63: SAYING GOODBYE

(Kihrin’s story)

I sat on the ground staring out at nothing until I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. Teraeth, who must have come back at some time during the fighting, or just after.

“What … what happened?” Teraeth’s voice was quiet, soft.

“Therin died—” I choked on the words. My father died.

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Oh. That.” I swallowed, wishing it did anything to help the feeling of hopelessness and dread threatening to drown me. “I didn’t really kill Rol’amar, you know. He’ll be back.”

“I am not at all sure that’s true, Kihrin.” Teraeth knelt next to me and threw an arm across my shoulders. “Were you the one who eclipsed the sun?” he asked quietly. Like he didn’t want to startle me. Like that might not be safe.

Which was almost certainly true.

“Maybe. I’m not sure.” I swallowed again. Everyone was just … staring. Staring at me or at my mother, with no idea what to do. And the look on Janel’s face. It wasn’t fear, which was a plus, but the guilt was almost worse. She knew why this had happened.

I leaned against Teraeth’s shoulder. “It started happening in the Blight, you know. The first time we fought Rol’amar. I thought the Blight was twisting my healing into something else, but now that wasn’t what was happening at all. This link between me and … between me and Vol Karoth. It’s not one way.” I looked up at Teraeth. “I still feel him.”

“It’s going to be okay,” Teraeth lied.

“No. No, it won’t. You can’t get rid of him without also…” I coughed out a dark, bitter laugh. “Without also getting rid of me. The Eight must not have realized we were a package deal, but what can you do? I mean, maybe we should take those prophecies a little more seriously.” My voice cracked. “I really am going to destroy the world, Teraeth. Unless you stop me.”

“No.” Teraeth shook his head. “No. Absolutely not. I don’t believe that’s true.”

“You’ll stop me, though, right? I know you can. Promise me you will.”

Teraeth’s eyes were glassy bright. Tears fell down his cheeks as he stared at me. Ridiculously, Teraeth was one of those people who cried beautifully. That seemed so ludicrously and perfectly appropriate. Of course.

“No,” Teraeth whispered. “Not you. I’ll stop Vol Karoth. I’ll push a thousand swords through that bastard’s heart. I’ll make any sacrifice for any ritual that keeps him imprisoned. I’ll carve my way through nations. But don’t ask me to kill you. I’ll kill Vol Karoth. I won’t kill you.”

My laughter was bitter and dark. “Don’t you get it? There’s no difference.”

“There is,” Teraeth insisted. “There has to be.” The look in his eyes started to turn desperate. “Janel—”

“Thaena!” Khaeriel’s scream echoed over the lake waters. The raw pain in her voice stopped any other conversation.

Doc looked up from covering Therin’s body with a robe. “No. Khaeriel, no. That’s not going to work out the way you think—”

“Thaena! I pray to you! Thaena, I need you!” Then she screamed out once more, in a heartbroken, fractured voice. “Grandmother!”

And Thaena appeared.

If I thought it had been quiet before, that was nothing compared to the utter and total silence ushered in by the Goddess of Death herself. She hadn’t come as Khaemezra, as an ancient, pale crone with quicksilver eyes, but in her full splendor. Ebony skin and hair floating around her head like strips of Tya’s Veil. The white gown, the belt of skulls, but most of all the aura of dread made her identity perfectly clear.

Thaena examined the scene, gaze sliding past Teraeth and me, past Janel, before settling on Khaeriel. And the body just past her, next to Doc.

“I’m so sorry,” Thaena said as she walked over and touched her granddaughter’s hair. “What happened?”

Khaeriel turned her face into Thaena’s skirts and sobbed. “Bring him back. Please bring him back. Return him. I will give you anything! Anything!”

Even though I wanted that too, I felt a sudden piercing conviction my mother was making a mistake. I suppose I could blame it on too many god-king tales at my other father Surdyeh’s knee, but this wasn’t a trade that ever ended well. Even in the Maevanos—the bawdy, Quuros version the Black Brotherhood hated—someone always gave up their soul. Someone had to die. Thaena always demanded her due. Teraeth’s hand tightened around me, as if he was thinking the same.

