We spent the afternoon rearranging Jeff’s room to make space for my belongings. Then, once Pamela returned to town, we ran her stuff to the hotel.
We ate dinner with my grandparents at the IHOP next door and made plans to meet at the hospital in the morning. There was still no change with Mom yet, but we all felt hopeful. Grandpa reported she had squeezed his hand earlier, definitely something to celebrate.
* * * *
By ten that night, I was exhausted. Jeff and I sat watching Star Trek in the living room, but I couldn’t quit yawning.
“I’m heading to bed. Too tired,” I admitted, finally giving in to the fatigue.
“Okay. I’ll be up soon. Don’t forget we’re getting up early tomorrow morning to go running.”
Crap. I had hoped he had forgotten our plan to get in shape before college. We had started running about six weeks ago and wanted to begin working out, too. Well, Jeff was already working out, and yes, I saw the progress, no doubt about it. But working out was the last thing I wanted to do. Damn, I really didn’t want to run in the morning. Sleeping in sounded so much better. There was no way Jeff was going to let me do that though, I was sure.
“Ugh, do we really have to?”
He laughed. “Yes!”
I grimaced as I dragged my body upstairs, putting in extra effort to groan and stomp a little in case he would take pity on me and give me a reprieve, but I got no response. I decided to take a shower, thinking it might ease some of the tension. As I let the water warm up, I stripped and took inventory of myself in the mirror.
Sure, I was shorter than I wanted, but I still secretly hoped for a late growth spurt. My dark blond hair was a mess so I made a mental note to get a trim. My hazel eyes were nothing special, but I supposed they went with my face. All in all, I guessed I might be considered cute, but definitely not sexy. Not like Jeff.
I had to admit, my body was starting to show some definition from the running. If I started working out consistently, I could be more toned and defined by the end of summer.
I definitely wasn’t a hairy person. I had a light dusting of blond hair on my pecs that narrowed into a thin line down the center of my abs, and I kept my blond curly pubes trimmed, but not shaved.
I found myself wondering if Jeff manscaped down there or let it all stay natural. I hadn’t seen him naked in a long time. Not since we were in middle school and changed into our swim trunks one afternoon. I was sure he looked different now.
Jeff had transformed from a geeky kid to a tall, dark, and very hot man. He towered over me and he was filling out, too. Dark, curly hair covered his chest and his arms and legs were pretty hairy, too. I remembered how his chest felt pressed against me last night, and I shivered. Hair on a man was one of my triggers. My cock started getting hard and I watched myself in the mirror as I wrapped my hand around it and stroked.
My mind drifted to Jeff again, and my balls tingled as my cock grew. What the hell? Now, Jeff makes me hard all the time? I needed to cool off!
I stepped into the shower and let the hot water rain down on my sore muscles. What was it about stress that made a person so sore? I washed my hair, letting the scent of Jeff’s shampoo fill my nostrils. I rinsed and grabbed the body wash. As I soaped up, I once again noticed it wasn’t his normal brand and wrinkled my nose.
I slid my soapy hand around my still-hard shaft and began stroking again. I closed my eyes, and a moan slipped from my mouth as I imagined Jeff in the shower with me. Instead of freaking out, I gave in to the fantasy, letting it play in my mind.
Jeff knelt in front of me, watching me jerk off. Would his hands roll my balls? Would he lick the tip of my cock? Oh, God, I wanted him to. I finally admitted I wasn’t just attracted to Jeff—I was falling for my best friend. My cock swelled as I jerked harder and faster. My balls tightened and I grew close. I imagined Jeff urging me on as I braced my other hand on the wall. He told me he wanted to see me come, that he wanted to taste it.
“Fuck!” I moaned. “Jeff!” I cried as ropes of hot, white cream jetted out against the tile. I shook with the intensity of the orgasm, grabbing the shower rod to keep from slipping as the image of Jeff filled my mind. My climax was so intense, my heart thundered in my ears and colors swirled before my eyes.
I felt unsteady on my feet, and my breath was ragged. I rinsed off and cleaned up the mess, eager to climb into bed.
