Monday, December 18
I didn’t expect you to be home at this time of day,” Neil’s father said when he walked into the house. “Why aren’t you at work? Did you call off early?”
And just like that, all of the warm thoughts he’d been entertaining about Susanna evaporated. In some ways, his comment was more jarring to his insides than that first burst of cold air had been to his cheeks that afternoon.
“Of course not, Daed. I worked a full day.” More than that, actually. “I was fortunate to get a ride home.”
“With whom?”
“No one you know,” he said, hating to fib but taking comfort in the fact that he wasn’t actually lying. “Where are Mamm and Roy?”
Your mother is over with Joseph. He asked for her help with his laundry. Roy is still at his new job.”
“Still? He went into work earlier than I did.”
“He said the Costa family is paying him a lot of overtime right now. I’m glad he’s taking advantage of that. He needs to earn his keep.”
His father’s criticism and harsh tone were new and difficult to get used to. Ever since he’d told all of them about his many financial mistakes, he acted like a different man. Now he seemed to find fault with all of them. Nearly every conversation with him was filled with complaints and jabs.
He didn’t use to act that way. When Neil was little, he remembered his father always being patient with him. He’d never raised his voice when a glass broke or he’d done poorly on a paper or test at school.
He’d been even more understanding with Roy, often chuckling when his little brother had messed up a chore.
Neil supposed his father had good reason for his shift in attitude. Uncle Joe had made his life very difficult. And now that they were all living on the same property and his father essentially worked for him, his father never got a break from him.
So, yes, his father’s dissatisfaction with his life was understandable. But his sniping made a tough living situation even worse.
“How was your day, Daed?”
Sipping his glass of water, he shrugged. “About how you would expect. Joe asked me to work in the tack room today, mending lines and oiling bridles.”
“At least you were inside.”
His father rolled his eyes. “It was a waste of time. Everything in there was already in good order. I had told Joe that we needed to order seeds and such for spring planting, but he thinks it’s too early.”
“It’s December.”
“I know. By this time, we not only usually have everything ordered, but most of it has been delivered and organized in the barn.”
“What did he do while you were in the tack room?”
“Who knows? He wasn’t around me. That’s all I cared about.”
“I feel badly that Mamm is at his house doing laundry. She already does so much around here. She shouldn’t have to take on more work, too.”
“I know, but she said it wasn’t a problem.”
Neil knew that she most likely was trying to keep everyone happy. That was his mother’s way. Standing up, he pulled the paycheck from his pocket. “I got paid today. Here you go, Daed.”
For the first time since he got home, his father’s expression became less caustic and far more vulnerable. “You know, Neil, I think you should start keeping your pay. We have money in the bank now; and though Joe is a thorn in my side, he does pay me well.”
“How about I help contribute for a little while longer? Christmas is coming up, you know.”
“I doubt we’ll be celebrating this year, Neil.”
“I know we won’t be exchanging gifts or anything, but give the money to Mamm. She can use it to buy a turkey. Or all of her baking supplies. You know how she likes to give all those cookie tins to practically everyone she’s ever met.”
“This ain’t the year for her to do that.”
“You know how much she likes baking all those cookies. We can’t tell her no.”
His father laughed, the noise sounding harsh and brittle in the cramped room. “Of course I can. It would be too awkward, anyway. Now everyone who we give those tins to will know how bad our situation has become.”
Usually, Neil would back down. But they’d already been through so much. There was no way he wasn’t going to fight for one of his mother’s favorite activities of the whole year. “She loves making those gifts, Daed. She writes everyone notes. And it doesn’t matter where we live, anyway. It’s still Christmas.”
“You are acting as if what we’ve just been through doesn’t matter.”
“Nee, I’m acting as if us living in this house on Uncle Joseph’s property isn’t the end of the world. We still have each other, Daed. We’re still getting up every morning. We can’t simply hide out here until things change.”
“You watch your mouth, boy.”
Neil gritted his teeth but held his temper. “Yes, sir.”
The door opened then, bringing in a burst of cold air, his mother, and Roy.
“Oh good, you’re here!” Roy called out as he shifted a large paper sack in his arms. “Now you can hear the story Mamm was telling me about Joseph’s laundry room. You’ll never believe this—he keeps a turtle in there!”
“It’s the sweetest thing, really,” Mamm began as she glanced at Neil and his father. Her smile faded. “What’s wrong?”
