‘Freddy’s coming home. At last, my darling, our boy is coming home.’
Cyrus’s joyful cry filled the apartment. Flors caught her breath in her lungs in a feeling of mixed emotions. At last. To have two of my sons together again, thank God. If only . . . Pulling herself up, she decided not to think like that. Monty was gone – well, from this earth, but never from her heart. She looked around at all the crates, packed ready to take back home. Soon a very changed group would be travelling back to their beloved France.
They knew, from what Randie had written and Arnie had told them, that both their own and Ella and Arnie’s homes had been ransacked. Arnie had arranged for builders to come in, and Randie had been happy to stay on to oversee the work.
It had been sad to hear of all the destruction. But then they were only goods and chattels and were easily replaced, mainly by all that surrounded her at this moment – all pieces that Flors had come to love over the last few years; and although she hadn’t made this apartment her home, these items would complete her home back in France.
The door burst open and Cyrus stood there, his face lit up as she’d not seen it for a long time. ‘Can you believe it, darling? And there’s another letter, too. It’s from Randie. Everything is now ready, and he will be with us in the next couple of weeks. But he says he wants us to prepare ourselves for a big surprise – one that he knows will make us very happy, especially Marjie.’
Flors smiled at how easily she and Cyrus had taken to calling Marjella ‘Marjie’, but with everyone else doing so, using her formal name didn’t sound right any more.
‘Randie says he can’t say any more, as he wants to save the moment for when he is with us.’
‘Oh? What on earth can it be, Cyrus? I mean, the obvious thing would be that he has a young lady to introduce to us, but that wouldn’t be a “big” surprise. A nice one, but why all the mystery?’
‘Unless it’s someone we know and wouldn’t expect.’
They laughed together then, as Cyrus named all the unlikely women in the village – one widowed with five children, who had let herself go and, despite all the help offered to her, kept her children in a filthy house and did nothing but smoke and drink wine; and one a spinster whose fiancé had been killed in the last war. ‘No, Cyrus, no – not Philomena! She’s our age and a sourpuss, bless her. Stop it now, and think of someone more likely.’
‘I can’t. I didn’t really know many of Randie’s friends; well, the boys of the village, of course, as they were always around our house, playing football. No, it can’t be one of them, can it?’
Flors laughed out loud. ‘Randie? No, he’s always had an eye for the girls. I bet it’s one of Marjie’s friends, and that is why he says it will make her happy. They were always around.’
‘Yes, it could be any of those. Though, if I remember right, they had their eye on Freddy – especially that blonde girl. What was her name?’
‘Felisa. A lovely girl. Yes, she only had eyes for Freddy. But he never showed any interest in her, always too busy studying his music. Like us, when we were younger . . . Darling, it’s been a long time since we played.’ As she said this, Flors looked wistfully at the grand piano that stood in the corner of the room. It hadn’t been played since the news of Monty had come through.
‘Well, there’s no time like the present. I’ll go and get that violin that I bought, tuned and then hardly played.’
‘Cyrus, shall we practise a few tunes to play at the wedding? I bet Jerome will be playing a tune or two on his ukulele. We can get Mags to make sure there is a piano in the inn where the reception is to take place, so that I can play too. And you can bring your violin.’
‘How will Mags manage to get a piano?’
‘I don’t know, but you know Mags: give her a task and she’ll have it done in an instant. And now that she and Jerome have both retired, she relishes a challenge even more.’
‘Lucky them, retiring when they are still both relatively young. We won’t have that luxury, darling.’
‘Partly we will. Surely the boys, and Paulo, will take on most of the setting up and running of the vineyard.’
‘Oh, I think they should choose what they want to do. You have just mentioned Freddy’s music studies and he may want to pursue a career in that. And Paulo always wanted to be a teacher, a profession that would surely suit his disability better than working in the vineyard?’
‘Oh, I wasn’t thinking. Of course you’re right, darling.’
‘Yes. Arnie and I will get the vineyard up and running again with the help of Randolph – he always loved the work. Maybe he can take over one day. Anyway, I like your idea about playing music at the wedding, but we don’t have long to practise.’
‘I think it’ll all still be there – our talent. We are talented, Cyrus; and yes, it would be so wonderful if Freddy pursued the career we were denied.’