I dried off before I realized I’d left my boxers and shirt in the bedroom, so I wrapped the towel around my waist.
Jeff was already in the room and looked surprised to see me in a towel. “Hey,” he said as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I thought you would already be asleep.”
“Yeah, I decided I needed a shower.” I pulled out a clean pair of boxers. I almost grabbed a shirt, but noticed that Jeff wasn’t wearing one. I decided to follow suit. I began to turn away to get dressed, but paused. “Hey, we forgot to pick up your regular body wash. I used that other one.”
“Why didn’t you use yours? Didn’t we bring it from your house?”
“Shit.” I laughed. “Completely forgot it was even in there. I just grabbed yours.”
A smile tugged at his lips. “Admit it, Aaron, you just want to smell like me.”
He teased, but deep down, I knew he was right. My face heated. “Whatever, man.”
He laughed as he climbed under the covers.
I waited until he turned away before I dropped the towel and pulled on the boxer briefs. I climbed into bed and slid under the covers, facing away from him.
He turned off the lamp on his bedside table, and we lay in the dark for a few minutes.
“Aaron? Earlier today…when you said it was your fault…”
I tensed. “Yeah?”
He cleared his throat and the bed shuddered as he turned over. “You know that’s not true, right? I mean, this was not your fault. In any way.”
“Yes, it was,” I whispered as I rolled onto my back. “I should have been man enough to stop him years ago.”
“It’s not true. You were a kid.” He grasped my wrist.
“I’m not a kid anymore, Jeff. I should have handled him before this.” My throat tightened. I was sick about failing my mom, yet Jeff’s touch sent jolts of electricity through my body.
“But you did. Last night, you shoved him.”
“Too late.”
“Let me ask you something, Aaron.” He pulled my wrist. “Hey, look at me.”
I turned on my side. We stared into each other’s eyes, our faces only inches apart. Moonlight filtered in through the blinds, giving a silvery-blue tint to his skin. My breath caught in my throat; he was gorgeous.
Luckily, he seemed oblivious to my thoughts. “Has your dad ever been that angry?”
“Not really. He hates my mom and hits her pretty often. She hides it. Well, she tries to hide it, but we see the bruises. But I’ve never seen him do anything like this. When I became a teenager, I wanted to fight him off, but my mom begged me over and over to let her handle it.” I closed my eyes. “I shouldn’t have listened. I was more concerned about myself, worried about being sent to a foster home with my sister. I didn’t know what to do.”
“Why do you think he got so violent last night?”
I sighed and opened my eyes. “He’s been drinking more. A lot more. He’s also been calling me more names than he used to.”
Jeff looked shocked. “What does he call you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Anything he wants. Fairy, faggot, loser, you name it, he’s said it.”
“That’s horrible!”
I nodded, feeling worn out. “Yeah.”
We fell silent for a moment, both lost in thought.
“You are the bravest person I’ve ever met,” he whispered.
My eyes widened. “What?”
“You lived with a dad that was so hateful and mean, yet you went back every day to make sure your mom and sister were okay. You are old enough to move out, and a lot of kids would have done that. That’s brave.”
“I couldn’t leave them, Jeff. They needed some protection, as little as it might be. See, years ago, I learned that while I wasn’t necessarily strong enough to fight him, and my mom didn’t want me to anyway, I could distract him enough to get him to forget what he was doing and get my mom to her room safely. Since he always seemed to hate me so much when I’d start talking, it pissed him off enough he would turn toward me.” I gave a rueful smile. “Lucky for me, I could slip into my room before he figured out where I was. By then, he would hit the sofa and pass out.”
Jeff threw up his hand. “See? You’re brave.”
I searched his face, his eyes. Was he just being a good friend and trying to make me feel better? No, I knew him well enough to see he was being honest.
“Oh, my God,” he exclaimed as he shot up in bed. “This is why you won’t go away to college with me!”
I finally nodded. “I couldn’t leave them.”
He fell back on the mattress. “I understand now. I get it.” His gaze dropped to my lips for a moment before he heaved a sigh. “Get some sleep.”
