Your Money Fears, Part 2
The four fears we’re going to cover in this chapter are ones I’ve encountered frequently in talking with people about their money. Remember, no one is immune to money fears—even those who have money. As we look at each one, keep in mind the steps to use when dealing with fear:
1. Name it.
2. Focus on the truth.
3. Reach out for help.
Now, hear my heart for a minute: I know that conquering fear isn’t always easy. These steps are tools to help you get clarity, get stronger and get support. There will almost certainly be struggle involved as you dig deep to overcome your fears. But as you work through the steps and gain new insight, that struggle will turn into hope and courage to change the things that are holding you back!
Fear #3: NOT BEING CAPABLE
“I can’t win with money because I’m not smart enough.”
This is a fear I’ve heard for years.
“All those people who are winning with money are smart. They understand the complicated math. They’re bankers and investment professionals who went to college for this. Of course they’re going to win! But I don’t know how money works, so it’s not going to happen for me.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“I’m terrible at math.”
“I can’t do it.”
There are a lot of people who think personal finance is beyond them. And I get it! Money can be an intimidating subject. You start to hear a few theories and funky terms like wraparound annuities, QSEHRAs, backdoor Roth IRAs, and 457(b)s, and it can feel overwhelming quickly. But just because there are words we can’t spell and ideas we don’t yet understand doesn’t mean we can’t win with money!
After Winston and I got married, we met with an investment professional to get a handle on combining our money and investments. I was so nervous about that meeting! And you know what? There were parts I didn’t understand! That’s right: Even Dave Ramsey’s daughter, who grew up around money principles her entire life, didn’t understand everything about money. But here’s the thing: I refused to walk out of that meeting until I understood where we were and what we were going to do. I asked question after question until I had a grasp of our situation—and the fear I had disappeared.
If you’re worried you’re not smart enough or don’t have what it takes to succeed with money, let me tell you a story my friend Chris Hogan shared with me about a man named Ronald Read. Ronald was a janitor and gas station attendant in Vermont. When he died at age 92, a widower, his family discovered he had a net worth of $8 million.8 This man didn’t have a fancy degree in finance. He never made a lot of money and didn’t drive a luxury car. He just understood some simple principles. He lived frugally. He invested in things he understood. He asked a lot of questions, and he was patient for decades as his net worth grew. Those are things anyone can do.
You’re in Charge
If this is one of your money fears, I have great news for you: Personal finance is personal! It doesn’t take an MBA in finance to win with money. It’s totally within your control because it’s based solely on you. And that’s great news because handling your money well is not complicated. At Ramsey Solutions, we believe managing money well is 80 percent behavior and only 20 percent head knowledge. That means 80 percent of building wealth is about you putting some simple principles into practice. Eighty percent of winning with money is about your discipline, your consistency, your daily choices. You’re the one controlling where your ship goes.
Now for some, this can be bad news because you have to acknowledge you have a lot of responsibility here. You have to learn to control your behavior. You can’t spend money you don’t have. You can’t avoid doing a budget. You can’t just do whatever feels good in the moment. (I’m looking at you, last-minute Target runs, Friday night takeout, and financed cars!) You have to be disciplined and intentional to get to a place where you control your money—not the other way around.
So what about the 20 percent head knowledge? You may already know you don’t know enough yet, or you might be like my friend Lacy who grew up thinking she knew about money. Her dad was a financial planner, and they talked occasionally about what she needed to do with her money. But then Lacy got out on her own and spent a decade living paycheck to paycheck without knowing why. If you’re not currently making progress with your money, it’s a good sign you’re missing some important information.
If this is you, go back to the basics—things like: Live on less than you make, buy only what you can afford, and stick to the Baby Steps. Make sure you know the difference between a credit card and debit card; learn how to do a zero-based budget; know when to use a checking account, savings account, and money market account; and talk to an investment professional about how to invest. We’ve got a ton of free information available on our website ramseysolutions.com, so that’s a good place to start! The number one mistake people with this fear make is being too intimidated to ask questions. Listen, you don’t have to become a financial expert, but you’re going to need to learn the basics. I never want you to believe you’re not smart enough to win with money because it’s simply not true. You really can do this!
Fear #4: External Forces
“I can’t succeed because of how the world works.”