‘That is my thinking exactly. Anyway we all travel up to Scotland next week, so we’d better get started on reawakening that talent. Oh, Flors, it’s going to be so wonderful having the boys there as well. And seeing our darling Marjie and Sibbie and Rosie all get married together – a triple wedding. I can only imagine the frenzy of activity up in Portpatrick. It’s a good job Mags and Jerome have been able to be up there for over six weeks. I don’t think the others would have coped without them. Especially Ella and Arnie, as they have so much catching up to do.’
‘Yes, three years apart. It . . . well, it takes some adjusting to. Life has been lived by each of them, but in a different way. With differing hopes and dreams, like two separate entities. Longing to be together but having to get on with the way things were.’
‘Is that how it was for you, darling Flors?’
‘Yes, up to a point. But it was a little different. You, poor darling, were in that awful prisoner-of-war camp, unable to live a life; and I had to make a life without you, and for you. There were a few adjustments that I had to make when we were reunited, but I was very happy to make them. For Ella and Arnie, they have both had to live in totally contrasting circumstances.’
They were quiet for a moment. The past has a way of doing that, Flors thought – taking us back into its clutches for a time. Marjie came to her mind. How she must suffer, with all that had happened to her. For though it had never been spoken of, Flors was certain that Marjie had had more to do with Monty’s death than was really known.
Bringing the subject back round to Mags, she said, ‘You know, Mags is still full of her girls, and having them back with her. When I spoke to her last night, she went on and on about how lovely it was, now that Beth and Belinda were home from the farm in Kent. She was so proud of them both for joining the Land Army.’
‘Relieved, too, if the truth be known. I wish Marjie and Sibbie had done that.’
‘Yes. They both went through so much. But they’re happy now. How they’ve put off getting married until now, I don’t know. But both they and Rosie wanted to wait until the world was stable again and everyone was home . . . those that could come home.’
‘Poor Betsy, Rosie and Roderick. There are going to be some moving moments for them. And Angus too, of course.’
Once more they were quiet, as they thought of the two girls they’d never met, but felt as though they knew, through Betsy’s and Rosie’s tales of Daisy and Florrie’s antics. ‘And for us too, darling.’ With a sigh, Flors brushed away the thought of how Monty was rarely included, when talking of those who had been lost. ‘Let’s play for a while, darling; for some reason my fingers are itching to feel the ivory keys, and that hasn’t happened in a long time.’ Without asking which tune, Flors began to play.
After a moment Cyrus touched her arm. ‘Strauss, darling?’
‘Yes, we love this one – remember? “The Blue Danube” waltz.’
‘I do. I won’t be a moment. I’ll be back with my violin.’
When Cyrus joined her, the strains from his violin filled the room and Flors was once again transported back to a time in their home in Brixton, before their terrible secret was known even to them and they’d played this waltz together, and had dreamed of staging a concert. So much had happened since then. So many lives torn apart, but also twenty years of happiness as they’d built their vineyard together, with Ella and Arnie, and built their family, too. Sighing, she suddenly knew the waltz wasn’t the right music for now and, without warning, changed it to ‘My Old Man Said Follow the Van’.
‘What? Flors?’
‘Ha! Remember playing in that cockney pub for a few pennies?’ Laughing, she mimicked the Londoners’ way of singing the song: ‘My old man said, “Foller the van, and don’t dilly-dally on the way.” Off went the van wiv me ’ome packed in it. I walked be’ind wiv me old cock linnet.’
She could go no further as they collapsed in laughter.
‘Ella, darling, I love you. I love how you’ve helped everyone, and how that has helped you. You have filled my mind these last three years; no matter what I had to do, I did it with you in mind – and our future, and our family’s. And to find you happy and coping means the world,’ Arnie said.
‘I know. Terrible things happened. Awful, disgusting things, and terrifying ones, too. I was broken when I first came home, but being here with Betsy and Susan, and knowing their pain and that of Rosie, I felt I was sent here to help them, not to dwell on my own troubles. It is them who got me through.’
‘We’re lucky. There’s so many broken men, especially those coming back from Japanese prisoner-or-war camps, like Billy. How can we help him, Ella? It’s breaking Betsy’s heart to see her son as he is.’
‘Can you and Paulo get Billy to talk? I know Angus and Roderick have tried, but they are too close to Billy and he can reject them, knowing they won’t ever stop loving him.’
