‘What’s that?’
‘It’s me, Mama. Paulo. Don’t be afraid. I had to see you, but besides that, I have a message for Papa.’
‘What? Oh, darling. Where are you, I can’t see you,’ Ella cried.
Light flooded the room as Arnie sat bolt upright and pulled the cord above their bed.
Paulo stood in the doorway, a finger on his lips. ‘Shush, don’t wake Lonia. She will be afraid.’
‘Go downstairs, Paulo – we’ll be there in a moment.’
Paulo nodded and crept out of the bedroom, at this from Arnie.
‘Oh, Arnie, what do you think the message is? And how did Paulo get a message for you, and from whom?’
‘All our questions will be answered, darling. Get your dressing gown on. Come on, old thing, Paulo can’t hang around – it’s too dangerous for him. We don’t know if the house is being watched.’
Paulo was anxiously pacing the kitchen when they got downstairs. This room had always been the hub of the family. Ella had painted the roughly plastered walls, between the huge oak beams that criss-crossed them, a pale yellow. Onions and garlic hung in bunches above the grand brick fireplace and iron stove, where the beams met. Next to them, copper pans of all sizes gleamed in the light of the oil lamp, which Paulo must have lit. There was no danger in doing so, as the heavy wooden shutters on the windows of the chateau blacked out any light from being seen outside.
The scrubbed stone floor felt cold to Ella’s slipper-clad feet as she walked over to the scrubbed table, which took up most of the middle-floor space. Her whole body felt chilled, even though a fire still glowed in the hearth. She looked around her. Why didn’t anything feel or look familiar to her? But then I know why. Nothing about my world is familiar any more. I am cocooned in constant fear. Glancing over at the clock, she heard the tick-tock filling the space, as if telling of doom. She felt none of the pleasure she would normally feel at the sight of the dresser adorned with all her china, standing next to the grandfather clock.
Her surroundings didn’t reflect the love she’d poured into them over the years. It had all drained away, as if in slow drips, since she’d been unable to go to her sister Calek to try to save her. War breaking out sooner than they expected had prevented her efforts. For two whole years she’d heard nothing of Calek and Abram’s fate. During that time she’d had to contend with Paulo disappearing into the forests, and a cloud of anxiety descending further around them till it almost choked her.
Hurrying across the kitchen to Paulo, Ella took her dear son into her arms. He held her tightly. She could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. At that moment she knew that all her fears had become a truth.
‘Mama, I have to tell you quickly. First, you, Lonia, Aunt Flors, Uncle Cyrus and Monty must leave now, tonight. Not by car, as there are roadblocks – I will guide you through the forest. I have people waiting on the other side, and they will take you cross-country to the border, to Geneva and into Switzerland. Some of that will be by tractor across fields, but mostly you will walk, so you need to dress accordingly and carry little with you. There are safe houses along the way, where you will be fed and given a night’s rest; they will ask nothing of you, and you must tell them nothing. These people are trusted, but without information they cannot have it tortured out of them. On the last leg of your journey you will be given the details of a contact who will help you further.’
‘What? How . . .? Why?’ Ella looked from Paulo to Arnie. ‘Arnie, what . . .? Oh God!’
‘Mama, the government has been rounding up British citizens for a while now. With you living so deep in the country, you haven’t yet come to their attention, but I know that you are now on a list. They will be here any day. And, Mama, if they pick you up, they will soon find out that you are . . . Oh, Mama, please go now and pack a bag. Get everything ready, compose yourself and convince Lonia that she is going on an adventure. Please, Mama.’
If Ella had thought herself afraid before, she now felt sheer terror tear through her. ‘What of Arnie? You – you said you had a message for Arnie. And, Paulo, Monty has already gone. He went days ago. He had his call-up to join the workforce going to Germany.’
For a moment a look of shock crossed Paulo’s face, then anger quickly replaced it. ‘How could he? He should have joined us. I told him how badly he will be treated by the Germans, but . . . Well, never mind, we have no time to discuss it. Papa, I have this letter for you: it is from the War Office in Britain, with orders for you. The letters were brought in with the last drop. The pilot specifically asked for me. At the time I didn’t realize that British Intelligence knew about me. The pilot told me that I am looked upon as the leader of the Maquis de Laurens, and that I will receive orders from them through you.’
