Joni lived in a Queen Anne Victorian that was in a state of fixer-upper status. “The upstairs is done,” Joni explained when I walked into the foyer. “But the living room…”
She waved her hand in the direction of the room. There was a couch, and it was pointed at a wall. That was about all.
“Don’t even get me started on the kitchen,” she muttered.
“Has the kitchen been gutted?” I asked.
“Not yet. It’s functional but ugly as hell. It needs a complete overhaul, but it will be the last room in the house we’ll do.”
“I made six pies. Is that enough for us?”
“It better be,” Joni joked. “Leave them on the counter. I want to show you upstairs before everyone else gets here. They’ve already seen it.”
I followed Joni to the second floor, and she opened a door and waved me inside. It was a nursery with yellow walls, a collage animal rug and a beautiful crib and matching changing table.
A brown teddy bear sat in the crib.
Joni wound the bumble bee and flower mobile above the crib, and it began to twirl.
On the far wall were framed photos of two sets of baby feet. One had Joni’s name and birth date and the other Zip’s.
“Zip’s name is Beau?” I asked.
She nodded.
“I like what you’ve done with this space,” I said softly.
“Does it give you any ideas?” she asked pointedly.
I started. “No, I—I haven’t even thought of a nursery…”
She smiled slightly and went to sit in the rocking chair in the corner. “It’s funny. I know so many women who have this vision of their wedding day. I was never like that, but I always knew what I wanted my nursery to look like. That’s weird, right?”
“One person’s weird is another person’s dream.”
“What a good way of putting it.” She smiled. “You really haven’t thought about a nursery?”
“No. I’ve barely wrapped my head around the fact that I’m having a baby.” I shook my head and smiled. “The morning sickness reminds me every day, of course, but I just…I don’t know. If I think about the nursery, then I have to think about stability. And I’m not sure I know what that’s like.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” I began. “Mia’s house is great. It is. But I…”
“Might want something a bit more permanent?” she suggested gently.
“Yeah. Maybe.” I shrugged. “It’s dumb. I all but moved into the place by myself because Slash has been out of town. So it’s not like we’ve even had a trial run of living together. And here I am already thinking about something more permanent.”
“In or out, Brooklyn. In or out.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means you can’t be half-in with the club. And, unfortunately, you’re in a position where you have to decide what you want, and quickly. You’re having Slash’s baby. If you weren’t, then you could take some time, figure shit out, because it would just be the two of you. But it’s not. You get that, right? This is happening, Brooklyn.”
“So basically, what you’re saying is, ready or not here we come!”
“Red rover, red rover, send Johnny right over,” she quipped. “Yeah. That’s what I’m saying. Slash will give you the moon—if you’re brave enough to ask for it.”
“I don’t want the moon.”
“What do you want?”
“I didn’t really have time to process that I was having a baby. I mean, I’d just found out about it when Slash rolled back into town.” I walked over to the mobile and touched one of the bees. “My mom ran out on me when I was young. It was just me and my dad. I grew up with one parent, and I think I turned out okay.” I shrugged. “I was prepared to do this without Slash. But he came back and I…I don’t want to do it without him. I want him involved. But more than that, I want…”
“You want him to love you for you. Not just because you’re having his baby.”
I nodded. “Yes. I want that. But how will I ever know if he can love me one day? He stayed in town because he found out he was going to be a father. I can’t unknow that.”
“But he came back to town before he knew you were pregnant, and he did that because of you,” she pointed out. “Didn’t he?”
“Because he wanted seconds,” I said dryly.
“I think you underestimate him.”
“I think I’m hormonal.”
The sound of the front door opening pulled my attention away from our conversation.
“Joni!” Mia called. “We’re here!”
“We’ll be right down!” Joni called back.
Joni stood, and we left the nursery. When we entered the kitchen, she asked, “Where’s Silas and Cam?”
Darcy opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of sparkling water. “Gray and Colt took them to the park to play soccer. Lily Burger, you hungry?”
“Can I have grilled cheese?” she asked.
“As it so happens,” Joni said as she walked over to the cabinet. “I just went to the store, because I had a feeling you were going to want a grilled cheese.”
“You’re the best, Aunt Joni!” Lily exclaimed, bouncing around the kitchen with sheer excitement.
“Hey, I thought I was the best the other day when I made you meatloaf,” Mia announced.
Lily made a face. “It was leftovers. And you made me eat a salad.”
