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Phoebe’s scream sounded through the house, waking Lydia once more from her sleep. Three years into motherhood, Lydia had hoped she could finally have a night when her daughter would sleep through. Instead, she had been plagued by hundreds of nights of interrupted sleep.
Bleary-eyed, Lydia stumbled into Phoebe’s room. Her night light illuminated the space, casting eerie shadows in the darkness. Phoebe stood in her cot, her hands curled tight around the railings.
“Mummy! Monster!” Phoebe cried, her eyes wide open. Tears ran down her cheeks to her gaping mouth, where a siren scream wailed into existence.
“It’s okay, sweetie. Mummy’s here,” Lydia said gently, lifting her daughter from her cot. Toddler arms secured themselves around Lydia’s neck. She could feel the tears wetting her skin. “You just had a bad dream. There’s no such thing as monsters, remember.”
“No, Mummy! Monster is real!” Another wail escaped Phoebe’s mouth as she pointed into the closet.
“I see. So you saw the monster in your closet?” Lydia asked, attempting to quiet her daughter through empathy. Whatever works, she thought.
Phoebe nodded. She sniffed back her tears between sobs.
“And it opened the door and woke you up?” Lydia confirmed.
Phoebe nodded again.
“Well, Mummy is going to put you back in your cot and have a look. If he is still there I’ll tell him to go away and leave you alone. How’s that?” Lydia’s ear drum almost exploded from the screams that followed.
“Mummy’s bed!” Phoebe screamed. “I wanna go Mummy’s bed!”
“I get it, sweetie. You are scared and want to join me in bed. But you sleep in here in your cot. I’m going to put you down now and check for that monster.” Lydia ignored the screams and put her thrashing daughter back in her bed.
She moved over to the cupboard and opened the doors in one quick movement.
Inside, the darkness deepened into a bottomless pit of black, shadows upon shadows. The night light illuminated only the clothes and assorted knickknacks at the front of the cupboard. Lydia’s eyes strained, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.
“See, Feebs? No monsters, sweetie. Remember there is no such thing. How about some warm milk and a cuddle?” Phoebe nodded her head, her screams subdued to gentle sobbing.
“Yes, pwease, Mummy.” Lydia bent forward and cuddled her daughter before heading to the kitchen to prepare the milk. She had always thought it cute when Phoebe mispronounced her words.
The silence echoed through the house. Lydia was used to staying up once Phoebe had fallen asleep to catch up on housework, but after the noise of Phoebe’s cries, the silence was unnerving.
When the milk was warmed, Lydia took the bottle back into Phoebe, whose eyes were struggling to remain open as she lay on her back. Her arms reached up, pulling the bottle to her lips. Phoebe drank hungrily before falling asleep. The bottle fell to her side, milk dripping slowly from the teat. Lydia picked it up and took it back to the kitchen, glad her daughter was asleep.
Once the bottle was in the fridge, Lydia turned off the lights and went back to bed. She relished the feeling of lying in her comfortable bed, surrounded by darkness. With her eyes closed, she focussed on regulating her breathing, counting as her chest rose and fell.
A scream ripped her back to reality.
“Muuummmy!” Phoebe’s scream was high-pitched, digging right into Lydia’s ear drum. For a moment, she thought blissfully of letting her cry it out. Motherly guilt weighed heavily on Lydia, pushing her out of bed. Her footsteps were heavy on the cool wooden floors.
“I’m here, Feebs. It’s okay. Remember there’s no such thing.” Lydia lifted Phoebe into her arms, rocking her back and forth while singing a quiet lullaby.
Finally, when Phoebe’s sobs had settled down once more, Lydia placed her back into the cot.
“Mummy. Monster in cwoset. Pwease check, Mummy?”
“I’ll check again, Feebs. See? I’m moving across to the closet and opening the door,” Lydia said, narrating her movements. “Now I’m looking inside. I see only your clothes and shoes. Pooo-eey, they smell,” Lydia joked. Phoebe giggled timidly. “There’s nothing else. There’s no monsters here. There’s no such thing.”
Lydia closed the doors and moved back to stand next to Phoebe’s cot. She looked down at her daughter, mixed feelings of love and exhaustion revolving tumultuously inside her.
“Now I’m going to lie down beside you, sweetie, okay? I’ll be here if you wake up. Just reach out and hold my hand. Okay, Feebs?” Lydia said, her voice soft and soothing as she laid down on the ground. She had a pillow and a yoga mat rolled out for nights such as this, ready to fall into an uncomfortable sleep. If it meant she could sleep without worrying about rolling onto her daughter and suffocating her, then it was worth a night of discomfort.
Phoebe held on tight to Lydia’s hand, her arm poking through the bars of the cot. As she drifted off to sleep, her grip relaxed, until she finally let go.
Turning onto her side, Lydia pushed her arm under the pillow and rested her head on top. She took a deep, sighing breath and closed her eyes.
The wardrobe door creaked open. Lydia watched, squinting through the soft light. A dark silhouette of a hand crept out from the door.
Lydia felt her heartbeat quicken. Her breathing became shallow as her stomach became kneaded dough. Two glistening orbs emerged from the darkness, following the hand into the room.
Jolting upright, Lydia backed toward the wall, her escape now barred. Phoebe stirred from her sleep, her eyes peering blearily at her mother.
There’s no such thing as monsters, Lydia thought as the dark figure began to creep across the room. There’s no such thing. She closed her eyes, hopeful it was just a dream. There’s no such thing.