“Yeah.”
“You know that alarm is going to go off pretty damn early,” he teased.
I had just turned onto my other side, but I reached back and tried to smack him. I missed, and he laughed.
“Night, Jeff.”
“Night.”
* * * *
I saw his face. His rage. He wanted to kill me. He lunged at me.
I froze. I had nowhere to turn.
“No! Dad, please! Don’t kill me!” I screamed, shaking with fear.
But he only laughed.
He shook me and I shivered. “No!”
I heard my name being called from somewhere in the distance.
“Aaron. Aaron.”
“Where are you?” I pleaded. “Help me!”
“Aaron. I’m here. Wake up.”
* * * *
My eyes fluttered open and I saw Jeff leaning over me. My whole body shook while tears ran down my cheeks.
“Jeff?” I whispered.
Concern filled his eyes. “Yeah, it’s me. It’s okay. It was just a nightmare. You were just dreaming.”
My breathing was choppy, and I willed myself to calm down. “It was my da—I mean father. He was trying to…Oh, God, he was trying to kill me.”
“You’re okay, Aaron. You’re right here with me. You were talking in your sleep.”
“I was?” I hadn’t done that in years—well, not that I knew of—although I used to talk in my sleep a lot as a child.
“Yeah, but you’re okay now.” With Jeff’s voice calming me, I instinctively rolled onto my side and backed up against him.
He didn’t say a word, just wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer, gently stroking my hair just as he had done the night before. I sighed contentedly.
“You okay?” he whispered. I felt his hot breath on my neck and wiggled against him without really thinking. His body tensed for a second, but then he relaxed and held me tighter.
“Yeah. I’m good, Jeff,” I whispered. “I’m really good.” I slid my arm on top of his and rested my hand on his. He didn’t pull away, so I grew braver and entwined our fingers until our hands curled into each other.
“Aaron?” he whispered.
“Yeah?”
But he stayed quiet. I squeezed his hand and sighed.
“Good-night, Aaron.”
“Mmm.” I murmured, already drifting off. I wasn’t sure what was really going on between us. All I knew was I felt happy and safe and cared for.
* * * *
The alarm clock tore through the quiet. Jeff pulled away from me to turn it off. I pretended to be asleep in the hope he would abandon the idea of running so early.
I was surprised when he rolled back against me, spooning me as he did through the night. He slid his arm around me again and sighed into my hair as he pulled me closer.
“Aaron?” he whispered.
I debated whether to answer when I heard him. Actually, I heard him and felt him.
“God,” he whispered into my hair, squeezing me closer. His hard cock pressed against my ass, and a thrill slid through me.
His hairy chest rubbed against my back, and I loved the sensation. Before I knew it, a moan slipped out of me as I wiggled my ass against his cock.
He froze. “Aaron?”
“Mmm?” I pretended to just be waking up. I stretched as I rolled onto my back, grimacing. “Please don’t tell me it’s already morning. Please don’t make me run.”
Jeff must have bought my act, because he grinned at me. “Tough luck. We made a pact and besides, it’s good for our bodies.”
“I know something else that would be good for our bodies,” I murmured as he slid out of bed.
“What did you say?”
Crap! I have to quit saying things out loud. “Nothing.”
* * * *
About ten minutes later, we were running down the block. About five minutes after that, I was begging him to let me quit.
“No! Stop whining,” he told me. Again. “You agreed to this.”
“I know. I know! Fine.” I pouted. “Well, maybe I can finally get sexy enough so I won’t feel so bad about my body.”
He stopped running and turned toward me, his hands on his hips, his mouth gaping. “You don’t think you’re sexy?”
I rolled my eyes. “Sure I am. Everybody wants a piece of this!” I waved my hands over my body. “I mean, they are lining up.”
“They who?” he asked, watching me intently.
“Lots of hot, sexy me—people. Lots of hot, sexy people are lining up to date me.” I laughed nervously. I wondered if he’d noticed my near slip-up. But, maybe it was time. I wasn’t even sure anymore why I wasn’t telling him.
