Amie
Lex leaves the bedroom first, which gives me a few minutes to collect myself before I go back to the party. I’m nervous about how to deal with Ruby. I’m grateful she won’t be able to get me alone before Lex and I can figure out how we’re going to deal with this.
I don’t even know what the hell is going on right now. Despite my actions he still seems invested and I’m unsure what to do with that.
Especially now that I have to deal with him on a regular basis again. I wish it was just about the sex. It would be so much easier if it was limited to physical attraction. As much as it seems that he was designed by my own personal orgasm team to provide the best, most amazing releases in the entire world, it’s far more complex than that. Or at least that’s how it feels.
I take a deep breath and prepare to manage being near Lex and acting normal.
When I return to the party everyone is seated in the living room, drinking coffee and eating petit fours. I might be on the other side of the room, but I can feel Lex’s proximity, and it’s making me anxious for the conversation I know is coming.
Beyond getting into bed with him, what I really want right now is to curl up beside him and have him tell me stories about his childhood like he did in Bora Bora. I want to listen to him talk about Mimi, to hear the reverence in his voice. More than that I want that reverence directed at me. And that scares me, because I don’t know if that desire is real or a projection of another idealized version of him that I created in Bora Bora.
“Everything okay?” Ruby asks as I take the seat beside her. “You were gone awhile.” She glances in Lex’s direction and he quickly refocuses his attention away from me, to his father.
“Everything’s fine. Just messages from Pierce about some legal stuff.”
“Armstrong stuff?”
I nod. It’s not an out and out lie. Pierce did send me a bunch of messages today about the language in the pre-nup. I’m not sure if it means anything yet, but he’s still digging.
Mimi drops into the armchair across from us. “Amie, you’re so good at organizing events, do you think you’d have some time available to help plan the menu for the engagement party?”
“Oh! That’s a great idea!” Ruby says enthusiastically. “Where should we hold it?”
“What about the Concord?” I glance in Lex’s direction, surprised by his participation in the conversation.
“In the Inception ballroom! Where we held the Halloween soirée!” Mimi claps her hands excitedly. “Lex, you’re there later this week, aren’t you? With Bane, yes?”
“I’ll be between the Concord and the Mills Hotel next week,” Bane replies. “With Griffin out of the country, I’m juggling both hotels.”
“Hopefully he won’t miss the engagement party.” Mimi seems worried about that. “He mentioned Lincoln is out there, too.”
“Our cousin Lincoln?” Bane asks.
The mention of Armstrong’s older brother is jarring. I’ve never met him, but, from what I’ve been told, he’s not particularly involved with his family. It’s not hard to understand why.
“Mmm. Funny how Griffin is on the other side of the world and runs into him,” Mimi replies.
“I haven’t seen Lincoln in ages,” Bane says.
“Well, he avoids his family as much as possible, doesn’t he?” Mimi replies, lips pursed in what might be disapproval.
“Can you blame him? Anyway, I’m at the Concord all week.” Lex drums his long, capable fingers on the arm of his chair. It’s something he does when he’s anxious, or thinking about something that bothers him. He foot taps the floor twice before stilling. I glance up and his eyes dart away from me and focus back on Mimi. “How can I help?”
“Why don’t you arrange a dinner with catering so we can set the menu for the party, Lex? Amie, would you be available for something like that? You and Ruby did such an amazing job with the Halloween party in the fall and this kind of planning isn’t really Bancroft’s strong suit.”
“Of course, anything I can do.” At least I can attribute the excitement to the party planning, even though in my head I’m planning ways to be alone with him.
It’s after eleven by the time we’ve finished preliminary engagement party planning. Mimi offers to have a car take me home when Lex holds up a hand. “I’m heading home, too. I can have you dropped off.”
“Are you sure it isn’t out of the way?” I feel the waver in my smile. God, I hope we’re not obvious right now.
The tapping on the arm of his chair continues. “It’s really no trouble.”
“If you’re sure.” The last time I got into a vehicle with Lex things got out of hand. Regardless of the chemistry between us, this is about more than that. I’m sure I’ll be better able to restrain myself since the plan is to have an actual conversation with real words.
I gather my things and say goodbye to Ruby, while Bane and Lex have a brief, whispered conversation. I thank Mimi and Harrison for the lovely dinner, and follow Lex down the sprawling front steps to the waiting car.
I slide across the leather bench all the way to the far side and buckle myself in. Restraints are good. Necessary even. And not the kind I kept in my sex toy tickle trunk. This one will keep me on this side of the car, rather than straddling Lex’s lap. It’s instinctual I think, the desire to manage the emotional strain with physical release. It might even be a Pavlovian response to Lex at this point.
He lowers himself into the vehicle and the driver closes us inside together. I inhale a deep breath, hoping to remain calm in the face of my sudden panic, except it’s more like I’m huffing the scent of him. I immediately feel drunk, and it has nothing to do with the wine I consumed tonight and everything to do with the man beside me. Now that there’s nothing preventing us from having a frank discussion about what the hell we’re doing, or not doing, my heart seems to have taken up sprinting.
Lex is sitting on the far side of the seat, two feet of soft leather separating our bodies. Two feet that feels simultaneously too far and too close. He slouches, posture relaxed, legs spread wide. Like I’d like mine to be, with him in between them.
