CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

THE ELF EMPIRE

Half of the Happily Ever After Assembly armies are in hiding while the other half stand guard over their kingdoms,” Alex explained to the Troblin Army. “Once we’ve recruited the Elf Army, all the armies in hiding, as well as the ones left guarding the kingdoms, will unite and charge the Grande Armée together. Wait for my signal, and then join us in the Fairy Kingdom. Any questions?”

The Troblin Army consisted of a little more than eight hundred out-of-shape trolls and goblins, many of whom had recently joined, just out of boredom. They were seated in front of Alex in a wooden amphitheater that looked like a doughnut floating in the Great Troblin Lake.

Only one troll raised his hand with a question regarding Alex’s explanation.

“Yes, you with the bone through your nose,” Conner called on him. “What’s your question?”

“If we join the armies of the Happily Ever After Assembly, what’s in it for us?” the troll asked.

The troblin soldiers started exchanging whispers with one another. Alex hadn’t mentioned anything they would get in return for helping them.

“What do you want?” Conner asked. “We could hook you up with some sheep or maybe some solid ground?”

“We want our freedom back!” a goblin in the back row yelled.

“Yeah! We want the right to leave our kingdom!” a troll in the front growled.

The entire Troblin Army agreed. “Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!” they chanted.

“Silence, troblins!” Queen Trollbella demanded. The amphitheater went quiet. “I am insulted you want to leave the water world I have built for you! Especially since we just recently gained our sea legs!”

A goblin in the center of the amphitheater leaned forward and vomited all over the troll sitting in front of him.

“Well, most of us have gained our sea legs,” Trollbella corrected herself.

Conner rolled his eyes at their request for freedom. “You were put here because you wouldn’t stop enslaving people! My sister and I were enslaved not once but twice by you! Do you really expect us to grant you your freedom?”

Trollbella crossed her arms. “I’ll never understand why humans take being enslaved so personally,” she said. “What if my troblins promise to never enslave anyone again? Will you reconsider, Butterboy?”

Conner looked over at Alex. They didn’t really have a choice—they needed the troblins.

“I guess,” Conner said.

Queen Trollbella happily clapped her hands. “We’ll give you a sacred troblin pinkie swear,” she said. “Everyone raise your right hand, if you have one, and point your pinkie to the sky. Repeat after me: I, Queen Trollbella—”

“I, Queen Trollbella,” the Troblin Army repeated.

“No, troblins, you’re supposed to say your own name,” she said, and they quickly made the correction. “I promise to never kidnap, imprison, enslave, or forcefully borrow any human without their permission for as long as I live.”

The troblins reluctantly repeated after her, word for word.

“Wonderful,” Trollbella said. “Good job, troblins, you may rest your pinkies. Is that good enough for you, Butterboy and fairy girl?”

The twins sighed. “It’ll have to do,” Alex said.

A goblin in the front raised his hand.

“Yes, you with the missing ear,” Conner called on him.

“What will the signal be?” the goblin asked.

Everyone turned to Alex and waited for the answer, including Conner.

“Um… um… I’m not sure yet,” Alex said. “But don’t worry; you’ll know it when you see it.”

Trollbella raised an eyebrow at her. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a little too confident?” she said.

By the time the Troblin Army was up to date on Alex’s strategy the sun had set. Trollbella insisted they stay the night, and Alex and Conner were given a private area on the troll queen’s floating fort to sleep on—which consisted of the wooden floor and a blanket. Alex was worried if she made beds appear with her wand it would tip the whole fort over.

Besides the water rocking them and Trollbella spying on them every ten minutes, the twins had a difficult time sleeping because of all their worries.

“Conner, are you awake?” Alex whispered to her brother.

“Do you really have to ask?” he said. “What’s on your mind?”

“I was just thinking about the Elf Empire,” she said. “If the trolls wanted something in return for their help, I’m afraid the elves may ask for something in exchange, too.”