“You’ll thank me when you’re a six-foot-tall ballerina,” Mia said in amusement. To me she said, “Kids. No gratitude.”
Tank belched a milky burp. Allison made a face. “No gratitude. And then they spit up on you.”
“I got you,” Joni said. She took the dishrag off the fridge handle and came toward Allison.
“You guys operate like a hive,” I said. “I’m impressed.”
“Speaking of impressed.” Mia went to the totes. “Can we dig into these yet?”
“Should we even bother with plates?” Darcy asked.
“Nah, it’ll just slow us down,” Mia said.
“Where’s Linden?” I asked.
“Physical therapy.” Mia gestured to her hand. “She’ll be here a bit later.”
Lily was standing near the stove while Darcy cooked her a grilled cheese. The girl whispered something to her mother, and a moment later, Darcy said, “Ask her yourself.”
“Ask who what?” Mia went to the drawer and pulled out several forks.
“Lily wants to ask Brooklyn a question,” Darcy said. “Go ahead.”
“What is it you want to ask, Lily?” I asked, peering down at the little girl who clearly had everyone wrapped around her finger.
“I have a dance recital next week, and Mama said I could have a party with all my friends. You make such good cakes and pies and stuff, and I was wondering if you’d make something for the party?” She stared up at me with wide eyes. Her lower lip looked ready to tremble in case I said no.
I pretended to ponder the question. “Well, here’s the thing. Cakes and pies are good. But you know what’s even better for ballerinas?”
“What?” she asked.
“Cupcakes,” I said. “Chocolate and vanilla cupcakes with pink frosting.”
“Pink cupcakes!” Lily screamed.
Scarlett began to cry, and Mia set her fork down to soothe her daughter. “Uh, how do I get one of those cupcakes?”
“By coming to the party,” Darcy said. “You think I’m going to host ten six-year-old ballerinas by myself? I need reinforcements.”
“You’re the best, Brooklyn!” Lily said as she wrapped her arms around my legs.
“Hey!” Joni whined.
“Easy come, easy go,” I said to her with a laugh.
“She’s an angel,” Linden said, taking a sip of her drink.
Darcy looked down at her sleeping daughter, who was stretched out on the couch, head in her mother’s lap. “Yeah, she’s pretty cool most of the time. Joni? You mind if I put her in your bed?”
“Go for it,” Joni said.
“Has she grown?” Mia asked as she changed Scarlett’s diaper on the floor of the living room. “She looks…longer.”
“Yeah, I think she’s hit a growth spurt. She’s been kind of ornery.” A soft smile played about her lips.
“When do they stop being ornery?” Mia wiped Scarlett’s bottom.
Darcy crossed her fingers. “Any day now.” She managed to get Lily into her arms without waking her and then headed for the stairs.
My pregnancy nose was overly sensitive, and normally, Mia changing her daughter’s diaper nearby wouldn’t have done anything to me. But the smell was positively horrifying.
So horrifying that my eyes were watering.
“Are you okay, Brooklyn?” Linden asked.
I nodded and hastily put my hand over my mouth.
“Oh, man, sorry,” Mia said. “This is my fault.” She quickly wrapped up the dirty diaper and carted it out of the room.
“Jesus, Mia,” Joni moaned. She got up from the recliner and went to the mantle. She took the lighter and lit a candle. A few moments later, the scent of sandalwood drifted through the room.
“Better,” Allison said. “Much better.”
Mia returned and plopped down on the ground and put Scarlett back in her onesie. “Sorry, ya’ll. I didn’t think it would be that bad.”
“I’m so glad I’m past the wiping of the feces phase,” Darcy said as she came back into the living room. “Now I have a preteen and a six-year-old going on thirty. It’s such a better place to be in.”
“Such a better place, until we get to deal with teenage-boy stink,” Mia said with a grin.
“And crusty socks on their nightstand,” Joni said.
Linden wrinkled her nose. “I’m a doctor. I’ve seen a lot of gross stuff. Like a lot, a lot. But the sock thing? Yuck.”
“Is there anything you guys don’t talk about?” I asked.
“Nope,” Mia said.
“Seriously? Nothing?” I pressed.
“Let’s say Zip and I get into a fight,” Joni said. “And I want to know if he’s being unreasonable or if I am. The only way I can ensure I’m not overreacting is if I ask the peanut gallery.”
I wasn’t sure I was okay with everyone knowing my dirty laundry.