Maybe he just knew his own mother better than I did.

“Anything?” Thaena’s rocky voice turned as smooth as a dead sea. “There’s only one thing I want.”

“Khaeriel,” Doc warned.

“Stay out of this,” Thaena ordered before looking down again at her granddaughter, a crying wreck of a woman sobbing on the ground in front of her. “He was one of my favorites. I would be only too glad to give him back to you.”

Khaeriel lifted her tear-streaked face. “If I perform the Ritual of Night, you mean.”

“Yes. If you perform the Ritual of Night,” Thaena agreed. “Call my name when you’re ready, and we’ll revisit this conversation, won’t we, my dear?”

Khaeriel leaned back on her knees, pulled herself away from Thaena’s gown. She wiped at her eyes. “Thank you.”

Thaena hooked a finger under Khaeriel’s chin. “You’re one of my favorites too. In spite of recent … indiscretions.”

Without waiting for Khaeriel to respond, Thaena straightened and gestured to the side. A large magical gate spun open in the air. The barrier roses meant nothing to her—the whole reason the Eight had originally opened the portal to take us to the vané capital in the first place.

“The Parliament of Flowers is a long journey, so in the interests of time, perhaps a quicker passage is more appropriate.” Thaena gestured to the gate. “Consider it a demonstration of my goodwill.”

I sucked in a lungful of air. It was easy enough to see how this would go. We’d travel to the Parliament of Flowers—whatever that was—and assuming we tore down Kelanis and put my mother in charge, she’d sacrifice herself to Return my father and re-imprison Vol Karoth.

Except …

Except I didn’t think Vol Karoth would make it that easy. Vol Karoth wasn’t going to stop reaching out to me. So if the plan had any chance to succeed, I had to leave.

And then there was Relos Var. Where was he?

I gently shrugged off Teraeth’s arms and stood. “No.”

Thaena blinked and looked over at me. “No?”

Teraeth stood. “Kihrin, what are you doing?”

I inhaled. I knew exactly what I had to do. I hated it, but I knew. “I understand that everyone has their tasks, but so do I. And I can’t stay in the Manol.”

Thurvishar nodded as he joined our group. “I agree. That would be for the best.”

“What are you talking about?” Janel asked.

I made a face. “Janel, you can’t think Rol’amar appearing here was an accident, can you? Vol Karoth sent him after me.” I waved a hand. “He’s awake now, and I remember how crazy he made the Old Man even when Vol Karoth still slumbered. Now that Vol Karoth’s awake, he’s reclaiming his control over the dragons. He’s going to have them all looking for me.”

“Wait.” Thaena held up a hand. “Rol’amar was here?” She eyed the damage around her, the dead, the many, many skeletons, fish, animals.

“Was,” Teraeth said. He turned back to me. “You can’t leave.” He pointed with his chin to Khaeriel, to Therin’s corpse.

I swallowed, my throat painfully dry. “They’re why I need to go. Once we’re outside the Manol, Thurvishar can keep making gates for us. We’ll keep moving, too quickly for the dragons to home in on me. Inside the Manol, inside the barrier roses, that won’t be possible. You—” I gestured toward the group. “You do whatever you need to do. Whatever you feel is best. You know how I feel about the ritual, but I trust your judgment. Thurvishar and I are going to figure out what needs to happen after that.” I paused, distraught as I turned to Thurvishar. “I mean, I shouldn’t assume—”

“It’s fine,” Thurvishar said. “You read my mind. That’s exactly what I think we should do.”

I stepped toward Thaena, the woman I’d once known as Khaemezra. “If you’d be so kind as to open two gates, with the second one leading to—” I turned back to Thurvishar. “Where are we going?”

“It doesn’t matter. Any place with a velvet district.” He looked thoughtful. “Pick one at random.”

I started to protest and then stopped myself. Thurvishar knew as well as I did Taja threw things my way. Random was best. Also, I couldn’t bear the thought of going back to the Capital City.

