SKAGRA POSITIONED THE book gently behind the vacuum-bubble shield of his book collection. He hated the thought of hands, even his own, touching any book, what with all their grease and bacteria and animal warmth contaminating the pristine pages.
‘You have the book, my lord,’ cooed the Ship.
Skagra nodded. ‘And now you will read it to me. I will learn the darkest secret of the Time Lords.’
‘At once, my lord,’ said the Ship. ‘You are such a wonderful, wonderful person. My circuits are unworthy of the privileges you bestow on me so bountifully.’
‘Just read the book,’ said Skagra.
He sat back in his comfort pod and closed his eyes.
Behind the bubble shield a slim metal probe extended from a tiny hole. It reached the front cover of the book and gently pushed it open to the first page.
From another hole on the other side of the vacuum shield emerged a thicker, flexible tube. At the end was an attachment that rather resembled an eye, a cool blue light blinking steadily from the iris.
The Ship coughed.
‘Begin,’ said Skagra.
‘At once, my lord,’ said the Ship. ‘Er – are you seated in the position of maximum comfort, my lord?’
‘Yes,’ said Skagra.
The Ship coughed again.
‘Begin!’ said Skagra again.
‘So I just have to read the book, do I, my lord?’ asked the Ship.
‘For the moment, yes, that is your instruction,’ said Skagra.
‘And a wonderful instruction it is too, my lord,’ said the Ship. ‘An instruction worthy of the paradigm of unutterable brilliance that is my lord.’
‘Read it,’ said Skagra.
There was a pause.
‘Out loud, my lord?’ asked the Ship, rather tentatively.
‘Yes, out loud!’ said Skagra. ‘Reveal the secret of the Time Lords. Tell me of Shada!’
‘Yes, my lord, immediately,’ said the Ship.
There was another pause.
‘From the beginning, my lord?’ asked the Ship.
‘Read it from the beginning, out loud, to me,’ said Skagra. ‘Now.’
‘Are you sure?’ asked the Ship.
‘I am very sure,’ said Skagra.
‘How very sure, my lord?’
‘One hundred per cent sure!’ thundered Skagra. ‘Now begin, before I’m forced to destroy your circuitry!’
‘Very well, my lord,’ said the Ship.
She coughed again.
‘The Worshipful and Ancient Law of Gallifrey,’ she said grandly. ‘Read by me, out loud, to my lord Skagra.’
There was another pause.
‘Squiggle squiggle squiggle squiggle,’ the Ship said, enunciating every syllable with the gravitas required of the moment. ‘Squiggle, line, squiggle, squiggle line squiggle squiggle wavy line, though I suppose that could be a squiggle—’
Skagra leapt from the comfort pod. ‘What is the meaning of this?’
‘Your magnificence has, as usual, pinpointed the problem with unerring accuracy, my lord,’ said the Ship. The eyestalk flexed uneasily over the open book, which Skagra saw was covered in arcane symbols. ‘I am programmed to translate every language and alphabet in the universe. And I have absolutely no idea what this means.’