“He’ll forgive you.”
The words that man had spoken from the other side of the wall stayed with me.
I didn’t know who he was.
I didn’t know how he fit into this equation.
But I’d said more to him and not gotten a response. I’d even begged for conversation, and each request had gone unanswered.
The more time that passed, the more his words repeated in my head, the more the punishment sank in.
And it came on immediately.
No food.
No light.
No emptying of my bucket.
I was stuck in the dark, in the cold, with nothing, except for the cot and Beverly.
Not even a drip of water to wet my tongue.
I’d experienced dehydration in the past—when I went running on hot summer days and didn’t drink enough water. But this was a dryness that took over my entire body, like a hose had sucked out every drip from inside me.
My head pounded.
My stomach churned.
I didn’t think I could survive another minute.
Yet this was what I’d wanted, wasn’t it?
For it all to end?
If I’d thought I was living in hell before, nothing compared to this.
The total darkness was terrifying. Consuming. It took my brain to places I didn’t want to be in.
I screamed.
As loud as I could, I shouted, “Ahhh!”
I wanted to see my hands. The floor. The walls. Things I’d taken for granted while I’d been down here.
Beverly wasn’t enough.
She couldn’t make this tolerable.
I needed him—Ronald—to make this better.
I barely had the strength to lift my head from the mattress.
To open my mouth.
To shout, “I’m sorry!”
I saw stars in my vision the moment my lips closed.
They were the size of freckles, and they moved.
Danced.
I followed them with my eyes, connecting their shapes, listening to their quiet buzzing sounds.
I tried to wet my lips, but my tongue was so dry, like I’d coated it in flour, that I couldn’t.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Ronald …” I choked, gagging on the thickness in my mouth. “I’m so sorry.” I coughed, trying to make it easier, to feel better. Nothing worked. “I’ll be a good doll.” My eyes closed—even that was too much. “I’ll do whatever you want … just make this stop.”