“They’ll probably just want a bunch of shoes,” Conner said. “Aren’t elves obsessed with shoes?”

“Gosh, I hope it’s that easy,” Alex said. “I’ll have to think of something the empress wants so desperately she would be willing to give up her army for it.”

“Good thing you’re the next Fairy Godmother,” Conner said. “It gives you a lot to work with.”

The next morning the twins woke up with very sore backs from sleeping on the wooden floor. They said good-bye to Trollbella and climbed aboard Lester. He spread his wings and took off from the water and soared into the sky.

They flew northwest through the clouds toward the Elf Empire. The twins were reminded of their voyage on the Granny from up here. The world looked so peaceful and safe from above the clouds. They hoped that after meeting with the elves they would be one step closer to making the world below the clouds just as peaceful. After a few hours of flying, they arrived in the northwestern-most kingdom.

“Look, Conner!” Alex exclaimed. “There it is! That’s the Elf Empire!”

“Whoa,” Conner said. “Elves really do live in trees.”

The entire empire was inside an enormous tree the size of a mountain. As the twins flew closer, they saw hundreds of homes built throughout the branches. Some were built on the tree like tree houses, some homes swung from the branches like birdhouses, and some were even built into the tree like squirrel nests.

The leaves were the size of the twins’ bodies. It was as if they had shrunk and entered a miniature world. Lester carefully landed on a strong branch and the twins climbed off him. They walked along the branch, which was like a street, to all the different homes and toward the center of the tree where they figured the empress must live.

“I really hope this giant tree doesn’t come with any giant bugs or birds,” Conner said, and quivered at the idea.

“Squaaa!” Lester squawked, offended by the remark.

“Not you, Lester, I’m talking about giant crows or spiders,” Conner said. “I don’t want to become something’s lunch.”

Lester suddenly looked terrified of the tree. He waddled much closer to the twins for protection.

“I don’t think we need to worry about that,” Alex said. “Look around, there’s nothing here.”

The twins searched the branches below, above, and ahead, but didn’t find anyone or anything. Every tree-home was vacant.

“They must have heard about the Grande Armée and left,” Conner said.

Defeated, Alex took a seat on one of the smaller branches. “But where did they go?” she asked. “How are we supposed to find them?”

Conner looked around the tree while he thought on it. “Well, a whole empire couldn’t have just uprooted and gone too far without someone noticing—” He froze. Before he could finish his thought, another one had interrupted.

“What is it?” Alex asked.

“Do you remember that time last year when you found me in the school library reading fairy tales?” Conner asked her.

“Maybe, why?”

“You said reading fairy tales was returning to our roots,” Conner said. “Then you went on to tell me that certain species of birds and insects hide in their tree’s roots when their home is being threatened. What if elves are one of those species?”

Alex got to her feet and started jumping up and down. “Conner, you’re a genius!” Alex said. “I bet the elves never left! I bet if we fly to the bottom of the tree, we’ll find the elves hiding!”

Conner started jumping up and down with his sister—he never missed an opportunity to celebrate his own cleverness. “I’m so glad I remembered that,” he said happily. “Because I gotta tell you, most of the stuff you say to me goes in one ear and out the—AAAAH!”

CRACK! The twins had been jumping on a weak part of the branch and fell straight through it. To their surprise, the tree branch was hollow and they landed on a long wooden slide. The slide traveled through the branch and coiled down the giant tree trunk. The twins screamed and tried to grab ahold of anything they could but the slide was too slick, so they slid deeper and deeper into the bottom of the tree.

The slide finally ended and Alex and Conner piled on top of each other on the ground. The giant tree trunk was hollow and they found themselves in a secret chamber at the tree’s base. Alex and Conner looked up and could see the slide was one of many that spiraled upward into the different branches of the tree. They had fallen into an escape route.

The twins were also startled to see that they were no longer alone. Thousands and thousands of elves were hiding at the bottom of the tree just like they had predicted and they were just as surprised to see them.