But instead of answering, Daed surged to his feet. “What is that, Roy? You are supposed to be working, not going out and spending money. Has this year not taught you anything?”
Roy carefully set the bag on the counter. “This is a gift from Mr. and Mrs. Costa.” Pausing dramatically, he said, “I’ve been noticing that Mr. Costa is having a time of it, looking after his wife and their two little girls and all. So the other day I asked him if I could start staying a little later so he could be with his wife.”
“Mrs. Costa is expecting again,” Mamm said. “You men probably wouldn’t have heard about that.”
Roy nodded. “He was so pleased when I was about ready to leave, he gave me this sack full of food.”
“He gave you food?” Daed asked.
“Well, jah.” Warily, Roy glanced at Neil, then at their mother.
Her smile now forced, Mamm said, “I think it’s so cute how Jonathan Costa dotes on his frau. He acts like she’s made of glass and is always fussing over her. I’m real glad that our Roy has been so helpful to them, too. Even though they’re Englishers, they’re some of my favorite people in the county.”
“Jah, what you offered, that was real good,” Neil said as their father continued to stew. “I’m sure they appreciated your kindness.”
Roy smiled. “Danke. I was nervous about overstepping myself, but Mr. Costa told me he was so pleased that he’d hired me to help with the livestock and the extra chores around the farm.” Pointing to the paper sack, he said, “That’s why he gave me this sack. I think he knew I wouldn’t have wanted extra money. He told me that those cans and things were just sitting around, but I have a feeling that they bought them especially for us.” Reaching into a sack, he pulled out a roasted chicken. “He even gave us a chicken,” he said with a laugh. “He said Mrs. Costa roasted two chickens too many when their relatives came over.”
“Now I’ll hardly have to cook tonight at all,” Mamm said, her eyes shining.
“We canna accept it,” Daed said.
Roy carefully put the chicken down on the counter. “Why not?”
“It’s charity. No one gives food unless they think the receivers can’t afford to buy their own. And we can.”
“I can’t take the food back to them, Daed,” Roy said. “It would be rude.”
“It was rude of him to give it to you in the first place.”
“He meant well. It wasn’t rude. And it wasn’t charity, either. Why, you know how important Mr. Costa is. He’s a part owner in several businesses all over the county. All he wanted to do was give us something, the same way Mamm makes everyone cookies each Christmas.”
“It ain’t the same.” Pointing to the door, he said, “Go take that food back right now.”
“Nee,” Roy said, his tone full of ice. “I’m not going to disrespect Mr. and Mrs. Costa like that.”
“But you’ll disrespect me?”
“If doing the right thing means disrespecting you, then yeah, I guess I am.”
Just as their father inhaled, Neil pressed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Go take a shower or something,” he said quietly. “I’ll deal with this.”
Roy shook his head. “Nee, bruder. It ain’t like that anymore. I’m not going to run off while you attempt to fix things.” Glaring at their father, he said, “It’s time you stopped feeling sorry for yourself, Daed.”
“You are talking nonsense.”
“You deliberately twisted and turned a kindness into something ugly. What is more, you’ve been doing things like this for some time now. It needs to stop.”
Twin spots of color appeared on their father’s cheeks. “You have forgotten who you are speaking to, Roy. I raised you better than this.”
“Nee, you raised me to respect others, have faith in Jesus, and practice forgiveness toward others. I can’t say that you’ve exhibited any of those behaviors lately.”
“Roy,” Mamm whispered. “You must stop.”
As their father clenched his fists and visibly attempted to rein in his temper, Roy shook his head. “No, Mamm. I ain’t going to sit here and watch Neil work long hours, watch you try to pretend that we’re all okay, and keep my mouth shut while my father bites at all of us just because he wishes we still had our farm. He needs to come to terms with the fact that we don’t have it . . . but we are still okay.”
Walking across the small space, Roy clasped one of his father’s arms. “Daed, we are still okay. Stop grieving for what we lost and, if you can, learn to be grateful for what we still have.”
“Unhand me, boy.”
Immediately, Roy dropped his hand. After a long minute, he exhaled and turned away.
Neil felt tears in his eyes as he watched Roy walk down the hall to the shower, his mother press her palms to her cheeks, and his father walk out the door.
Feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, Neil sat back down, closed his eyes, and prayed for them all.