AS SOON as he saw Brian, Matty knew there was something wrong. His cousin stood motionless, staring at his phone.
Matty ran from the barn to the paddock gate. “Brian?”
It took a moment to register his presence, but Brian finally lifted his eyes to Matty, then lowered them back down to his phone. “That was the home. Mom had a stroke.”
“What?” Matty drew in a breath, but suddenly found it hard to breathe.
He was barely aware of the sudden flurry of activity around him. Eventually, he found himself being pushed into the front seat of Baxter’s pickup truck. He blinked and looked around. Turning in his seat, he saw Brian sitting there alone, looking so lost it broke Matty’s heart.
Baxter got into the truck and started it. He placed his hand on the headrest of Matty’s seat and turned to look out the back window as he put the truck in reverse. He returned his hand to Matty’s seat after he put the truck in gear and took off.
“Where are we going?” Matty asked, trying not to get distracted by Baxter’s hand so close to his shoulder.
“To see about Mrs. Ward,” Baxter said simply.
It was a long and quiet ride, but Matty didn’t mind the silence this time. He was so grateful Baxter insisted on driving them instead of them borrowing one of the ranch trucks or having to take the bus.
But the silence slowly ate away at Matty. He had left Aunt Martha, and now she was suffering alone. On the verge of tears, Matty’s guilt spiraled.
Suddenly, Baxter’s hand moved and landed on his shoulder. It squeezed gently, and Matty felt his nerves calm. He turned toward Baxter and smiled appreciatively, but the cowboy kept his eyes on the road ahead.
When they finally arrived at the hospital, Baxter took charge, ushering the Ward boys into the waiting room and finding the doctor.
The news wasn’t good. She was in the final stages of her disease, and her body was shutting down. The doctor didn’t know if Martha would ever wake up. Matty sat, completely devastated, with Baxter while Brian went to visit her first.
He tried to hold back the tears. “It’s my fault,” Matty whispered.
“What?”
“It’s my fault. I should have stayed with her. I should have taken better care of her.”
Baxter moved closer and put his arm around Matty’s shoulder. He leaned in and spoke quietly, but his voice was firm. “Now you listen to me. Ain’t nothing you could’ve done that would have made a lick of difference. If it’s her time, it’s her time.”
Matty knew Baxter was right, but he still felt the guilt eating at him. “I guess you’re right. I mean, I know you’re right….”
“You just now figuring that out?”
Matty rested his head on Baxter’s warm shoulder and closed his eyes. He breathed in the cowboy’s sweat and aftershave. It felt so good to be held and comforted by the man. Matty’s heart swelled as he fell asleep against his cowboy.
Just before visiting hours were over, Matty went to get Brian. Aunt Martha looked so thin and pale. She had looked frail the last time Matty saw her, but to see her like this brought Matty to tears. But it was the sight of his big strong cousin crying like a lost child by his mother’s bedside that completely broke Matty’s heart.
Brian looked up and wiped his eyes. When he reached out his hand, Matty walked over and took it. Together they stood watching over Aunt Martha. Matty was reminded of the last time they had had to do this, though they had been a bit younger. It just wasn’t fair.
“Get well soon,” Matty said, his voice breaking over the last word.
“I love you, Mama,” Brian whispered.
“I love you, Aunt Martha,” Matty added.
When the nurse came to tell them it was time to leave, both Ward boys leaned down and gave Martha a kiss before leaving to find Baxter.
They walked into the waiting room, and Baxter stood. He held his hat in his hand respectfully and gave the boys a comforting smile. “I called the Gateses and let them know what was going on. I booked us a room at the hotel next block over. We can come back in the morning.”
Baxter drove them over to the hotel. He led them up to the second floor, to the room on the corner facing the parking lot. “I’m in the room next door,” he said as he handed Brian the door’s keycard.
“Goodnight,” Matty said to the cowboy as he shut the door.
Matty was so grateful for the Gateses, letting them have the time off work and paying for their hotel stay. Fred and Ethel were two of the kindest, most generous people Matty had ever met. Matty felt blessed that he had found his way to their ranch, and he knew Brian felt the same.
