I sat in the corner of the train, the rattling of the undercarriage shaking me in my seat. The bag of leftover pies was on my lap, and I lifted the corner of one of the to-go containers, picking off a piece of the crust. It was as delicious as it had been moments ago when Ashe and I shared the slice at the diner. Buttery. Flaky. Nothing like the store-bought pumpkin pie I’d been buying for the last few holidays since Gran could no longer bake.
I took one more bite and shut the lid, holding the bag close to my body. As I chewed, only one thought was in my mind.
Ashe.
He was like a rainstorm that came through the city in the middle of winter, the precipitation and thunder so untimely for that season. I’d hidden from storms my entire life, never going outside to let the water fall on me.
Tonight had caught me by such a surprise, and even though I had wanted to run many times, I hadn’t. I’d felt each drip, my hair getting soaked.
But I’d enjoyed myself.
I’d even smiled more than once.
One was even growing over my face now as I pressed my hand against the cheek he’d kissed, the spot still warm, as though his lips had just left.
Just as I was pulling my fingers away, “Ruggles Station,” was announced through the loudspeaker.
Once the train stopped and the door opened, I rose from my seat and moved across the platform and out onto the sidewalk in front.
Unless it was the very early hours of the morning, this section of Roxbury was always busy. Groups were huddled in doorways, on the benches, and in some cases, even in the middle of the street. I’d spent half my life in this neighborhood, walking back and forth to the train and the grocery store, that so many of the groups knew my face. They knew I wasn’t a prostitute or an addict trying to score. I was just a girl trying to get home after a long day. Aside from some whistling and catcalling, which happened almost every night, I was able to get to our building, unbothered.
I opened our apartment door only a few inches when I heard, “Hi, dollface,” from the living room.
I set both bags and my coffee on the counter and took the seat next to Gran on the couch. “How was your day?” I asked, kissing her cheek.
“My day?” She grinned and reached for my face. “No, baby, how was yours? Tell me all about tonight’s performance.”
My hands wrapped around the top of her arm, her scent filling me as I rested against her shoulder. I didn’t need the comfort—not tonight—but this spot certainly gave me that. I had fallen asleep in this exact position more times than I could count.
“It went great. Everyone, for the most part, made their cues, and the audience was so attentive and complimentary. Wardrobe worked extra hard to assist us with each change, and the lighting and set crews were outstanding. It went smoother than the show you had seen on opening night.”
With her hand still on me, she turned my chin, so I was gazing at her. “You look and sound happier tonight—happier than you have been in a long time.” She rubbed my cheek, and I felt her bent fingers, her pain too intense to straighten them.
Instead of commenting, I asked, “Are you hungry, Gran?”
“No, dollface.”
“Not even for something sweet?”
She continued to stare at me, her wrinkled lids hanging over her eyes. “You brought home dessert? That’s not like you.”
I went into the kitchen, lifting the bags of pies I had left on the counter, and opened each of the lids until I found the slice of peanut butter. I grabbed a spoon and brought it over to her.
“Look at how beautiful this is.” She stared at it from her lap.
“How about some tea to go with it?”
“I would love that.”
Since the microwave had died a few days ago and I still didn’t have the cash to replace it, I went into the kitchen and filled up a small saucepan with water from the sink and put it on the stove to boil. I took it off just when the bubbles began to form and filled a mug, dropping a tea bag inside. I picked up the leftover slice of peach and my coffee and joined her on the couch.
“Where did you get all of this?” she asked.
“A friend took me out to celebrate after the show.” I pointed at the bag in the kitchen. “There are more leftovers in there, but that slice”—I nodded toward her lap—“is the only full piece.” I smiled, the peach crumbling over my tongue. I covered my mouth as I continued, “They asked what kind you would like. My guess was peanut butter, so they bought this one just for you.”
“What a wonderful treat.” She dipped in her spoon, her hand shaking as she raised it to her mouth. Small crumbs fell off the sides of the metal as she surrounded the pie with her lips. Her eyes closed as she chewed, taking her time to savor the small bite. “Oh, it’s heavenly.” She took in several more spoonfuls before she voiced, “Dollface, would this friend happen to be a man?”
“Yes.”
The excitement in her expression was undeniable. “Honey …”
I shook my head. “Gran, it’s nothing—”
“Don’t you downplay it.” Her hand went to my knee. “The minute you walked into this house, I saw something was different about you. I know you’re afraid, baby, but don’t be.”
I stared at the sliver of peach, the tightness in my chest taking over. “I don’t want to be like her.”
“You’re nothing like her, and you won’t ever be.”
Vanessa was Gran’s only child, the father a man who was never spoken about—the same way my father had never been identified. Maybe they didn’t know whom those men were; maybe they were too ashamed to admit whom they were. Whatever their reasoning was, I hadn’t pushed either of the women for an answer. And even though Vanessa was Gran’s daughter, I never hid my feelings, and she didn’t with me—a pact we had made when I moved in.
“But, Gran, all I ever saw was men controlling her. From the moment she had me at sixteen and every day that followed, it never stopped. Even now, while she’s behind bars, they send her money and smuggle drugs in for her.”
She took the straw out of her water and set it into her tea, taking a short sip. “Dollface, finding someone to enjoy things with is not going to lead you down the same path. I know you don’t want to be like your mother, but you also don’t want to be my age and be alone, like me.”
I set the pie on the table, unable to take another bite. “I can’t afford the distraction.” I glanced at her, and the emotion in her eyes caused this to hurt even worse. “I have so many goals for us, places I want to take you. I won’t accomplish any of that if I’m tied down.”
“Baby, love doesn’t shackle you; it makes you fly. And if I know you, you wouldn’t spend time with someone who would lock you in a cage. You’d be with a man who would fasten stronger wings to your back and point you in the direction of the sun.”
Many of her words were the same ones Ashe had said. Still, right now, his were only syllables. He needed to prove they were true before I trusted him.
“There’s a chance he could be a good one, Gran.”
She emptied another bite into her mouth, her eyes closing once again as she enjoyed it. “If he was thoughtful enough to buy this for me, then I would say he’s off to a good start.”