“If so-and-so will just get elected, everything will be fine. My student loans will be forgiven, and I’ll finally be able to live my life.”
“The wrong person is in the White House.”
“Congress just passed the most ridiculous law.”
“Corporate greed is everywhere.”
“We were told to take out student loans, and now the debt is so overwhelming, and there’s no way we’ll ever get out from under it.”
Have you ever heard someone say those things? Have you ever thought those things? There’s this belief in our culture—often among my own generation—that says we won’t ever get ahead because of factors in life we can’t control.
We start blaming our money problems on other people and things:
•“It’s not my fault—no one ever taught me!”
•“The system is rigged. People like me can’t ever get ahead.”
•“The only thing HR people care about are advanced degrees. I’ll never get a fair shot at a job.”
The truth is there are a lot of things completely out of our control. A lot of things in life happen that we have no say in. But this is equally true: Your circumstances don’t define you—how you handle them does. You don’t control if a company offers you the job, but you make sure you bring your A game to every interview and send thank-you notes afterward. You don’t control if you get laid off from your job, but you can be debt-free and have an emergency fund so you’re prepared to weather the storm. You don’t control if your spouse of seventeen years walks away from your marriage, but you do decide whether or not to start living again. For every person held back by something out of their control, there is someone in a similar situation who overcame it.
Are there external forces we have to overcome? Yes. Do some people face harder battles than others? For sure. But you choose whether you stay in the fight or give up altogether. No one can do that for you.
Your Beliefs Change Everything
What makes one person rise above enormous money challenges and another give up? Their beliefs. What you believe today decides your future. What you believe about money, yourself, and the world shapes how your life will unfold. Every single day you have the power to make decisions that will move you forward financially or set you back. It’s up to you.
Stop waiting for someone or something else to change your life. You’re just losing time. Time that could be on your side, getting you out of debt or earning compound interest. If your hopes are set on Washington, DC, to fix your life, you’ll be waiting a very, very long time. No Democrat or Republican is going to change your life. You are the one who’s going to change your life. Because even if that perfect politician gets elected, they’re not king or queen. There are still checks and balances in our political system—which reminds me of the phrase, “It will take an act of Congress.”
Ramsey Solutions conducted a study of over ten thousand millionaires, and one of the most fascinating statistics to me was that 97 percent of millionaires believed they could become millionaires.9 It was within their control. They believed they held the key to their success. Part of the secret for most of those ten thousand millionaires was that they believed it was possible. And by the way, 84 percent of them were first-generation millionaires!10 They didn’t inherit their wealth; they built it through hard work. Your beliefs matter!
Henry Ford said, “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.” Ask yourself right now if you believe you have everything you need to get in control, win with money, and be outrageously generous. You don’t need to know how you’re going to accomplish it. Right now, you only have to believe you can. Let me give you an example of how your beliefs can impact your life.
Hailey had been a graphic designer for ten years. She was interested in taking a continuing education class but never had enough money or time off from work when the class was offered. As the years passed, she grew more and more frustrated at her lack of progress. So she finally made the decision to take the next class no matter what. She didn’t know how she would arrange the time off or pay for it, but for the first time she believed she could make it happen. And she had six months to figure out how.
Hailey kept working hard at her day job, and a few weeks later, an acquaintance unexpectedly contacted her about designing a logo and website for her small business. The project paid enough to cover the cost of her tuition. When she approached her boss about taking time off for the class, he was delighted she was investing in herself professionally. Since she was paying for the class, he told her she could use flex time instead of vacation days. What made the difference for Hailey? The only thing that changed was her belief that she could do it.
You guys, we have to start here. We have to start believing we can take control of our money and actually win! If we believe the problem is too big for us to solve, it will be. If we believe we can conquer the mountain, we will. And how we’re going to do it will come to us in time.
In addition to controling what you believe, if you focus your energies on the following things, you’ll move forward in life. First, you can control your work ethic. Are you willing to work several jobs? Are you hungry enough to learn a new skill so you can get a different job? Are you willing to sell some of your stuff to pay off debt? Hailey was willing to take on extra work to earn her tuition money. Any goal worth achieving is going to require that you work hard.