“So, if I tell one of you something in confidence,” I said. “Does that mean you all talk about it behind my back?”
“Absolutely not,” Linden said. “That would be an invasion of privacy and completely disrespectful. We’re all capable of keeping confidences, but…”
“But?” I pressed.
“But we’re family,” Mia said. “We can’t take care of each other if we don’t know what’s going on.”
“That makes an odd sort of invasive sense,” I said.
“How’s the catering business going?” Allison asked.
I shot her a grateful look for changing the subject. “It’s good. We’re getting a lot of steady work and the hours are better.”
“What are you going to do about the bakery?” Linden asked.
“I’m not sure. Until the street out front gets fixed, it is what it is, you know?”
“You could still technically serve food, though, even with your Grade Pending sign,” Mia pointed out. “That doesn’t have to stop you.”
“No, it doesn’t. But it’s been an odd sort of blessing. It forced me to take a step back and think about how I need to be more flexible, especially when the baby comes.” I stood up. “Restroom?”
“Down the hall, just off the kitchen,” Joni said.
“Thanks.” I checked my cell phone on the way. I had a text from Jazz asking if I’d heard from Ella. I replied that I hadn’t. I shot off another message to her. It was possible she hadn’t gotten my first message. If she didn’t respond, I’d call her. But her business had just closed. No doubt she was grieving the loss of it and probably not tethered to her phone all the time.
“Colt and I are going to drive up there to see her,” Mia said.
“She’s taking your calls?” Linden asked.
I heard their conversation from the hallway and then entered the room, retaking my seat.
“Yeah.” Mia looked embarrassed.
“It’s fine,” Linden said tightly. She stood up and walked out. The front door shut.
“What was that about?” I asked.
Darcy rubbed the back of her neck. “We had a friend leave town because of personal stuff—and she’s been incommunicado. A few weeks ago, she started reaching out again. But not to Linden.”
“And Linden feels slighted?” I guessed.
“No. Linden feels guilty.” Mia sighed. “Remember how I mentioned some stuff went down a while back?”
“Yeah.”
“Linden was involved, and Rach—well, she was on the shit end of the stick. It wasn’t Linden’s fault. Just club stuff and the way things turned out.”
“What kind of club stuff?” I asked.
“Tell her,” Allison said quietly. “We can’t keep this from her. Not if she’s going to become an Old Lady. She’s got to go in with her eyes wide open, or not at all.”
I bit my tongue at hearing her statement.
“Maybe Slash should be the one to have this conversation with her,” Joni said.
“Slash is still out of town, and we’ve got enough crap to talk about when he gets home. Someone please tell me what I’m missing,” I begged.
“We’re kind of in a cease-fire with a cartel,” Mia blurted out.
My eyes widened. “With a what?”
“Yeah.” Mia made a face. “It was bad. A lot of bloodshed.”
“Like, actual bloodshed,” Darcy added.
“We’re all just sort of getting back on our feet,” Joni said. “The last several months have been brutal emotionally.”
“How can—I mean, a cease-fire?” I asked softly. “So, at any moment it could…not be a cease-fire?”
“Technically, yeah,” Mia said.
“And you’re all just okay with this? With your lives being in danger?” I waved toward the babies. “They’re in danger?”
“Yeah, I’m not sure how we can rationalize this one away,” Joni murmured.
“Maybe we should’ve let Slash handle this,” Mia said. “Our men have ways of calming us down when they deliver this kind of news.”
“Yeah, it’s called sex,” Joni quipped.
“This isn’t funny. This isn’t a thing to joke about,” I said.
“No, you’re right,” Darcy agreed.
She fell silent.
“That’s it?” I demanded. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
“What more should I say?” she asked. “You’re not going to like my answer.”
“Try me.”
“Okay,” Darcy said slowly. “I don’t care.”
“What? What do you mean you don’t care?” I asked in shock.
“Told you,” Darcy said. “Look, this world, this club…it isn’t for everyone. Okay? I get that. But Gray is the best man I’ve ever known. He’s loyal, he’s protective, he’s an amazing father, a wonderful husband, and a very thorough lover.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Make fun all you want.” Darcy grinned. “But sex matters.”
“Hell, yes, it does,” Mia agreed.
“But the cartel thing?” I looked to the direction of the stairs.
“She’s out cold,” Darcy said. “And I closed the bedroom door. We’ll know if she wakes up.”
“We don’t live an ordinary life,” Joni added.
