She followed Dr. Richardson into his office. The large room was about the size of her parents’ master bedroom. There was another couch like the one out front and a large desk with two leather chairs. Next to the couch were two armchairs, and there was a long coffee table that sat between the chairs and the sofa. Walking to one of the armchairs, he gestured for her to have a seat. Opting for the couch, she sat down, her body sinking into the deep couch.
“Can I offer you something to drink? I have coffee, tea, and bottled water.”
She realized that her throat was suddenly dry, and she was having a hard time swallowing from cottonmouth.
“Water please.”
“It seems a lot of people get thirsty during their sessions. I try to keep plenty of variety on hand so I can bribe my patients to keep on talking.”
They both laughed as he sat back in the chair and handed her a bottle of water.
“So Stephanie, why don’t you start from the beginning?”
Nodding, she looked down at her hands. “Well, my daughter had gone out with some friends. The driver, one of my daughter’s friends, was texting and not paying attention to the road and had to swerve to miss a truck.” She stopped to take a big breath. “The driver was being irresponsible, but now she paid the ultimate consequence for it. She was just a kid. Anyway when she swerved, they said she hit a tree head on. Rachel was rushed to the hospital. She was the only one alive at the scene.”
“What about the other girls. Were they hurt?”
Tears ran down Stephanie’s face, making wet tracks that dripped onto the front of her shirt. “The other four girls died at the scene of the accident. None of them were wearing their seat belts. Why? I don’t know. Rachel has always worn her seat belt. No matter what. I don’t know why she wouldn’t unless they thought they were too cool. Now she’s gone. I can never see her again, and I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I just want to know why. Why did this happen?”
“I know you’re hurting, and the first thing people ask is why. Unfortunately, we don’t know why and we may never know why. The worst thing that can happen to a person is to lose their child. A little person that you created. You spend your life raising them and teaching them right from wrong. You spend each day trying to keep them on track and teaching them to make wise choices. But then one day, poof.” Dr. Richardson threw his hands into the air. “Just like that they’re wrenched from your arms and your life. I know what you’re feeling. It’s a feeling that can’t be explained. Only someone who has experienced it will ever truly understand what you’re going through. That’s why I am here, Stephanie. To help you get through this. Let me share my story of grief with you.”
“OK.”
“When my son died, I lost myself. I lost my way and felt I was too far gone to ever come back from it. You see, the night my son died I held his hand until his last breath escaped from between his lips. I watched the life ebb from him. It was too much for me to take. When I heard the machines flat line and the nurse turn the machines off, I stood to my feet and started walking. I walked down the street until I came to the first bar and stayed there that night and every night after that for almost two years. My life turned into a bottle. It wasn’t until I found God that my life changed for the better.”
“How did you do it?”
“With lots of prayers and the support of my church family. If it weren’t for their constant prayers and endless compassion, I don’t know where I’d be today. Maybe homeless, living under a bridge. Then I met a wonderful woman named Susan. My wife and I had already been divorced for five years when Raymond became sick. We both remarried five years ago. We took it a lot slower the second time around.”
“Wow. Wait, are you talking about Ms. Susan from the diner?”
He gave her a knowing smile. He knew Susan was the one that told Stephanie about the meetings he held. “Yes. That’s the one. How do you think she knew where to send you? With Susan and God in my corner, there was no way I could lose. When I felt myself start to fall, she would be there, encouraging me with verses from the Bible to help pull me back up. I was healed by the mighty power of God, by reading Scripture and by the faith she helped to restore in me. I didn’t have any room in my heart for God after my son died. I felt like He had betrayed me. All the years I had given my life over to him and he took the most precious thing in my life away from me. Why? I became mean and hateful. I really can’t tell you how patient Susan was dealing with me those first couple of years. But she never gave up on me and knew that God had a plan.” He shook his head as he smiled. “She can be stubborn when she wants to be.”
Stephanie remembered how Susan had been there to help her take the gun from Kevin. She didn’t know how, but it seemed that Susan was always there when they needed her as if God had directed their paths to cross. Not only that, but she gave unselfishly, inspiring and helping others when she could easily cater to her own needs.
“I know what you’re thinking. How does she do it, right? Well, I’ll give you a little bit of information about my Susan. Her way of serving God is helping others in need. When my son died, she started by trying to save me. You remind me of her.”
“I could never be as strong as she is.” Stephanie shook her head.
“You’re doing the same thing as she did. You’re coping with your daughter’s death by helping Dr. Pierce, my dear. You’re very much like Susan.”
Stephanie sat back and thought about what he said.
“I think Kevin has come a long way thanks to your help.”
“He’s gotten better. I just hope he continues to progress. He’s such a good man.”