Second, you can control your money. Luke 16:10 says, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.” Have you made a plan for your money (aka a monthly budget)? Are you saving up for purchases instead of financing them? When Hailey made the extra money, she didn’t blow it on stuff she’d seen on her Instagram feed. She also didn’t have to play catch-up on her bills because she was already current. She could use that money for the class because she’d been disciplined in her everyday finances.
Third, you can control the people you hang around. Be careful who your friends are. The Bible says, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20 ESV). You become more like the people you spend time with. You adopt their mindset, behaviors, and habits. If you hang around with people who have a victim mentality, you start to adopt that type of thinking. If you spend time with people who are committed to achieving their goals, you’ll begin to be more productive too. The people you’re around most are going to influence you—so choose them wisely.
Make the decision today to win with money. I want you to be so fired up to win that nothing and no one can stand in your way. Then, focus on controlling the things you can. Those are the habits that will help you pay off debt and build wealth so you can live life on your terms.
Fear #5: Past Mistakes
“I’ll never be able to get ahead because of
the really bad money mistakes I’ve made.”
Like we talked about in chapter 1, dealing with your past is a big part of succeeding with money. And the past can hurt. It can hurt so bad for so long that it brings down marriages and families. A couple with three children came by our headquarters in 2018 feeling defeated. They were facing $700,000 of past mistakes, all related to failed farming businesses.11 Their marriage was on rocky ground, and they were exhausted from the stress of it all. Their situation actually sounded a lot like what my parents faced during their bankruptcy. They were looking at some really rough years ahead to clean up the mess, but they were taking responsibility for it and facing it head on. The weight of past mistakes can make you want to give up. It can look too big, too hard, and too scary to even get started—but we have to face our past in order to move forward.
Your Past Doesn’t Have to Hold You Back
Like a lot of people, I’m a huge Disney fan. I mean, how can you deny the magic? And nothing says superfan like taking life lessons from animated characters. One of the best Disney movies out there is The Lion King. There’s this scene toward the end of the film when Simba reunites with the wise monkey Rafiki. Simba sees a message in the clouds from his deceased father reminding him who he is. Then Simba and Rafiki have this exchange:
Simba: “Looks like the winds are changing.”
Rafiki: “Ah yes, change is good.”
Simba: “Yeah, but it’s not easy. I know what I have to do. But going back means I’ll have to face my past. I have been running from it for so long.”
[Out of nowhere, Rafiki hits Simba over the head with a stick.]
Simba: “Ouch, geez, what was that for?”
Rafiki: “It doesn’t matter—it is in the past.”
Simba: “Yeah, but it still hurts.”
Rafiki: “Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”
Most people today have to clean up their money mistakes in order to move forward. Lying to your spouse about your finances is a mistake that will take time to heal. Not taking responsibility for your choices is a mistake you won’t overcome until you acknowledge that the problem is the person in the mirror. Debt is a mistake that keeps you paying for your past: food you’ve already eaten, vacations you’ve already taken, clothes you’ve already worn (and maybe already gotten rid of!), a degree you earned five years ago. You’re going to have to dig out one debt at a time. No one is denying that past mistakes hurt. No one is denying there are consequences we have to face. But let’s take Rafiki’s advice and learn from the past instead of running from it or ignoring it.
A lot of times the fear of past mistakes takes root because we’ve confused two very different things. There’s a big difference between “I’ve failed” and “I’m a failure.” One is the result of a poor decision; the other is a defining characteristic of who we are. If you’re facing the fear of past mistakes, you’ve got to remember that mistakes are part of being human. We all make mistakes. It’s not who you are—it’s what happened. What matters is what you do now.
If you’ve made a major money mistake, it’s not uncommon to feel guilt or shame. Guilt can be helpful. It can move us to make a better decision next time. But shame is debilitating. Bestselling author Brené Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed, and therefore, unworthy of love and belonging.”12 In The Lion King, Simba ran away from his life because he thought he was a failure. He thought he was unworthy. Remember what happened just before Simba faced his past? Don’t miss this: Simba gets a message from his father reminding him who he is. The order here is everything. Simba had to remember who he really was in order to take on his past mistakes and move forward.
If you think your past is too big to overcome, allow me to help you remember who you are. You were not born a failure. You were not born to just get by. You were not born to sleepwalk through life. Who are you?
You are loved.