Ella still hadn’t moved; she felt suspended between the life she knew and the horror of what lay ahead. She saw the official seal on the brown envelope that Paulo handed to Arnie. As Arnie took it, he seemed to become a different man. Always upright and strong, he straightened his back even more and looked, to Ella, more like an officer in service than her beloved husband.
The sound of the envelope being torn open grated on her nerves, because something told her that the contents would take her beloved away from her.
After a few moments, Arnie spoke. ‘I have been given the rank of officer once more and am conscripted into the army, as a senior agent. It is judged that I will not need intensive training, as I was highly trained in the last war, and in any case it would be difficult to get me out and then return me. And so the next time a plane comes, a training officer will be on board and will stay for a week, to bring me up to date with the latest equipment and clandestine knowledge. I am to take up a post as coordinator of the various factions of the Maquis Resistance in this area. I am to be briefed by you, Paulo, on them, and where they camp. And then I will receive specific orders from London about our missions, and I will be the one to organize us in the execution of them.’
A silence enveloped Ella. She stood staring in horror at Arnie.
‘Darling, I have no choice. I have my orders. I have never spoken of what I did in the last war, but I worked with the War Office gathering intelligence. I have always had to keep them informed of my whereabouts. I’m only surprised they haven’t called on me before now.’
‘Papa, Mama, I cannot stress how important it is that you prepare to leave immediately. I will go and alert Aunt Flors and Uncle Cyrus. But hurry, please hurry.’
Once back in their bedroom, Arnie took charge, and this helped Ella. ‘Right, get dressed, my darling, quickly. Grab what you can, by way of clothes for you and Lonia, but be selective, darling, or it will be too heavy for you to carry. Once we are ready, get Lonia up . . . Oh, my darling, how am I to live without you both?’
What sounded like a sob came from Arnie. In some strange way, it put strength into Ella. ‘We will get through this, Arnie, my darling husband – we will. We’ll do everything we are told. I’ll find safety in Switzerland and then, as soon as it is possible, I will find my way to England. You are an amazing person: you will be strong, and your strength and wits will keep you safe.’
As if they had willed it, they found themselves in each other’s arms, clinging to each other, wanting never to let go.
Earlier Arnie had made love to Ella, taking her to a wondrous place where she had called out in abandonment and her world had felt safe. ‘Arnie, my darling, every night at this time I will think of your lovemaking tonight. We didn’t know it would be the last time for a long time, but it was very special. You do the same, and that will link us. Wherever we are, we will be joined in our minds and hearts at that moment.’
Arnie snuggled his head into her neck. ‘My Ella, my darling Ella.’
A noise shot them apart. They listened, the air between them tangible with their fear. A cat squealed, and Ella let out a nervous giggle.
‘Right, my darling, let’s do this. We can; we did it before. We rose up, when asked to do so, and we can do so again.’
Taking her cue from Arnie, who was now in control of his emotions, Ella felt the spirit of yesteryear enter her. She was up to this challenge. She wouldn’t let anyone down.
It seemed like no time before the little group of shocked, loving friends and family trudged in silence into the darkness. At the edge of the forest that surrounded their land, Cyrus, Ella and Arnie, who was carrying a sleepy but excited Lonia on his back, paused and looked back. As they did so, Flors’s whisper seemed to echo in the darkness. ‘Will we ever see our home or our family again?’
Cyrus pulled her to him. ‘We will, my darling. We will.’
‘Cyrus, at this moment, as never before, I’m glad that dear Rowena has gone to heaven, where she is safe. She couldn’t have trudged miles in the dark, and if we are caught, she would have had to face so much, because of being Jamaican. From what I have read and heard about this Nazi regime, only Aryans are really acceptable to them.’
‘Yes, Rowena’s happy and safe, darling. I know it has been difficult for you, these last months since she died, but now you can be happy for her.’