There was an obvious answer. “Kishna-Farriga, then. If you’d open a gate to Kishna-Farriga, we’d be very grateful.”

Thaena’s gaze was sympathetic. Also worried. “I didn’t realize Vol Karoth would affect you like this. Even with what happened with you and Tyentso back on the island, when you were drawn to Kharas Gulgoth, I never believed it would be this bad.”

“How could you have known? How could anyone?”

Relos Var had known. You shouldn’t have brought him back. It was cruel. I hadn’t understood what Var had meant at the time, but now I saw the truth of it.

“Perhaps it’s best you don’t remain this close to the Blight.” Thaena turned her mirror gaze to Teraeth. “Your task will be to restore Khaeriel to her throne. Make sure this happens as it needs to.”

Teraeth swallowed and nodded.

Thaena motioned again, opened a second gate next to the first.

“I’ll go with you,” Janel offered, coming to me at last.

“No.” I took her hands. “No. If Teraeth’s staying, you know someone needs to keep him out of trouble. Protect him, please.”

Janel narrowed her eyes. “I never should’ve told you how idorrá works.”

I almost smiled. “That’s true.”

She grabbed me and kissed me. “Be careful, Monkey.”

I let the nickname slide. It had always been a hopeless fight, anyway. “Are you kidding? Thurvishar and I are going barhopping. Worst thing that happens is someone tries to pick a fight with Thurvy and he turns them into a frog.”

“‘Thurvy’?” Thurvishar narrowed his eyes.

“As my nickname is ‘Monkey,’ I officially don’t want to hear a word from you.” I stepped back and faced Teraeth.

We stared at each other.

“Good luck,” Teraeth said.

I had no idea what to say. Or, no, because that’s not true. I had so many things I wanted to say I didn’t know where to start. I wanted to tell him I would never have asked him to kill me if I didn’t trust him implicitly. I wanted to tell him he deserved to live in a world where he was more than his mother’s favorite knife. I wanted to tell him I’d come back, that Hell couldn’t keep me away from him, that Thurvishar and I were going to find a way to make this right.

I wanted to tell him that last kiss had been amazing.

Teraeth nodded at my reaction—my lack of reaction—and turned away.

“Right,” I whispered. “You too.”

I took a deep breath and went to my mother. Khaeriel pulled herself to her feet and wrapped the tattered remains of her dignity back around herself. Except for the tear tracks running down her face, I’d have never guessed she’d just suffered a heartrending tragedy, that just minutes before she’d been on her knees crying and begging. She looked cool, collected, and numb.

Ah. So that’s where I get that from.

I picked up her hands. “You’ll get him back. I know you. There’s no one more stubborn.”

She nodded and squeezed my hands. “We shall be reunited soon.” Khaeriel’s gaze veered toward Doc for a moment. She started to say something else but stopped herself. Instead, she lifted her chin and said, “Fix this, Kihrin. Please find a way to fix this.”

I faked a smile with all my might. “Believe me, if there’s a way, I’m going to find it. Well, let’s be real here; Thurvishar’s going to find it. But I’m very motivated to guard his back while he does.” I kissed my mother on the cheek. “Remember what I said about Talon. And watch out for your brother. He’s watching out for you.”

“I have no doubt at all.” My mother stroked my hair once, then dropped her hand. She said to Thurvishar, “Take care of my son.”

The D’Lorus wizard nodded solemnly. “Of course, Your Majesty.” But to my surprise, Thurvishar then turned and addressed Doc. “Do you have a Gryphon Men ring?”

I didn’t hide my surprise. There was no way—

“Sure,” Doc admitted.¹ “You know what they are? You have one?”

Thurvishar nodded. “I can acquire one, yes. If we need to contact you for any reason, that’s what I’ll use.”

Doc nodded. “I guess I’ll start wearing mine, then.”

Thurvishar motioned to me. “Shall we?”

“Might as well.”

We walked through the gate to Kishna-Farriga, and Thaena shut the portal behind us.