You are strong.
You can do hard things.
You’re here for a reason.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Your life isn’t an accident. You matter—and your life matters. Don’t brush past this. You’ve got to start here and gather your courage to face whatever mountain you need to climb, for however long it takes to climb it.
As you face your mistakes, keep in mind your past is a factor in how quickly you get some wins under your belt. Five thousand dollars of debt won’t take you as long to pay off as $200,000. Both are possible, but that $200,000 will take longer. One of my friends was telling me about her brother who has $100,000 of student loan debt. The worst part is, he never graduated. So he’s walking around with all this debt, no degree, and no job. His stress level and anxiety are so high that he’s spiraled downward into depression. But even his situation isn’t hopeless. It will be difficult. It will take time and hard work to overcome. But it’s a reality he can face.
Facing reality is so critical because we all have to handle money every day. This isn’t something we can opt out of. You have to choose: Either you’re going to continue avoiding your mess and allow it to keep growing like a cavity that turns into a root canal, or you’re going to learn from your mistakes, clean up your mess, and move forward. The only real failure is not getting up and going after it again when you fall. You can’t avoid the future, but you can avoid letting your past control your future.
Fear #6: Repeating the Past
“I’m scared I’ll end up like my parents.”
Parents are our first role models. Growing up, we learned things from their example without even realizing it. And then, at some point, we discover that what we thought was normal and the only way to do something, really isn’t—like how there are other ways to make spaghetti. And there are other ways to handle money too. Taking on debt, for example, doesn’t have to be a way of life. But breaking the habits and patterns of our role models isn’t a cakewalk, and there can be a lot of fear around ending up like our parents. This fear can look a lot of different ways.
Sometimes you fear repeating the past because you’ve watched your parents struggle with money your whole life. You don’t actually know that managing money well is possible because you’ve never seen it done. Or maybe you thought your parents were doing fine, but during a Milestone Moment you realized they weren’t. Maybe they didn’t have a high-paying job, or maybe they couldn’t keep a job. Maybe they have nothing saved for retirement. You look at their situation and fear begins to rise up within you. You think to yourself, I don’t want my life to look like theirs.
And then there are parents who have so little money that they’re forced to move in with their adult children because they literally can’t take care of themselves financially. Watching this play out can be incredibly hard. Relationally, it’s hard because you love your parents and want to honor them. And it can be just as hard financially because most people barely have enough money to take care of themselves, let alone their parents. This happened to one of my good friends, and I remember her saying, “No matter what, I’m not going to do this to my kids. I’m going to make sure we’re smart now so we don’t put this burden on our children.”
There are also people who grew up in poverty who have a strong fear of ending up back there. I love listening to on-air radio personality and bestselling author Bobby Bones in the mornings. Now, he’s done extremely well for himself. If you’ve listened to him for long, you know he grew up with very little money and has a “deep-rooted fear of being poor again one day.” Today he’s conservative with money. For a long time he overpaid his monthly utility bills to create a little padding in case he couldn’t pay one month.13 So, if the electric bill came in at $212, he paid $220 just to make sure it was taken care of. He said one morning on his show, “I will never be late on my bills or have someone call me and tell me I owe them money.” Overpaying his bills was completely unnecessary (and he doesn’t do it anymore), but it was his way of coping with the fear that his utilities would be shut off.
Fear of repeating the past isn’t always about having enough money. For some of you, your story isn’t that your parents didn’t have enough—it’s that they had too much. All you saw growing up was excess. It was all about appearances and bigger and better, and now you have zero interest in money or the things it can buy. You already know stuff doesn’t make you happy. But if you grew up feeling your parents were superficial and preoccupied with money, you may actually despise or fear wealth.
On the opposite end of the spectrum were parents who made it feel like spending money was a deadly sin. Every single penny was squeezed out—maybe out of necessity, maybe out of fear. My friend Tracy’s mom would negotiate the price of everything. And by everything, I mean everything. Anytime there was a transaction, she was wheeling and dealing—grocery stores, thrift stores, clothing stores. Even on the rare occasion when she ordered pizza, she would talk the guy into throwing in a free side dish and two-liter bottle of Coke. Tracy spent much of her childhood deeply embarrassed by her mother’s behavior because it felt like her mom used people to get stuff.
