Rosie was enjoying the train journey, but was glad when they finally entered Scotland. Now, after changing trains a number of times, she was on the last leg of her trip, travelling from Stranraer to Portpatrick, and, having just passed through Colfin, knew that her station was next.
Excitement zinged through her, to see her ma at last and to have some ‘normal’ family life – though how normal it could be without Daisy and Florrie, and Sibbie and Billy, she didn’t know. But she longed to be with her ma and Aunt Susan, and Roderick, although, from what Ma had told her, Roderick was like a bear with a sore head since he had learned about his flat feet. And yet Rosie hadn’t heard better news in a long time, and suspected that a lot of Roderick’s problems were down to him being a young lad, thinking himself a man and dealing with the process of growing up.
‘Eeh, Ma, what’s the flags out for?’ Rosie giggled as she got off the train and saw a row of Union Jacks hanging up between two gas lights, and her ma waving a small flag as she greeted her.
‘That’s for your return, lass. By, it’s grand to have you home.’
With this, Rosie found herself swept into her ma’s arms and it felt good. So good she didn’t want to leave the comfort of this safe place ever again.
‘You can tell me all about it when we get home, lass.’
‘About what, Ma? You don’t want to hear about the gory business of working in a hospital, I can tell you. Naw, I’ve left all that behind for two weeks. You can tell me what’s been happening up here instead.’
‘I don’t mean hospital life, but what’s troubling you. Eeh, you can’t fool me, lass. I knew, as soon as I got your letter. Sommat’s up, and I want to knaw about it.’
Rosie tried to laugh, but the sound that came out was somewhere between a sob and a giggle.
‘You’re home now, me lass. Whatever it is, it’ll be better for sharing, and don’t forget what I told you: it’ll be woman to woman, and though I might give advice, I won’t be forcing me own feelings on you, naw matter what the trouble is. Now, let’s get you indoors. I’ve the kettle on. I put it on the minute I heard the train approaching.’
‘Is it just you that’s in, Ma?’
‘Aye, Angus and Roderick are out on the boat. And Susan is in the shop. You’ll see them soon enough.’
‘How is Roderick – has he accepted his fate now?’
‘If you mean not ever being allowed to go into the army, the lad’ll never accept that. He’s accepted that his job is as a fisherman, and is getting on with it. But the lad gives himself hell, trying to find sommat that’ll develop his arches. He’s designed and cut all manner of shapes out of wood to wear in his shoes. He seems to think that he can get them right by the time he’s eighteen. Nowt can convince him otherwise.’
‘Aw, poor Roderick. A lot of it’s his age, Ma. He looks on the soldiers as real men, and he thinks he won’t be one unless he can become a soldier. Happen the war’ll be over afore he’s eighteen anyroad, so just play along with him.’
‘Aye, you’re right, lass.’
‘What about Daisy and Florrie and Billy? Have you heard from them? I’ve been worried sick, with the news coming out of the area where they are.’
‘Naw. Our wireless has been on the blink. And the papers are a bit behind with their news, and Angus said he hadn’t been able to get a copy of a daily for a few days.’
Rosie froze. ‘Ma, I don’t feel right about it. I’ve not heard owt for a couple of days, with travelling, but what billboards I’ve seen have spoken of our troops being about to surrender.’
‘Naw. Naw, Rosie lass, don’t say that.’ Betsy plonked herself down on the nearest chair and stared at Rosie. ‘Angus . . . he’s been keeping me in the dark. Eeh, lass. Tell me what you knaw.’
‘That’s about it, Ma. The Japs are winning and are likely to occupy Singapore; they’ve already taken Malaya.’
Betsy paled. For a moment she didn’t speak. Rosie rushed over to her. ‘Oh, Ma, they’ll be all right. I also saw where the evacuation of all medical staff was planned. I bet that has been done, and Daisy and Florrie are on their way home as we speak.’
‘And Billy? What of Billy?’
‘Naw news is good news – you knaw that, Ma. If owt has happened to Billy, you’d knaw about it.’
