APPLICATION 7
When you exercise a balance of high courage and high consideration in your relationships, you’re well on your way to thinking “we,” not “me.” To get better at this practice, complete the following exercise.
1. Pick one personal and one professional relationship that is currently strained or less than ideal.
2. Rate the level of courage and consideration you show in each relationship, then place the name of the person where it fits on the grid. (See the example that follows.)
3. Where you place each name on the grid determines how you typically interact with that person. If you are low on consideration and high on courage in one relationship, you may be acting in a win-lose way. If you’re high on consideration and low on courage in a different relationship, you might be acting in a lose-win way.
4. Remember, the ideal is to have a high level of both courage and consideration in all relationships—personal and professional.
5. If you find you’re low on courage, try the following:
• Write out your ideas and opinions, and practice articulating them with a few safe people.
• Practice asking for things. Start with things you are sure you’ll get.
• Commit to contribute one idea in your next meeting.
• Follow up conversations with a written version of your comments.
6. If you’re low on consideration, try these ideas (but be sensitive to how distinctive cultural norms may require a different approach):
• Turn off all devices and make eye contact when talking with people.
• In meetings, wait to speak until two or three people have shared their ideas.
• Don’t interrupt.
• Jot down your ideas to remember rather than articulating them in the moment, especially when emotions are high.
• Finish your idea with a question, asking for input from others.