They were all short but very thin. Everything about them was pointed: They had pointed ears, pointed jaws, pointed shoes, and some even wore pointed cone hats. Their clothing was black and white and asymmetrical. They wore vests that buttoned sideways; their pant legs and sleeves were different lengths.

“What’s up with their clothes?” Conner whispered to his sister.

“Don’t you remember the story ‘The Shoemaker and the Elves’?” Alex whispered back. “Elves are horrible at making their own clothes.”

Upon their arrival the twins were instantly circled by a dozen elf soldiers. They pointed their wooden crossbows at them and Alex and Conner threw their hands up.

“What are you doing in our empire?” one of the elf soldiers asked.

“We don’t mean any trouble!” Conner said.

“We’ve come to speak with your empress,” Alex said.

The elves shoved their crossbows closer to them. “Who are you?” the soldier demanded.

“I’m Conner Bailey and this is my sister, Alex,” Conner whimpered. He panicked. “My sister’s a big deal—she’s sort of the Fairy Godmother at the moment.”

“Conner!”

“What else am I supposed to say? They’re about to shoot us!”

“Liars!” the elf shouted.

Alex reached for her wand and with one swoosh magically turned all their crossbows into bouquets of flowers. All the elves in the tree gasped and stepped back from her.

“She’s a witch! She’s come to grind our bones for her potions! Seize her!” the elf ordered. The soldiers lunged toward them and the twins braced themselves.

“STOP!” said a stern voice from the other side of the tree. All the elves quickly turned toward the direction it had come from. Across the secret chamber a female elf sat on a throne made of leaves.

“I’m guessing that’s the empress,” Conner said under his breath.

Empress Elvina was the largest elf in the room and when she stood from her throne she towered over everyone, including the twins—she was like a queen bee in a hive. She had a pointed jaw, pointed ears, large brown eyes, and very long earlobes. Her dark hair was wrapped in two buns on each side of her head and she wore a large headdress made of branches that stretched high and wide above her. The empress’s gown was very tight and made entirely of sticks and twigs as if they had been individually glued to her lean body. She looked like a walking tree.

A fluffy but massive red squirrel was perched at the side of her throne like an overgrown dog. The empress slowly sauntered toward the twins and the elves parted as she moved through them.

“If she says she’s the Fairy Godmother, then let her prove it,” the empress challenged. She was exactly like Mother Goose had described, very beautiful on the outside but the twins could tell there was much more behind her intimidating eyes.

Alex didn’t know what to do. She may have been a girl with a wand, but how was she going to convince the elves that she was legitimately acting as the Fairy Godmother?

A loud squawking echoed from above them. The entire empire looked up and saw Lester sliding down into the base of the tree. He was flapping his wings madly but was sliding too fast to stop. He plopped on the ground beside Alex and Conner, beak first. He greatly regretted his decision to follow the twins into the tree.

“We have a giant goose; does that help our case?” Conner asked with a nervous laugh. He meant it as a joke but the empress was taken by the large gander.

“I recognize this bird,” she said. “He belongs to Mother Goose.”

“Mother Goose is a friend of ours,” Alex said. “She loaned us her goose so we could travel here safely to speak with you. I’m the Fairy Godmother’s granddaughter, and since she’s ill at the moment, I’m filling in for her.”

Empress Elvina’s eyes darted back and forth between the twins. Perhaps they were telling the truth after all.

“I hope you realize being the Fairy Godmother means nothing here. The Happily Ever After Assembly has no power or authority in my empire,” she said.

“Yes, we understand,” Alex said. “We’ve come here to warn you about an army that has invaded our world and plans to start a war—”

“We’ve heard about this Armée,” the empress said. “That is why we have taken refuge inside our tree and we will stay here until the Armée is gone.”

