I’d never been to Roxbury. The farthest I’d ever taken the orange line was to the Mass Ave. stop to visit friends at Northeastern. But I’d heard things about that area; it was impossible not to when it was known as one of the roughest, gang-ridden sections of the city.
When stepping off the train with Pearl, I had images in my head of what I expected it to look like, and the reality met every expectation. There was graffiti almost everywhere, trash littered the sidewalks, a drug deal took place on a bench as we walked by.
Pearl acted as though she didn’t notice, and I assumed she had become immune to it all. I was sure if I’d spent most of my life here, I would have been as well.
While my hand was holding hers, she used her other one to point to a building across from us. “I lived there with Vanessa. I was probably around nine at the time. We only lasted a few months, and then we moved there.” She was nodding toward the next high-rise, both almost identical. “At some point in my life, I’ve lived in most of the buildings in this area.”
“You mostly stayed in Roxbury?”
“With Vanessa, I lived in Dorchester for a bit and Jamaica Plain, but she seemed to like Roxbury the best. I don’t know; maybe the drugs were better here.” She paused. “Gran has had the same place for as long as I can remember. She liked it because it’s so close to the train station, and she used to take the orange line to work. She was a seamstress for a small shop in the Back Bay until arthritis made it impossible for her to sew.”
None of the areas she’d mentioned were any safer than Roxbury.
I lifted her hand and held it against my lips, kissing the backs of her knuckles. “When did you move in with Gran?”
“When I was twelve.” She looked straight ahead. “Vanessa overdosed one night, and one of the junkies who lived with us carried her to the clinic. Before he took her, I was shaking her. Her lips were blue, mouth foaming.” She sighed. “It was fucking awful.” She finally glanced at me. “The next morning, when she got discharged, she came home and didn’t have anything to shoot up. She took me to her dealer’s house and didn’t have enough cash for her usual, so he fronted her, but he wanted something for collateral.” She bit her lip, breathing heavy. “She left me there.”
“Tell me you’re kidding.”
“For four days.” She glanced down, and I saw the pain in her profile. “She had known she was going to use me as collateral—that had been her plan all along.”
I squeezed her fingers, giving her every bit of strength I had.
“I always protected her, always took care of her, always made excuses for her. But once she finally came and got me, I went to Gran’s, and I never looked back.”
“I understand now.” I kept her fingers against my mouth, still kissing them. “I wouldn’t call her my mother either.”
Her eyes softened, and within a few seconds, she whispered, “Ashe … we’re home.”
Her building didn’t look different than any of the others, except the front steps were shattered with massive gaps between the breaks. Instead of grass, the property was surrounded by dirt, the snowfall that had just melted making it muddy. She took me around the back, where the lock had been broken and was dangling out of the door.
Instead of the elevator, we rushed up the stairs and down a hallway, Pearl opening the third to last door on the left. The paint was flaking off, but at one point, it looked to have been teal.
“Gran,” she said once she stepped inside, “I’m home, and I’ve brought Ashe with me.”
“Dollface,” I heard as I closed the door behind me. “Happy New Year.”
Pearl walked straight past the kitchen and into the living room, where Gran was sitting on a couch against the wall. Pearl sat next to her, kissing Gran’s cheek, and I watched Gran’s fingers hold Pearl’s face.
“Gran,” Pearl began as I entered the room, “this is Ashe.”
She couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds with gray hair and heavily wrinkled skin, eyes that were warm and endearing, like Pearl’s had become.
“The hands are fragile,” Gran said as she held one out to me. “You’re the size of a football player, so just don’t go and tackle them.”
“He’s gentle, Gran.”
I let her fingers fall on my palm, and I surrounded them. “It’s such a pleasure to meet you. Should I call you Gran?”
“Gran or Esther—either is fine.” She pulled her hand back and patted Pearl’s lap. “Switch here with my Pearl. I want to take a good look at you.”
Since there were no other seats in the room, Pearl moved to the floor while I took her place, immediately feeling Gran’s gaze on me.
“He’s very handsome, dollface.”
I quickly glanced at Pearl as she said, “I know.” Her cheeks flushed a little. “I’m very lucky, Gran.”
She patted my knee so softly that I barely felt it. “Thank you for taking such good care of my baby. She’s extremely special to me, as I imagine she is to you.”
