Chapter 16
Ten Signs That Your Bedmate Has a Sleep Disorder
In This Chapter
Looking at common sleep disorder symptoms
Taking steps to help you both sleep better
Even if you have slept well your entire life, if you’re sharing a bed with someone who has a sleep disorder, it’s possible that no one (not you or your partner and maybe even your kids in the next room) can sleep soundly until you’ve identified and treated the problems.
Unfortunately, even if they’re so tired during the daytime that they can’t keep their eyes open, many people with sleep disorders deny that something may be wrong. You hear their window-rattling snores all night even if they don’t, or you get to bounce around the bed when your sleeping partner experiences an episode of periodic limb movement, but they may be blissfully unaware that anything happened. A poor sleeper can show all the classic signs of chronic sleep deprivation and still insist that he sleeps just fine, thank you.
As a result, you, the bedmate, may have to encourage your partner to get the help she needs so you can both sleep better.
As the sleeping partner of someone who may have a sleep disorder, you can promote better sleep by making your bedroom more comfortable and inviting. Read Chapters 6 and 7 for some savvy advice on building good sleep habits and incorporating good sleep hygiene into your lives. Although you can’t cure a sleep disorder with sleep hygiene alone, you can certainly make falling asleep easier and improve the sleep quality for both you and your partner by incorporating a few smart strategies into your bedtime routine.
You can also keep a sleep diary to record the quality and quantity of your partner’s sleep. (See Chapter 2 for a sample sleep diary you can copy and use.) Keeping a sleep diary serves two purposes. First, the information in the diary may help to convince your partner that he does indeed have trouble sleeping (or at the very least, that he’s really messing up your sleep!). Second, the information in the sleep diary gives your doctor a valuable tool to help narrow the focus of his quest for an accurate diagnosis.
Check out the following ten signs and symptoms you can look for if you suspect that your significant other has a sleep disorder.
Excessive Daytime Sleepiness
Most people miss an occasional night of sleep, so many have experienced walking around feeling tired, disoriented, and out of sorts. But people with sleep disorders feel excessively tired, all day long, every day.
When your other half is tired and yawning all the time for no apparent reason even though he seems to be getting enough sleep, start suspecting that something is interfering with his sleep quality. That something may well be a sleep disorder.
Excessive daytime sleepiness is a key symptom of sleep disorders, so if your loved one yawns constantly and walks around in a stupor all day, call the doctor for help in figuring out what’s causing the problem.
Snoring Really Loud
Many people snore, but when snoring is so loud that people in neighboring apartments or rooms can hear it through the walls, or if your bedmate seems to stop breathing several times during the night, you aren’t just looking at everyday, garden-variety snoring. You may be dealing with a serious, potentially life-threatening condition called sleep apnea, in which the soft tissues of the palate, tongue, and even the throat collapse many times a night and block the airway, preventing passage of air into the lungs. Left untreated, sleep apnea can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, and a host of other physical ailments.
Tell your bed partner you’re concerned about his unusual snoring (show him this book if you have to) and ask him to make an appointment with a doctor (see Chapter 3). A doctor can successfully treat sleep apnea, which can result in more peaceful nights for both of you, and a health boost for the person with sleep apnea who can finally sleep through the night without dozens of breathing interruptions.
Even if your partner’s snoring isn’t the dangerous variety, it can still keep you awake at night, and that can be dangerous for you. Check out Chapter 9 and the appendix for some smart, quick fixes to help you sleep, everything from special ear plugs for you to an oral appliance for him. Or you can resort to the old tried and true “tennis ball sewn in the back of the pajamas” trick that keeps a snorer from lying on his back. If all else fails, take your pillow to another bedroom and sleep there.
Sleepwalking
College kids like to make fun of sleepwalkers in their dormitories, but for the person who sleepwalks, the condition isn’t funny. Because the person has little awareness of his surroundings and poor judgment and coordination, sleepwalkers are at risk for physical injuries, particularly if they’re able to get outside.