His eyes widened. Yup. He’d heard me. I could read it all over his face. Just as I was about to spill the beans, though, he took off running.
“Come on, slow-poke!” he hollered as he left me in his dust.
I caught up with him and we spent the rest of the run keeping quiet. It wasn’t awkward, just companionable.
* * * *
At home, he hopped into the shower first while I started the coffee. When I heard the water turn off upstairs, I headed up to grab some clothes. He was still in the bathroom and I swore I heard him say something. I walked up to the door and started to ask what he’d said, but I heard him talking again. I wondered if he was on his phone and waited for him to come out.
“Oh, yeah, that’s it, baby. Suck my cock. Lick it, baby.” His voice was low and hoarse.
Oh, my God! He’s jacking off. I can’t be hearing this. But I couldn’t move. Wow, he’s pretty vocal. I thought it was hotter than hell.
“That’s what I like, baby. Mmm, that feels so good. I’m going to slide so deep inside you.”
I was so fucking turned on, I wanted to strip and enter that bathroom—which couldn’t happen, of course. I felt like I was intruding, so I went to our room and waited on the bed, willing my dick to go down. Yeah, that didn’t work.
A few minutes later, he came in, dressed and ready for the day. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes seemed to sparkle. “Your turn,” he offered.
“Wow. You look really…refreshed,” I proclaimed.
He froze and looked at me, but I headed to the bathroom.
“I guess running doesn’t totally suck. Maybe I should stop whining like such a baby,” I said teasingly as I turned to face him from across the hall
His mouth opened, and I grinned as I closed the door. Today could be fun. But first, I needed to go to the hospital. No one had called, so I assumed my mom was still out.
* * * *
On the way to the hospital, my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but answered anyway.
“Hello?”
“Hello. Is this Aaron Pickard?” a guy asked.
“Yes. Who is this?” I asked, shrugging at Jeff’s furrowed brow.
“I’m calling on behalf of the fire station. I work in the administrative office and a claim was turned in for a Saturn that was crushed.”
My car. “Oh, yes, sir.”
“Yes. Well, I was calling to see if you wanted the check mailed to you or if you wanted to pick it up?”
“My what?”
“The accident is covered under our insurance, so we have a check for you for five-thousand dollars. It’s a little more than the value, but the station wants to take care of this quickly because we know you’re dealing with a difficult situation and we wanted to make sure and cover any other issues you may need to get a new car ready to drive.”
“Um, thanks. Wow. Yeah, I guess I can come pick it up.”
I listened for a few more minutes and hung up after the guy said he would text me the address.
“What was that about?”
“You are not going to believe this.” I beamed at him. “The fire department is giving me five-thousand dollars for my car!”
His jaw dropped. “No way! That’s incredible!”
“I know! Now I can get a used car and you won’t have to drive me everywhere.”
He frowned. “Hey, I don’t mind. I like taking care of you.” He paled. “I mean…I mean I like…”
I squeezed his arm. “Hey, it’s okay. I know what you meant.”
He blushed and raised an eyebrow. I turned back to the window and let my hand fall to the side, sort of hoping he would grab it, even though I knew I was being crazy.
I was disappointed he didn’t, but I didn’t let it get me down.
* * * *
During the short hospital visit, Mom was still sleeping, although she was doing better. The doctor explained they were keeping her sedated. The goal was to allow her body to heal without all the pain. I understood, but really wanted to talk to her. I had so much to share.
While I was there, I filled in my grandpa about the car and he said he would make some time in the next couple of weeks so we would check some out.
Grandma was taking Pamela back to the pool at the hotel, then they were going to a movie. It felt so surreal. Life was moving along even while my mom was in the hospital and my father was in jail. I guessed nobody really knew what to do. Keeping busy made the time move quickly.
I received no updates about my father, but I was glad he was still in police custody. I didn’t really need to think about him for the time being.
Jeff and I decided to head to the community center to go swimming in the indoor pool. We both had the day off of work and neither of us really wanted to do much of anything. Once we arrived at his house, I grabbed my trunks and changed in the bathroom while Jeff stayed in his bedroom. I was looking forward to fun at the pool, maybe letting off some steam. The last couple of days had been more stressful than anything else in my life. Not to mention all the weird feelings I was having about Jeff.