I nodded, feeling myself take a deep breath. “I care about her a lot.”
“I can tell.” She looked at Pearl and said, “Dollface, would you mind fixing me some tea? The wind has been coming through these windows all morning, and I can’t get rid of this chill.”
“Of course. I’ll also turn up the heat.” She rose from the floor. “Can I grab you anything?”
Gran’s hand rested on my shoulder. “She makes the best tea.”
“Then, I’ll take one too.”
Pearl grinned. “Coming right up.”
When it was just the two of us—I figured that was what Gran had wanted—she said to me, “Pearl has never brought a gentleman home before. From the moment she returned with those slices of pie, I knew you were special to her.”
I took a quick look at the kitchen, making sure she wasn’t watching us through the small window. “I’ve been enamored with her since we met.”
She didn’t move her hand when she replied, “My Pearl has spent her whole life fighting. She was determined to be the first in her family to graduate high school and now college.” When she breathed, I saw the love for her granddaughter and the emotion that followed. “I know she can be cautious and closed off, even challenging at times, but once you break through, she has a filling like that wonderful peanut butter pie.” She stared into my eyes, reading them in a whole new way. “Thank you for being patient with her.”
I exhaled, “I would have waited forever.”
Her hand moved to my face, as though she were reading Braille on my cheek. “She found a good one; I can feel it in my bones.”
“What are you two talking about?” Pearl inquired as she came back in, handing me a steaming mug, placing one with a straw on the table in front of Gran.
“Ashe was just telling me about your New Year’s.” She left my eyes to look at Pearl. “I hope you didn’t work yourself too hard and you got some good rest last night.”
Pearl knelt in front of her. “It went perfectly. All of it.” She put her hand on my jeans, pulling the loose material. “I’m going to give Ashe a quick tour, and then I’ll make you some breakfast. Oatmeal today or cold cereal?”
Gran looked at me again. “Do you see how good she is to me?”
“The best,” I replied, holding out my hand to help Pearl stand.
When I expected her to pull away, she clasped her fingers with mine. Gran’s eyes told me she had noticed, and her expression reinforced that she approved.
“It was an honor to meet you, Esther.”
“You too, young man.”
I followed Pearl into the short hallway, where there were two doors across from each other and an accordion-style partition at the end.
“Bathroom,” she said, pointing to the one on the right and then switched to the left, adding, “Gran’s room.” She slid the accordion door open. “And this is my room.”
There was a mattress on the floor and a small desk on the side. A few pictures hung on the walls above a dresser, which must have held all her clothes since there was no closet. I went over to the photos to check them out. One was of her on the stage, dressed in character, and I guessed it was from high school. The other few were taken even before that, where she was standing in different poses with Gran.
“Man, you were adorable.”
Old books were lined across her shelves, and I picked one up, reading the inside inscription of The Outsiders.
One of my favorites, dollface.
I hope you get lost in the words.
—Gran
Small, cozy, and full of the most important moments.
I set it back down and looked at her. “It’s the perfect bedroom.” I surrounded her face with my hands, gently kissing her. “Gran is pretty incredible.” Her eyes lit up as I continued, “I see so much of her in you.”
“How so?”
I tilted her face up, holding her steady. “When I looked into her eyes, I thought I was staring into yours.” I pressed my lips to hers again. “You might be protective on the outside and slow to let anyone in, but what’s inside is so unique, so loving, so much like her.”
She was quiet for several seconds before placing her hands on top of mine, holding me against her face. “Thank you for pushing me to come here.” Her eyes closed, and she let out a long breath. “I’m so happy I finally showed you this part of my world.”
I rested my arms on her shoulders, pulling her closer to me. “No oatmeal or cereal for today. I’d like to go down to the store that we passed on the way here and grab some bacon and eggs and some pancake mix. Would Gran like that?”
“She would love that.” A smile grew across her gorgeous face. “But does that mean you’re going to help me cook?”
I laughed. “I’m going to hang out with Gran on the couch and get every naughty story from your past, so I can tease you relentlessly.”
As she stared at me, her smile changed to one that was more emotional, and she eventually fell against my chest, where she wrapped her arms around and hugged me.
She didn’t need to say anything.
I could feel every word in her grip.