That it’s not right. How could we do something like this—the lies, the fantasies—how can any of this help her? But”—he stares achingly at me—“it does. It’s better than the alternative.”
His eyes blink fast to fight back the tears. “It’s not right but it helps all of us,” he continues. “Collette tried killing herself numerous times. If we lost her, my dad would never recover. After losing Patty, he can’t lose Collette too. It’s the only solution we’ve found that keeps her going.”
He stops speaking. I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t. He’s giving me a moment to recover from the bombshells he’s just dropped—he’s getting his bearings too. He seems shaken by what he’s told me, the details he’s shared. Things he would never tell anyone except for the few staff who work here.
When the silence lengthens, I tell him, “I don’t know what to say,” and it’s the truth. What he’s revealed is the wildest, most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard. Nothing could have prepared me for this, not the strange wording in the ad or the way Collette acted during my interview. Or the fact that my second day on the job, I still hadn’t met the child.
And my mind halts again—the child behind that chair. There hadn’t been anyone. Collette had been speaking to no one.
Did I get the job because I was the only dummy to fall for it? Was it because I connected so quickly to Collette or because I didn’t question a thing they told me? Stephen must think I’m gullible and desperate, and I’ve done nothing but prove him right.
I fight the urge to stand up and run but force myself to stay in my seat, a tremble in my hands and legs. I’m shaking my head too, knowing this is beyond crazy. A dead girl…
I take a deep breath. “Everyone is in on this?”
He nods, confirming my earlier suspicions.
I think of Pauline, the way she’d nearly hugged me that first day, the warm pat on the arm, and I suddenly feel the first waves of betrayal, the first pangs of anger that everyone, including her, has been leading me on and lying to my face. How dare they—how dare she? She told me I was going to love it here. I trusted her.
The pop of the elastic band on her wrist.
Is that why she keeps it there? To keep her anxiety at bay dealing with Collette day after day?
And then Freddie. The perpetual scowl on his face, his indifference at meeting the new nanny. Because he knew they didn’t need one. No wonder he’s such an ass. Making hot chocolate and strawberry waffles for Patty is a waste of his damn time but he fakes it along with everyone else.
My chest hurts again, the reality sinking in. There’s no one to nanny.
I cross my hands to Stephen in an X. Time-out. I need to understand a few more things.
“So all of you encourage this delusion?” I ask. “You let Collette think her kid is alive? You keep her in the dark with this charade and you bring in a nanny—you bring in me—and I’m supposed to do what? You expect me to just play along? Poor Collette.” I wave my arm. “She has no idea.”
Stephen tries to interrupt but I can’t stop speaking, my anger and nerves taking over.
“You don’t need a nanny—you don’t need me. What you guys need is a doctor. She needs a doctor. Collette needs serious help. Someone to care for her and make her better.” I feel a sob in my throat. “She deserves that.” I feel my eyes grow big as I meet his face again. “And you’ve been doing this for twenty years? Are you crazy? Do you know how much worse you’re making this for her?” I’m breathless. I’ve gone too far, said things I shouldn’t have said to my boss.
I look at Stephen, feeling the flush in my cheeks. But can he blame me?
“How has no one stopped you?” I ask. “How has no one found out?”
“The contract,” Stephen says, simply.
My heart stops cold.
I drop my eyes to his desk, seeking the contract he’d placed there, but I no longer see it. My signature, which had been nice and neat and looped in cursive with a ballpoint pen on the last page. Yesterday’s date and my full consent to every single clause contained in that document.
“You never gave me a copy,” I remind him.
To his credit, Stephen looks apologetic. “I’m sorry about that,” he says. “I meant to.” He glances at one of the desk drawers that’s locked with a key. “I still will, of course.”
“I didn’t see anything in there about this.”
“You didn’t look close enough.”
A warm flush rises in my neck. “Well you could have told me. You lied to me. You waited until it was too late, after I’d already signed the contract.”
“I know this is highly unusual,” Stephen says, and I look up in exasperation. “And I can’t imagine what’s running through your head.” Yes, I nearly hiccup. Like what other details have you buried inside that contract? “But I assure you it’s something you will learn to tolerate, to work with and respect. I’m sorry I misled you but there was no other way. Please give it some time. Give us a chance. You’re not the first one to do this, the first nanny who’s had to pretend. We’re all here to help the best way we can. And since we’ve been doing this for a while, we have a system. Each of us has a role.”
I think back to my first interview. He instructed Pauline to greet me. He made sure Collette never showed me a real girl. He’s the one who encouraged me to sign the contract. He’s been doing this for years.
There was the nanny last year.
And the one before that.
Exactly how many nannies have there been?
“I love her, you know. My stepmother,” he says, his voice turning soft. “My mom moved on a long time ago without us. She’s in Europe, sometimes Hong Kong, wherever suits her fancy.” He scowls. “But Collette…” He smiles again. “She changed our whole world around. Before her, I hadn’t seen my dad that happy in a long time, and then to have a little girl come into our lives—a baby. She brightened up this place. They both did.” His gaze drops to his lap. “Collette used to, at least. Before Patty died.”
I’m heartbroken for him, I am, but the more I think about it, the angrier I am at how he duped me. What he’s done. Anger flares beneath my ribs, but Stephen looks at me steadily.
“So you’ve never heard of us?” he asks.
A nervous flutter rises into my belly. What should I have heard? Are there monstrous tales about what happened to the nannies before me? Why did they really leave?
All that time I spent googling this family and barely found a thing, I should have been suspicious. No one’s social media footprint is that small without effort, which means they’ve put a clamp on everything.
I return my attention to Stephen. Maybe I should have spent more time googling this man instead of his parents. I thought he seemed kind, the older brother vetting the candidates and being so involved in the process. No wonder he wanted to talk to each of us. Which makes me wonder, what else isn’t he saying?