‘Aye, that’s what they say. That brown envelope is delivered quicker than owt, and families are informed within a very short time. I’ll hang on to that then, lass. It’s the only hope – that Daisy and Florrie are sailing the seas to us as we speak, and that Billy is still alive and not injured. But all the same, I’m taking that wireless down to Barry Macleod this afternoon when we go to see Susan. He’ll soon fix it. I’ve said as we should, but Angus keeps making excuses. Well, he ain’t expected home till late, so he won’t be able to stop me.’
‘Good idea – it’s not good not hearing the news. We live on it, at the hospital. Every news bulletin is listened to and talked about. It keeps us all going at times, stuck on those wards as we are, because half of us want to be doing more.’
‘Don’t even think about it, Rosie lass. Please, don’t. I can’t take any more.’
‘Aw, Ma, let me brew the tea and we’ll talk of other things, eh?’
As Rosie poured the boiling water onto the tea leaves, the rich aroma surprised her. ‘By, this is good stuff, Ma. Are you dealing on the black market then?’
‘Naw. Angus gets it. Fishermen have allus bartered for stuff. Don’t ask me where from, but a box of fish can buy any number of items that you can’t get hold of.’
‘Black market, like I say. Well, you be careful: they’re clamping down heavily on those caught buying and selling stuff that’s scarce and on ration, and swapping could come into that.’
‘Just enjoy it and say nowt. And, Rosie, on the top shelf there’s a baby-milk tin. Get that down and let’s have a bit of sugar in our drink. I’ve had a bit of a shock today.’
Rosie did as she was bid, not even bothering to point out that hoarding sugar was an offence.
The tea tasted the best she’d had in a long time. A contentment entered her that overrode all the emotions and fears that had attacked her lately. The fire crackled a welcome from the hearth, and the feel, smell and familiarity of her home began to envelop her in love.
‘Right, Rosie, we’ve talked about the others, but what about you? All troubles are halved when shared, I’ve allus taught you that.’
‘Ma, sommat happened that I had naw control of and, if I tell you, you’ll get upset. You’ve enough on your plate. It’s gone now – it’s in the past, and I won’t let it happen again.’
‘Well, if you had naw control, how is it that you’re sure you will have control if it does happen again? Were it to do with a man?’
Rosie knew from old that to try to keep anything from her ma was a losing battle. ‘I fell in love, Ma.’
‘Is that all? By, luv, that’ll happen a few times afore you’re done. Who is he, and will I like him? He ain’t naw doctor, is he, as some of them are a bit above us, Rosie.’
‘Naw, he were a German pilot and . . . Oh, Ma, he – he died.’
The shock on her ma’s face was gone in an instant as other emotions took their place, and Rosie could see she was fighting an inner battle. Without an unkind bone in her body, her ma would have been in a quandary as to what to say, as it was, but her promise to accept all and be there for Rosie would be very difficult for her in these circumstances.
‘It’s all right, Ma. I knaw as you wouldn’t have liked it and are probably glad that he died, but you can’t say so, for hurting me. I didn’t want to tell you. I . . . Oh, Ma, it hurts. The pain’s so deep, I don’t knaw as I’ll ever get to be me again.’
‘Awe, Rosie lass. Come here and have a hug. That you should fall in love with one of them as are killing our lads, I can’t understand, but the pain of losing the man you love, I can. There’s nowt like it, and it’s a long battle back. I loved your da, so I knaw. But I’ve also come out the other side and found, not only love, but meself again. I knaw as it don’t feel like it, but you will do the same, me little lass. You will.’
The love her ma surrounded her with helped Rosie. Aye, she would have liked her ma to say that she would have accepted Albie, but she’d known that wasn’t going to happen. ‘I love you, Ma, and I miss you and Daisy and Florrie every day. And our Billy an’ all, little sod that he can be at times.’
‘I knaw. Them being away and in danger is like a sore that you keep rubbing, and it don’t get better, it gets worse. And aye, you’re right about our Billy; he has many traits of his own da. Harold Roford were the Devil incarnate, but Billy ain’t as bad as that, thank God, as Angus has been a good influence on him. But no matter that he is a sod at times, he’s our sod, and we love and miss him. Eeh, Rosie lass, I just want you all home, and for us to be like we used to be.’
‘Oh, Ma, why did all of this have to happen?’
‘Greed – and the need to lord it over others. I sometimes think I knaw Hitler well, as Harold Roford was a Hitler type. They want what others have got, and will do owt to get it. The need to have power is what drives them.’
