“Everything looks perfect,” Linden said as she lifted the ultrasound wand off my belly. “Are you spotting? Do you have any cramping?”
“No.” My voice came out like a croak.
Slash’s expression darkened and his gaze went to my neck.
“Good,” Linden said. “He didn’t hit your stomach, and you didn’t ever lose consciousness. Your baby is safe.”
Slash had called Linden the moment we’d gotten into the car, and she and Boxer had met us at the clinic. They’d seen my neck and Slash’s bloody knuckles, but they hadn’t asked any questions. The priority was the baby.
“We’re okay,” I said to Slash, reaching my hand out to him.
He took it immediately.
“Slash, why don’t you talk to Boxer,” Linden said gently.
Slash brought my hand to his lips. His warm breath caressed my skin and he looked at me with everything he couldn’t say in his eyes.
I nodded. I knew how he felt. I knew the truth. And even though we hadn’t had the time and space for him to express it, I knew he truly loved me.
The door to the exam room closed and I was alone with Linden. She was in a pair of jeans and a sweater. She’d been asleep when we’d called.
“Thank you.” I reached my hand out to her and she took it.
“What happened?” she asked.
I quickly gave her the run down about Kurt and the pressure that he’d put me under to sell. I glossed over specifics and the play by play of why I’d wound up at the bakery and why Slash had a feeling I would go there.
“If Slash hadn’t…” I shuddered. “It happened so fast. One minute I was unlocking my car, the next Kurt was reaching in to grab me.”
“I noticed Slash’s knuckles,” Linden prodded.
“Yeah. He—I know he’s a biker. I know violence touches their—our lives,” I corrected. “But seeing what he’s capable of…”
“Are you scared?”
I paused and then shook my head. “No. I’m not scared. Not of him. He’s never shown me that side of himself before. But, I don’t know, part of me is glad.”
“Glad?”
“Yeah. I know he’d do anything to protect me. Anything.”
“That’s how these men are,” Linden said. “They’re a rare breed. Come on. Let’s get out of here.”
Boxer and Slash were speaking in low tones when Linden and I came into the waiting room. “You okay?” Boxer asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
Slash took my hand and led me away from Linden and Boxer, far enough to have some measure of privacy. “I have to meet up with Ghost and take care of shit.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone. I know you’re okay. I know the baby’s okay. But I want you with people. Our people.”
“All right,” I said.
“You know why I’m going, even though Ghost can handle it?” he asked.
I nodded. “For me.”
“Damn right.” He cradled my cheek in his hand. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“Make what up to me?”
“Not being there with you tonight to hold you while you work through all this.”
I touched my neck. “You can hold me later. When it’s finished.”
“When it’s finished,” he vowed. “I know it looked like I walked out. I didn’t, Brooklyn. I just—”
“Needed a ride to clear your head and to put it all back together in a way that made sense. I know. I didn’t know it at the time, but I know now.” I sighed. “Fuck, Slash, what a time for us to make declarations, huh?”
The corner of his mouth twitched like he wanted to smile. “What a time, indeed.” He kissed me softly. “I’ll be back in the morning.”
“You’ll be careful, right? I mean, I know the state he was in when Ghost picked him up, but you’ll still be careful?”
His gaze softened. “I’ll be careful.”
The four of us were quiet as we headed to the elevator and into the lobby. Linden set the alarm on the building and ensured it was locked.
“How are you going to get there?” I asked Slash, not wanting to say aloud what he was headed to do. By not saying it, it felt like I could pretend I didn’t truly know what was going to happen. But I did. Delusion and naiveté were not conducive to being Slash’s Old Lady, and even though he hadn’t asked me officially, that’s where we were.
“Don’t worry about it,” Slash replied. He looked at Boxer. “I want Brooklyn to stay at the clubhouse, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Boxer said.
“Why do I have to stay at the clubhouse?”
“It’s safe there,” Slash explained. “I have a room you can crash in.”
I absently rubbed my neck. “I don’t want to be around a bunch of strangers right now.”
“We’ll stay the night at the clubhouse, too,” Linden added. “We just need to stop by the house and get Monk.”
“You go with Brooklyn,” Boxer said. “I’ll drive your car and get Monk. I’ll meet you both at the clubhouse.”
Linden offered to drive for me and climbed into the driver’s seat of my car. Boxer got into Linden’s vehicle and sped off.
We didn’t have any privacy, but that didn’t stop Slash from cradling my cheeks in his rough hands as I sat in the passenger seat. He stared into my eyes. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“I mean it. I’ll be there.”
I swallowed. “I know. I know you will be.”
