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I had cried myself to sleep, but it wasn’t sleepless. It was jarring and full of heartache. Special memories with the guys plagued me, taunted me, tortured me with what could no longer be.
“I’ll never let you go, Jo. Let go. Fall. I’m always going to catch you.”
“It’s easy. They run their mouths and I close it for them.”
“They don’t matter. You do. We do. It’s us. And if we have to fight against the world, then we will. And we’ll fucking win.”
All their sweet promises echoed through me. Our love had been real, had been sturdy. We did fight against the world. And we did win. We were on our way to happily ever after, but then it was torn away from me. No way was it possible for our love to survive through the realms.
One particular memory slammed into me the hardest. We were in high school. Best friends, too shy to admit our feelings.
I had settled into my normal lunch spot, pulling out a book.
“What are you reading?” Foster came over with a small smile. His plate was piled high with food. He always ate more than his weight. The football and wrestling made sure of that.
“Did you know there are no female leprechauns,” I said. I held my book up so he could see it was another mythology book. I was always reading them.
“That sucks.”
I snorted. “How so?”
The others joined us, settling around. “What’s going on?” Jason asked.
“Foster says it sucks that there are only male leprechauns.”
“Oh, that does suck,” Jason said.
I giggled. “Why?”
“That’s lonely.”
I hummed in response, not really agreeing or disagreeing.
That got into a weird debate about compatibility, if leprechauns could even date anyone outside of their species, especially since they didn’t have females.
“I don’t care,” Jason said. He smirked. “All I can say is thank fuck compatibility isn’t an issue. Right, Josie.”
“What do I have to do with it?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Jason smirked. “If there were only one person in the entire world I’d be compatible with, it’d be you.”
“What the fuck?” Foster glared hard.
Heat flooded my face.
Jason shrugged, not caring that he had opened a can of worms that no one was prepared for. “Stating a fact.”
“That’s an opinion,” Waylon said. He was focused on his food, frowning hard at it like it had managed to offend him somehow.
“I don’t think so.”
I woke with a cry, my pillow soaked. That had been the moment everything changed. It wasn’t a fast change, but if I had to point to a moment that led to our relationship, it would have been that one. It had been decades since I thought about my time with the guys. I had pushed it so far down that my brain had tried to purge some of them.
Berry made a mewling sound before licking at my face, his rough tongue taking the tears away. I’m here.
I snuggled into him. “I know. You’re always there for me.”
I refuse to go anywhere.
“Good. I can’t lose you. I can’t lose more of my loved ones.”
Want to talk about it? I can pretend to listen and understand.
An involuntary snort escaped me, and I giggled. “Berry, we both know you can’t do either of those things.
True. But it does not hurt to try.
“But it does hurt,” I whispered, pressing my face into his neck. He smelled of fresh magic, my nose tickling in response. “It always hurts when it comes to them.”
Jahandi was right. This is dangerous for your heart. You know nothing can happen, right. You have to return to Faerie. There is no other option. It would be unfair to you and to those men if you try to do anything with them.
“I know. I do know. Doesn’t make it easier. I didn’t think they’d be here. We grew up in this tiny little town in Idaho. How the heck did all three of them make it here?” Moaning, I rolled onto my back and scrubbed at my face. My eyes were crusty. It was still morning and I’d managed only three hours of sleep. I needed more to restore my energy. The city was going to break me at this rate, and I hadn’t even been here for forty-eight hours. “Fate is playing a cruel joke on me.”
She can be almost as cruel as Faerie. The only difference with her is that she has a real purpose to what she does.
“And what’s her purpose this time?” I snapped. “To dangle what could have been over me.”
I cannot speak for her. You can only keep moving forward to find out.
I huffed before forcing myself out of bed. I didn’t have time to dawdle. I needed to focus on my assignment. Laikynn was my number one concern, not the fact that the guys were so close to me.
“Work. We need to work. We need to focus.”
I am always focused.
Smiling, I patted his head before climbing out of bed. It was way too big, even with Berry there to help take up space.
I went to the phone and dialed the front desk.
“Hello, this is Thomas. How may I be of service?”
“Thomas, this is Joslyn.”
“Hello, Ms. Naevana. How may I assist you?”
“Where can I go to get a cell phone?” I tried to act embarrassed. “I dropped mine in the tub last night. Tried reading on it while taking a bath.”
“Oh! If you tell me the make and model, I can have it arranged for one to be sent to you. We have a special deal set up with a vendor.”
“Really?” I stared at the phone. Was it really that easy?
“Of course.”
“Oh, okay. Whatever latest product there is.”
That led to a conversation about brands, most of it I didn’t understand. He promised to take care of me before hanging up.
“That was over the top, wasn’t it?”
Faerie caters to all your needs. This is no different.
“There is a difference though.”
You are a queen. There is no difference.
I rolled my eyes and ordered room service before taking a shower. By the time I got out, Berry was at the door, his long tongue hanging out.
“What is it?”
I smell food.
I rolled my eyes and opened the door. Zack stood there with a cart of food. Ever since my arrival, I had been ordering an insane amount of food. Ham was my favorite, with bacon a close second. Human food. Food I hadn’t tasted in so long.