I leaned onto the bathroom counter and stared into the mirror.
“Quit thinking about Jeff that way! Just enjoy hanging out with him at the pool,” I ordered my reflection. Unfortunately, that only made me wonder what it might be like to have his arms around me in the water. Not off to the best start.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I gasped. Jeff was leaning against the door frame into the kitchen, his arms crossed with a bright orange beach towel slung over his shoulder. His new navy blue board shorts fit him perfectly, dipping a little in the front. He was shirtless, and when I saw all that curly dark hair on his chest, I immediately wanted to skim my fingers through it.
My cock sprang to life, tenting my trunks. I placed my towel in front of my crotch just in time as he noticed me. He grabbed a T-shirt from the entryway table and slipped it over his head before we headed to the street.
“Ready?”
I swallowed hard. “Yes.” More than you know.
Since the pool was only a block from his house, we decided to walk. By the time we arrived, I was back in control of my body, although I couldn’t stop myself from sneaking glances at him. How had he gotten so sexy without me noticing for so long? Was I blind before? I needed to focus on something else.
“So, you ever going to tell me who this mystery woman is you’re in love with?” I teased.
He looked at me in shock, gaping. “You mean, you still think…after everything…you really…?”
“What?” I asked, watching him struggle with his words. What was wrong with him?
Jeff looked away. “No, I’m not ready to reveal that person’s name yet.”
The fact he hadn’t said “her name” didn’t escape me. “Okay, be difficult! Don’t share with your best friend,” I teased again.
We checked in at the front desk and made our way through the locker room to the pool. There we saw several people we knew from school. Kevin Mason waved us over to join him.
The incredibly hot guy standing next to Kevin drew my eyes. He stood at least six feet tall, with jet black hair that hung down around his ears and over his forehead. “Chiseled” was the word that sprang to mind when I looked at his face. A few days’ stubble covered his strong jawline, and his dark and intense eyes watched me watching him.
I jolted from my drooling, and felt myself blush. Damn if he didn’t give me a slow smile that would have normally caused my blood to boil, but…it didn’t. Huh…that was interesting. I glanced sideways at Jeff, and yeah, there it was. Shit. My dick sprang to life and I felt the blush creep down my neck.
“Guys, this is my cousin, Jon Hernandez. He’s staying with my family over spring break.” Kevin swung his arm toward us. “These goons are Jeff and Aaron.”
Jon didn’t take his eyes off me. “Hi, Aaron.”
Jeff cleared his throat, but Jon didn’t even acknowledge him. I glanced everywhere but at Jon and I wondered if anyone else noticed his blatantly obvious staring.
Kevin lightly shoved his cousin with his elbow. “Give it a break, Casanova.”
Jon’s lips curled in a smile as he finally tore his gaze from my face and looked at his cousin. “Can’t help it, Cuz,” he shot back and laughed.
Jeff’s face went beet red and his lips pressed together in a tight, thin line.
I started to say something, but really, what was there to say? Even if I was confused about all these new feelings I had for Jeff, and even if I could pretend in my mind he might be gay, we were only friends. Best friends. Yes, I felt closer to him than ever before and my body reacted to him like he was prime beef and I was a starving man, but that didn’t change reality.
I guessed I had been trying to fool myself. Jeff hadn’t shown any interest in me as more than a friend and that was because he was straight and I just needed to get that through my thick head. So what if he held me at night? So what if he was hard in the morning? What teenage boy wasn’t hard every morning?
It was time to squelch my growing feelings. But maybe it was also time to finally tell him. I should feel open to flirt with another guy if I wanted. While Jon had clearly ogled me like I had never been ogled before, I wasn’t really interested—was I? Either way, I should’ve been able to respond and flirt back openly if I wanted. Guys could flirt with girls in the open as much as they wanted and never fear retribution. Yeah, I thought it was probably time to come clean. Tonight, I would talk with Jeff. If he had a problem with it, I could stay with my grandparents.