Linden and I were silent as she drove us to the clubhouse. My throat hurt, my head was full of thoughts, and my heart was heavy.
I was exhausted, but I doubted I’d be able to sleep until I saw Slash again.
South Paw and Crow were still standing guard. Without a word, they opened the gates and we pulled through.
When we parked in the gravel lot, neither Linden nor I got out right away.
“This is so surreal,” I murmured. “I don’t even know how I’m feeling right now.”
“Do you want to talk? I’ll listen. And it won’t go farther than this car. My lips are sealed. Promise.”
I shot her a small smile. “Thanks. I just—yeah. We got into a fight.”
“So you said.”
“He kept some things from me. Really important things.” I swallowed. “He was married before. She died in a car accident, along with their three-year-old daughter.”
“Oh, wow,” she said quietly. “That’s horrible.”
I nodded. “It’s why he became a Nomad. He couldn’t be part of society for a while.”
“Understandable. And you fought about that?”
“We fought because of how I found out. His mother-in-law called. I thought Slash was cheating. He wasn’t, obviously. But then he finally talked about his past.” I leaned against the headrest and stared out the window toward the clubhouse. The front porch lights were on, but no one was outside.
“It was a punch to the heart, you know?” I said. “He didn’t tell me until he was backed into a corner. I thought he didn’t really love me. I thought everything was a giant lie. It made me question everything.”
“What do you think now?” she asked gently.
“I wish he’d told me sooner. I wish I hadn’t found out about his past the way I did, but I… I don’t think I can be mad at him for it.”
“No, you don’t have to be mad at him for that. But the other stuff? The making you question everything part…”
“Yeah, that doesn’t feel so good. But right now, he’s handling a problem for me when he could have just foisted it off onto someone else.”
“It’s hard to be vulnerable. Truly vulnerable, I mean.”
I looked at Linden.
“It’s easier to hold yourself back because you might get hurt. I’d never truly let someone in until Boxer.” She smiled. “He wouldn’t really take no for an answer. That guy battered down my walls and stayed when it was hard. I think that’s what no one tells you. You don’t know what hard really is until you’re in the thick of it and you just want to give up and leave and feel anything but the pain. But like all things, with enough time, you heal, you get some distance and it’s just another memory.”
She absently rubbed her scarred fingers.
“Some memories never fade,” I said. “It’s been fifteen years, and Slash could barely talk about what happened to his wife and child.”
“It’s been fifteen years, but because of you he found a place he wants to call home,” she pointed out.
My hands slid over my belly. “Yeah.”
He’d wanted me before he’d ever found out about the baby. He’d come back into town and sought me out. I’d made a decision long before I knew about Slash’s past.
“I chose to be with him, to let him in, because his heart is just… Did he hurt me? Yes. Do I still trust him? Also, yes. I don’t want to waste any time being upset. I don’t want to waste time pushing him away while I try and think my way through this. I’m leading with my heart.”
“Sometimes that’s all you can do.”
The gates opened and Boxer drove through them, parking Linden’s car next to us. He cut the engine and climbed out. Monk jumped across the console, onto the driver’s side and out the door.
“I guess that means we should go inside now,” I said, finally unclipping my seat belt.
When I was out of the car, Monk came over to say hello. He waggled his entire butt and rubbed up against my leg.
“Why are you guys still out here?” Boxer asked.
“Girl talk,” I said.
“Ah.”
“I don’t hear any music,” I said as we trekked up to the porch.
“Party’s over,” Boxer explained.
“Word of advice, though,” Linden said. “Make sure you peek around corners. People might be in a state of undress.”
“She means people might be fucking and you don’t want to see that shit,” Boxer said.
She elbowed him in his chest. “Crass.” To me she said, “But he’s not wrong.”
“Yeah, I got a little bit of an eyeful when I was here earlier,” I admitted. “Nothing crazy though.”
The living room was completely empty except for several red Solo cups, bottles of liquor and beer bottles. At least there were no naked Blue Angels and their partners.
“Do you want to see Slash’s room and hit the sack? Or did you need food? Something to drink?” Boxer asked.
“Ah, yeah, I could eat a little something,” I admitted.
“I’m hungry, too,” Linden announced.
“You guys sit, and I’ll see what we’ve got.”
I sat on the couch and Monk jumped up next to me. He put his paw on my thigh and nuzzled his face into my side.
Linden sat in the recliner and lifted the footrest.
Boxer opened the fridge and said, “We’ve got leftover Shephard’s pie.”
“Sold,” I said immediately.
“Double sold.”
