A PHONECALL HOME

That evening, from an old-style, red, urine-tainted telephone box, its walls tiled with prostitutes’ cards, and empty Nourishment cans on the floor, Mick rang Gabby.

‘It’s me. I’m here in London.’

‘Yeah?’ she said. ‘How is it?’

A trail bike with a metallic, unsilencered engine note blasted its way past the phone box.

‘It’s OK,’ he said, after the noise had gone. ‘It’s big and dirty and it’s not easy finding your way around.’

‘I wasn’t asking for a postcard home. I meant the business.’

‘Yes, well, I’m taking care of it.’

‘Don’t do anything silly.’

‘I’m not a silly person.’

‘I know, but don’t get hurt.’

‘OK. But there’s stuff I need to ask you, stuff I need to know.’

The deadness at the other end of the line was so abrupt that he thought he might have been cut off.

‘Are you there?’ he asked.

‘Yes. What do you need to know?’

‘Well, for a start, the bloke who was getting married, was he called Philip?’

‘We didn’t get formally introduced.’

Mick acknowledged the stupidity of his question, then asked, ‘But was he a big bloke?’

‘I guess so,’ she said, sounding willing to agree.

‘And sort of sporty with it?’

‘Sure.’

‘And did he have a hairy back?’

‘How the fuck would I know?’

‘I thought it was the kind of thing you might have noticed.’

‘I was trying hard not to notice anything at all at the time …’

‘I can see that, but still…’

‘And in any case, he didn’t take his shirt off. And even if he had I wouldn’t have touched his back, would I?’

‘OK, I can see that.’

Mick fell silent. There were other things he’d have liked to ask but he didn’t want to make Gabby any more angry.

She said, ‘I don’t find this very easy, you know.’

‘I realize that.’

‘Or very pleasant.’

‘I’m just trying to work something out, that’s all.’

Mick noticed a couple of black girls standing outside the call box waiting to use the phone. Their presence was hard to ignore. He was aware of their laughter, their long legs, the can of lager they passed back and forth. Their intrusion made him want to talk more softly to Gabby, more intimately, but with the background roar and clatter and road noise he would have made himself inaudible.

‘Did this Philip guy have any distinguishing marks?’ he asked as gently as he could.

‘I don’t know, Mick, all right? I had my eyes shut. Is that good enough for you? What’s the matter with you?’

‘I just want to be sure I gave a pasting to the right man.’

‘Gave?’ She sounded puzzled, then delighted. ‘You already did it?’

‘The first one, yeah. It wasn’t that difficult. He said he was sorry.’

‘Bastard.’

‘Yeah, but he did look genuinely sorry by the time I’d finished with him.’

‘I bet he did. Did you tell him who you were?’

‘What do you think I am?’

‘Did you say anything about me?’

‘Oh sure.’

‘This is excellent,’ she said. Her voice was giddy with excitement. She sounded grateful and exhilarated and loving. ‘Look, Mick, I appreciate this, I really do. When you’ve sorted all this out then I really want us to be happy.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Like we used to be, you know.’

‘You mean sex.’

‘Yeah. Like it used to be.’

He was pleased to hear her saying this, and he hoped she meant it, but he couldn’t resist adding, ‘But not till all this is sorted, right?’

‘That’s right.’

‘OK,’ he said gamely. ‘So there’s only another five to go.’

The moment he put down the phone, one of the two girls outside opened the door and they both tried to get in before he’d left.

‘Hey,’ he said. ‘Excuse me. That’s a phrase we have in the English language.’

‘Oh, fuck off,’ they said in unison.

Mick stared at them. They didn’t look like such terrible girls. He considered wrecking the phone box just to annoy them, but it was just a thought. He knew he’d never do a thing like that. Meaningless violence was not his style.