‘We’ll try, but I think you would be the best person. You have a way of helping people to get better – it is your vocation. Why don’t we go for a walk up to the top of the cliff? I saw Billy go that way. He goes there most days.’
The September air still held a lot of warmth, though a slight breeze from the sea played with Ella’s hair as they climbed the steps to the wooden bridge straddling the ravine that plunged to the sea below. Once over the bridge, they were able to hold hands again. When the ruins of Dunskey Castle came into view, they saw Billy sitting on a rock staring out to sea. Arnie called out to him.
Billy continued staring, as if he hadn’t heard.
‘Maybe this isn’t a good idea, darling?’
‘Let’s try, Ella. For Billy’s sake, and for the girls. They have waited so long to have a happy day. And Rosie wants Billy to give her away.’
‘Oh, not Angus? When did you find that out? Won’t Angus be hurt?’
‘No. He was the one who told me. He said he thought it a wonderful idea. I think Roderick felt his nose pushed out of joint a little, but he is so enamoured with Belinda that his attention is taken up with wooing her!’
‘Oh, Arnie. Betsy and Mags are thrilled at the prospect of one of each of their children getting together. But, you know, Mags is afraid, too. Belinda is so sophisticated, and Rod is a typical fisherman: steady, hard-working, not one for dances and such.’
‘I think that is the problem he’s having. Well, he’ll have to learn to appreciate the finer things in life, if he is to win his fair lady.’
They both laughed. The sound seemed to disturb Billy, as he looked towards them and then stood up, in a manner that showed his impatience.
‘Lovely day, Billy.’
‘For some.’
‘I would say for all of us who survived what we’ve been through.’
Billy shrugged.
Ella gave Arnie a sideways look. His face showed his bewilderment as he mouthed, ‘What?’
Ignoring him, Ella walked nearer Billy. ‘Billy, Arnie only wanted to walk this far, but I thought to cut across the field to School Brae and go down the lane and back around to the village. Would you walk with me?’
‘I suppose.’
‘See you later, Arnie.’ His look of surprise made Ella smile, but he’d already shown how ham-fisted he was in handling the delicate Billy.
They walked across the field in silence. Ella waited, hoping Billy would break it, because even though it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, she didn’t want to force him. At last he spoke. ‘Ma tells me that you went through hell when you were imprisoned, Ella.’
‘I – I did. I find it difficult to talk about, even though I want to, as I’m afraid no one will understand.’
Billy’s ‘I might’ surprised Ella. She hadn’t expected to get as far as this. Well, she wasn’t going to miss this opportunity, even if it meant her opening up to him, something she’d only done with Arnie.
‘Shall we sit on that stile over there, Billy? It’s a long story, and I will need to sit down as I tell you some of it, as it makes me feel weak to remember it.’
‘You don’t have to tell me, Ella.’
‘I know. But I somehow feel that you will understand, and I so want to unburden myself to someone. It isn’t easy with someone you love, and who loves you. They are too hurt by it all.’
‘Aye, I knaw about that. I want to talk, but I don’t knaw how they’ll all handle it. They won’t understand.’
They’d reached the stile and Ella sat down. Billy stood for a while, which made this even more difficult for her. She didn’t think she’d ever have to tell her story to a young man she’d only just met. But she took a deep breath and began to talk. Once she did so, she found she couldn’t stop. Everything came out: the separation from Flors, the rape, her cruel treatment by the Germans and how she told them more than she should have done, in fear for her child’s safety. At this point Ella couldn’t stop the tears flowing down her face.
Billy sat on the grass in front of her and took her hands. This wasn’t the Billy she’d been told of by Mags, who had always likened him to Harold. ‘I’m sorry, Ella.’ Tears seeped from his eyes as he said this.
Forcing herself to go on, she told him, ‘I don’t know why they didn’t send me to an extermination camp straight away, once I admitted to having Jewish ancestors. It remains a mystery to me. I can only think they didn’t have everything in place at that time – transport, and so on. As the Resistance had disrupted so much, they sent me to another camp for the time being. The camp I went to was run like a small community. The British had organized themselves well and gave no trouble, so it was largely a peaceful time. But then the Germans found out about the Jews in the camp who had hoodwinked them. They were rich, important people from Poland, really nice people, who had managed to buy their passage out and pass themselves off as British. They had false British papers.