“Ordinary? You’re so far from ordinary it isn’t even on the map. The cartels are brutal, and now you’re telling me the club isn’t just involved in criminal activity, but involved in actual violence with a cartel? How am I the only one freaking out about this?” I looked at Allison. Allison, the quiet one, who always seemed to have her head screwed on straight.
“We’ve had a lot more time to come to grips with this than you have. Listen to me for a minute, okay? I was married before,” Allison said. “Before Torque, I was married to a lawyer. On the surface he was friendly and outgoing. But you know what he really was? He was a piece of shit who hit me, but never in the face. He’d bruise my ribs and throw me around, but he never hurt my face so no one would know what he was doing behind closed doors. He wore a tie and went to an office like everyone else and blended in fine, and society loved him. But he was a wife beater. You’ve seen my new husband. The man makes me look downright chatty, doesn’t he?”
“That’s putting it mildly,” Mia said, smiling. “Torque barely says two words in one go.”
“He’s never been one to say much with words,” Allison said. “When I met him and he found out that my husband was beating me, you know what he did?”
“What?” I murmured.
“He tracked down my husband and beat the living shit out of him, and then threatened his life if he didn’t sign the divorce papers that I’d served him. My problems became Torque’s problems when he fell in love with me. He’s battled for me, even when I wasn’t ready to battle for myself. That’s the kind of man Torque is. That’s the kind of club he belongs to. So, no, I don’t care if they’re criminals. I don’t care if they’re involved in some nasty business. I’ve seen nasty. I’ll choose Torque and the club over anything else, any day.”
I was humbled by her impassioned speech.
“You just have to decide if it’s something you can accept,” Mia said. “There will be times when you’re going to be left in the dark. You have to make your peace with that as well.”
“What happens?” I swallowed. “I mean, if one of them…”
“Dies?” Joni supplied.
I nodded.
“Then you have a family that will stay by you, no matter what. Your kid will never be without, and you’ll never be alone. No matter what. Fuck tradition,” Mia said. “You know what tradition gets you? Nothing. Nothing but playing it safe in a boring life. Sure, you can go find a good man to love you, but there will always be a part of you that yearns for something deeper, with a man who will go to bat for you at a moment’s notice and a club that will protect you at all cost. This is living. This is loving. It’s just grittier, and not everyone can handle it. That’s all.”
I heard the words, felt them in my bones. I wanted it all. The excitement, the passion, the love. The highs and the lows, the exhilaration of passion and the feeling of truly living.
I hadn’t meant to get pregnant, and I certainly hadn’t meant to get pregnant by a biker. But sometimes life threw you curveballs, and it was up to you if you ducked or swung.
“Is Linden coming back?” I asked, looking in the direction of the door.
Darcy got up off the couch and went to the window. “She’s still here. She’s sitting in her car.”
Mia sighed. “I’ll go…”
“Let me,” I voiced. “Please?”
Mia nodded.
I rose from my seat and took the banana cream pie tin. Darcy handed me a clean fork and a few napkins. When I got to Linden’s car, I gently rapped on the passenger side window.
She jumped, like she’d been so lost in thought she hadn’t seen me approach. She leaned over and opened the car door.
“Hey,” she said.
Jazz music filtered through the speakers.
I held up the pie. “I came with a treat.”
“Get in.”
I sat in the passenger side and closed the door.
Linden took the pie and fork from me. The scars on her hand were impossible to miss in the light. It looked like she had been through something gruesome and painful.
“So,” I began. “Cartel?”
She paused mid-bite. “They told you.”
“Some. Not all. Not about that.” I pointed to her hand.
Linden blew out a breath. “I still don’t want to talk about it.”
“I won’t ask.”
She smiled slightly.
I leaned back in the seat. “I don’t understand…”
“Understand what?”
“How you—I mean—how did you stay with Boxer after whatever it is that you’ve been through?”
“For better or for worse has new meaning when you’re an Old Lady,” she said.
“How do you rationalize it?”
She took a bite of the pie and then paused in thought as she chewed. After she swallowed, she said, “I’m not sure that I do rationalize it. I’m a doctor. Do no harm is my motto. I’m not oblivious to what the club is a part of. Their activities, I mean. But they do a lot of good too. Does it outweigh the bad? I don’t know. I just know I can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. You can’t choose who you fall in love with. But you can choose whether you stay or go.”
“Is it worth it?” I asked softly.
She smiled. “Love is always worth it.”