Once you fall in love, you too get to experience the magic. This is the stuff that poets, philosophers, and musicians have been writing about for centuries—a crazy, euphoric ecstasy, a place you can only hope to live in for the rest of your life, because this enchanted moment is ephemeral. But if you’re brave enough, you can enter into another world, a warm, stable, and nurturing world that can provide you with a caring and trusting partner. That’s what real love is all about.
As I was researching and writing this book, one question kept popping up: Why? Why does Mother Nature do this? Why does she make you instantly attracted to some people but then make you nervous and skeptical, only to remove that skepticism, and then have that skepticism return a short while later? Why does she have you fall in love at all? And once you’re in love, why doesn’t she just leave you there? This whole process seems so crazy and convoluted. Why?
Of course, I tend to look at everything through the lens of a biologist. Instead of looking at individual pieces, I look at the bigger evolutionary picture. For a species to evolve, each member must also evolve. Nature uses many means to evolve. One way is pressure. If two species compete for the same resource, such as food or space, one must adapt or risk perishing. That’s evolution through pressure. Another way is evolution through incentive. If a species changes a little, it can open up a whole new area in which to live, such as evolving legs to walk on land.
Love may be evolution through incentive. When you choose love, you learn how to love. When you’re in a loving relationship, you’re happier and healthier. You learn to see and be seen, to give and to receive love. When you choose love, you become a better person. When you move past your selfish desires, you tap into a higher love, a love that shares neural connections with morals, empathy, and unconditional love. You learn to give because you learn that through giving you experience the ultimate reward—real love.
In the big picture of life, humans are the apex species. This means that what we do and the choices we make can have a direct effect on what happens to this planet. When you choose love, you become a more caring and compassionate person. You cultivate virtues and think more globally. You’re less likely to make hasty decisions based on short-term, selfish desires. Rather, now you’re more enlightened and likely to make decisions that not only benefit you but also others, and even, potentially, the planet as a whole.
When you practice love, you become a better person. You’re more conscientious, kind, and thoughtful. This makes finding and practicing real love one of the greatest and noblest things you can do for yourself, for others, and potentially for the planet. As professor Anne Faul from the University of Louisville says, “It starts with yourself, and then it circles out into the world.” 263 When you love, it affects the mirror neurons of everyone around you. In this way, when each person finds and practices love, they expand the amount of love in the world. This may be Mother Nature’s ultimate goal: for all of us to find and practice love, thereby becoming a more loving planet.
Now get out there and love someone!