We were quiet; the microwave buzzing through the room was the only sound. It finally beeped and then Boxer brought us our plates of food.
“Dig in,” he said. “Monk, you want to go outside?”
Monk launched himself off the couch and followed Boxer out of the room, down the hallway. A moment later, I heard the slam of the screen door and Linden and I were truly alone.
“How do you not look utterly wrecked?” I asked after swallowing a bite of food.
“I’ve spent years sleeping in on-call rooms in the hospital, waking up at the drop of a hat. You get used to it.”
“I like the early mornings. It’s quiet. But different than middle-of-the-night quiet.” I looked down at my belly and stole a hand across it. “I’ve never been so scared in my entire life.”
The screen door shut, and Boxer came back into the living room. He perched on the arm of Linden’s recliner and then filched her plate of food.
“Hey,” she protested.
“I’ll make more in a minute,” he said.
Monk nosed his face toward my plate, but I held it out of his snout’s reach.
“Monk, don’t be a beggar. Ladies don’t like that,” Boxer reprimanded.
Linden took her plate back. “Practice what you preach.”
“Boxer, do you know who Ghost is?” I asked.
Boxer shook his head. “That’s Slash’s thing. Word of advice, don’t dig too deeply.”
“I guess he’ll always have secrets from me,” I murmured.
“There are some secrets that would only jeopardize your safety.” He laced his fingers together and set his elbows on his thighs, leaning over. “He should’ve told you. He shouldn’t have kept this from you.”
“I know why he did though,” I said softly. “Not at the time, and I wish he’d come to me with the truth sooner, but it is what it is. I love him.”
“I’ll be damned,” he murmured.
I frowned. “What?”
Boxer looked at Linden. “You were right.”
She smirked. “I know.”
“What’s she right about?” I demanded.
Boxer rubbed his jaw. “You’re damned fine Old Lady material.”
We finished our food and then put the dishes in the dishwasher. Not that it mattered much, because the kitchen was sort of a mess.
“Let me show you Slash’s room,” Boxer said as we walked down the hallway of the first floor. “It has its own bathroom, so you don’t need to worry about sharing space with anyone else.”
“Are you implying that bikers can be gross?” I asked in amusement.
“The night of a party? Definitely.” He opened the door. Before I could step inside, Monk ran into the room and jumped up onto the bed.
“Monk!” Linden snapped her fingers and pointed to her feet, but Monk didn’t move. Instead, he thumped his tail rapidly.
“He can stay,” I said. “I don’t mind if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind. Might be nice not sharing the bed with two bed hogs,” Linden said, shooting Boxer a teasing grin.
“You need anything, you wake us up. Yeah?” Boxer said.
I nodded.
“I’m serious.” He slung an arm around my shoulder and gave me a side hug. “You’re family, Brooklyn. I think you need to hear that.”
I hastily swiped at my eyes. “Damn it. I wonder how many times I’m gonna cry tonight.”
“You’ll be okay,” he whispered. “Promise. We’ll make it so you’re okay.”
“Good night, Boxer.”
“Night, Brooklyn.”
I closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. Now that I was alone, truly alone, my body seemed to collapse in on itself. My brain was utter mush. Maybe I’d process the last several hours after I slept—but how was I supposed to sleep? Slash wasn’t next to me. He was out in the middle of the night doling out violence to the man who’d placed his hands on my throat and squeezed.
My limbs finally caught up with the trauma of the evening and I began to feel it. My teeth started to chatter, and my hands shook.
I stumbled in the direction of the guest bathroom, noting the fresh lemon smell, and quickly got into the shower. I sat in the tub and let the water rain down on me. I covered my belly with my hands and whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Tears leaked out of my eyes and the water washed them down the drain. I let them go—I didn’t try to hold them in. I’d have my feelings now, sleep off the rest, and tomorrow, I’d be strong. I’d be ready for whatever life threw at me.
I got out of the shower and toweled off. When I went back into the bedroom, Monk was in the middle of the bed, staring at me with his face between his paws.
“You’re such a sweet boy.”
His tail thumped against the comforter.
There was a narrow, three-drawer dresser against the wall. I opened the top drawer and found two pairs of Slash’s boxers. I grabbed one and slid into them. Next, I opened the second drawer and saw a few of his black T-shirts. I took one of them and put it on.
I turned off the light before crawling into bed.
Monk set his head on my leg and soon the sound of his heavy breathing filled the room.
I was glad I wasn’t alone. I was comforted by the dog and knowing Linden and Boxer were nearby.
But nothing would be right in my world until I saw Slash with my own two eyes, hugged him firmly and never let him go.