Conner took a step toward her. “But they won’t go away unless we fight them together,” he said. “The Happily Ever After Assembly needs the help of your army to defeat them. The fairies and humans can’t do it alone.”

An angry murmur broke out among the elves. The twins could see how outraged the empress was to hear this, but instead of getting angry, Elvina batted her eyelashes and a smile came to her face.

“Help?” She laughed. “You want our help? Did everyone hear that? The fairies have sent children to ask us for our help.”

Only a few of the elves laughed with her. The rest of the chamber glared at Alex and Conner. They weren’t making any friends.

“Look, Empress Tree Lady,” Conner said. “We understand you’re still upset that the elves weren’t included in the Happily Ever After Assembly, but if we don’t work together, the Grande Armée will destroy us all—”

“My dear boy,” the empress said, and all the amusement faded from her face. “Is that what they told you—that we were upset because we weren’t invited to join their little fairy club? Well, if so, it appears they’ve re-written history.”

Alex and Conner exchanged a concerned look. “Then what else are you mad about?” Conner asked.

The empress knew their ignorance wasn’t their fault and decided to educate them.

“The elves were tormented by dragons during the Dragon Age just as much as any other race,” she explained. “Our ancestors helped the fairies defeat the dragons. Once the dragons were gone and the world entered the peaceful era of the Age of Magic, the fairies forgot everything we had done for them. They divided the world up among the surviving species. The humans were given several vast kingdoms but the elves were given only a tiny unlivable piece of land isolated from everyone else. We had been ostracized just as much as the trolls and goblins, but for no reason other than not being human.”

The twins had never heard about this before. They’d always assumed the elves lived in the far northwest because they wanted to.

“When the elves objected to our assigned home, the fairies ignored us, and because the elves questioned them we weren’t invited to join the Happily Ever After Assembly,” Empress Elvina continued. “The northwest was full of predators that hunted elves, and witches that picked our bodies apart for potions, but the elves had no choice but to live here. Our ancestors grew this giant tree and built this empire high in its branches, far away from the dangers. And we’ve been here ever since.”

Alex and Conner didn’t know what to say. Could they apologize for something that happened so long ago?

“Well, you guys really screwed us over last year when you surrendered to the Enchantress!” Conner said, and folded his arms. “So I think we’re even.”

“Why were we expected to clean up a mess we didn’t create?” the empress asked. “There is no difference between the Enchantress and this army—they’re both your problems. The humans and fairies want to choose which issues the elves are involved in based on what’s convenient for them—”

Alex interrupted her before the situation became worse. “Your Majesty, every nation will always remember history differently, and that’s just how it is,” she said. “We all live in the same world and it won’t do anyone any good if we continue to play this game of who was the bigger jerk for eternity. Right now, more than ever, this world needs to stand united against a force that threatens us all. We weren’t expecting you to cooperate just because we asked you to, so I’m willing to offer you something in return if you help us fight the Grande Armée.”

“And what is that?” the empress asked mockingly.

“Yeah, what is that?” Conner asked, just as curious.

Alex knew she was going to regret making this offer for the rest of her life but they were running out of time. “Once this Armée is destroyed with the help of the elves, as the new Fairy Godmother I will abolish the Happily Ever After Assembly,” she declared.

The entire chamber was astonished to hear this come from her mouth.

“What?” Conner shrieked.

“What did you just say?” the empress asked.

“You heard me,” Alex said. “The Happily Ever After Assembly is unfair, it’s exclusive, and it has proven to be inefficient in times of crisis. This world needs to march into the future together. So I’m inviting you to help me build a fresh and more inclusive assembly. Join me in creating the Happily Forever After Assembly.”

This was shocking news to everyone in the room—especially to Alex. She had never dreamed of starting a new assembly to unite the fairy-tale world, but she knew the idea of one would be the only way to get the elf empress’s attention.

The empress sauntered even closer to the twins. The whole empire was on pins and needles waiting to hear her answer.