By the time they met up with a man and woman, whom Paulo introduced to them to as Mona and Philippe, dawn was breaking. The sky looked beautiful, streaked with vivid reds and dark shadowy blues, watched over by a pale moon that was being hidden by the tops of the mountains. Outlined against the last brightness that the moon gave, the trees stood, black and majestic. Ella’s thoughts were that such stunning beauty had no right to be the backdrop to her misery, and yet the scene was full of hope of a new day dawning, and she prayed that such a day would bring hope to her once more.
‘We have to leave you here.’ Paulo’s voice shook with emotion. He had long since taken Lonia from Arnie and was holding onto his little sister as if for the last time. Ella felt her world shatter. To say goodbye to her beloved husband and son was tearing her to shreds.
Memories assailed her, as Paulo – her beloved late-husband – came to mind. How proud he would be of their wonderful son, his namesake, who was showing the same bravery fighting this war as his father had shown, when he’d fought his war. Paulo would be saying, ‘Be brave, mon amour. Give your husband and our son a smile as you send them off to their destiny.’
And that’s what she would do, for Lonia’s sake and theirs. ‘Well, my darlings, though my heart is breaking, let us part with a smile for each other, and for Lonia to remember. Think of us when you carry out all that you have to, and let our memory – and our need for you to return to us and take care of us – make you take greater care of yourselves in your actions and decisions. We will pray for you every day.’
How she said all this without breaking down, Ella didn’t know. A lot of the courage that she had gained, when nursing just behind the front lines of the Somme and Ypres, had seeped back into her now. She’d experienced so much. She never thought to see it again and had managed to tuck it away, and get on with her life. Now that wonderful, beautiful life they had made lay in tatters and she knew not what the future held. But she had this moment, didn’t she? This one moment in time with her loved ones.
‘My darling, I . . . Oh, Ella.’
Arnie’s arms were around her. Every fibre of her was alive to his touch and the feel of his strong body. Ella was etching it into her memory, so that she could at any time close her eyes and relive this moment. His lips, when they touched hers, felt like warm velvet. She could taste the sweetness of him and clung onto him. When he gently removed himself from her, the soft glow of the early sun, peeping over the mountain top, lit up the tears in his eyes.
‘Smile, my darling. Let me leave you seeing your lovely smile.’
His face creased into a smile of his own, the beauty of which stunned her for a moment. His cheeks dimpled. A tear that clung to his lashes spilled over. Ella watched it trace a path down his beloved cheek, then wiped it with her thumb. ‘I love you beyond my heart and my life. I will be by your side in all you do, my darling. Stay safe for me.’
‘Oh, Ella. Thank you for this send-off. Our parting is breaking me, but your courage gives me strength. It lets me know that you will be all right, and so will our beloved Lonia, in your care.’
Ella wanted to scream out that she wouldn’t be, but she held on to her composure. ‘I will protect our daughter with my life.’
‘And I will do the same for our son.’
This warmed Ella’s heart, as it always pleased her that Arnie had accepted Paulo as his own. ‘Then he will be safe, as I know that Paulo, his father, is looking down on him, too – on you both. I know he will watch over you.’
‘That’s a wonderful thought, darling. As I have said many times, I wish I could have met Paulo.’
‘You have.’ As she said this, Ella turned and gazed over at her son, Paulo. ‘He doesn’t only have his father’s name; he is his father personified.’
Paulo smiled back at her. Yes, he had tears glistening in his eyes, but she could see his love and courage shining through. Passing Lonia to Arnie, he embraced Ella.
In the arms of her beloved son, Ella could feel the heart of his father pulsing inside him. As Paulo pulled from her, he looked into her eyes. ‘Mama, I love you. We will get France back. We will all return to our home one day.’
‘I know, my darling.’
‘Mama, if you get to England, will you tell Sibbie how much I love her?’
‘You do? Oh, Paulo, that’s perfect. When . . . I mean, how long have you known this? And does Sibbie know? Because she loves you, my son. She has loved you for a long time. I have often wanted to awaken you to her love.’
‘Really? Did she say so?’