The scent hit me, making my mouth water. My stomach rumbled.
“Is it strong coffee?” I asked.
“Of course, madam.” Zack smiled as he poured it for me and passed it over. I grabbed it, enjoying the warmth that seeped through the mug.
“Thank you.” I took a sip, enjoying the flavor as it warmed me to my core. I felt more awake in moments.
“Anything else, madam.”
“No, this is all. Thank you.”
He did a short bow. “Of course. When your phone arrives, I will bring it. I can also help you set it up if you wish.” He gave me a friendly, knowing smile.
I chuckled, handing him a tip. After another small bow, he quietly left, the door clicking shut behind him.
He is a good human servant. We should take him back with us.
I sent my magic out like a whip, hitting Berry’s leg. He whined and jumped away. “Never, ever say something like that again,” I said, bitter rage rising. “Never about that.”
Berry’s head tilted down in apology, his butt low to the ground. I apologize. I like how he takes care of you. That is all.
“We can’t lie. That means you were serious.”
I said should, but did not mean I would. I like anyone who takes care of you.
I ignored him as I made a small plate. The food was normally enjoyable, but it tasted dull as I ate. Too many problems weighed down on me.
“We have to avoid them,” I whispered, poking at my eggs. “I can’t see them again.”
They most likely are thinking the opposite. They found us pretty quickly.
My chest warmed at the thought. They did find us quickly. I had a feeling they were there because I was and not because of chance. Ten years had passed, yet they were still searching for me. They hadn’t given up yet.
I smiled at that thought. Then grinned. Then it all was swept away by the reminder that we could never be. Not anymore.
They should have moved on. Found someone to love, someone to start a family with. While that idea destroyed me, it wouldn’t be fair or nice of me to wish for anything else. I only ever wanted their happiness.
I briefly wondered what they were up to.
How far did Foster make it in the army? That was one thing he had always been stubborn about. As soon as we graduated, he entered training. As he served, he did well. His aspirations to go further grew more and more after each deployment.
What about Jason? That man always had a head on him. He was always about numbers, about making things better. What was he up to now? Was he able to start his own company like he always wanted?
Or Waylon? What had he been up to? Waylon had a way of taking things apart, picking at it, finding all of its flaws, and then building it back up, making it better. Did he pass the bar exam to be a lawyer?
Did they succeed in life? Did they have loved ones? A family? Anything at all? Or were they like me, stuck in time, unable to move forward. They were my limbs, and when I was taken, it had felt like they had been amputated.
You are thinking about them again.
“It’s impossible not to.”
Remember what is at risk. What do you think will happen to them if you do not remain focused?
That was the bucket of cold water that I needed dumped on me. If the walls between the realms fell, dangerous fae would be able to cross. Faerie and magic wouldn’t be the only danger.
“Okay. Okay. The tear. Let’s think about that then. I can think about that.”
Good.
I bit my lip before saying, “It attracts the fae. It’s a dangerous addiction.”
The tree said that it was the most recent. That a weakness appears every few days.
“Tree? Berry, don’t call Alder a tree.”
If he calls me a puppy, then I will call him a tree.
“Your insults don’t work if they can’t hear you.” Shaking my head, I tried to get back on track. “Okay, so they keep appearing. Maybe he’s experimenting, trying to find the right way to do something. If he’s able to create tears now, that means he’s getting close.”
Closer than we have time for. Enough tears and the entire foundation will collapse.
I imagined a crack in a glass. A mirror in Faerie had gotten cracked. I didn’t bother to have it fixed right away. The crack got worse, spreading out like a web until finally it shattered, unable to support itself anymore.
Was that what Laikynn was trying to do? Create cracks all around the city until there was enough for the barrier to crumble.
That would work.
Berry jumped to his feet and growled at the door, all the hair on his neck standing up.
“What is it?” I got to my feet, pulling on my reserve of magic, ready to defend.
They are here.
“No,” I whispered, paling as I went lightheaded.
“Joslyn, open the door.” Jason’s voice was hard. It was muffled, but I’d recognize his voice anywhere.
It was deep and clear. Jason always had more confidence in him than anyone I knew. That confidence always originated from his voice. It did so now.
“We aren’t leaving,” he said. “We need to talk. Now.”
Foster’s voice broke through. It was rougher than I remembered, sounding exhausted, like the years had beaten him down. “You will want to talk to us. Trust me. This isn’t the kind of conversation you want to have through the door.”
They know.
“How?” I whispered.
I do not know, but they know. We should let them in.
Someone banged hard on the door, making me jump. My heart pounded.
“Josie. Let us in.” Waylon.
All three of them were there, and I had no choice but to face them. They weren’t giving me a choice, and I knew them enough to know they weren’t going to let me ignore them.
I sighed, gathering all the strength I had in me to face them. My heart pounded, threatening to break through my ribs as I got closer to the door. Fear coursed through me, my body trembling as I reached for the locks.
I wasn’t ready for them. I’d never be ready for them.