If your bedmate sleepwalks, he has a sleep disorder known as a parasomnia. Parasomnias are sleep disorders that cause unusual behaviors like sleepwalking. The behavior itself may not be unusual, but the fact that your partner is asleep while doing it makes it strange.
You can take many different steps to make the environment safer if you have a sleepwalker in your house. Remove any low-lying furniture and area rugs that could cause tripping, pad any exposed corners that could cause injury if someone fell against them, and consider putting the mattress on the floor to minimize the risk of injury when the sleepwalker tries to get out of bed. You can also install motion detectors and alarms that wake you up when the sleepwalker is on the move so that you can safely supervise and help him get back to bed without incident.
Don’t wake the sleepwalker as your first response, especially don’t shake him to wake him up. He may think that he is being attacked and he may defend himself. Usually, you can gently coax the walker back into bed. Take his hand and lead him back to the bed. If he resists or seems to be heading off somewhere and you think it would be good to wake him, call out his name.
When your bedmate is a sleepwalker, be aware that you suffer interrupted sleep every time she suffers an episode, particularly if you use an alarm system to alert you to episodes so that you can wake up, supervise the episode, and take care of safety issues. Pay attention to what triggers your partner’s sleepwalking episodes; it can be stress, getting overly tired, or getting off the normal sleep schedule. You can help cut down on the frequency of sleepwalking episodes and improve sleep quality for both you and your partner by minimizing the exposure to known triggers.
Eating in the Middle of the Night but Denying It in the Morning
If you notice food missing from the refrigerator every morning and your loved one is gaining weight even though he’s still eating normally, you may suspect a sleep-related eating disorder. People with this problem get up in the middle of the night and eat whatever they can get their hands on, even inappropriate things like garbage, cigarette butts, and cat food.
The problem is that people who have this problem rarely know that they are snacking in the middle of the night, because they do it while they’re asleep. They truly have no conscious memory of their nocturnal noshing. The only clues they may have are indigestion upon awakening, unexplained kitchen messes, and missing food.
Ask your bedmate to see a doctor for this problem. The doctor will probably schedule a sleep study that can help convince the midnight raider that he actually does eat while he’s asleep. After the doctor confirms the problem and makes a diagnosis, she can prescribe appropriate treatment.
Some people lock up their food to keep midnight snackers at bay; others find that no matter how hard they try to keep the food secure, the snacker finds a way to get to it, or may actually eat something disgusting if she can’t get her hands on any real food.
If your partner is a midnight snacker, rather than trying to lock up every crumb of food, you may find leaving nutritious, easy-to-eat snacks right where she can find them easier. Doing so may discourage more dangerous behaviors like raiding the trash can for a “snack” or firing up the stove. Try making something simple and relatively nonperishable like a cheese sandwich or cheese and whole wheat crackers. Put the snack on a small plate and cover it with clear wrap and leave it on the counter or on a front shelf in the refrigerator so the sleeper can find it easily. Because people who are sleeping have poor coordination, avoid setting out foods that can be choking hazards like nuts or carrots.
You may have to experiment a bit to discover which approach works best for you and your significant other.
Grinding Teeth
If your bedmate grinds his teeth all night long, his annoying sleep disorder is keeping him (and you) from getting enough quality sleep. Teeth-grinding or bruxism can also ultimately destroy teeth and damage the temporalmandibular joint of the jaw, resulting in excruciating pain and chronic headaches. Additionally, the sound can be extremely loud and unnerving.
Many dentists make custom-fitted plates that hold the teeth in proper alignment and prevent teeth grinding. These plates also protect teeth from further damage, and help both you and the teeth-grinder sleep better.
Until you can get to the dentist, try a “boil and bite” plate that you can find at any sporting goods store in the football section. Simply boil the plate and let it cool according to the instructions on the package. When your partner bites down into it, it creates an impression of his teeth. You have to do two plates, one for the upper teeth and one for the lower. This plate won’t stop the teeth grinding, but it does protect the teeth and reduce the noise somewhat.
You can also try ear plugs to keep the grinding noise from waking you up.