‘She did to me, Paulo.’ Flors stepped forward and put her arm on Paulo’s shoulder. His face was now shining with the biggest grin Ella had ever seen him give. His happiness shone from him.
‘Really? Sibbie loves me? That’s wonderful. I could skip and dance.’
A little tinkling laugh from Lonia filled Ella with both the sadness and joy of the moment.
‘Paulo, though we are pleased for you, we must hurry you all. It is important that we get across the open fields before the sun is fully up and the gendarme patrols begin to monitor the road.’
The moment was spoilt at these words from Cyrus – necessary words, and from another very brave man, who now faced knowing that one of his sons, the beloved and gentle Randolph, was probably in a prisoner-of-war camp, just as Cyrus himself had been in the last war.
Ella sighed; she had captured the moment and put it with her other memories, and she knew that was all she would have for a long time – memories of how life used to be.
‘Come on, little one. It’s time for us all to go on the next leg of our adventure. Kiss Papa and Paulo goodbye. And give them your very best smile,’ she said, taking Lonia’s little hand. Turning away was the hardest thing Ella had ever done. But when she looked back and saw that her beloved husband and son had gone, her heart split in two.
An arm came round her, and she looked into Flors’s lovely face, where she saw once more the courage of yesteryear. ‘We did it once, and we can do it again, Ella. We’re together in this, as we were back then in Brussels.’
‘Let me take Lonia. I can give her a piggyback.’ Cyrus’s voice shook with contained emotion as he said these simple words.
‘Oh, say yes, Mama.’
Helping Lonia climb onto Cyrus’s back lightened the moment. But when he galloped away with her, pretending to be a horse by neighing, and the air filled with Lonia’s laughter, Ella broke down.
As always, Flors caught her and held her. Clinging onto Flors, Ella bent double with the weight of her sorrow. Sobs rasped her throat. Tears seemed to be draining from every part of her. ‘I can’t go on – I can’t.’
‘You can. And you will, my dear friend. I will be by your side, as will Cyrus; and as you will be by our side in our grief, too.’
‘Oh, Flors, it can’t be happening again. It can’t. We – we’ve lost everything . . . everything.’
‘No, we haven’t. Ella, listen. Everything is on hold, that’s all. You have to go forward with the spirit you showed back there, when you said your goodbyes. Lonia, and Cyrus and I, need that of you. You did so much for me as I watched your courage. Don’t crumble now, Ella; don’t, please.’
These words from Flors got through to Ella. She straightened and calmed her wails of distress.
‘That’s better, my darling friend. I know you needed that moment, but it has passed now. You will cope. It’s what we do, remember? We cope with whatever this bloody world throws at us.’
‘Ooh, Flors, you swore!’
Flors giggled. It was a giggle that turned to a laugh, which Ella couldn’t help let into herself. She smiled at the warmth and comfort it gave her.
‘You have to admit, Ella, there’s never been a generation that’s gone through the hell of two world wars.’
Ella linked arms with Flors. ‘And we beat them last time, and we can do it again. Just let them try to destroy us altogether, and they’ll have a fight on their hands like nothing they are experiencing now.’
‘It’s Flors and Ella against the world once more.’
‘And when we get to England, it will be Mags, Flors and Ella against the world.’
‘Yes, watch out, you Germans: we’re on our way.’
They both laughed at this, which prompted a loud ‘Shush!’ from Philippe. This made them giggle even more and, as if they were children, stuff their fists into their mouths to try to quieten the noise.
It was fully light by the time Ella, Flors and Cyrus got to speak again, and the late-September sun was warming them enough for them to remove their coats.
Ella didn’t know how far they’d walked, only that she was beginning to feel the ache of their trek in her calves, and that hunger was knotting her stomach. Lonia had walked quite a lot of the time, and had been carried by them all at others. She had taken to Mona and was now holding her hands and Philippe’s and was chatting away.
Ella, Flors and Cyrus also held hands, gaining comfort from doing so. They’d been told they would reach the first safe house by eleven, and now they could see it in the distance. They’d walked for the most part in silence, each with their own thoughts, but Ella now felt compelled to voice hers.
‘Flors, I’ve been thinking. I think I will return to nursing.’