‘Then the terror came back, as the Germans began to flush the Jews out. They had these trains – well, cattle-transporting trucks. They rounded us all up and were transporting us. Oh, Billy, that train was awful, with so many packed in it that we could hardly breathe. We stood all the way, packed in so tightly that when a woman fainted, she couldn’t fall to the ground. They . . . they taunted us, telling us they were sending us to extermination camps.’
The fear of it all revisited Ella and she was quiet for a moment, trying to compose herself. Billy held her hands the whole while and waited. He really did understand.
‘Arnie had intelligence about this, and rescued me and got me back to England.’
‘You’re safe now, Ella.’
‘Yes, but I still have fears. Nightmares.’ She told him of her sister, and of how she learned that Calek had been sent to such a camp with her family. ‘Arnie is taking me to Poland next year, when we hope travelling will be easier. I need to be there. To visit the street where my family lived. I think that will make it all real to me and I can truly grieve for my darling sister.’
Billy stood up then and sat beside her. His arm came round her, and Ella was glad of the comfort he gave to her. Sobs racked her body, as she felt she really was with someone who understood.
‘Thank you, Billy. Thank you for listening. I feel a kindred spirit to you, as I know you understand what it was like to go through something you didn’t think you couldn’t bear, but had to. And . . . and, of course, the loss of your sisters, too.’
‘I do.’ His body shuddered. ‘I want to talk about it, but it’s hard to. And then, as you say, to come home and find that me si – sisters . . . I – I just don’t want to live sometimes, Ella.’
‘I know. And you mustn’t talk until you are ready. But, Billy, you have so many who love you, and they went through hell, too. Imagine your Ma and Rosie, when they heard about Daisy and Florrie, and at the same time were worried sick they’d never see you again, either.’
‘But they seem as though none of it affected them. I come home and they’re all preparing for the wedding of the century. I left four half-sisters and find I only have two now, Rosie and Sibbie, and they just seem to think about getting hitched!’
Seeing it all through Billy’s eyes, Ella understood why he’d been as he had. ‘Oh, Billy. They’ve grieved, and still are grieving. And Rosie’s grief was doubled by the man she loved dying from the effect of his wounds.’
‘Rosie had a man afore Walter?’
‘She did.’ Ella left out the fact that he was German. ‘An airman, who was shot down and she nursed him. She was in a bad way, with losing her sisters and not knowing if she was going to see you again.’
‘Well, she ain’t said owt to me.’
‘You’ve been closed to them all, Billy. My impression of you was of someone suffering deeply, but unable to reach out. I understood, but to them you don’t seem to love them any more.’
‘What? Oh, Ella, they don’t think that, do they? Don’t they knaw as they were the only ones who kept me going through it all? Through the beatings, the starvation, the months in a dark, hot tin shed that I couldn’t stand up in? Seeing me mates starve to death or die from dysentery. Being subjected to the cruel will of our Japanese captors? All I did was think of them . . . of – of Daisy, me lovely sister; Daisy, and how she’d clip me ear if I were naughty and cuddle me after.’ A huge sob racked Billy. Tears ran down his face. ‘And . . . and Florrie, allus soft with me and trying to reason me out of me moods. I – I want them h – h – here, Ella.’
Ella couldn’t speak. Her throat tightened. She clung onto Billy, trying to help him with her love. He slouched on her and she rocked him as if he were a baby. Finding her voice, she said, ‘They are here, Billy – you only have to talk to them. I do that with my first husband, Paulo, and my first baby, Christophe. I talk to them all the time, and they help me.’
Billy calmed. Then he began to talk again. ‘Rosie . . . Rosie was in me mind all the time. We used to play together, and she’d boss me around. I had to be her baby boy, and she’d mother me and take me for walks. I was only three. I’d forgotten it, but it all came back to me. And how much I loved them all haunted my days and nights and willed me through. But nothing’s the same. Even Roderick. Our Rod – a bloody kid who got on me nerves, but who I longed to be with and knew I loved so much – has changed. He’s almost a man now and all he thinks of is getting a girl into bed.’
Ella laughed. ‘Sorry, but I couldn’t help that. Of course that’s all he thinks about. Be glad for him, Billy. Thank God Roderick didn’t have to go through what we went through. But because of us, he’s been allowed to mature into a normal young man . . . a horny one, I grant you.’