Sleep was difficult that night. Matty tossed and turned all night long. He could hear Brian in the next bed doing the same thing.
He must have fallen asleep at some point, because a knock on the door startled him awake. He got out of bed, unhooked the chain, and opened the door to let Baxter inside. The cowboy was carrying some fast-food paper bags and a carrier with three large coffees.
“I thought you might want a quick bite before we head over.”
The three men ate in silence, but it was comfortable.
“I should call the Gateses,” Brian said. “To thank them for letting us have the day off.”
“That’s not necessary,” said Baxter. “They said to take all the time you need. Don’t worry about the money.”
Once they finished their food, they tossed the empty bags and cups into the trash can and headed to the truck.
The quiet ride to the hospital was interrupted by the ringing of Brian’s cell phone.
“Hello?”
Matty turned in his seat to look back at Brian. He didn’t have to hear the other side of the phone call to know what was being said. It was written all over Brian’s face.
Aunt Martha had died.
TWO days later, Martha was cremated, as per her wishes. Though most of the arrangements had already been made in advance by Martha, Brian took care of everything else calmly and efficiently. Matty was in awe of his cousin. He was so strong and he was there to help Matty keep it together when he should have been the one falling apart. But that was Brian, and Matty expected no different from him.
They held a simple memorial service at the local funeral home. It was just the three of them, Brian, Matty, and Baxter.
Before the service, Matty went to the bathroom to compose himself in private. He tried to clean himself up, but his eyes were red and puffy. His nose wouldn’t stop running. He was a mess. He had just wiped his eyes and blew his nose once more when the restroom door opened and Baxter walked in. Matty was embarrassed at having been caught crying again. He would have run, but he was trapped in the small room.
Baxter didn’t seem to care. He took one look at Matty, and his face softened. “C’mere,” he grunted. He pulled Matty into his arms and held him close for a few moments.
Matty closed his eyes and laid his cheek against Baxter’s chest. He breathed in and out, trying to remain calm. Baxter’s body was warm, and he smelled so damned good. The closeness helped Matty’s nerves, but he also felt a fluttering in his chest. Baxter was making him feel things he had no business feeling.
As they separated and left the restroom to head for the service, the outside doors opened and the Gateses walked in, followed by all of the ranch hands. Matty’s heart flooded with emotion as he smiled at all of them, forever grateful for their support.
ANOTHER Saturday night, and once again, Matty sat with the other ranch hands and watched Baxter over the rim of his beer mug.
He was with that red-headed woman again. Baxter knew damn well Matty was sitting in the bar with the other hands. It was as if he was throwing it into his face. Bastard.
Not even two weeks ago, he had serviced Baxter on his knees, giving the man exactly what he wanted and needed. And then he was all warm and loving at the hospital and memorial service. Of course, all that ended as soon as they got back to the ranch. Matty scoffed to himself. He should have known better.
And now Matty was forced to sit here and watch this charade.
To add insult to injury, Baxter slid out of the booth with the woman. After he tossed some bills on the table, he made a show of placing his arm around that slut’s waist, a hand strategically placed on the swell of her ass. They left the bar together.
Matty wanted to scream. Didn’t anyone else see what a crock of shit their “relationship” was? He looked over at his cousin, wanting to say something about it. Brian was quiet, lost in thought, just sipping at his beer.
He had the right idea.
Wanting to forget about Aunt Martha and all of this bullshit with Baxter, Matty picked up the pitcher of beer from the middle of the table and refilled his mug….
MATTY woke with a groan, lying on his belly on top of the covers with one leg hanging off the edge of the bed. He had done it again. He had a hangover to end all hangovers. At least it was Sunday. He only had bunkhouse chores today.
He rolled over, sat up, and swung his legs over the bed, letting his feet fall onto floor. He dropped his head into his hands and moaned as his brain and stomach protested the change in position. He still wore his undershirt, but his boxer briefs were looped around his left ankle. God, was he so drunk last night he couldn’t even get himself undressed properly?
Matty told himself he was never going to drink again.
When he stood, he felt a twinge of pain in his backside. With a hand pressed on his lower back, he took a step, but stopped when he stepped on something slimy and squishy.
He lifted his foot to find a used condom on the floor.