Who You Serve Is Up to You
If you resonated with any of this, here’s what I want you to remember: It’s okay to acknowledge that your parents’ view of money was unhealthy. And it’s okay if they made choices you don’t agree with. Rest in the fact you don’t have to make your parents’ mistakes. It is actually possible to handle money wisely, build wealth, have a healthy view of money, and use it only as a tool. That’s all it is anyway. Having nice things isn’t the issue. The issue is with the person in the mirror. Matthew 6:24 says, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Notice it doesn’t say “you can’t have money and serve God.” It says you can’t serve both. Remember, money is only a tool. It shouldn’t be the most important thing in your life.
If you fear repeating the past and ending up like your parents, you need to find new money role models. Maybe it’s someone at church, someone in your community, a good friend, or your Financial Peace University class leader. Find someone who’s actually living out the values you want to live. Ask if they will meet with you and teach you how to do it. If you grew up with people who lived with debt, get to know someone who is debt-free. If you grew up in poverty, get to know someone who grew up in poverty, built wealth, kept it, and gives generously. If you grew up with parents who served money and not God, get to know someone who uses money as a tool to help their family and others. I’m not saying this is an easy process. But there are things you can do to improve your life. You’re not doomed to repeat your parents’ mistakes. You can learn new information and new behaviors and choose new habits. That’s what’s really exciting: You have the power to choose for yourself who you will serve.
Where Fear Leads Us
You may have a money fear I didn’t specifically call out in this chapter. If you do, face it using the same three steps we’ve talked about in this chapter: Call it out, focus on the truth, and reach out for help. Fear isn’t usually something we deal with once and then it goes away forever. It’s something we will experience throughout life. That might initially sound discouraging, but we have to remember that fear is a gift. Think about where fear leads us. I was talking with Dr. Chip Dodd, a bestselling author, teacher, and counselor, and he said, “Fear is a feeling God has given us. It’s not sin. It can be scary, but fear is just the recognition that we need help.” Fear leads us to reach out to God and others to ask for help.
If you look back over this chapter, you can see how each fear is an invitation to ask for help. These fears are circling some of the basic, universal questions we all have as human beings:
•The fear of not having enough is often asking, “Am I safe?”
•The fear of not realizing dreams is often asking, “Does my life have meaning and purpose?”
•The fear of not being capable and being held back by external forces is often asking, “Can I believe in myself?”
•The fear of past mistakes is often asking, “Can I be forgiven?”
•The fear of repeating our parents’ mistakes is often asking, “Am I a failure?”
Each of these fears is resolved in healthy relationships with God and other people. We were never meant to do life alone.
The way to overcome fear isn’t to act tougher. The way to overcome fear is to be vulnerable. The way to overcome fear is to be known. So ask for help! Your church can help. Someone in your community can help. And we can help! Ramsey Solutions exists to help you take control of your money and create a life you love. So don’t let fear control you. Embrace it and the gifts it brings to your life.
Now It’s Your Turn
1. Review the list of money fears below, then identify which you have. Write them down and rank them from biggest to smallest.
Fear of not having enough—“If something bad happens, we won’t survive financially.”
Fear of not realizing your dreams—“Time is running out. There’s no way I can do what I’ve always dreamed of doing.”
Fear of not being capable—“I can’t win with money because I’m not smart enough.”
Fear of external forces—“I won’t ever get ahead because of how the world works.”
Fear of past mistakes—“I’ll never be able to get ahead because of the really bad money mistakes I’ve made.”
Fear of repeating the past—“I’m scared I’ll end up like my parents.”
2. For each one, think through the last time you experienced that fear. How did it block your creativity or limit your options?
3. For each fear, write down its opposite truth and spend some time each day this week focusing on what you wrote. Then talk to someone who has that same fear and find out how they handle it and overcome it.
Here’s an example:
My major money fear is of external forces. I don’t think I’ll ever get ahead because the world is stacked against me.
The truth is, I can be in control of my money. I can choose how to budget it, spend it, save it, and invest it. I can also choose to persevere through the tough times and never give up. It’s up to me.
4. If you’re married, how do you and your spouse need to come together in order to face your fears as a team? Are there any conversations you need to have? If you’re single, who can you talk with about your money fears?