The Observatory
Why I let her drag me to The Observatory, I can’t figure out. This temple is off-limits to angels of our rank and stands unguarded because angels of our rank do not normally disobey laws. But here we are, disobeying away! I’m jittery and troubled and feeling all too human with this rush of anxiety surging through me. I fully expect Camael to come bursting through the doors engulfed in a fiery aura, shouting to the holy heavens above, but the way Revalia and Lozhure move casually through the halls of the temple, I realize that they’ve done this before, perhaps many times before, and their calm demeanor indicates to me that Camael will not be coming to admonish us.
Yes, they certainly know where they are going and what they are doing, for every turn and twist of a corridor leads to new and unlocked doors. The temple is powerful—its strong essence radiates within the walls. I clench Revalia’s hand tighter. She’s defiled this sacred place one too many times, I can tell—the look on her face lets me know that she knows this place all too well.
The Observatory is the lookout point, a pinnacle of energy, a pipeline if you will. Camael and the other Dominions gather information here about the human world, and angels are disengaged and re-absorbed. It is said that there is a record of every angel, every angelic action, every angelic incident, since the creation of all. I am trespassing on higher authority territory, sacred grounds. Unless I rise to the rank of Dominion, the only times I should ever be here are on my disengagement day and the day of my return. My heart sinks. I have betrayed Camael by being here, and the guilt is beginning to cut its way through my spirit. How could I be so stupid? How could I blindly follow Revalia here? “Lia,” I call out, and when she looks back at me, she smiles.
That’s why I came. For her. She has been all bottled up for so long that coming here is her way of letting it all out. I’m here for her—for her to show me and share with me that which I cannot understand with my limited human knowledge.
Revalia grabs my shoulders. “Humans are such beautiful creatures, Aestra,” she says.
“I know,” I say. “They are the Lord’s divine creation.”
“Yes, but they are beautiful.” She closes her eyes as she enunciates the word. “And until you see them in the flesh… smell them, make eye contact, touch them—only then will you know their true beauty. It can be very…”
“Powerful,” Lozhure concludes for her.
I think I’m beginning to understand them, and it frightens me when the idea suddenly comes into my mind… have Revalia and Lozhure done what two hundred angels before them have done? Have they fallen in love with humans? To do so is a sin so egregious that I can’t even begin to imagine the consequences they will face.
We come to a golden door emblazoned with the carving of a staff. It is the scepter of the Dominions, and I surmise this is a sanctified chamber. “Ready?” Lozhure asks.
Revalia nods her head and pushes lightly on the door. It slowly begins to open, and she tugs my hand. “Just breathe,” she says to me. “I nearly fainted my first time, and…” But as the door opens fully, her voice is drowned out by a furious blast of air that knocks me off balance. I can barely catch my breath as Revalia pulls me into the room. The whooshing noise of the hurricane-force wind is the only sound I hear. I tilt my head to the side to try to block my eyes, but the gust is too powerful. And Revalia continues to lead me, drag me. Lozhure is already ahead of us. The gale has no effect on him.
“Just a little further,” she screams.
I’m afraid I won’t make it. I fear the wind will push me right back out the door.
“C’mon, Lia!” Lozhure’s voice dances above the torrent.
“Al… most… there…” she yells back, struggling against the wind and my awkward body.
We take a few more steps into the room, and the whooshing and wind abruptly stop. Revalia lets go of my hand. “Look up,” she instructs.
When I raise my head and fully open my eyes, I am almost blinded by the beauty of a swirling gold light emanating from the center of the circular room.
“Isn’t it magnificent?” she coos, almost in a trance-like state.
“Yes,” I say, awestruck. “What is it?”
“It’s the energy source,” Lozhure answers.
“Aestra, this is the place where we disengage,” Revalia says. “You incorporate your semi-human body into the light. There you will lose your wings and make your final transformation.”
I move closer to the center of the room. There is heat coming from the light, but it’s more than heat. It is pure love, and peace, and joy, and hope, and forgiveness all wrapped into one. I want to touch it! I want to hold the light in my hands and splash it all over my body. I want to dip the tips of my wings into it and feel the light surging up into the very fiber of my essence. I want to…
“No!” Lozhure yells. “Don’t get any closer!”
I pull back. “Does it hurt?” I ask.
“No,” Revalia says.
“Of course, it does!” Lozhure snaps. “Don’t lie to her.”
“I’m not lying, Lo. It doesn’t hurt. At least, it didn’t hurt for me.”
“That’s not true, and you know it. Didn’t Cam tell you about how the pain was necessary because life hurts? Or something like that.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says as she turns to face me.
“Okay,” he gives up, defeated. “Wait and see tomorrow. You’ll remember the feeling. You’ll remember.”
She grabs onto my shoulders. “Don’t listen to him. Don’t let anything he says scare you. That’s not why I brought you here. I want you to see something.”
I don’t know if I want to see what she has to show me. I’m scared right now—their exchange, the wind, the hypnotic light. My body is racing, wings folded inward, hands shaking. I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be…
Lozhure stands underneath a woven tapestry on the wall. He motions for the two of us to join him. Once again, Revalia takes my hand and walks me over to him. As I get closer, I realize it’s not a tapestry but rather a giant window. Only, this window does not show the landscape of Ilarium, it shows the setting of a different place, a different time, a different world. The human world. Earth.