“If the elves join this new assembly, I want to lead it,” Empress Elvina said.

“You should have stuck with shoes, Alex!” Conner said. He slapped his palm against his forehead.

“The new assembly won’t have a leader,” Alex said. “But you can manage it with me. The assembly will look to the Fairy Godmother and the empress of the elves for guidance and we will advise them together.”

Alex offered her hand to the empress. Elvina sneered down at it; she had never trusted a human before, but she knew Alex was a woman of her word. Empress Elvina shook Alex’s hand and the deal was made. There was no going back now.

“My army is at your disposal, Fairy Godmother,” the empress said with a small bow.

“Terrific,” Alex said. She looked over at her brother, who sighed with as much relief as she did. Now that the elves were on their side, they could actually win this war.

“Now I want the Elf Army to follow me into the Fairy Kingdom immediately,” Alex said. “I’ll signal the other armies throughout the kingdoms to join us and we’ll strike the Grande Armée before they—”

A deafening noise filled the giant tree as it was hit with a cannonball that blew part of the tree trunk to bits. The twins and the elves hit the ground, and sunlight filled the dark chamber, pouring in from the enormous hole that had just been created. They were too late—the Grande Armée had started their attack.

Another thunderous sound erupted as another cannonball hit the tree, followed by another and another.

“What’s happening?” the elf empress screamed.

“It’s the Grande Armée!” Conner yelled. “They’re here! The Elf Empire is under attack!”

The elves started to panic and ran around the tree in hysterics.

“Everyone remain calm!” Elvina shouted. “I want everyone to climb to safety at once! Our army will stay behind and fight these invaders!”

Alex looked to her brother like a deer in headlights—in a matter of seconds their entire plan had gone astray.

“Conner, what do we do now?” Alex asked. “We need the elves to go with us so we can strike the Armée as a whole!”

“We have to get out of here and come up with a new plan, then!” Conner said. “If the Armée is attacking, I doubt the elves are the only ones they’re targeting!”

“But the elves!” Alex pleaded. “We need them if we want to win!”

“We don’t have a choice! We need to leave now!”

Conner grabbed Lester’s reins and forced his sister onto the large bird. He climbed on the goose’s back himself and they flew higher into the hollow tree. A cannon blasted a hole through the trunk near the top and Conner steered Lester through it and outside the giant tree.

The twins could see a thousand soldiers and hundreds of ogres surrounding the Elf Empire’s tree. The soldiers re-directed their cannons toward Lester and the twins as soon as they were spotted emerging from the tree. The ogres grabbed boulders from the ground and threw them at the goose along with the cannonballs.

Lester squawked in terror as he narrowly dodged the cannonballs and boulders jetting toward him. He flew as fast as he could away from the Elf Empire’s tree. They created a distraction as the Elf Army began firing their crossbows at the soldiers from inside the tree. The citizens of the Elf Empire also began dropping giant acorns and twigs on the Grande Armée from the branches above them.

Just when the twins thought they had flown out of the cannons’ reach, a rogue cannonball bolted through the sky and blasted through Lester’s right wing. The gander squawked in pain and he and the twins began rapidly descending toward the trees on the horizon. Lester flapped his left wing as hard as he could but it wasn’t enough to keep them in the sky.

They crashed hard onto the forest ground. The twins were thrown off Lester’s back and into separate directions through the trees. Conner hit a tree and then landed in a large shrub underneath it. Alex skidded across a grassy field and heard a crunch underneath her. When she came to a stop she reached for her wand but it had snapped into several pieces in her pocket.

Alex and Conner were too wounded to get to their feet. They both had broken several bones in their bodies from the crash. They heard Lester squawking in the distance—he was perhaps in even more pain than they were. They heard the attack on the Elf Empire continuing in the distance but there was nothing they could do. They looked at the trees around them and wondered where they had landed but their vision faded away as they both slowly lost consciousness.

The war had begun.