‘You’ve never told me much about Harold Roford, though his shadow has seemed to hang over our family all me life.’
‘He ain’t someone as you want to talk about – that’s why. He took all that your Aunt Mags had. He were in love with your Aunt Susan, but she had nowt, so he betrayed her and denied that Sibbie were his child; and he wormed his way into Mags’s affections, but only because she were rich, or at least her father were, and she stood to inherit the lot. Anyroad, lass, it’s a tale too long to tell, but you get the gist of it. Hearts were broken. But them hearts have mended now and are happy, and that’s what’ll happen to you, lass. It will, I promise.’
Rosie snuggled into her ma, trying to get comfort and feel some of what her ma had promised, but she couldn’t. At this moment she couldn’t see a time when her broken heart would mend.
At that moment the door opened and Angus and Roderick walked in. The greetings were a distraction. ‘Eeh, our Rosie, it’s good to see you, lass.’
‘Ta, Roddie, and it’s good to see you an’ all. I were sorry to read about your disappointment, lad, but it gladdened me heart, too, because at least one of me siblings is safe from going to fight. Though I still worry about you. What you and Da do, going to sea to bring fish in for the nation, and manning the lifeboat, is dangerous and necessary work. I reckon as you’re the most courageous of us all, and I’m proud of you.’
‘Ta, Rosie.’ She was rewarded by Roderick giving her a huge grin. ‘I’m all right about it now. Well, in a way. It’s hard to think of me brother and his mates fighting for our country, and I’ll never be able to. But, like you say, the nation has to be fed, and aye, I do me bit in rescuing them as get into distress on the sea. The lifeboat is busier than it’s ever been.’
‘That’s the way to look at it, Roddie. And, lad, stop trying to mend your flat feet; it can’t be done and you’re only causing yourself pain.’
‘Has me ma told you about that? Eeh, Ma, you can’t keep nowt to yourself. Well, except any chocolate that comes your way; aye, I knaw about that stash you have, an’ all.’
They all laughed. Ma had always been known for her love of chocolate, but no doubt she needed it more than ever now.
A rap on the door brought their laughter to a halt. There was something about it – not just that no one they knew ever knocked on the door, but simply walked right in; somehow Rosie knew this caller was going to tear their hearts to shreds.
Angus opened the door.
‘Telegram, sir.’
Ma’s gasp cut right through Rosie.
It was as if they’d all been turned to stone, from the moment the knock on the door had interrupted them. The sound of Angus opening the telegram seemed to fill the space around Rosie. Her throat tightened and her head rocked on her shoulders in a gesture that said: No!
Angus’s deep breath was pain-filled. He looked at Betsy and crumbled as his body sank into the nearest chair. No one spoke. Taking another deep breath, and with tears running down his face, he rose. ‘Oh, me lassie, me lassie, how are we to bear this?’
Ma’s head was rocking from side to side, just like Rosie’s was. Her mouth was open and spittle ran down her chin. When her body began to tremble and her colour drained, Rosie was spurred into action. ‘Roddie, help me, lad. Help me to help Ma.’
Together they held Ma, their arms entwined around her, holding each other’s hands. ‘Tell us, Da.’ The term came naturally to Rosie now, though it was only recently that she’d called this lovely man that her ma had married ‘Da’. And no one deserved the title more than him.
Angus’s mouth opened, but nothing came out.
‘Da? Please.’
‘D – Daisy and . . . And Fl – Florrie. They’re . . . Oh, God in heaven, I – I canna say it. I canna make it real.’
‘Dead?’ This was a shocked whisper from Ma.
Angus just stared.
‘How? God . . . how? They were rescued, you told me. Evacuated, you said. Angus, tell me, what happened to me babbies?’
Ma’s body sank and her weight bore down on Rosie, whose own body was folding. Then a wail came from Betsy that filled the room with the tangible pain that none of them had let in, at the initial shock.
‘Ma . . . Ma . . .’ The gasp that Roddie took after saying this was audible as a groan.
Nothing seemed real to Rosie. Her only reality was the need to help her ma and Roddie and Angus. ‘Help me get Ma to the sofa, Roddie. Come on, lad. Do this for your ma.’