I need to focus, but my lady parts are lubing up in anticipation. It would be wonderful if my brain and my body could stop working against each other.
He stretches his arm across the back of the seat but he’s about three inches shy of making contact. “What’s your address, Amie?”
I’m so focused on how close he is to touching me that I miss the question. “I’m sorry?”
“Your address, you need to give it to the driver, unless you’re planning to come home with me.” And there it is, that cocky grin.
“It might be better than my place.”
He cocks his head. “Do you intend to stay the night?”
“I-I don’t know.” I’m biting the end of my nail. “Do you want me to?”
“What do you think?”
“I think maybe you do, but I’m still unclear as to your motivation.” I dip my head, exhaling slowly. “I’m sorry I ran last time. I’m sorry I’ve been silent. I thought it would be better, easier, but I still can’t get you out of my head, and I don’t know what that means or how to manage it.”
Lex regards me for a few long moments before he asks the driver to take the scenic route along the water toward the city. “I should’ve said something before you left Bora Bora, but I didn’t think you were ready to hear it.”
“Hear what?”
“Look, Amie, I know things are messy for you right now, but whatever this thing is that’s happening between us, I don’t really want to walk away from it again.”
“What do you want then?”
His fingers sift through the ends of my hair. “Let’s just see where this goes. We’ll be spending time together regardless, let’s make it count.”
“I’m not sure I understand.” My uncertainty wavers.
“I want to date you, Amie.”
“But I’m still—”
He holds up a hand. “I know the annulment hasn’t gone through yet, so let’s do what we did in Bora Bora, minus the beach. Let’s just hang out, spend time together, sometimes naked, sometimes not. We’ll just keep it between us and when the annulment is finalized we can go from there.”
God, he seems so sincere. “And you’d be okay with keeping it just between us?”
“I know what Armstrong is like, Amie. He doesn’t like to lose and right now that’s what’s happening. I don’t want to make this more difficult, but I don’t want to give you up either. If this is how it has to be for now, I can accept that.”
“Okay.”
“Okay? Is that the only reaction I’m going to get?”
I laugh and then sigh. “I’m sorry. It’s just . . . a lot to process. I want this.” I gesture between us. “But it’s hard to trust how I feel right now.”
Lex’s smile is soft, just like his fingertips as he strokes my cheek. “That’s okay. We can take the feelings part slow if that’s what you need, and I’ll use my incredible skill set in the bedroom to distract you from all the things you’re worried about. How does that sound?”
I bite my lip through a smile. “That sounds good.”
“Excellent.” Lex’s smile stays firmly in place. “Now you want to tell me about Hottie Hook-Up?”
Oh God. Of all the things to bring up at the dinner table. If I hadn’t already been stressed out I would’ve given her hell for that. “I needed to tell Ruby something.”
“Oh, of course. That explains everything.” He nods as if this makes sense. “What exactly did you tell her?” Lex leans closer, his hand sliding along the back of the seat, fingertips grazing my shoulder. Maybe we’re done with the serious discussions for tonight.
“Don’t tell me you haven’t told anyone. You must’ve bragged to one of your golf buddies.”
“It’s not golf season. And is that what you were doing? Bragging?”
“I couldn’t very well tell her nothing.”
“What exactly did you brag to Ruby about?”
“I told her I hooked up with someone. That’s it.”
His knee bounces a couple of times, but stops quickly. His fingers tap beside my shoulder for a few beats. “Did you give her any details?”
“Details?” God it’s hot in here.
He fingers a lock of hair. “An orgasm tally, maybe? A comparative cock analysis?”
“Someone needs to check their ego.” I’m too breathless for the snark to come through.
Lex’s eyes roam over me hotly. “Did you tell her you let your hook-up into your tickle trunk of sex toys?”
I shake my head.
“No?” His fingers brush along my throat.
“Lex.”
“You want me to stop touching you?”
“No.”
“Good. I turned you down once, I’d have to be insane to do it again, Amie.” The sincerity behind that statement is staggering. It makes me wish this thing with Armstrong was behind me so I can be free to see where this thing with Lex can really go, without restraints.
We stare at each other for a few long seconds, the heat in his gaze sparking the fire inside; the one I don’t need to douse with logic or doubt anymore. Apparently Lex feels the same way, because he hits the release on his seatbelt and slides across the bench, reaching over to free me from mine before I can. “Come here.” He moves me to straddle him, palms sliding up my legs. “Always with the fucking garters,” he mumbles when his fingertips find the lace band at the top of my thighs.
I nibble on his bottom lip. “You love the garters.”
“I really do.”
When I make a move to unbuckle his belt, he covers my hands with his. “I’m not fucking you in the car, Amie.”
“What’re we doing then?”
He nibbles along my jaw. “Making out with our clothes on.”
“I like making out with you.”
“I know.” He sucks on my bottom lip. “If you have plans tomorrow I suggest you cancel them, because once we’re in my bed and I’m inside you I’m staying there for a long fucking time.”
He kisses me, and I surrender to the control he seems to have over my body, aware that if he keeps this up, he’s going to have the same control over my heart.