God, I hope he doesn’t have a problem with it.
I explained I was staying at Jeff’s for a while, since my mom was in the hospital.
“What happened?” Kevin asked.
I looked at Jeff, my eyebrows raised. I hadn’t thought how to explain this.
“She was injured,” Jeff offered. “She’ll be in the hospital for a week or so. Then she’s going to stay with his grandparents for a little while.”
“Whoa, man. That’s tough.”
I looked at Kevin and shrugged. “She’s going to be okay, so it will all work out.”
“What about your dad?” Jon asked.
“Well, they’re getting divorced and he isn’t able to be here for now,” I said, trying to be truthful without revealing the whole situation. I mean, we assumed Mom would be divorcing him, but I didn’t want to go into the details with the other guys.
Jon and Kevin seemed to accept that, and minutes later, we were all in the pool having a great time, acting goofy and letting loose. It was nice to feel carefree and enjoy myself. At one point, it was just the four of us in the pool, so we decided to play Marco Polo.
It was Jon’s turn and it seemed to me he was trying to find me more than the other two.
“Marco!” Jon called.
“Polo,” we all answered in unison. I did my best to throw him off by moving quickly, but suddenly he dived and grabbed my leg, pulling me under.
I came up sputtering, and he and I laughed for a minute as the other two swam over. We stood in the four-foot area and Jon pointed a finger onto the center of my chest.
“I knew I could find you,” he whispered. “I just had to follow the sexiest voice in the pool.”
I looked at him in shock. Was he really calling me sexy?
He shot me a grin as he slid his finger down my chest before diving underwater, tugging at my swim trunks for a second, and swimming away.
I couldn’t help but feel shocked and wondered if Jeff had seen it. One look at my best friend’s face told me he had. He looked furious as he moved through the water toward me.
“What was that about?” he whispered when he got close enough. “Was he hitting on you?”
“I think so. Wild, right?” I laughed.
“He shouldn’t be touching you. I mean, he doesn’t even know if you are into guys.” He glared daggers at Jon’s back.
I laughed again. “Maybe he could just tell,” I answered before I thought about what I was saying. It wasn’t until I saw his shocked expression that it dawned on me I had just outed myself.
I must have blushed ten shades of red, as I felt the heat creep across my skin. To hide my embarrassment, I dove and grabbed his knees, pulling him under, too.
Jeff fell with me and we wrestled around for a moment before resurfacing.
“You are in so much trouble,” he threatened.
“Oh, yeah? What are you going to do?” I teased. My eyes fell on his mouth and I instinctively licked my lips.
His eyes darkened and he stared at me with something I couldn’t describe. But a delicious shiver ran through my body.
He moved toward me and I backed up until I hit the tiled edge. He grinned, knowing I was trapped. I started sliding along the wall until I was into the five-foot area. He followed, and in seconds, I nervously bit my lower lip as he zeroed in on me. He braced his arms on the concrete walkway behind me and leaned in until he was inches from my face. Water droplets fell from his hair to his shoulders and rolled down his chest.
“Did I hear you right?” His hot breath against my wet skin made me tremble.
I swallowed nervously and nodded, holding his gaze.
“Say the words, Aaron,” he said gruffly.
My heart raced. My breathing was ragged, and my mind swirled with emotions I wasn’t sure I was ready to deal with. My gaze fell to his lips and I almost groaned when I saw their wetness. And so rosy. Water dripped down his face and another droplet fell to his chest. For a moment, I found myself wishing I could lick that small bead of water.
“Say the words, Aaron.” His voice sounded thick.
My eyes flicked back to his, and the intensity I saw in them stunned me. My heart pounded in my ears. I licked my lips. My voice quivered as I whispered, “I’m gay, Jeff.”
He looked like he was about to say something when Kevin came up behind him.
“Hey, guys, quit messing around!”
Jeff pulled away, but still didn’t say anything. I couldn’t move and I gazed at all that silky hair plastered to his chest.