With Ma on the sofa, her face as white as a sheet, her mouth still slack and her eyes staring into nothing, Rosie felt extreme worry for her. She couldn’t let in the terrible, devastating truth, because she had to care for her ma. ‘Roddie lad, put the kettle on. Ma needs some very sweet tea – you knaw where she keeps her stash, lad. Go on, do it, Roddie. Ma’s in shock. She could take very ill with it.’
‘But . . . Rosie . . . I – I, oh God!’ Roddie’s face was wet with tears and his breathing came in great sobbing gasps.
‘Roddie! Roddie lad, please, do as I say. In helping others, we find strength in ourselves.’
Roddie turned and picked up the kettle. Satisfied that she’d stopped him from breaking down completely, Rosie went to her ma. Grabbing the blanket that was always folded on the sofa for Betsy’s legs, as she was one to feel the cold, Rosie wrapped it around her. ‘Ma. Eeh, Ma, hold on, love. Don’t let go completely. Our Daisy and our Florrie would want you to carry on.’
Angus moved at that moment and sat down next to Betsy. Thank goodness, Rosie thought, Angus had recovered himself and was ready to help his wife. ‘Betsy, me wee lassie. Our lassies, oh God! Let me hold ye, me lassie, as me world is falling around me, and I knaw as yours is, tae.’
Ma didn’t resist, and fell into Angus’s arms. ‘Help me, Angus, help me.’
‘We’ll help each other, me lassie. We’ll tac this road together.’
Rosie felt her own tears leak from her broken heart, as she watched this beloved and devoted couple rocking together, as a child might do when extremely distressed. Sinking into the chair behind her, Rosie tried to take in what had happened. ‘Was the ship attacked, Angus? Did the telegram say?’
Angus didn’t speak for a moment. When he did, his voice shook. ‘I knew the ship had been sunk. The news has been full of it on the radio. I – I . . . well, the moment I heard, I disabled our wireless. I tried to keep it from ye, Betsy, me lassie, in the hope that our wee lassies were among them as were saved. I ken I did wrong, but I didn’t want ye worrying and waiting for news. When ye were coming, Rosie, I thought ye’d heard it too and were coming to be by ye Ma’s side.’
‘Naw, I – I, well, I had sommat on me mind, and I’ve been travelling. I tried not to see owt about the war.’
Roddie, moving as if he was a zombie, brought the tea over. Rosie busied herself pouring it, trying not to let in the horrific truth. ‘Drink this, Ma, it’s very strong and very sweet. Your body needs it, Ma.’
Still Betsy didn’t speak. Sounds came from her – sounds of desperation and incomprehension – but no words.
Rosie helped her ma to drink her tea. Like a child, Betsy did just as Rosie told her to. When the tea had gone, Rosie took her ma into her arms – keeping the news at bay had defeated her. ‘Ma, Ma. It’s unbearable . . .’ Sobs racked her body, and her heart split in two.
Betsy stroked her hair, her own tears spilling out now, her moans still the only sound that came from her, but at least she was reacting, and this comforted Rosie a little. Though she knew that life would never again be the same. Her darling Daisy and Florrie lost to her forever.
‘Will I get me lasses back? I want them, I want me lasses. Angus, I want me lasses.’
This wail from her ma almost broke Rosie. ‘Ma. Ma, please.’
‘Oh, I knaw as they’re gone, but I want to bury them here.’
‘Ma, that won’t be possible.’ Though her own heart was breaking, Rosie tried to give some comfort to her mother. ‘They were together, Ma. Aye, and with friends they would have made an’ all, no doubt. They’ll all go to heaven, and that means as they’re here an’ all – with us, all around us; we only have to speak to them, for them to hear. We’ll have a service, though. How would that be, eh? We’ll get Aunt Ciss and Uncle Patrick, and Aunt Mags and Uncle Jerome to come, and everyone from here, and we’ll do them proud.’
‘And Sibbie?’
‘I don’t knaw, Ma, but we’ll try.’
‘Maybe, hen, we’ll have to wait until the war is over, afore we can have a proper service.’
At this from Angus, Rosie suspected that he was thinking, like her, that Sibbie and Marjella were carrying out special work they couldn’t be released from.