Billy looked shocked for a moment, but he wasn’t anywhere near as shocked as Ella was at herself for saying such a thing. It had just come out! But then there was a sound that she never thought to hear: the sad, lost Billy laughing. He bent over double with it – an infectious laugh that tickled Ella and helped her overcome her embarrassment.
‘Oh, Ella. Where did you learn such things? It sounded so funny, coming from you.’
‘I’m a nurse, Billy. What I saw and heard in the First World War would curl your hair. Oh, it’s already curly.’ They were off again. Ella laughed so much that she had a sudden urge to pee. ‘Excuse me, Billy – middle-age syndrome, I’ve got to go behind the hedge.’
At this, she thought Billy would have a seizure, he laughed so much.
When she emerged he had his arms open. Nothing about the gesture frightened or alarmed Ella. Billy was like a best friend, the little brother that she’d never had, and she went into his arms willingly. ‘I just needed a hug, Ella. Ta, for today. I think this is another soldier whose life you’ve saved.’
She looked up at him. ‘Oh, Billy, you weren’t . . .’
‘Aye, I was two minutes from jumping, when you and Arnie appeared. I was so angry at seeing you. But now I don’t knaw if I’ll ever be able to thank you.’
‘You can thank me by agreeing to give Rosie away.’
‘Me? Shouldn’t that be Angus?’
‘No. With no father to do the job, it should be the eldest brother – and that’s you.’
‘I’d be honoured. Aye, I would. Eeh, fancy that.’
‘My demands aren’t over yet, Billy. I want you to give your ma a big hug and tell her how you missed her, and how thoughts of her got you through everything you went through. Don’t let her have lost a son as well as two daughters, Billy.’
‘Aye, I will. I’ve so wanted to, Ella. Now, any more demands? By, you’re sounding like our Daisy – you’re not a bit like I thought you were. I don’t mind telling you, I wanted you all gone and to be left in peace, but now I can’t bear you to go.’
Ella came out of his arms. ‘That’s a lovely thing to say, Billy, and I hope you’ll visit us in France. We’d love that. And so would your Aunt Flors. She’s lovely; you’ll meet her soon. She’s always wanted to meet you.’
‘Aye, I don’t knaw why, but all I heard were bad things about me da, so I didn’t want to meet any of his kin.’
Ella thought this sad. And that maybe, if everyone hadn’t been so keen to see his father in him and to judge him as such, Billy could have shone as the real person he was. ‘Billy, I have an idea. We’re going to need a lot of help to get up and running again. Why don’t you come over to France for a while with us and give us a hand? You’ll love it there.’
‘Eeh, Ella. Ta. That sounds just what I’m needing. I heard from our Sibbie that the sun’s allus shining and the sea is as blue as blue.’
‘It is, and though it’s a little way away from us, we often go on picnics. One more thing, though, Billy.’
‘Ha, I thought there’d be a catch.’
‘I want you to shake the hand of Angus and Roderick.’
‘I can’t wait to, Ella. I’m going to be a changed man. You’ve done that for me. You’ve made me see how everyone’s suffered, and not only me.’
‘I’m glad, Billy. Though I haven’t worked any magic – I haven’t taken it all away. It’s still there and will haunt you, but you have to find a way to cope. We all do. If we don’t, then they’ve won, not us. What use is being the victors if we’re broken and we hurt those around us, instead of going forward and making a good life for ourselves and enjoying our hard-won freedom?’
Billy stared at her, before saying, ‘Ella, you won’t get tired of helping me, will you? I mean, if I come with you and I have a bad moment, I can turn to you, can’t I?’
‘You can, Billy. And to Arnie and Cyrus. And Flors. All of them will understand, as will Paulo and Sibbie. When you hear their stories, you’ll be amazed they survived, to go on to plan their future. A future of love.’
‘I guessed as much, seeing as Paulo has lost a leg. And, well, I don’t know what he and Sibbie and Marjie did in the war, or Arnie, but I’ve guessed they all suffered.’
‘Come on. Let’s get back. You’ve got a lot of hugging to do. I hope you’re up to that! Your ma will smother you.’
Laughing, Billy said, ‘Eeh, why didn’t you leave me where I were?’
Ella pushed him playfully. She loved this new Billy who had emerged, and she held real hope for his future. To have him with them would be wonderful, as she knew they could help him even more as time went on. She just hoped that Betsy would agree, and be happy for him.