“Sometimes it seems God brings people together in their darkest moments, don’t you think? Sometimes it makes you wonder what’s in His master plan.”
She sat deep in thought for a moment before meeting his eyes. There was a twinkle in them as he smiled, and she smiled tentatively.
“Alright, my dear. I think I need to talk to our friend for a little bit before I end for the day. It was good talking with you and getting to know you a little better. I would love for you to continue to come if you would like.”
Stephanie raised a smile.“I would love to.”
“Fine, my dear, then what day is good for you?”
“Any day will work, but today was great for me.”
“Then let’s keep it on Wednesdays for now? All I ask is for you to arrive a little earlier, say ten o’clock? That way I can get you and Kevin in on the same day before lunch. Susan normally brings me lunch from the diner.” He grinned as he talked about his wife.
“That’s perfect,” Stephanie said as she stood from the couch.
She walked with him out to the lobby where Kevin sat, looking through a magazine he had picked up from the corner table. He looked up and smiled at her quietly.
“You OK?”
“Perfect. Your turn.”
***
Kevin followed the doctor and took a seat on the couch.
“How are you holding up, Kevin?”
Kevin sighed, brought his eyes up to meet Dr. Richardson’s. “I’m trying to hang in there, but it hasn’t been easy.”
“No one should ever have to walk in your shoes. You’ve had an unbearable burden to carry, and my hat’s off to you for taking the first step to helping yourself. How about we start from the beginning?”
Nodding, Kevin began slowly. “I moved out to work at Harbor hospital so that I could be closer to my sister and niece, Sarah. Sarah was something else, and after Crystal’s divorce I decided to live close by. I knew she struggled with being a single parent and needed extra help raising Sarah. Besides, I got to spend more time with the both of them. It was a win-win situation all around. You know what I mean?”
At Dr. Richardson’s nod, he went on, reciting the familiar story that had been burned into the back of his mind. When he had finished, he leaned back against the sofa and looked into the doctor’s eyes.
“I mean why did God put me there to be a doctor to save lives when I can’t do it? Why make me a doctor at all?”
His pain-filled eyes met Dr. Richardson’s as he began to speak. “First of all son, you need to understand that it’s not your calling to save everyone. God has put you in a position to help mankind with the best today’s medical technology has to offer. But God didn’t place the authority over life and death in your hands. You can only be an instrument in His mysterious plan for mankind.”
Kevin lowered his gaze to the floor. “I try to keep telling myself that every time I’m in the ER, but it’s hard when I’m in the midst of a real life and death situation and I was trained to save people, not let them die.”
“I think seeing your niece die was too much. You were very close to her, and even though you deal with trauma and tragedy every day, it’s different when it’s with someone you know. You’ve never had to face a crisis with someone so dear to your heart like your niece. How are you coping?”
“I’m not.” Kevin wrung his hands nervously together. “I’m barely making it through each day. I keep telling myself that one day when I wake up, things will be okay. But that day never comes. It just seems like life is one continuous album of blues.”
“It sounds like you’re suffering from severe depression. Have you seen a psychiatrist?”
“Not yet, I’ve been thinking about making an appointment, but the thought of seeing one makes me cringe. I never thought the day would come when I would need the help of one.”
“There’s nothing wrong with seeking professional help when we need it. Don’t let the stigma of seeing a psychiatrist scare you away from getting the help you need. Sometimes medication is necessary to help us over the hump. Promise me you’ll at least consult with one.”
Kevin heaved a heavy sigh as he shook his head. “It’s funny how I encourage my patients with depression issues to seek help from a psychiatrist, but when it comes to my own mental health, I procrastinate. We doctors can be the worst when it comes to listening to our own advice.”
“Doctors are no different than any other person. I think it boils down to an individual’s priorities.”
“Maybe. But I’ll try to set up an appointment.”
“Good. That’s the only step I’m asking you to do before our next meeting. You’ll come back, right?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good. I have Stephanie down for Wednesdays at ten. If you can make it at eleven, it would allow me a few minutes in-between appointments to speak with the both of you.”
“That sounds perfect.”
The two men walked out to the reception room where Stephanie was sitting, staring off into space. They could tell she was lost in thought as her eyes stared blankly at the wall across from her chair. Not wanting to disturb her, they stood quietly, waiting patiently for her to acknowledge their presence. Suddenly she raised her head to look at them.
“Hi.” She gave them a smile.
“Ready to go?” Kevin extended his hand.
“Yes,” she said as she placed her hand in his.
They said goodbye to Dr. Richardson and took the elevator back down. Minutes later, they were sitting in the car. Neither one of them said much on the way home, their minds too busy reflecting on the advice given to them by the psychologist.