Thursday, December 21
When Deputy Beck joined Sheriff Brewer and her father, Susanna noticed her mother was returning to the house and the fire truck had left. She knew where Traci was now—but Amanda . . . ?
Well, she’d finally left the comfort of Dale Kaufmann’s arms but was still talking very closely to him. Her face was tilted up and she was smiling into his eyes like he was wonderful.
She’d never seen her sister look at a man like that before. It took her off guard, but Susanna couldn’t say that she found fault with Amanda’s choice. So far, Dale Kaufmann had been very nice and solid. He also had a kind way about him.
But still, she couldn’t understand when their attraction had blossomed into something so easy and almost peaceful. What had they discovered about each other so fast? Several times when she and Neil had made any sort of connection, it seemed to be accompanied by another three steps back.
She had, though, just moments ago found solace in his arms. But after he released her, she’d been so flustered that she’d run off to check on her parents. Now, she realized, she still felt unsure how to act around him.
Butterflies filled her insides as she saw she was about to find out. Neil was walking toward her, looking so solid and strong . . . and clearly worried.
“Ach, Susanna,” he said, his voice as deep and scratchy with emotion as it had been the night they’d first met. “I’m so sorry about all this.”
“There’s no need for you to apologize. None of this is your fault.”
His expression turned pained. “I know that, but I still feel like I’m a reminder of everything that your family has been going through since you moved to Horse Cave. You’ve had such high hopes, but all that’s happened since you’ve gotten here is one tragedy after another. I can’t think of a single thing that would give you any comfort.”
Susanna was struck by both his honesty and his compassion for her perspective. He’d described what they’d been going through fairly well, too. But not in its entirety. “You are comforting me just by being here.”
“Yeah, right.” His lips pursed. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make this about me or my feelings. I am only trying to be honest with you. As honest with you as I possibly can.”
If he could be completely frank, then she could, too. “I appreciate that. And you are exactly right. Our life has felt as topsy-turvy as some of these windy, hilly roads around here.” Looking out toward the road, she said, “Some days I feel like all I can do is simply hold on or I’m going to fall.”
“And if you fall?”
Well, that was the crux of it, wasn’t it? She feared either her heart or her body was going to be hurt.
Unused to voicing her fears, she looked at him hesitantly. “If I fall, Neil, I know I won’t break . . . but I don’t know how easy it will be to get back on my feet.”
“If you fall, I hope you will reach out a hand. If you do, I have a feeling you might be surprised about who is going to help you get back up.”
“Are you talking about yourself or the Lord?”
A glimpse of humor appeared in his eyes. “Maybe both?”
She chuckled. “If both of you are here for me, I will be mighty grateful.”
He shook his head in wonder. “I never imagined you’d be talking to me like this.” His throat worked as he visibly struggled for words. “I’m glad of it.”
“Neil, I promise, I never thought you did this.”
“I never would deliberately set a fire like that. Never.”
“I believe you. But why . . .” She broke off, unsure of how to verbalize her question. Finally, she just asked the obvious. “What is wrong?”
“I am afraid the sheriff suspects someone in my family has something to do with all of this.”
A chill raced through her. “Did he say that?”
“Not in so many words, but it was implied. We talked about who has the most to gain from running you off the farm. Deputy Beck pointed out that my family does.”
“Are you confessing that you’ve been behind all of this?” She was teasing.
“Nee! Of course not.”
“Then why are you so worried?”
“Because I can see how the sheriff might think that way. I’m embarrassed to say that no one in my family kept their pain at bay. We all shared our frustration openly. It was wrong.”
He looked so upset, she yearned to comfort him. But how could she? He was right—his family’s resentment was so strong that it had made their first weeks here both awkward and painful. “Do you still blame my parents for buying your farm?”
“Nee. You did what anyone would have done. You found a good deal and took advantage of it. Why wouldn’t you want to do that?” He exhaled. “We, well, Roy and I, we now realize that we put the blame on your daed’s shoulders because coming to terms with the fact that it was our father who lost our savings was too hard.”
“Is that what happened?”
“Jah. He borrowed money he couldn’t repay, and he eventually made the choice to sell the property instead of just giving it to my uncle.”
This was the first time she’d heard him mention an uncle. “Who is he?”
“My uncle Joseph.” Grimacing, he said, “He’s my father’s younger brother.”
“You don’t look like you care for him that much.”
He laughed. The sound was the opposite of joyful. Instead, it was hard and bitter. “I do and yet I don’t.” Looking bleak, he said, “I guess my feelings for him could be best described as complicated.”
“Ah.”
He blinked, as if something had just occurred to him. “Listen, Susanna, you need to know something. It’s something I’m going to have to talk to Sheriff Brewer and Deputy Beck about, too. Even if y’all hadn’t bought our farm, we still would have had it up for sale. We couldn’t afford the land and my father would never give in to my uncle.” After a pause, he added, “And even if y’all left tonight, we wouldn’t move back.”
“Because you can’t afford it.”
“Because we can’t afford it . . . and because we’ve moved on. All of us have realized that this land was like an albatross around our necks for years. Now that the weight of the bills and debts isn’t weighing us down, we’re beginning to find happiness in other places.”
“Really?”
“I enjoy my job at Horse Cave. And Roy, well, I think he has enjoyed working at the Englisher’s farm. It’s a big place, really big, actually. The family who owns it seems to value him, too.”
“That’s important.”
“I’ve told him much the same thing.” His eyes brightened. “Even my mother has found new life, baking for others. She’s got quite a business started, selling to some area gift stores and bed-and-breakfasts. Why, you should see how busy she is right now.”
“If she needs help, let me know. I like to bake, too. I mean, if she wants to know me.”
Neil looked relieved to not be talking about his family’s pain. “I know she’d love your help. And I know she is going to want to know you, Susanna.”
“Because of all of this and our connection?”
“Probably. But also because of the way I can’t seem to stop talking about you.”
Once again, that warm rush of happiness filled her, taking her by surprise. “You’ve been talking about me with your family?”
“Jah. I can’t seem to stop.” His gaze swept across her face, obviously trying to take in every nuance that he could glean. “Am I the only one who has been feeling this connection?”
She shook her head slowly.
He released a sigh. “What do you think about coming over one day soon? You can meet everyone.”
“They wouldn’t get mad that I was there?”
“They would be pleased. And once you start talking about cookies and cakes, my mother is going to glow, she’s going to be so excited.”
“Hardly that.”
“You might be surprised, Susanna. Don’t forget, she lives in a house filled with men.” When she smiled at that, he said, “So, will you?”
She nodded. “I will. I think I would like to come over to your house very much.”