“Sorry about Jon. He’s gay and he’s a big flirt.” Kevin held up his hands, palms out, as he shook his head. “Wait, that didn’t come out right. I don’t mean to apologize for that—I don’t have a problem with him being gay. I mean, he likes to flirt and I should have warned you guys. But give him a chance, he’s a really nice guy.”
“No problem. I liked him,” I said.
Jeff swiveled his head toward me, his eyebrows raised.
“I don’t mean like that,” I clarified. “I mean, he’s a nice guy. Funny, too.”
We spent the next couple of hours in the pool. Once I got over my initial fear of Jeff’s reaction to my revelation, I was able to relax and have a good time. Kevin was right, though, Jon did like to flirt. And I was his target. I didn’t mind; it was kind of flattering. But Jeff and I never got a chance to be alone again so I was anxious to talk with him.
Around dinner time, we all decided to head home.
Jon walked next to me, chattering the whole time. “Are you coming to Kevin’s party?”
I shrugged. “I’d planned on it, but with everything going on with my mom…I’m not sure now.”
He swung his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “I get that, but I really hope you come. I could even pick you up if you need a ride.”
“He’s got a ride,” Jeff said from behind.
I turned to look at him, surprised to see the redness in his face.
Jon pulled away his arm, chuckling. “Good to know.” He shot Jeff a smug grin.
We walked together, now quiet for a while, until Kevin and Jon turned down another street, leaving Jeff and me on the sidewalk. Now we could finally discuss my big reveal.
I took a breath. “Jeff, I know I shocked you,” I began, searching for the words to explain why I’d kept my secret for so long.
“Let’s talk tonight, okay?” His voice was tight. Rough. He wouldn’t look at me, and an overwhelming sadness filled me. After the way he’d acted all afternoon, I had allowed myself to believe he was fine with my earlier revelation. I was clearly wrong.
“Sure. If that’s what you want,” I murmured
* * * *
When we got back to his house, his mom ordered pizza and we all sat to eat in front of the television, watching a movie on Netflix. She seemed to know something was up and tried getting us to talk, but neither of us was in the mood. Finally, I was too worn out by the last few days, and since I had already seen the movie, I decided to head up to bed. It didn’t seem like Jeff wanted to talk about anything anyway.
I showered, washing away the chlorine smell and general stink of the day. Even though I was tired, I thought I might have trouble sleeping and took a Melatonin, washing it down with water from the bathroom faucet. I didn’t take it too often, but when I was stressed, I usually had a hard time falling asleep. A small dose usually helped me fall into a really deep sleep, and I needed it that night.
Dejected, I fell into the bed and rolled to my side, wondering if it would be the last night I’d stay here. Was Jeff downstairs talking with his mom? Were they going to politely kick me out in the morning? I bit my cheek as I tried to fight the tears, but they came anyway. He had continued to act as if everything was okay at the pool, but maybe that had all been a show. Jeff certainly hadn’t made any move to talk about things.
I cried for the loss of my best friend. I cried for my mom. I cried for the whole fucked-up situation. The one person I thought I could count on was rejecting me, and it broke my heart. I felt lost in a maze—what direction did I take? Where did I turn?
By the time Jeff came to bed and slid under the covers, I had not quite fallen asleep. The pill hadn’t taken much affect yet, because the dip in the bed fully woke me up. I held my breath, hoping he would say something, anything, really. But he stayed quiet as he rolled toward me, yet didn’t pull me close as he had the past two nights.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tugged the blankets tighter around my shoulders. I stared at the wall in the dark and brushed away my tears. I was so fucking tired of crying.
“Aaron?” Jeff whispered.
I tensed. “What?”
“I’m sorry. It’s not that I’m upset you’re gay.”
“Yeah, right,” I huffed, keeping my eyes on the wall.
“No, really,” he replied, his voice earnest. He rested his hand on my shoulder. “I swear!”
I rolled onto my back. “Then what? Why are you being such a douche?”
He flinched and looked away.
“Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me to hide this from you? I was afraid if I told you I could lose my best friend! And then you don’t even speak to me? Why?”