Restlessly Moving Your Limbs
Everyone moves about a little during the night. You may turn over to find a more comfortable position, you may fluff up your pillow, or you may rearrange your sheets, all without ever waking up or suffering from disturbed sleep. You may even suffer from a sleep start, that eerie, out-of-balance sensation you sometimes get when falling asleep that makes you feel like you’re falling.
But people with periodic limb movement disorder move their limbs regularly and repetitively all night long, sometimes as frequently as every 20 seconds. Try sleeping with that!
If your bedmate is an active sleeper and you suspect he has periodic limb movement disorder, ask him to schedule a doctor’s appointment. After a physical exam, the doctor may recommend a sleep study to confirm the diagnosis and determine what treatment may be beneficial.
What you do about the situation depends upon the frequency, type, and intensity of your bedmate’s movement. If he just occasionally kicks his legs, a simple foam barrier or big body pillow can help protect your shins. Or, if he doesn’t object, try getting him to sleep in a sleeping bag on the bed next to you. These two solutions allow you to remain in the same bed and the same room.
If your partner flails his arms at night, you probably have to sleep in another room, or at least another bed; otherwise you’ll be awakened repeatedly by getting smacked in the face. And if your partner’s kicking and flailing is so frequent and vigorous that your sleep is constantly disturbed, choose another bed simply to preserve your own sleep quality and make sure you don’t become sleep-deprived.
Unexplained Bruises or Other Injuries Upon Awakening
If your bedmate was fine when she went to sleep but wakes up with a huge purple knot on her shin, either you kick really hard or she has a sleep disorder that causes her to get out of bed and move around during the night, a situation that frequently results in injury.
Or you may be the one who wakes up with the bruise, wondering, “How and when did this happen?”
Sometimes nighttime injuries are caused by a sleep disorder called REM sleep behavior disorder, a condition that causes sleepers to physically act out their dreams, occasionally resulting in serious injuries both for them and their bedmates.
If you or your spouse have bruises, welts, cuts, or other injuries when he awakens, but no idea how you got them, seek medical advice to help you pinpoint the cause.
In the meantime, if you do keep seeing injuries upon awakening, particularly if the injuries are severe, try sleeping in a separate bedroom until you can see the doctor and determine what’s causing the problem.
Cranky, Irritable Mood
If your other half is cranky to begin with, an irritable mood may not serve as much of a clue, but if someone who is generally even-tempered suddenly starts throwing things and acting unreasonable and irritable for no reason, poor sleep may be the culprit.
Someone who has always been even-tempered and reasonable who suddenly turns into Dr. Jekyll may be suffering from a sleep disorder. Try not to respond to any provocations and consider that poor sleep and fatigue may be to blame. Your doctor can tell you for sure.
Poor Judgment and Memory Lapses
Chronic sleep deprivation can do many unpleasant things to the human body, but one of the most distressing is how it affects judgment and memory. Many major industrial accidents have been caused when sleep-deprived workers made disastrous decisions clouded by poor judgment.
If you have concerns about your loved one’s judgment and have noticed increasing problems with memory, poor sleep could be causing the difficulty. Keep a sleep diary for your loved one to determine the extent of the sleep disruption’s he’s suffering (see Chapter 2). If sleep problems are frequent, sleep deprivation could be the cause of his judgment and memory problems. Show him the sleep diary and offer to help him get a better night’s sleep. You may have a better chance of success and cooperation if you’re supportive and not judgmental or critical.
The good news is that resolving your partner’s sleep problems will also effectively address judgment and memory problems.
Recurrent Nightmares
Nightmares are simply bad dreams. They alone don’t constitute a sleep disorder. But if your loved one awakens screaming, gasping for breath, soaked with sweat, and is panic-stricken, he’s not having an ordinary nightmare; it could be a sleep disorder known as night terrors.
Stay calm during an episode. You can help your loved one settle back down by offering quiet support. Use his behavior for cues about how you should act. Some people experiencing nightmares or night terrors become even more agitated if you touch them; others, particularly children, seem to find being held comforting.