“This is the World Window,” Lozhure explains. “From here, the Dominions get our callings. They monitor everything from here.”
“We shouldn’t be here,” I say forcefully as I let go of Revalia’s hand.
“It’s okay,” she says. “We’re fine.”
“Lia, this is not fine!” I say, my voice rising. “How do you even know about…?” Then I stop myself because I know she’s been here officially before. I take a deep breath and exhale a violet aura that encircles her. She breathes it in with a smile, and I watch the purple hue suck into her lungs. It’s all painfully clear to me now; on the one hand, I feel sorry about their situation, but then there’s a part of me that is starting to swell with anger at what they’ve been doing. Revalia and Lozhure have been watching their new callings.
“When you’ve gone through what we’ve gone through… Well, we didn’t see any other way,” she says.
“Sure, it’s an unfair advantage, I suppose,” Lozhure chimes in.
“But, we didn’t want to fail again,” she finishes softly. “I didn’t want to fail again. Do you understand that much?”
I nod my head. I can only imagine the hurt and shame upon losing a calling. I know that Revalia did everything in her power to keep that little girl safe, but her best wasn’t good enough. The Creator’s beings have free will, and sometimes even the intervention of an angel isn’t enough to destroy the resolve of a human.
“The Window scans you in a way,” Lozhure says. “When you approach it, its power reads you, and if you’ve been matched to your calling, that will be all that you see.”
“Like spying?” I say.
Revalia huffs. “Sure. If you want to call it that. I like to think of it as watching. But it feels so good to get to know your calling before you get there. It gives me more confidence, ya know? Like, I’ll be better equipped to handle her.”
“It’s power,” I say. “A power over your calling.”
They look at each other sharply, and I get the sense that they’ve discussed this concept of power before.
“No. Not necessarily a ‘power’ in the way that you mean it,” Lozhure says.
“But isn’t it? Isn’t it a power that only the Dominions have? And if they wanted us to be able to watch our callings, don’t you think that Camael would have the class held right here in this room to give everyone a taste?” My voice rises to a level that is unfamiliar to me. For the first time in my existence, a rush of pure rage consumes me. I’m infuriated at their vulgar display of power, their blatant disrespect of our superiors, their abuse of the trust bestowed upon us, their… their… flawed humanness.
Revalia flutters her wings in hopes of touching one of hers to mine. “Aestra, listen,” she says, trying to calm me down. “I brought you here because I want you to see.”
I breathe in heavily again. “See what?”
“Your calling. I don’t want you to be left in the dark. I want you to have the upper hand, so you know what you’re dealing with. So you don’t have to go through the hurt and pain like I had to.”
“No. No, thank you. I will meet my calling when Camael says it’s time to meet.”
“Please, listen to me!” her voice is pleading and almost frantic.
Suddenly, Lozhure is behind me holding onto my arms and forcing me closer to the Window. I try to fan out my wings in defense, but his body has them locked in place. He’s so very strong, I can barely move, but I don’t stop trying. I thrash myself from side to side, hoping to wiggle free from his grasp, but it’s no use, and he’s driving me closer and closer to the Window. If what they said is true, the Window will scan me and show me images of my calling—images I’m not at liberty to see yet, images I have no right to see. I’m screaming now. “No! No! No!” but he’s leading me still, closer and closer to the images I have no desire to see. I shut my eyes as tightly as I can.
“Please! Please, Aestra! Be still,” Revalia begs. She sounds as if she’s on the verge of tears. I feel so sorry for her. At her core, she truly believes that she is doing right by me. “Just open your eyes, Aestra. Open your eyes.”
Lozhure stops pushing me forward, but he doesn’t release me. I’m directly in front of the Window now. I must be. The energy surrounding me is powerful. It is accompanied by a low-sounding electric hum. I’m tempted to open my eyes, but I force myself to keep them closed. A light gleams through the Window, washing my face in colorful heat. Behind my closed eyes, I can see the shadows of the yellow rays of the Creator’s sun.
“It’s okay,” Lozhure whispers in my ear. “Just look. It’s so wonderful!”
“Please let me go,” I say.
“Aestra! Just look!” Revalia repeats.
The light and warmth subside, and I can hear sounds coming from the Window—people sounds, Earth sounds. Winds and rains, birds and animals, conversations and technology, and everything else—a great cacophony of my near future.
“Oh, my word!” Revalia yells. “Look! Look! Look! There he is! He’s so beautiful!”
He.
My calling is a male.
I know too much. I know too much.
“I forgive you,” I say to Lozhure. “I forgive both of you.” And I sincerely do. This act, this betrayal is being done to me with the best of intentions. They are both scared and desperate. They think they’re helping me.
“Oh, no, no, no! He’s gone! He’s gone!” she says. Lozhure relaxes his hold on me, and I open my eyes. Too soon. I catch a glimpse of a set of mahogany brown eyes before the image fades to black. My body collapses to the floor, the image hauntingly burned in my mind.