Jeff met my gaze and his lips dipped into a frown. “Have you been crying?” He brushed away a tear. “Oh, fuck, Aaron. I’m so sorry!” He clasped my hand. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was…fuck, I was confused. Not about you being gay. I didn’t like how that guy Jon was all over you today.”
I raised my eyebrows. “He was goofing around, but he wasn’t all over me.” I tried to remember the events in the pool. Yes, Jon had definitely flirted with me, and he wasn’t subtle. But I still didn’t think he had been too handsy.
“He was,” Jeff insisted and pressed his lips into a hard, thin line.
“But even if he was, why would that matter?” I was so confused. First Jeff acted like me being gay was a deal-breaker, then he acted…well, almost jealous. What the hell was going on?
He let go of my hand and rolled onto his back. “I’m not sure why I’m being an ass. I just…just didn’t like how Jon was acting.”
I turned away to hide my smile. He wasn’t abandoning me, he was trying to protect me. It was sweet, although a little misguided. But after all that had happened in the last forty-eight hours, I couldn’t really be mad at him. My admission probably threw him and he was just reacting—well, overreacting—but I could deal with that.
“Look, I’m a big boy, Jeff.” I faced him. “I appreciate all you’re doing to help me through this…ordeal…with my family, but I can handle a flirty guy.”
Jeff stared at me. He rolled his eyes and punched my shoulder. “Hey, if you want to date a player, go ahead,” he teased, but I could still hear the tension in his voice.
I laughed anyway and turned away from him. “Whatever. Besides, who said I wanted to date him?” I smiled into the dark as he scooted closer. “And so what if I do? It’s not like you don’t have someone you want to date, too. Someone, by the way, you still haven’t told me about!”
“Shut up and go to sleep,” he ordered, his voice rough.
I couldn’t believe how happy I felt just knowing Jeff didn’t hate me. He didn’t pull me close, but I was too happy to care. Besides, in the middle of the night, I woke to find his right arm draped over my waist, holding me tightly to his chest. I was torn between wanting to enjoy the moment and needing to empty my bladder.
Unfortunately, nature called pretty intensely, so I got out of bed as quietly as I could and padded to the bathroom. It was a little chilly, so I did my business fairly quickly before I dashed back into the bedroom.
Jeff was still asleep, so I slid under the covers and debated whether to scoot back into spooning again. I mean, was it really fair of me? He was doing it only to comfort me. Hell, he probably didn’t even realize he had done it. It wasn’t really right for me to take advantage of the situation.
Damn! I really wanted to be in his arms. But I knew my reasons were different than his. I sighed and forced myself to stay on my side of the bed.
“What are you doing?” Jeff mumbled sleepily.
“Nothing. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. Just had to pee.”
“I’m cold.” He hauled me into his space, wrapping his arms around me again.
I swear, if hearts could sing, mine did right then. All those silly songs about love and fireworks and electricity suddenly made sense. I was happy, and even though I knew it probably wasn’t right, I was going to stay in denial for the moment and let myself fall asleep in his embrace.
He nuzzled his face into my neck and I tingled all over. “Better,” he whispered.
I remained still, fighting a losing battle with my body. His breathing had evened out so I knew he was asleep, but there was no way sleep was going to come easy to me then, even with the help of the Melatonin. Not after his actions had sent shivers down my spine. My body betrayed me and I became hard as a rock.
I groaned when his hand fell from my waist and brushed against my cock. Instinctively, I pushed forward, then pulled back as soon as I realized what I was doing. It wasn’t right. My body and mind were waging a war and I was pretty sure I knew what I needed to do. God, it was all so confusing.
In some ways, I felt ashamed. My mother was in the hospital and my sister was traumatized, but I could think only of how amazing it felt to be wrapped in Jeff’s arms. I needed to put some space between us.
But first, I gave myself thirty seconds to revel in my pure happiness. I closed my eyes, breathed in, and smiled. God, he smelled good. It took all of my willpower, but I rolled away, letting his hand drop to the bed behind me. Jeff didn’t stir, but it was a long time before sleep finally found me.