‘I thought you would. I was wondering how you were going to cope, and it occurred to me that you might consider taking up nursing again. I agree, it would be a good way for you to get through however long it takes for you to be reunited with Arnie and Paulo. I’ll help with Lonia all I can.’
Ella smiled. ‘You know me so well. And yes, I feel that I have to do something. I can’t live out however long this takes waiting, day after day, for news. I’ll contact the Red Cross once we’re settled back in England.’
Cyrus interrupted them then. ‘Did you bring any money, Ella?’
‘Yes, I did, Cyrus. Quite a bit.’ She told him how, during the initial part of their journey when Arnie and Paulo had still been with them, Arnie had told her that he’d put the cash he kept in the safe, to pay the casual workers, in the bottom of her case and it amounted to quite a bit, to see her on her journey. ‘He also said he would transfer money to the bank account that I still hold in London, so that I can afford to find a place to live for me and Lonia and will be able to cope financially.’ Saying this prompted a thought and she asked, ‘What do you think will happen to the casual workers, Cyrus?’
‘Being Gypsies, they will disappear, once they see that we are gone. I hope so, as they are not safe. As well as the British and Jews, all Gypsies and homosexuals – and those who are physically and mentally disabled – are being rounded up. It is a tragedy . . . But you’ll be safe, Ella, I promise. We’ll get you and Lonia home.’
‘I know, Cyrus. But it is all so unbearable. Why? How can people be so inhumane? How can one man influence so many with his warped views?’
They were quiet for a moment as each absorbed the enormity of what Cyrus had said.
After a while, he changed the subject. ‘You have no need to find a home, Ella. The last communication I had from our estate agent in England was that our house has escaped the bombing, but the people renting it have moved. They have gone to live in the North, with the husband’s family. So you and Lonia are very welcome to live with us. There is plenty of room.’
‘Thank you, Cyrus. That sounds wonderful.’
What Cyrus said next lifted Flors’s heart. ‘And maybe Marjella can get transferred to a nearby station and live at home, too, Flors – that would be something, wouldn’t it?’
‘Yes, that would be a dream come true, Cyrus! I have felt bereft since all our children have left.’
‘You are so brave, Flors.’ Ella tugged Flors nearer to her, so that she could feel more of her close up.
‘I don’t feel brave. We cry at night together, when no one sees us.’
‘Hush, darling.’ Cyrus’s hand brushed Ella’s shoulder as he put his arm around Flors. ‘We have to keep positive. Yes, we weep at night for our young, but during the day we must keep going.’
‘We will, Cyrus. You don’t have to worry about me and Flors – we’ve weathered bigger storms. And thank you again for your offer. I would love to live with you, and it would really help me.’
‘And us, especially Flors. Anyway, Ella, I asked about your finances because I’m thinking that we will never make it, walking across the Alps. Not with little Lonia, and none of us are really physically fit enough to do so. The high altitude would kill us. For the right money, there must be someone willing to fly us over.’ In French he shouted to Philippe, ‘What do you think, Philippe? Is it possible to find someone to fly us into Switzerland?’
‘We will talk over breakfast. Right, here we are at the safe house.’
Inwardly, Ella gave a deep sigh of relief. The house – a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere – looked as though it was falling down. She couldn’t imagine anyone living there, let alone feeling ‘safe’ within its crumbling walls.
‘Come, the entrance is round the back. The Brebecks live in the basement. The house is in a dangerous condition, but they are safe down there. Passing Germans think it’s a ruin. They have been known to stop there and piss on the walls, and yet not realize there is a home below. The people who live here are refugees from Poland.’
Ella’s heart lifted at this. My fellow countrymen. At last I might get some news of what is happening in Poland.
Philippe was now saying, ‘They found this wreck and squatted in it. Monsieur Brebeck is an engineer and has adapted the underground rooms, leaving the main building looking as it does – an old wreck. It is hard to detect that it is occupied, unless you know.’
As they descended into the basement, Ella’s elation left her, as it felt as if they were taking steps down into the bowels of the earth, and she wondered if that’s what their life would be like once more . . .