“At least let me see you inside,” Ryan said, holding the car seat outside Megan’s front door.
Megan shook her head.
The pulse in his temple throbbed, but Ryan said nothing.
She had turned down his offer for an early dinner and had sat in the back next to Cooper.
“I’m on the Forbes list and I own a Fortune 500 company. I’m not a chauffeur.”
“Get over yourself,” she had said before getting into the car. “I would’ve taken a cab, but you insisted.”
Megan didn’t want to feed Ryan’s twisted vision of them being a happy family. He needed to understand there would always be boundaries between them. A dead husband, for one. Watching his jaw clench and the barely-contained fury in his eyes made her glad she had accepted his offer.
She undid the bottom lock of her front door and stepped inside, keeping her body in the doorway.
He lifted an eyebrow. “You’re really not going to invite me in?”
Megan straddled Cooper on her hips. He felt heavy, but she wasn’t turning her back to go put him down. Ryan would follow her inside and she wasn’t having that.
“While you were being discharged, I received word some important papers I’ve been waiting on are ready so I need to head to New Hampshire. I need to make sure you and Cooper will be all right before I leave town. Please let me stay with you until you’re settled for the night. What if you pass out?”
She could tell he was used to having his way. Too bad, so sad. “You don’t need to make sure we’re all right. Weren’t you the one who prayed up a storm for God to cover me? Don’t you believe that God answers prayers?”
He nodded. “I do.”
“Then God’s got me.” She slammed the door in his face.
Her conscience shivered at her nasty remark, but Megan ignored it. She was grateful for the healing prayer, but gratitude didn’t override common sense. She couldn’t trust Ryan even when she had her eyes on him. She had enough sense to know that.
“Now if I could slam him out of my life—that would be perfect.” She squinted. His words came back to her. Did he say he was leaving town? “May he leave and never come back,” she said. Megan settled Cooper into his playpen, slinked onto the couch, and closed her eyes.
Then they shot open.
What did I see outside? I was so intent on getting inside and away from Ryan that I…
“No. No. No!” Her heart pounded. “Please let my eyes be deceiving me.”
Megan scooted off the couch, raced to the front door, and threw it open.
Her mouth dropped. “What happened to my car?”
Fury filled her being. She held onto the door to keep from passing out before scurrying over to the vehicle. Someone had broken into her car. She looked around to see if anyone lurked about before opening the rear door and looking inside. “I can’t believe this.” Glass splinters were everywhere. The leather seats looked damaged. How had she missed this when she first arrived?
She poked around to see if anything was missing. Everything seemed intact, but she couldn’t be sure. Megan checked out the front of the car but saw nothing else amiss.
She slapped a hand on her head. The construction workers! One of them must have broken the window. “They could have at least sealed the window with plastic or something,” she fumed. “I can’t believe this.” Ryan. He must know something.
Megan ran into the house to get her cell phone. She checked on Cooper, who was still asleep, then returned outside and called Ryan. She saw a huge scratch on the paint and ran a finger over it. This was Jackson’s third baby after her and Cooper. Megan gulped as tears threatened to spill. Since she’d met Ryan it seemed she was either crying or on the verge of crying about something.
“Megan?”
Megan jumped. She had forgotten she had made a call. “I’m here.”
“Oh, I was saying hello but you didn’t answer,” Ryan said. “Are you okay?”
Megan tried to control her fury. She wanted to lash out at Ryan, but he might not be to blame. “Do you know what happened to my car?”
“It’s not fixed?”
So he did know. She placed a hand on her hip and let loose. “What do you mean by it’s not fixed? What happened to my car? And why didn’t you have the decency to tell me?”
“You weren’t supposed to come home to that,” Ryan said gently.
I know he’s not trying to soft-answer-turn-away-wrath me. She tapped her left foot and willed herself to remain calm. Breathe. Relax.
“I’m so sorry. When you left in the ambulance, Cooper locked himself inside the car. I had to bash the window in to get to him. I panicked, but you weren’t even supposed to know about it.”
She ran her fingers through her hair and resisted the urge to scream. “Are you trying to blame the damage you made to my car on Cooper? He’s a year and a half.” She returned her hand to her hip. “And why didn’t you just ask him to open the door?”
Ryan chuckled. “Funny thing is, he did open the door, but it was after I had already broken in. I didn’t even know he was that smart. He probably should be in school.”
Megan clenched her teeth to keep from saying that Cooper had been in school. Her heart ached when she had to pull him out of the exclusive Jack and Jill daycare, but food and shelter took priority. Megan hoped to get a job, but then how would she afford daycare until she got paid? She could put him in the preschool at A Better Life. It was free to church members, although she hadn’t been there since Jackson died. She had pushed everyone away during her grief. Megan admitted she blamed God a little. Why didn’t He make her enter the walk-in closet sooner? Maybe she could have saved Jackson...
“That window should have been repaired,” Ryan said. “I left explicit orders for it to be fixed. Before I leave for New Hampshire, I’ll deal with the body shop. I’ll have someone tow it tonight.”
Megan spoke through gritted teeth. “I must not be communicating or you’re a blockhead. What you should be doing is apologizing, not getting mad that the glass wasn’t fixed so you could hide it from me. There’s is a huge scratch which means it will need a paint job.”
“I’m sorry,” Ryan said. “Although I was more concerned about Cooper’s wellbeing than a piece of metal.”
Megan cupped her mouth to hold her sob. “That was all I had left of Jackson, and you call it a piece of metal. Now it’s ruined! You’re clueless.” She swallowed. “I’ve got to go.”
Ryan was saying something about getting her a driver, but she ended the call. Her cell rang but she let the call go to voicemail and turned off her phone. Megan trudged into her house. The weight of the past few months pressed down her shoulders. Even after all the crying she had done earlier, she needed another good cry.
“This man has done nothing but cause me pain,” she said. The urge to hurt him in return was strong, but she couldn’t let this man change who she was. She was and always would be a child of God.
Megan lifted Cooper out the playpen. He yawned and opened his eyes. His sleepy smile soothed her heart. If it weren’t for Cooper, she might not get out of bed in the morning.
She headed down to the basement and eyed her guitar. She needed to sing. She needed to release some of the pent-up feelings inside. Instead, she placed Cooper next to her and opened her Bible.
Megan recited some of the Psalms. Every time she read them, she wondered about what David must have been facing to write such passionate words. It was as if he had looked into the future and knew she would one day need these words. They comforted her. They gave her strength. She closed her eyes, poured her heart out to God, and released tears that cleansed her soul. The lyrics from “Never Alone” teased her mind, but when she opened her mouth, she couldn’t put them to tune.
She tilted her face upward. “I miss Jackson. I miss his corny jokes. I miss his touch. I can’t sleep at night. I wake up reaching for him, but he’s not there. I’m mad at him. Mad that he left me here.” She lowered her head. “I know I’m not alone, but I feel alone. I’m taking care of Cooper all by myself. My marriage should have lasted a lifetime. Instead he’s gone and I’m here struggling.” She rubbed her hands down her face. “It’s too much. I need someone here to help me.” Megan thought of Ryan and made sure she clarified to God specifically what she didn’t want. “I don’t need a stalker, I need a friend. A real one. I know I have You, but I’m just saying...” She bit her lip. “I hope I don’t come off as ungrateful…”
Cooper touched her arm. She looked over to see he was wide-awake. “I hungry. I want eat,” he said. Her heart warmed at Cooper’s attempt to make a complete sentence. Her heart ached that Jackson wasn’t there to hear him.
Megan jumped up to meet his needs.
She could only hope God would meet hers.