The Zinian turned to his crewmate. ‘Can we hand over the cargo to an alien from a non-listed planet?’
‘Negative.’
‘Ah,’ said the Zinian and put his hand out for the digipad.
Scrummage was desperate. ‘Can’t he just leave that bit?’ he begged.
‘Negative. The SupaCosmicCargo Delivery Company demands forms are completed in full.’
‘Can’t we put my planet?’ said Scrummage.
For a few agonising seconds the Zinian considered this bold suggestion and Scrummage literally held his breath.
Eventually the Zinian said: ‘Fine.’
Scrummage breathed out, selected ‘Zeryx Minor’ and the Zinian took the digipad back.
‘The SupaCosmicCargo Delivery Company thanks you for your business. Terms and conditions apply. Always read the small print. Goodbye,’ he said and turned back to the flight desk.
Scrummage hitched his filthy overalls up excitedly. ‘Captain, we are now the proud, and very wealthy owners of a cargo of Techno-tium!’ he said. ‘Let’s go!’
Seconds later Harvey and Scrummage were safely back on the command bridge of the Toxic Spew. They were just in time to watch the Zinian tug ship unclip its tow bar from the container. Then there was a small flare as it powered its subatomic reactor launchers and very slowly drifted off into the blackness of deep space, leaving the flying saucer, sorry, cargo container, just hanging there.
‘Hang on,’ said Harvey. ‘What about the crew?’
‘Who cares?’ said Scrummage.
‘I do!’
‘That’s very noble of you, Captain,’ said Officer Gizmo. ‘But the SupaCosmicCargo Delivery Company will send a ship to recover the space-tug and crew.’
‘So why didn’t they just wait? Why did they put out a distress signal and hand the cargo over to us?’
‘Because it’s dangerous to be hanging around with a cargo container full of Techno-tium,’ said Scrummage.
‘I thought you said the cargo wasn’t dangerous?’ cried Harvey, horrified.
‘It isn’t. It’s valuable,’ explained Gizmo. ‘It’s having a valuable cargo that’s dangerous.’
‘How dangerous?’
Scrummage shrugged.
‘Very,’ grinned Maxie.
(You don’t get a lot of space pirates, in your quiet little corner of the universe, do you?
Lucky, lucky you.
Ruthless and rich with the fastest ships in the universe, they’re a complete menace.
Technically they’re banned under the Intergalactic Travel and Transport Pact rules and regulations regarding behaving nicely.
But outer space is so massive it’s almost lawless in some places.
There’s the Intergalactic Traffic Police of course. But there are only six ships for about a gazillion square light years of open space so … you do the sums.)
Maxie tucked her hair behind her ears, leant her elbows on the flight desk and said casually, ‘Oh yes, in this part of Galaxy 43b there’s stacks of murderous space pirates and cosmic corsairs. And they’d stop at nothing to get their hands on some Techno-tium.
‘And I mean literally nothing – they’ll tear us limb from limb, gouge out our eyes, slit our throats, rip out our gizzards and poison our pizza.
‘And if that doesn’t work, they’ll just kill us and take it anyway,’ she finished helpfully.