257The Little Fish co-op was very motivated to talk to us. Financially speaking, an eviction action – however unfounded – is a disadvantage for any business: no one is prepared to put their child in a preschool for three years if a brothel is scheduled to open in the same building within the first year. So these self-described innovators wanted to avoid any such trial. On my behalf, Sasha had confirmed the innovative meeting set through their innovative appointment management platform with an almost as innovative email.

I remembered the Little Fish space from our admissions interview with Emily. The co-op had rented the ground floor of a stately and stunning but severely run-down town house. Until recently, the upper floors had housed an architectural office, a yoga studio and a start-up for instant-noodle subscriptions. All three had since responded positively to my suggestion they vacate the premises immediately and save themselves a world of trouble.

Of all the admissions interviews Katharina and I had been through, the one with Little Fish had been particularly absurd. When two parents need to visit a preschool together because they’re looking to place their child, any normal-thinking person would ask: who takes care of their child during the interview? Katharina and I had arrived at the very 258logical solution of taking Emily with us. Where else can you feel confident to bring your child if not to a preschool?

But when we got there, we were almost indignantly asked if we wouldn’t rather leave Emily in the car, so as to ensure the ‘assessment’ could proceed undisturbed. They said the parking spaces out front were quite clearly visible from inside – for me, however, clearly visible parking wasn’t even a minor criterion when deciding on a preschool.

This meant that the interview was basically over, at least for us: within thirty seconds, it was clear that our Emily would be in completely the wrong hands with these people. Nevertheless, we stayed, and Emily did too – if only because we had a legal right to a preschool spot. That also gave us a right to get a closer look at this ludicrous place, and it was worth it.

The three innovative founders had turned the admissions interview into a kind of assessment. In total, there were four sets of parents and one mum. The other three sets of parents had been able to place their child with grandparents. The lone mum had left her child with her ‘better half’. Everyone looked at Emily as if bringing a child to a preschool in the evening was a sign of parental neglect.

First, we had to complete a written quiz on what we knew about Little Fish. The parents on either side of us were furiously writing. When I wanted to copy off one of the mums, she in all seriousness turned her back to block me. Since all Katharina and I knew was that the preschool was within a ten-minute drive from our two homes, we gave the paper over to Emily to colour on.259

Afterwards, there was a creative-slash-motivational group discussion in which every parental unit was supposed to explain why the child of the parents to their right – none of whom were present except Emily – would enrich the preschool’s community. At that point, neither Katharina nor I were taking the whole procedure very seriously any more. That’s why we pointed out to the parents to our left that Emily had psychic powers: she had a unique ability to identify stupid people. As we explained, however, that unfortunately was also precisely why we had to leave immediately – so as not to overwhelm Emily’s paranormal powers in this particularly triggering assembly.

The next time I found myself dealing with the preschool was when I learned Dragan had bought up the building. I’d therefore had no hesitation about kicking these preschool posers out. At that time I’d of course assumed Emily wouldn’t need to rely on this preschool for a place. How quickly things could change.260