EMILY
When Mom came up last night, she was a little drunk, I won’t lie. I could tell because she walked into the closet instead of the bathroom, but also because she threw herself down on the bed and wanted to chat.
Normally I’m down for chatting, but dude, I was tired and I had a lot on my mind. I tried to let her down gently.
“Emily,” she’d said into the bedspread. “Do you ever wonder about life?”
“In what sense?” I’d replied cautiously.
She lifted her head and looked at me owlishly. “In the lifeyness sense, like how it keeps going and you sort of go along with it because, you know, it’s life and what’s the alternative, not anything good, so you meander along and suddenly you’re old and then you’re dead and what is it all really about?”
I went for something neutral. “Sure.”
“Me, too,” she said, then laid her head down on the pillow and started snoring. I pulled off her shoes and covered her with a blanket, then climbed back into bed. Then I got out, hunted through my bag for earplugs, and tried again.
Now, this morning, she was clearly hungover and feeling weird. I tried to be kind.
“Do you want me to bring you something up to eat, Mom? You can sleep in.”
She shook her head, regretted it, and covered her eyes for a moment. “No, I’m good. What’s the theme?”
“It’s circus tricks. We’re all going to do circus tricks.”
She gazed at me in absolute horror.
“I’m joking,” I said, “it’s challenges.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Almost as bad, although I am a walking example of overcoming.”
She got to her feet, reached out for me to balance herself, and then tottered into the bathroom.
I’m not sure what got into Cassidy’s cornflakes, but she was in a Bad Mood. It could be that veterinarians were hogging all the tables again, which meant she had to coordinate one big conversation rather than drinking coffee in peace and quiet.
“People,” she said. “This morning we are talking about challenges. You”—she pointed to Alice—“you start. Let’s hear what challenges you face, shall we?” Then she went over to the coffee station and poured herself a bucket-sized cup of coffee.
I was next to Will. I leaned over. “What’s up with her?”
He turned his head to whisper in my ear, which tickled. “Dinner last night was a disaster. I’ll tell you after.”
Alice cleared her throat, glanced nervously around the circle, and said, “Um, I guess I’m challenged by the patriarchy.”
Casper coughed into his hand, “Bullshit.”
I turned and looked at Will, but he closed his eyes and shook his head. Later, he mouthed.
“I’m sorry?” Alice didn’t look very sorry.
“I said bullshit,” said Casper. “You are a girl, yes, and as such you face some institutionalized sexism, but you are about as protected as it’s possible for a girl to be. You’re white, you’re wealthy, you’re pretty, you’re healthy, and yes, that rhymed, but the point I’m making is you’re a special, special princess. The patriarchy will make an exception.”
“Hey, I had acne in eighth grade,” replied Alice hotly. “It needed lasers.”
Casper frowned at her. “And daddy got you lasers, didn’t he?”
I looked at my mom, who had taken a cup of tea to her chair and then leaned back far enough so she could fold her arms and rest her chin in her hand. She returned my gaze and shrugged. Then she leaned over and whispered, “I guess we missed the worm-turning convention.”
“Hey, where’s Alice’s mom?” I asked, looking around. Mom shrugged again.
It turned out, I learned later, that dinner at the Beekman Arms had Not Gone Well. Right at the beginning Cassidy had stood up and addressed the table.
“I’ve had a report from several colleges that a parent on this trip attempted to influence admissions staff by offering bribes.” There was a shocked silence. “Literally, cash bribes.”
“It wasn’t me,” said Casper’s mom.
“Nor me,” said Will’s dad. “I don’t have a bribe to offer, unless it’s offering to install shelves or something.” No one was laughing.
Sam’s mom asked, “Did they say which parent it was?”
“No,” said Cassidy. “As I said before, E3 has a stellar reputation, and they were doing me the courtesy of informing me rather than the FBI. I doubt they’ll give us a second chance if it happens again.”
Dani Ackerman spat out her drink. “The FBI? Why?”
“Because bribery is a federal offense.”
“But they wouldn’t take the bribes.”
Looooong silence.
“Or so you just said,” Dani added weakly.
According to Will, the rest of the dinner had been pretty stony.
Of course, I didn’t know that during the breakfast. After Alice and Casper’s little spat, it was Will’s turn and he, at least, tried to lighten the mood.
“Um, challenges. Let’s see. There are the obvious ones, like my relative impoverishment, but to a certain extent those are counterbalanced by my education and incredible personal charm.” He coughed. “And my impressive vocabulary.”
I laughed, but no one else did. Then it was my turn. Because I didn’t know what had happened, I opened my mouth and stuck my foot right in it.
“I guess the biggest challenge is getting into college, right?”
Casper snorted. “Yeah, unless you bribe your way in.”
I frowned. “Why would I do that?”
“You might not,” he said. “But other people could.”
I was confused. “But isn’t that sad? All this stress and effort to get into college. How can it possibly be worth it?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “At your school they apparently like to cheat on exams and bribe admissions people, so you’re the perfect person to explain it to us.”
I turned to Will, who didn’t say anything at first, but then said, “Casper, Emily didn’t cheat or bribe anyone, don’t pick on her.”
“But maybe she understands why her people think it’s okay to game the system, while the rest of us work our butts off.”
I opened my mouth to say whoever these people were, they weren’t my people, but Mom beat me to it.
Still leaning back, she said, “I’ll tell you why. Most parents don’t think it’s okay to bribe or cheat, but we’re constantly told that getting our kids into a good college will be some kind of insurance against the future. Our influence over your lives is coming to an end, and we’re desperately trying to do one last thing to help you out.” She took a sip of tea. “We’ve spent the last sixteen years preparing you to be adults, and when we look at the future, it’s pretty clear it’s a crapshoot. If a fancy college degree will help you, fair enough, let’s obsess about that.” She finished her tea and got up to get more, muttering, “It’s utterly pointless, of course, because the world could end tomorrow, or you could get hit by a bus, but it’s all we’ve got.”
There was a long pause, then I said, “Yeah, what she said, I guess.”
Then the door opened and two guys in suits came in. Everyone swiveled to look at them. Cassidy stood up.
“This is a private group,” she said. “Can I help you?”
“Are you Cassidy Potter?”
“Your last name is Potter?” said Casper, unable to stop himself.
“Yes,” she said, “and you are?”
“I’m Agent Feld, and this is my colleague Agent Larsson. We’re from the FBI.” He showed his badge; all of us were riveted.
Cassidy went red; this was clearly her worst nightmare. “Is this about the cheating?”
“Yes.” Feld nodded. “We’re looking for . . .”
“She’s not here,” said Cassidy. “I guess she’s still in her room.”
“Emily Burnstein.”
Now everyone turned and stared at me.
“Oh,” said Cassidy, running out of steam. “Well, she’s right over there.”