‘Naw, I want them as can come to be here now. I want me sister – get our Ciss for me, Angus, please. I’ve a phone number for her, it goes through t’office of the estate as Patrick works on.’
‘We will, Ma; whatever you want, we’ll do it.’
‘Aye, me wee lassie, we will.’
Angus seemed to have gained strength as he said this. His hand came out to Rosie, and she took it and leaned her head on it. As she did so, she saw Roddie, sitting with his head in his hands, and her heart went out to him. ‘Roddie, come over here, lad.’
With Roddie joining them, his da let go of Rosie’s hand and stretched it out to his son. Roddie knelt, making it easier to comfort him, now that he was at the same level as them all. His arms came around them, his hand resting on his ma’s head. And although there was little comfort to be had, with the enormity of this terrible news, they were a family, and just holding each other helped.
Days went by, with Rosie hardly noticing. Her nights were spent remembering and weeping, but during the day she was protected by her Aunt Susan, whose London grit helped her to cope, as she organized the day-to-day living. And then there was the constant flow of lovely folk from their community in Portpatrick who gave comfort.
It was five days later when the second brown envelope came and, with it, a rich-looking envelope with a royal seal. They all stood together, holding hands. Rosie could feel her ma’s body trembling, and the effort she was making to keep herself together. Angus tore open the brown envelope first and read aloud:
‘We regret to inform you that your son, Corporal William Roford, has been taken prisoner by the Japanese army.’
Ma released a huge sigh that told of her relief.
‘Corporal Roford is being held in Malaya, but if moved, we will inform you. And we will do our best to get any letters from you to him, as well as any parcels you may want to send, but we must warn you that the Japanese do not always comply with the rules of war, and anything sent may not reach your son.
‘At all times we will try to keep communications open and will inform you of your son’s welfare, when we have news of how he is.’
Ma stayed standing and, on hearing this, folded her arms. ‘Our Billy’s safe then? Thank God! By, lad’ll have more parcels than he can cope with. We can look after him, Angus, even if it is from afar.’
It was as if Betsy couldn’t let the true impact of this news into her heart, but was warding it off with bravado.
The rest of the letter was given over to telling them how to send letters and parcels to Billy, and although this was meant to be comforting, and seemed to be for Ma, Rosie derived no comfort from it. Tales of Japanese brutality were rife, although Ma might not have heard of this or was pretending to ignore it.
In a strange way, thinking about this did provide comfort of a different kind to Rosie, as such notorious behaviour was known to be carried out particularly against women. At least I can be thankful for one thing, in losing me darling Daisy and Florrie – they weren’t taken prisoner, to suffer at the hands of the Japs. But what of Billy? In her mind she pleaded fervently, Oh, Billy lad, toe the line. Do all that is asked of you, lad.
The second letter was a beautiful one from the King himself, mentioning his lovely wife, Queen Elizabeth, who joined with him in their sorrow to hear of the loss of Daisy and Florrie. Not that he named them like that, but no matter that he used his own posh words and gave them their full titles – Sister D. Bradshaw and Nurse F. Bradshaw – the letter did something for them all.
‘There, the King and Queen themselves are feeling the loss of our Daisy and our Florrie, Ma.’
‘They are, lass, and they have need to, as our lasses deserve their recognition. I’m framing that letter, Angus, and we’ll have it on the wall to honour our lasses.’
Angus nodded. His arms came out and Ma went into them, her sobs shaking the very walls of the house. Rosie grabbed her coat and went outside, where she found Roddie.
‘Eeh, lad, you’ll catch your death. You’ve naw coat on.’
‘At this moment I want to die, Rosie.’
‘Naw, lad, you’ve got to live – for me, and Ma and your da. Aye, and our Billy an’ all. When he gets home, he’ll need his brother to be there for him. Remember, lad, you’re having to bear this here, with your ma and da, and me and Aunt Susan, to help you. Billy’ll knaw – if not now, then very soon – that his sisters have died, and will have to bear it in a living hell of his own.’
‘Aye, Rosie . . . Rosie . . .’
She opened her arms and Roddie came and hugged her, and as big and strong as he was, his heart was broken, wetting her hair with his tears and opening up the rawness of her own wounds. Together, the brother and sister left behind sobbed out their grief.